"What if we just take her with us?" J winced as Harley opened the curtains, practically burning his tired eyeballs. "I refuse to leave my baby with that plant friend of yours."

"Puddin, it's our anniversary. You agreed to save this night to ourselves. Please stop being so paranoid." Harley giggled as she straddled her husband and kissed his neck seductively, "Besides, how can I do this if we're not alone?"

He smiled and closed his eyes, content with letting Harley do whatever she pleased with him. Mornings were blissful whenever she woke up particularly sexy and sensual, until another girl demanded his attention.

"We are ready to attack! Open the door!" a little voice called, making Harley groan and Joker laugh at her frustration.

"That is exactly what I mean when I say we need a babysitter for tonight, Puddin." said Harley as she rolled on her stomach.

J wasted no time on getting off the bed to open the door, grinning down at the mini version of himself who was wearing a helmet, a plastic sword and shield.

"And who are you fighting, princess?" he kneeled down before her. The clown stared at Lucy with nothing but adoration spread all over his face. He loved her adventurous, brave spirit, just her mother's.

"I'm protecting my king and queen from the enemy attacks, your green highness!" the bubbly toddler said solemnly. Then, without any warning, she entered her parents room screaming like a warrior and jumped to their bed, landing beside Harley. "The queen must get up and feed the knight or she will starve to death before the battle! Pancakes now!"

"So I'm the queen but I have to follow the knight's orders?" Harley said with a smirk.

"Honestly, woman. Do you want me to die?" Lucy, being just as dramatic as her father, rolled off the bed and landed on the floor, making fake dying sounds. Of course J watched her with a wide grin, so proud of his little cute creation.

"You're staying with Pammy tonight, monkey!" Harley's news seemed to cause a undesired reaction from her daughter. The mini clown gasped and looked up at her mother, her ice blue eyes wide and terrified.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" Lucy screamed and ran to her daddy's arms, clinging to him like a koala, "All she does is talk about plants and how the world is going to end because humans are killing all her babies. Daddy! Plants are not babies! She is nuts!"

"I agree with the monkey." J smirked at his wife, triumphantly. Harley rolled her eyes and as she walked towards the door, father and daughter high fived and winked at each other, an action that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde.

"Fine, then you're staying with uncle Bruce and uncle Alfie." said Harley and walked out the room.

"What?!" J complained as Lucy jumped up and down with happiness and excitement, "Hey, little monkey! You're supposed to be on my side!"

•••

"No funny business, Bats." J growled and narrowed his eyes at the tall man before him. "Take good care of her. If I find out you told my baby girl scary stories about penguins and crocodiles, I will–"

"Like she would get scared, J." Bruce chuckled and turned his attention to Lucy, who was already playing cards with Damien. "Having you as a father, that kid must be fearless."

Joker opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Harley, who practically dragged him out of the mansion.

Bruce shook his head and looked down at his golden watch.

7 o'clock. Time for dinner.

It couldn't be so hard. Alfred was there to help, anyway.

But when he turned back towards the spot where the kids sat seconds ago, all he found was a bunch of cards spread all over the floor.

"Is there a problem, master Bruce?" asked Alfred, already focusing his attention on the mess the kids had done all over the floor.

BAM!

The two men went wide eyed at the thunderous sound coming from the distance. Bruce grunted and regretted having Lucy over for the night, knowing the little girl was as mischievous and restless as her parents; plus, whenever she got to spend time with Damien, they became lethal. Adorable, but lethal.

"Damien! What the hell is going on?!" Bruce called out as he strolled down the corridors, looking for the little monsters when another loud sound, coming from his office, was heard as loud as the first one.

Alfred, being the patient and kind man he always was, entered the office quietly and realized the children had found their way down to the batcave. Bruce groaned and mumbled under his breath and got into the secret passage, followed by the old man who wore a playful smirk spread all over his lips.

As soon as they reached the hideout, Lucy climbed on Bruce's shoulder. Alfred forced back a loud laughter when he noticed the little clown girl was wearing Batman's mask – which was huge on her – and was screaming at the top of her lungs, followed by Damien who was aiming a paint gun, a prank weapon J had obviously created just for fun.

"Get away from us, you filthy little maggot! POW POW!" Lucy shouted, playfully and raised her little hands out, as if holding imaginary machine gun.

"You're dead, Batgirl! Or should I say, Batbooger!" Damien screamed back.

Bruce placed Lucy carefully on the floor and glared down at the two kids who immediately knew they were in trouble. "What on earth are you two doing down here?! You know very damn well you're not supposed to play down here, it's dangerous! You can get hurt!"

"IT WAS HIS/HER IDEA!" The kids said in unison, pointing at each other before bursting into laughter and Damien started chasing the bubbly girl all around the cave once more.

"Who wants marshmallows and hot chocolate?!" a gentle british voice suddenly asked and the two kids stopped on their tracks.

"Me first!" Lucy said as she stormed out the cave without thinking, followed by Damien.

Alfred smiled sarcastically at Bruce, who stood with his mouth partially opened and barely blinking.

"How did you–"

"Years of experience. I perfectly remember a little boy, getting into trouble over and over again. His parents used to say that I was the only one able to control him." said Alfred, kindly and lovingly at the man before him. "I will take it from here, master Bruce."

•••

"You're a great babysitter, Batsy!" Harley whispered as she caressed Lucy's sleeping face. The little girl was lying down next to Damien on a large couch, her arm wrapped around his waist.

J frowned and picked her up carefully, obviously jealous. The clown kissed her head possessively as he made his way out the mansion.

"She gave you a lot of trouble, right?" Harley giggled and picked up Lucy's backpack and looked down at it, curiously, when she felt it had gotten heavier.

Bruce smiled tiredly and pulled out the Batman mask the little girl had worn earlier that night.

•••

I'm planning on writing more Damien / Lucy one shots.

I have some plans for those kids... what do you think?

Hope you liked this short short short short one shot, my clown babies. I've been very busy lately. Sorry I'm taking so long to update.

Xoxo