Love Is Strange
Written by moneyformyhoney

Harley sighed as she watched her favorite classic romance movie, Dirty Dancing. Joker was slowly starting to fall asleep next to her even though he had promised he'd stay awake just to make her happy.

So much for that.

The couple on the television made Harley's heart flutter. The way they looked into each other's eyes after discovering their true feelings for each other, the way they embraced each other, it was all too much for a hopeless romantic such as herself.

She squealed happily as they danced together. Nothing but pure love in their eyes and body language. J looked over at Harley and scowled. "You've seen this movie almost twenty times and you always have that lovesick grin on your face every time." His voice seemed to snap Harley out of her trance. "I dunno, I guess I just have a thing for guys who can dance. And play guitar." She replied, still enthralled with the two dancers.

J didn't know why, but he hated the fact that the man on screen was getting more of his girl's attention than he was. He suddenly shifted his arms under Harley and scooped her up into his lap.

"Why ain't you ever romantic like that, Puddin'? Cuddlin' the best you can do?" She asked, resting her head on his chest. J grinned and burped out the words 'I love you'. Harley gagged and rolled to the opposite side of the bed immediately, being her overdramatic self. "Gross!" She laughed loudly.

"Oh, but getting all sweaty and rubbing all over each other like dogs isn't disgusting?" J retorted. Harley sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "You really have a way with words, Mistah J..." she giggled and rolled over on her side, her back facing him.

Joker licked his lips and crawled over to her, planting a kiss in the crook of her neck. "You know I can't be romantic for the life of me, but I know damn well how to.. how would I say this in 'Harley terms'?" He teased before grabbing each pigtail, cranking his wrists back as if he was revving up a motorcycle. "Vroom, vroom." He growled.

Harley threw her head back, laughing loudly and lightly shoved him off of her. J raised his eyebrows and ran his hands up Harley's thighs. "Getting bold, aren't we?" He cooed. The blondie looked up at him and pursed her lips. "I'm sorry, Mistah J. But, not tonight..." she regret her words as soon as they came out of her mouth, but all she really wanted was to spend quality time together. Innocent, quality time.

J's expression immediately changed. "Something's wrong." He said with what looked like concern in his eyes. Harley smiled and shook her head. "No, not at all! I just thought... maybe... we could... talk. Y'know?" She said hesitantly, silently praying she said the right thing. But darkness took over Joker's eyes as he sat himself up.

"Fucking women." He muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Harley to hear.

"Excuse me?" Harley's eyes widened. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That's all you want! I don't understand! One minute you practically have your legs wide open for me, and the next you wanna sit down and talk!" J's voice raised slightly, setting Harley off instantly.

"Tell me, sweetheart. What would you like to talk about? The weather? Rachael Ray's newest recipes? Your hopes and dreams?" J taunted.

"You're so misogynistic! Just because a woman wants to talk you automatically assume I... I- Oh, for fuck's sake, it's bad enough that I have to listen to you!" She yelled back.

Seconds later a loud slap echoed across the room and Harley was on the floor holding her cheek that was now stinging. Joker towered over her, infuriated. "Just in case you were wondering..." he snarled before grabbing her chin roughly, tilting it upwards. Harley's watering eyes glared up at him as he spoke. "Who chose to tag along when I broke out of Arkham. Who decided to stay no matter how many times I threw her out a window in hopes of breaking all her bones so she'd never come crawling back?"

"That's right." He spat. "You."

Harley jerked her head out of his grip and stood up, a single tear sliding down her face.

"Then i'll leave. Just like you've always wanted." She choked out. Without another word, Harley ran out of the warehouse and hopped into their old car. Her hands shook uncontrollably as it roared to life. No other thoughts crossed her mind as she sped off, leaving Joker standing alone in his bedroom.

After almost an hour of pacing the room back and forth and cursing to himself, Joker finally plopped down on Harley's side of the bed, listening to the television that was now coincidentally playing one of Harley's favorite songs in the entire movie.

"Fuck.." he groaned.

The cheerful love song was too much for J at this point. The next thing he knew, he was standing over the crushed television holding a bat.

Dropping his weapon, he sluggishly left the room and sat himself at the kitchen table, staring in front of him, picturing Harley's curvy shape swaying to imaginary music as she overcooked bacon and burned his toast. He smiled to himself and sighed.

Seconds later, he realized that the figure he was staring at was in fact not Harley, but one of his men.

"Hey uh, boss, you're kinda scaring me." The rookie henchmen said looking slightly disturbed.

Joker grunted, rubbing his face tiredly. "Didn't see you there..." he simply replied. Ricky raised an eyebrow and made his way to the fridge, pulling out two cans of beer. "Something bugging you?" He cautiously asked, handing him a can.

Joker cracked it open, taking a long swig before slamming it down on the table, startling Ricky. "I have a situation, Rick." He said in a deep, almost worried tone. Ricky opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by his boss. "A situation that flowers and a box of chocolates can't fix." J added.

