Hey guys!
This amazing one shot was written by moneyformyhoney
She's a wonderful writer and an amazing friend. Have you read her books? If not, what are you doing? Go check them out.
Thank you for sharing this with me, hun. I loved it.

•••

"When do you think she'll be back? Has she texted you yet? Where are they? Did you give her a curfew?" Joker's sputtered as he paced their daughter's room back and forth.

"Puddin'! Shush!" Harley said, giving J a reassuring smile. "They'll be just fine. She's a big girl now. 18 to be exact! She can handle herself."

But Lucy was the complete opposite of a big girl in Joker's eyes. She was still his little girl, and little girls do not go on dates with boys. Or wear sparkly makeup, or heels, or just in general breathe near a boy.

"Stop worrying. If anything goes wrong, she promised she'd call me." Harley laid a hand on Joker's back as he peeked through the blinds in hopes of seeing Damien's car pull in.

"No, if anything goes wrong she'll use the taser I stuck in her bag." J smirked.

"What?! There's no need for that!" Harley scoffed, lightly slapping his shoulder.

"Wait, I think I see his car. He's pulling in! Turn off the lights Harl!" Joker whispered as he knelt down in front of the window.

"We are not spying on our daughter!" Harley said, placing her hands on her hips. J rolled his eyes and shot up, grabbing Harley's wrist and dragging her down next to him as he turned off the lamp. The only light in the room was the headlights of Damien's car glowing in the night.

"They're just.. sitting there." Harley shrugged.

"Yeah, and the next thing you know he's got her face down ass up." Joker muttered, earning a gasp from Harley. He glanced at her and raised his eyebrows. "Just sayin'."

•••

"How much you wanna bet my dad is spying on us through my bedroom window."

Damien laughed and looked up at her window. "I really don't put it past him. I was being very genuine when I said I would never let anything happen to you tonight!"

"Damien.. he was holding you at gunpoint. Anything else would've gotten your brains blown out!" Lucy giggled. Damien sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well I meant it gun or not."

"I know you did." Lucy said, lacing her fingers with his. Damien in turn gave her a smile that turned her insides to jelly.

"I would kiss you, but I have a feeling that they're both still watching us. And.. I kind of want you to live." Lucy said, laughing when Damien nodded his head. "We should call it a night then, huh?"

"Walk me in?" Lucy batted her big blue eyes at Damien, making his breath hitch in his throat. Her eyes always had a special effect on him, and soon he found himself opening the door for her and escorting her out like the true princess she was.

•••

"How dare you let her out of this house in a dress that short! Do you want the boy to get ideas?!" Joker hissed.

"Puddin'.. she's wearing jeans."

"Well- I-I..."

"Baby, relax. Look, he's walking her inside now an- WOAH MISTER KEEP THAT HAND FROM GOIN' SOUTH!" Harley shouted as she caught a glimpse of Damien's hand pressed against Lucy's lower back.

•••

"Did you hear something?" Damien looked back and narrowed his eyes. "Could've sworn I heard something.. squeak."

"Probably just a squirrel." Lucy shrugged.

"Probably." Damien said, suddenly feeling chills go up his spine. His hand awkwardly shifted into his pocket as Lucy lead him to the front door and out of the clown couple's sights.

"Phew! I think we're safe now." She said, wrapping her arms around Damien's neck. He laughed and gave her a peck on the lips before picking her up and spinning her around.

•••

"They've moved to the front door. Over."

"I've got my eye on em' Puddin'! Over!"

"If we're gonna use code names, my name is J-Bird. Not Puddin'. Over."

"Can mine be lean mean Harleen machine then? Over."

"That's a hard pass. Over."

"Boo you then. Over."

The two lunatics were currently crawling around the house in total darkness. At one in the morning. Communicating by walkie talkies.

Harley shimmied her way over to the living room window and peeked out, narrowing her eyes when she spotted the couple outside.

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What? Do I need to get the gun?!"

"I dunno. Why don't you ask Lucy-Lock-lips?"

•••

Damien's eyes widened when he heard Joker's infuriated scream. He looked down at his girlfriend who was currently laughing her ass off.

"I-I better go.." He stuttered. Lucy shook her head and held onto him just a little longer. "You know how dad's can be." She said as if her dad wasn't a mad man known as Gotham's clown prince of crime.

"Ha, yeah. I guess all parents have their quirks. My dad has a thing for old cars and your dad has a thing for blowing up children's hospitals!" Damien let out a forced laugh.

"Hey, watch it. He's not like that anymore. My mom said that when I was born, he changed completely!" Lucy quickly defended her father, crossing her arms and staring up at Damien with annoyance in her eyes.

•••

"Looks like he pissed her off, Puddin'. Over." Harley sighed as she rested her head on the wall. She wasn't exactly thrilled with the thought of her baby girl kissing all over a guy, but she was still a hopeless romantic who wanted everything to work out.

"Good. Maybe she'll do the honor of killing him before I do." Joker smirked.

"Wait, nevermind. They're kissin' again. Ove- Hey how come you're not sayin' it anymore?" Harley whined.

"We're gonna have to bleach her lips after tonight." J grunted.

"Y'gotta admit it is kinda sweet. It reminds me of us when we first met in Arkham!" Harley squealed.

"Harls, I hated you. I just wanted out of that hell hole." Joker said.

"But ya love me now, right? C'mon Puddin' say it! Say you love me! I know ya do!"

Suddenly the door creaked open, followed by the lights being turned on. Harley and Joker froze in their positions as Lucy walked in. Her jaw dropped when she saw her mother hiding behind the couch and her father scrunched up under the kitchen sink.

"What. In the living. Hell. Are you two doing?"

Joker's eyes darted over to Harley who staring right back as if expecting him to come up with an excuse. The house was silent for a solid minute before Harley stood up and stretched.

"Welp! Looks like ya can't play hide and seek if there ain't no seeker after all! G'night monkey!" Harley chirped before giving Lucy a peck on the cheek and running up to her room, her walkie talkie falling out of her pocket behind her.

"Boy ain't that a fact! Your mother is just a genius isn't she? Wow! Wouldya' look at the time! Almost two in the morning! I'll be off then. Goodnight bugaboo!"

Lucy stared at the floor trying to comprehend what just happened as her father zipped past her after Harley. "It's.. too late to even think." She mumbled as she made her way up to her room. She nearly tripped when her foot caught on the walkie talkie on the floor. Without thinking, she cursed under her breath and picked it up, bringing it with her to her room.

Just as she plopped into bed and got comfy, her very smart parents left her a message on the walkie talkie.

"Puddin' stop it!" Harley giggled and squealed.

"Come on baby, my Harley needs a good revving up every now and then, right?"

Oh no..

Lucy groaned and picked up the walkie talkie, screaming into it. "Hey dad! Tell mom to get her fat ass off the press to talk button!"

And the rest of the night was pure silence.