No one's POV

Have you ever felt the need to run away from someone right after the morning after? Was there ever a time where you felt a bit guilty and regretful at what happened the night before? Like when you're not planning on being on the same bed with someone you do love yet doubt at the same time. As if the very air you breathe is suffocating and you just wanna get out and away from it all?

Baekhyun woke feeling slightly unsure where he is. The room looks unfamiliar. The curtain is still drawn in and not even a bit of light comes through the thick heavy curtain. The air conditioning system is on its lowest so it's not that cold. When he tried to get up he felt pain in his lower region and a heavy object holding him down. Ahm, actually it's not an object. It's a man's hand. A big muscled hand. Then realization hit him. It's Chanyeol's hand tightly wrapped around his waist weighing him down on the bed. His breathing is even, indicating that the man beside him is in deep slumber. They slept together. More like they devoured each other. The long years of drought were quenched by the hours they spent fucking themselves crazy all over.

Baekhyun lifted Chanyeol's arm carefully off him and silently rose up the bed, mindful of the pain he felt down there. He picked up all the pieces of his clothing from the floor and wore it, then he crept out of the sleeping man's room stealthily. He padded through the carpeted hallway towards his designated room, took off his clothes and threw it to the hamper next to the door then went straight to the bathroom to hit the shower. He took a long hot shower cleaning his hole of the aftermath while staring at his marked body in the full bodied mirror. He can still smell the sex from his body so he scrubbed himself vigorously with soap and cloth. Crying as he did so. Once done, he towelled himself dry and chose to dress comfortably but fashionably. He checked himself in the mirror to see if there's still a tell tale sign that he cried. Once he's satisfied, Baekhyun checked on the kids if they were awake. Softly opening their bedroom to see who's up. Chanhyun is still cuddled warmly under the covers with her stuff teddies behind and in her arms, hugging them tightly. Yeollie, like the energetic kid he is, lie with his stomach on the bed, an arm and a leg out from under the covers. He smiled at how relax his baby looked while asleep. His babies slept like they haven't had a good night sleep in a long while. He gently closed their doors and sighed.

This was the kind of life he used to dream of, his family enjoying their sleep since it's a weekend and they will spend a day huddling in front of the TV watching movies and eating popcorn. Was... Used to... It was a thing in the past. This is the present. But for some reason, Baekhyun feels uncomfortable and restless. The feeling of uncertainty is back in him tenfold. He started to regret what happened last night. He was so overcome with lust that he threw reason out of the window last night and delved in with the hunger for the man he missed so much. He shook his head and breathe deeply. This is not good. Nothing good will come out by overthinking. He need to relax and just go about his daily routine.

He went down the stairs and straight to the kitchen. It's only seven in the morning. He decided to begin preparing breakfast to divert his mind off the problem at hand. He prepared the egg rolls, sautéed bean sprouts, fried rice with mixed veggies and the kids favorite hotdogs. He placed utensils and cutlery on the dining table and arranged some flower in the vase. He used the flowers Chanyeol gave him yesterday after getting out of the hospital. Once the food is ready, he kept them inside the food warmer and checked if there's some milk for the kids. The twins love drinking milk for breakfast that's why he always make sure that there's plenty of stock in the fridge. Once everything was ready, he placed the grinded coffee in the coffee maker and waited for it to boil. He then poured some in a cup and bring it with him in the open balcony contemplating about how to face Chanyeol this morning as he sips the hot bitter taste of coffee.

His face etched with worry as he gazed at the slowly rising sun. He remained standing and breathe in the fresh air. There's no smog today. The clear blue sky invitingly show how great this day would be for a picnic at the park or a stroll in a garden. Raising his head while his eyes are closed, he automatically placed his hands on his neck where his necklace used to be hoping that it would bring him peace during this tumultuous moment but his fingers touched nothing. He always forgot that there's nothing there anymore. He lost that necklace about almost 8 years ago. Right after that crazily happy yet painful night he had with Chanyeol. He cried a lot that night when he got home. Not only because he was hurt but because he lost both of the most important treasures in his life at the same time. That necklace with a heart pendant was a gift from Taeyon, the day after they made up and decided to become friends. She helped him rediscover himself and accept the fate thrown at him by deities. She showed him how life must go on even if he was pushed back down again and again. The necklace became his only solace during trying times. Whenever he felt like suffocating and drowning he would just touch it and he starts to calm down. He tried looking for it the morning after. Even to the extent of walking back to Chanyeol's house only to hear from the guard at the gate that the owner left for United States the night before. Baekhyun let out a silent sob as he was reminded again of what happened last night. It's like as if history is repeating itself all over again. A hasty sex, a roll in the hay and then nothing. He hates himself for being weak and forgetting the decision he made to take things slow. Only because of sex. Lust.