It finally clicked in Ricky's brain as he sat down in front of Joker, taking a sip of his own beer. "Well, you gotta do somethin' the ladies like. Not the classic shit, like uh... y'know, flowers, chocolates, that sappy BS." He explained, finding it extremely weird that he was giving love advice to the most feared criminal in Gotham.

"Yeah, I got that part." Joker nodded. "Harley's pretty predictable, but she knows I am too. At least when it comes to fights."

"Yeah, I remember when me and my girl used to fight. We still do, just not as often, considering I ain't home anymore, but you gotta pay attention to the not so 'predictable'," Ricky began, throwing up air quotes. "things they like. What's somethin' that really turns Ms. Quinn into putty?"

"Me." J smirked.

"Clearly that isn't the case." Ricky chuckled. Joker gave him a warning glare, cutting his laughter off.

Ricky cleared his throat nervously, thinking of something to say. "Uh.. doesn't she like it when you sing to her?"

"I'm not singing to her. If I start, she'll never stop. She doesn't have the nicest of voices either. I'm sure you've heard her before when I'm out on a job." J laughed to himself. "Trust me, I have." Ricky said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

Two cans of beer later, Joker was resting his head in his hands while Ricky sat quietly humming to himself. They had officially given up.

"Do you know how to play guitar?" J asked with a bit of hope in his eyes.

"Harley had said that she always had a thing for guys who played guitar. Maybe you can teach me." he whispered as if he wanted no one to hear.

"I can play Ukulele. Would that work?"

"Teach me."

• • •

"No, Red. I'm not doin' it anymore. It's a constant battle with him. I'm sick of it!" Harley huffed. It had been two days since she had left, and she was sure she was never coming back.

But she's never sure.

Ivy smiled and clapped. "Good for you, hun! You deserve so much better than that-"

"Puddin'?" Harley said to herself.

"No, no Puddin'-"

"Shut up, Red! I hear somethin'!" Harley said, holding up her hands in front of her friends face.

Sure enough, the faint sound of a ukulele could be heard from outside of Ivy's hideout.

Harley ran to the window and her heart melted when she saw Joker standing outside, in Harley's favorite purple tuxedo of his he owned, looking up at her with a big charming smile. She pushed the window open and stared down at him.

"Whaddya doin' ya lunatic!?" She yelled, crossing her arms.

"Trying desperately to win the heart of the lunatic shouting at me from a window." J yelled back as he continued playing his instrument.

"Since when do you know how to play the ukulele?" Harley asked with a skeptical glare.

"I asked Ricky to teach me. Just for you, baby! Now if you'll do me the honor of shutting up, I wrote a little something for you." J smiled as he pulled a crumpled up piece of paper out of his coat pocket.

Ivy pushed Harley out of the way and cut Joker off before he even had a chance to start.

"She doesn't want your shitty song! Get the fuck off my property before I stab you in the throat!" Ivy screamed.

"Be quiet cactus! You're being one hell of a prick right now!" J screamed back.

Harley threw her head back and laughed at his terribly funny pun. Ivy shot her a warning glance and Harley immediately shut up. "Y'gotta admit, it was pretty funny." she giggled.

"And for your information, plant. It's a poem! Paired with a ukulele. For effect. Now go photosynthesize elsewhere!" Joker snapped.

Ivy rolled her eyes and cursed under her breath as Harley pushed her out of the way and stared down at Joker with her chin in the palm of her hands.

"I'm all ears, Mistah J." Harley sighed.

Joker gave her a toothy grin before starting to play his ukulele again.

"Roses are red, violets are blue. You have a nice ass, now let me inside you." J recited, earning a shocked expression from Harley.

The clown couple stared at each other, Harley uncontrollably smiling.

"That was.. the most pathetic poem I have ever heard." She said, trying to hide her laughter as Joker continued on anyways.

"What do you say darlin'? I'm not good at poetry or song writing, but I can definitely make you sing later on tonight." He said with a wink.

At this point Harley wasn't even trying to hide it. She was laughing so hard, tears were starting to form in her eyes.

Soon, she was no longer laughing, but sobbing.

Joker dropped his ukulele and ran inside as soon as he realized what was happening.

He rushed to Harley's side as soon as she dropped to the floor. He held her tightly in his arms, knowing very well that Ivy was staring at them with mixed emotions.

"You know I never meant any of those things I said, Harls." J whispered into her ear, really hating the idea of apologizing to Harley in front of her best friend who he utterly despised very much.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you really do complete me." He stroked her blonde messy hair as he continued on.

"My Harleen Quesadilla." J laughed out, causing Harley to let out a soft giggle. Her crying finally stopped and her teary eyes met his.

"No matter how many times you throw me outta window, I'll always come back. Even if every bone in my body is broken, I'll find a way." Harley whispered back, holding onto J tightly as he carried her out of the apartment.

"Likewise, my love. Likewise."

• • •

Hello guys!

I asked one of my favorite fanfic writers moneyformyhoney to collaborate for this book too and here's the first one of hopefully many more!
She is so talented and her writing is flawless, always bringing a smile to my lips. I love her! Check her books out if you haven't yet, I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

Thank you so much, sweets! It was an honor to publish this on my book.

💚💜💚💜

-xoxo