sometimes, i would lie awake at night

counting the holes on my ceiling, 

and thinking about every word i said

in that very same morning. 

from every glance thrown my way,

and every response i tried to make, 

i always end up with the same thought..

why

am

i

so

stupid?

I don't know how to speak

or laugh

or smile

or so much as function like a normal human being.

and it kills me to have to think,

why nothing ever turns out the way i want it to be.

and it kills me to have to think about

how easy this has always been for you,

and how you can do everything so

perfectly

so faultlessly

without constantly wondering

what everyone else

must think of you.

so how do you do it?

how can you be so good at 

everything?

teach me how to be like you.

tell me how i can be

so 

much

 better

.