Baekhyun hastily brushed tears from his cheeks when he heard the sound of rushing feet down the stairs. He paste a smile on his face then turned around to see two shrieking little monsters trying to hide behind him with laughter in their eyes as they were followed by their dad who looks like he just got out of the bed with a messy hair wearing only his pajamas and no shirt.
Chanyeol looked at him with curiosity. His eyes filled with questions. But Baekhyun avoided his gaze and ushered the twins to go and wash their hands and faces.

******

Chanyeol's POV

I woke up feeling refreshed and excited. Expecting Baekhyun is beside me as I touch his side of the bed even though my eyes are still close but my hand came up empty. I hurriedly stood up and looked for him. Maybe he was in the bathroom taking a shower. But he's not. I grabbed my pajamas, rushly putting it on and went out as I padded through the hall towards his room but he's also not there. Where could he be? I decided to go back to my room and take a shower and to just put another pajamas since it's weekend and went to go to my kids bedroom to check on them. Yeol is already up and about making his bed.

Note : Chanyeol ( bold italic) Yeol ( Italic )

Hi son, have you seen your appa?

No dad. Maybe he's in Hyunie's room.

Okay, I'll go and check if your sister's awake already. Finish what you're doing son.

I went to my daughter's room but there's no sign of Baekhyun either. My baby is also up and making her bed as well. I felt pride to see how well disciplined and responsible my kids grew up to be. I owe it all to Baekhyun for teaching our children to be good kids. I wonder where he is? Maybe he's downstairs already. I try to listen for any sound coming from downstairs but there's none. The twins came running towards me and challenged me to a race which I didn't decline but I let them win anyway.

When we came down the stairs I saw him. He came out from the balcony. The twins ran towards him and hide behind him. He's beauty makes me wonder just how foolish I've been in the past to overlook the loveliness of this man. His smooth luminous skin, those kissable lips I'd like to ravage again and again. Those slim sexy fingers that are more of a woman's. And his cute little moon shaped eyes that curves down and shine when he smiles. As I look at him, he avoided my gaze but not before I saw remnants of unshed tears. I stared at him longer, hoping to catch a glimpse of what's going through his head. Instead, his attention is focused with the twin, barely giving me his attention. My heart felt the sinking feeling of realization. It's not over yet. Whatever it is we're going through, it's not over yet. He hadn't forgiven me yet. Whatever happened last night wasn't enough for him to forget the past. I saw him touching his neck absent-mindedly, like he's reaching out for something not there. It reminds me of something I can't seem to put my mind to it right now. I kept my gaze at him hoping to catch even just a glimpse of those lovely eyes. Please, Baekhyun... Just one look.

****

Baekhyun's POV

I tried really hard to avoid Chanyeol's stare. I focused on feeding my kids. They seem not to notice the awkward silence between us two adults. They talk to their dad naturally and tell him stories about school and what they plan on telling their classmates about their dad. They even made a bet on whose gonna be more popular between them. I just smiled as I listened to what they say. I'm happy to see my babies adjusting well to the new set up.

" How about we go and visit your Grandpa and grandma today??? Would you like that?" I asked them smiling as they continue their nonsense bickering. Still avoiding the giant's hopeful gaze at me.

They both nodded and asked for permission to be excused so they can get ready. I took the dishes to the sink and filled it with lukewarm water so I could start washing them before we leave. Chanyeol helped clearing the table silently and gave me a curious glance now and then. But I kept avoiding his eyes and focused on washing the dishes and cleaning the marble countertop.

"What presents will we bring for your parents? Would you like us to stop over the mall to buy some gifts for them?" I heard Chanyeol ask from behind me.

I just nod in agreement and went on with what I'm doing. But suddenly I was forced to face him as I was grabbed by him with his big muscled hands. I looked up and saw irritation written clearly on his face.

" Baekhyun, talk to me. Please tell me what I did wrong this time. I can't withstand the silent treatment and cold shoulder you're giving me. I thought we're okay after what we did last night. Tell me what I can do for you to forgive me totally." Chanyeol pleaded as the irritation on his face was replaced by his loving eyes looking at me with hurt written all over it.

" Chanyeol, I'm so sorry. But please give me more time to adjust to this new set up. I was not informed about this. And what happened last night is one big mistake which made me regret such unforgivable action. It only made me realize just how weak I am and how unstable my mind and heart when it comes to you. I hope you could give me more time. " I asked him imploringly looking at him straight in his eyes. I know this is a bit selfish on my part but if we're to get going forward and have a brighter and better future together with our kids and become a whole family, I must be very sure of myself and my feelings. To avoid regretting my choices.   "My emotions are unstable and I'm not sure how I'm feeling right now. Or if I can trust you. So please, just give me more time. Okay?"

I left him standing in the kitchen looking like a lost puppy. But I can't help it. Things are way going too fast I need to put a brake on it. I hope Chanyeol would understand. Things aren't easy for me to accept. The past is still there to haunt me. I may love him still but it'll never be enough for me to forget what happened jn the past.

