Instead of paying attention in English I snuck out Brynn's letter wanting to get some answers.

You Sly Fox,

You quoted Frost to explain what you need. Now let me quote my favorite poet: The Indoctrination so you can understand-

Translucent

You can see me, but at the same time see right through me.

I am not quite transparent, yet I am not quite opaque.

I am in the middle – Translucent.

The worst possible fate,

If I was visible, then people would notice me, acknowledge me as a human being... Maybe

even love me.

And if I was invisible, I would be free from the disappointment and blind optimism that

maybe I would be noticed.

I am shackled with insecurities, anxiety seeping through every pore.

Worried about being ignored.

Worried about people noticing me.

I don't belong here. Not on this planet. If I go to space, I might find some peace. But then I'd be left alone with my thoughts, and they would suffocate me.

I don't ask for much, just some recognition that I am here.

I just want to be loved. I just want to be noticed.

But I am doomed to live life being

Translucent.

-The Indoctrination

I swore I wouldn't get involved, but you've snuck past my defenses.

I knew I wished to fly under the radar and my plan was going perfectly

Until you...

Confused and a little scared,

Your not so brave little ninja

Oh, Brynn. I wish I could hold her, hug her make her realize just how real she is to me. I know I was guilty of seeing her but not seeing her. I hated that I was part of the people that would treat her that way but as I reread the poem so much more began to sink in. Why was she so afraid to be seen, if it's something she wants so much? She wants to be loved and she wants to be noticed, and I am the one who snuck past her defenses and made those wants a possibility but why, why is she doomed to live life translucent? Why does she choose to fly under the radar?

It was killing me not to be able to talk to her. I prayed she wasn't regretting yesterday, regretting the fact that we kissed. I hoped she did not want to back out of our date. I want a chance to quell her fears. It seemed insane, she had gotten to me like no other girl I had ever been with, I don't know how but my happiness had gotten tied up with her somehow. If she walks away now, I'd feel cut off at the knees. I suddenly felt panicked.

"Mr. Nash. What's this?" Miss Valentino had taken the note from me. No, no, no.

"Perhaps, we should share it with the rest of the class." Please, please don't.

She scanned the letter and her eyes met mine. Whatever she saw it was enough that she put the letter away, and said, "If you are such a fan of poetry, Mr. Nash I suggest you stick to the sonnets we are learning in class."

I shook my head in agreement, not wanting to chance her changing her mind. I opened my textbook and got to work. I hate sonnets and they are hard enough to understand when I try to concentrate on them but my mind and heart were elsewhere.

After class I hung back a bit. I noticed Tyler trying to do the same and wondered if he were waiting on me. When I looked at Miss Valentino I noticed her looking at Tyler in a strange way. If I had to place the look I would say it was warning, and he looked disappointed and left the classroom without me. Strange.

"Miss Valentino, I want to apologize for not paying attention today in class. I have something... personal going on and I let myself get distracted by it. I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"Make sure that it doesn't," Miss Valentino said trying to sound tough but it seemed odd coming from her. "Finn, that poem..."

"I know."

"You have your work cut out of you. But proceed with care; she may have good reason to believe as she does, it will take much understanding on your part. Don't push, if it's what she wants she'll come to you."

"May I... have the letter?" I asked knowing I didn't have the right but since she was sympathetic to my situation, I figured I might have a chance.

"I'll give it back to you on one condition."

"Name it," I said knowing I would agree to anything just to get that letter back.

"Copy that poem for me. I want to use it in my other class. I like the message it conveys and I think there are many who could learn a lesson from it."

I sigh. She was letting me off easy. "Done and Miss Valentino...thank you."

She hands me back my letter, which I place back in my bag. "Good luck," she says as I walk out the door.

Waiting just outside the door was Tyler. "What did she say to you?"

"She gave me back my letter, and oddly gave me some good advice on what to do about Brynn."

"She didn't say anything else?" Tyler asked, his manner was nervous and strange.

"She wished me luck, but that was it," I say and Tyler looks relieved.

"So, what's going on with Brynn?" Tyler asks, his mood definitely improved.

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm determined to find out."

I keep pushing through my day and get to the activities office. I speed through my duties and ask to be excused. The good thing about being a good student is that when you make requests like that they don't even ask why? They just shrug and say okay.

I make my way to the yearbook office in the cafeteria. I step in and there are three freshmen sitting at the table working on the layout. "Hey Finn, what brings you here?" a girl with short blonde hair asks, her name escaping my brain at the moment.

"Just checking in. How's it going?" I ask, it's obvious Brynn isn't here and my panic is increasing but I hold it together.

"Great, we'll be able to get you the first ten pages to check soon enough."

"Awesome! Glad to hear it," I say faking my enthusiasm. "Well I best be going," and I make a quick exit, not wanting to get into further conversation about the yearbook.

As I open the door and step through I bump right into someone, knocking their books out of their hands. "I'm sorry," I say and I see the black hair with today's streaks being purple bent over her books as she tries to gather them up.

"It's fine. It happens more often then you'd think," Brynn says, foregoing the books and moving on to a collection of photos that have scattered across the floor.

"I missed you at the bus stop this morning?" I say, gathering her books for her.

"It wasn't my choice I assure you," and she is frowning over some thought that is going on in her head.

"Adam said your Dad brought you in?"

Her frown got deeper causing a line to form between her eyebrows. "He said that?"

"Not to me directly but yeah, he told Ms. Vera to explain you not being at your stop. So, just curious... why did you send him to give me your letter?"