****

No one's POV

Four years ago, Paris, France

" Yo! Ma man!!! Wazzup!" Minho shouted at his boss/friend as he raised his hand to call his attention. They rarely see each other out of work. That's why it surprised Minho when Chanyeol called him for a drink tonight at this flashy 5 star bar in the middle of the busy street of France. This means another problem had arise. And he'd bet his one month salary that this is about the scandal that bombarded the daily news headlines this morning. About a certain well known figure who the news reporter referred him as a cheating bastard and fooling his girlfriend with some other girl or something.   " Heard you got into a minute strife with the gal you're dating last night huh!" he asked the tall man looking so grim and with eyes glazed with annoyance.

" Don't even start if you want to come out of this VIP room alive." Chanyeol retorted, gritting his teeth. He can't even remember what exactly happened last night after the girl ran out of the suite calling him names and cursing him to the moon and back. As if he blacked out or something. All he can remember is that hauntingly beautiful face looking down at him, kissing him before he met the summit of paradise and lovingly call out his name. Funny, how he seems to think of him quite often these days. It's like the very essence of that petite lovely man is calling out to him. There's even this one time, two years and half ago where he even dreamt of him giving birth to their first born child.   
Tsk!!! I wish. That's not even possible, right?  Baekie's not even a transgender. She's.... No slash that. He's a man cross dressing for what he calls a social experiment. And I'm just too gullible to fall for that. I even fell in love with him. Damn it!!! Why can't I take him out of my mind? Shit!!!

Chanyeol continued musing as the wine they ordered arrived. He didn't even bother to talk or answer any of Minho's questions as the latter continues to barrage him with unending nonsense queries.

"Oh! By the way boss, have you heard about the newly hired  creative director of Privé? Most people said he's a recluse or somewhat anti social coz he never attended any of the company's social gathering but they say he's a real looker. Good thing his designs are in demand and all of it sells like hotcakes out from the frying pan or he might be gone for it." Minho continues his chatter while eyeing the sexy babe waitress that serves them their drink.

Chanyeol look at the man sitting in front of him. His eyebrows rose up as if asking him who cares about that. But he did remember someone from Privé approaching and asking him to collaborate with their new creative designer for his upcoming cover model in Vogue New York. But he told them he'll think about it.

"Minho, I'm sure Wendy's gonna make a bigger fuss over the fiasco last night. She's not even my girlfriend for crying out loud!!! She flirted with me during that social event last night. And one thing lead to another. If I knew she's a bitch I wouldn't have dare fuck the bitch. " the taller said as he annoyingly pushed at the bridge of his nose.   " I already told Amber to do something and make sure that no more of that incident goes out from the media even if she pay all the social media outlets. Threaten them to full out all our investments if they don't comply. " Chanyeol said as he took a sip of wine from his glass.

" Seriously??? Whew!!! Man, that's way too big of a major fuck up if you told Amber to mediate. Why??? What really happened??? " Minho asked.

" I called someone's name in the heat of the moment. That's the last thing I remember after she ran out of the room. " the taller
admitted hesitantly, touching the golden lock pendant attached on a necklace subconsciously. Feeling the rigid stress easing out of his system as it gives him some sort of calm.

" What???!  Damn!!! That's a total mess man." Minho shouted in surprise. His eyes bulging with shock.    "And what's with that pendant you're touching? I noticed that whenever you're stressed out, you keep on touching it like a talisman. Where'd it come from??? From one of your many admirers???" Minho added. Noticing how Chanyeol absently touch it and see him calming down a notch every time he's stressed out.

" Oh, this??? Well... It's, ahm... It's from Byun Baekhyun. My, ahm...my... " the taller hesitates.

" No! No! Don't tell me. It was Him! The name you call out last night! Am I right??? Wow!!! You're dead meat, man. Imagine calling your old lover's name in the heat of the moment and to think it's not even a woman's name. Whew!!! And the fact that you're even wearing his necklace, you practically dug your own grave there boss. " the other spoke with utter surprise not duly because it's a man's name but that his boss called  out an old flame's name during sex. He never expected his boss to be so hung up. Maybe he's still in love with the guy.

It took Minho back down memory lane, to his old memory of his biggest crush back then. Baekie. That name lingers in his memory. She's gay. She cross dressed. Wearing girls uniform at school. And even admitted that she'll soon be a transgender. It's never a problem to him. He was actually planning on asking permission of his friend ZiTao then to allow him to court her if not for that unfortunate event that happened causing Baekie to transfer out of school. He never heard of her again. She's his biggest What if in the story of his youthful life. The one who got away.

******

Author's Note

Hello friends. I hope you're all doing great and spending a wonderful Christmas with your family. Stay safe... Keep
healthy and be happy.

I'm so sorry if it takes too long for me to update. This pandemic takes toll on my well being as work continues to flood us. The demands of quality education lies on our shoulders. So I have to make sure I deliver the best I can.

Well I hope you enjoy this update. Super thanks for waiting.

Sarangheo
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