"Let me guess he was rude and ignorant and gave you a hard time about me?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So much for asking him not to be dramatic," Brynn mumbles and shakes her head at her thoughts. "Sorry about that. Adam is... well I don't have friends but Adam is the closest I have to calling someone that. He also lives in my neighborhood so I figured he would be the best way to get the letter to you as I wasn't sure I'd see you today...or anytime soon really."

"What do you mean? Look Brynn, if this is about yesterday...if you think things are going too fast. I can..."

She's smiling that smile at me that does weird things to my insides and I stop talking. She takes the books I'm holding from me and puts them down on the floor, along with her bag and the pictures she gathered up. "Follow me."

She takes my hand and is leading me I know not where but it's a pretty secluded part of the cafeteria. She pulls me close and then smiles again, "Forgive me but I have to do this?" She tiptoes and runs her hand through my hair and pulls my face down and kisses me. Her kiss is slow and torturous. She's pressing her full weight against me and I give into the urge to pick her up so she doesn't have to strain to reach me. There's a slight wall behind us and I sit her on it. It's just the right height to match us up and she hasn't stopped kissing me. I sigh against her lips and she giggles. Her laugh causes her to stop and I miss her lips already.

"Is this your new way of changing the subject?" I ask. "I like it."

She laughs. "I've just been thinking of doing that all day and can't concentrate on a darn thing. So I thought if I just gave in maybe I can get something accomplished today."

"Sorry, to be such a bother," I say not quite liking the idea of her wanting to kiss me just to get it out of the way so she can move on with her day.

"I just wished it work, but I just want more. How do you do it?" she asks amazed.

"Do what?" What did I do?

"You were my first kiss and I thought maybe because it was my first kiss that's the reason I felt so much or well wanted it so badly, but it's just not true ... it's you...how do I get you out of my system?"

Now I'm concerned on several levels. "Brynn, what are you talking about?"

She just smiles again, and kisses me again, this time the kiss isn't slow and tortuous but quick and needy. She's demanding something from me, and I pull her towards me her legs are wrapped around my waist and I weave my hands in her hair. I kiss her hard and fast. She's driving me crazy and I want to make her feel the same. It seems to be working but perhaps a little too well. I push back so we can come up for air.

"Brynn, I'd by lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this but perhaps you can clue me in on what this is?"

She's frowning again. "You're going to make this complicated aren't you?"

"I don't mean to, but yeah it's part of who I am. I know everything I am going to do and why I'm doing it so this just feels..."

"What?" she demands and I can tell she's annoyed by something but not sure it's what I'm saying.

"What did you mean by you weren't sure you were going to see me today or anytime soon?"

She looks away from me. I can almost feel her shields going up, pushing me away. I take her head in my hands and turn her to look at me again and her eyes are filled with unshed tears. What the hell is going on?

"I knew it was too good to be true. That someone like you would want someone like me? I'm such a fool," she says and a tear slides down her cheek.

Damn! I wish I didn't feel lost every time I try and have an actual conversation with her. Why is she so hard to understand?

"I do want you Brynn. Maybe a little too much considering how little we know about one another but God help me I want you. You are the first thing I think of when my eyes open and recently you've been the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. I just want a chance. A chance to get to know you."

"Why? Why can't you just enjoy kissing me and we see where it goes from there. I don't know if I can be that girl."

Again with the cryptic message. "Are you asking me just to have a physical relationship with you?" I asked shocked by the thought. Probably every guys dream come true, but not this guy and especially not with this girl.

She folds her arms over her chest managing to put even more distance between us and doesn't answer me.

"Okay, you want to know why? Because it's not what you want, Brynn. You want to be noticed, you want to be loved." I say, quoting the poem she chose back to her.

More tears escape her lashes. "But I'm doomed to be translucent," she quotes back to me.

"No, I don't believe that. I can't unsee what I've seen. You're here and you're real and watching you cry right now is killing me. I want to hold you. I want to tell you everything is going to be great, you don't have to be afraid, but I know you won't let me, and it hurts because I don't know why?"

"My Dad wants to pull me from school," she says.

"What? Why?"

"I live with my Gran, but she's getting older and she's been sick. She's afraid of what may happen if something were to happen to her, so she's talked to my Dad and he's agreed to take me back but he doesn't live near here and he wants to pull me from school and send me to a high school wherever he's living now."

"Damn, Brynn. It's your last year. Doesn't he know how insane that is? We're only a couple of months from graduation."

"I know, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care about me. He hasn't really spoken to me in years, not since my mom died."

"Whoa! I'm sorry, Brynn." I wish I had something more to say but how do I relate? I have everyone I'm close to in my life. Brynn, it seems has no one. How do you deal with that?

"When is this suppose to happen?" I ask, terrified of the answer as it means I may lose her and we didn't even get a chance.

"Don't know. He has to get things settled with both schools and Gran. A week maybe? That's why I thought..." She looked away again embarrassed.

That's why she thought perhaps we could have a physical relationship only because it was all she had time for, and she's willing to settle for less. I can't say the same.

"Brynn, let me talk with my Mom. Maybe she can come up with a good enough argument that can convince your Dad to let you stay and finish and graduate here. I just found you. I can't lose you already."

Brynn smiled a sad sweet smile. The bell rings and I know we have to part again.

I take her back into my arms and hold onto her so tight, "Please, Brynn. Don't give up. Not just yet. Okay?"

"Okay." She sounds completely unconvinced.

She slides off the wall and I walk her back to get her stuff. She swipes at her face with her sleeve and I turn her around to look at me.

"Brynn," I say wiping the rest of her tears way with pads of my thumbs, "I need you to have faith in me. I know I'm asking a lot, but I am no underachiever. When I want something. I get it."

I kiss her again and I can taste her tears, and I fortify my heart. I will do this. I will find a way for her to stay, for us to be together. I have to. She is my happiness.