Life has a way of surprising you, and not always is it in a good way, but sometimes you need to learn to trust in the process. Through Chaos, Opportunity is born and you can't shy away from it or you'll lose. Brynn Shelby entered my life like a whirlwind, shaking me up, spinning me around and when my feet touched the ground I found I was altered, changed. I had become stronger and discovered more about myself and my own wants. 

Brynn was the chaos that brought me the opportunity to live my own life, to love this beautiful, creative spirit who I've come to adore. Brynn is my world and I can't understand why the universe has decided I should be in danger of her leaving it, possibly forever. 

Brynn met with her doctors today, her OB, and the cancer specialist and I was dying a slow death waiting for her to tell me... something... anything at this point but she is instead sitting there nonchalantly sipping away at the shake I ordered for myself, stealing it for her own.

I have to admit my heart was in my throat over what she may have to say, but I know I must be strong, for her. 

She's nervous or afraid, or both. Her anxiety is pouring off of her in waves. I try not to fidget in the booth and remain calm knowing she will reveal to me why she asked me to meet her here, hopefully soon.

I reached out and took her hand in mine trying to give her what I hoped was an encouraging smile.

She smiles weakly at me and pushes my shake towards me again. It was nearly half empty. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like to share."

My thumb runs lightly over the soft palm of her hand. "It's not sharing when all I have is yours," I tell her. A sweet blush graces her cheeks but she pulls her hand from mine and places it on her lap. Not good.

"You wanna talk about it?" I ask wishing she was as easy for me to read as I was for her. Brynn has always been a mystery wrapped up in an enigma for me, which causes quite the conundrum. Okay, enough with the big word, brain.

"Honestly, no, but I know I need to."

"Okay," I shift in my seat to sit up a little straighter, giving her my full attention.

"They have to do surgery in order to properly stage the cancer."

"Stage? What exactly does that mean?" I have been doing some research on my own and I was pretty sure I understood this but I wanted her to explain it to make sure.

"It's early yet so they believe me to be in Stage 1 of the cancer process but they can't say for sure until they open me up."

I let out a slow breath. "Stage 1 is good though, right? Best case?"

"The best case is the cancer is only in my ovary or ovaries and that will mean their immediate removal, a biopsy of my stomach lining and pelvis to be certain it hasn't spread. Chemo or radiation to be certain all leftover cells are dead."

"Worst case?" I cringe, not wanting to ask her this question.

"You don't want to know."

She was right I didn't but I had to. "Brynn," I caution, "if I'm going to be here for you I need to know."

"Death," she said with a smirk, trying to, I guess, add some levity to the situation, but I just raised my eyebrows at her. "You asked," she accuses.

"You know that's not what I was asking and that's not funny."

"I know." She looks over at my shake and I push it towards her. "Don't worry, I'll just order another one." She smiles at me and takes another long sip, sighs, and pushes it away from her but still within reach.

"Stage four, full hysterectomy, and what they call debulking. A removal of anything and everywhere the cancer may have shown up. The surgery is more extensive and the chemo or radiation treatments would be longer."

I nod my head. "Okay, but there is every reason to believe the best case, right?"

"Right," she answers but her brows creased with worry. There is something else that's getting to her. I want to hold her hand but she has them both folded in her lap under the table at the moment.

"Brynn?" She drifted off there with whatever it was she was thinking about and her head shoots up.

"Hmmm? Oh, sorry."

"What is it? I know you have a lot on your plate as far as worries go but what's getting to you? There's something you're not telling me."

"I was hoping you'd fill the blanks," she informs me and I'm completely at a loss as to what she could mean. My mind quickly races through our conversation. What? What could she be telling me without actually telling me?

I hold my hand up in helpless surrender and she sighs. "I'm sorry. I got nothing."

"Finn, there is only one possibility of me going through this where I may..." Her eyes fill up and she quickly looks away and out the window. I can tell she's biting her inner cheek to keep the tears at bay.

The waitress came to our table at this moment and put our food down. "Do you need anything else? "No, thank you," I'm quick to reply wanting her to go away, and thankfully she does.

"Brynn, please don't cry. Whatever this is that's getting to you we'll work through it. Together. Okay?"

She already shaking her head no. "You don't understand." She looks back at me and she looks lost. "After this surgery," she takes a deep breath and she still can't get out the words. Her hands resurface and her fingers are curled into fists and I'd swear she is digging her nails into her palms.

I immediately reach out and take her hands in mine. She tries to pull away but I won't let her. "What? Clue me in. Please?"

"Finn, there's only one slim chance of me walking out of this surgery with the possibility to have children of my own." Her words came out so fast it took a second for my brain to catch up to what she was trying to say.

"Oh," came my lame reply. Really, Finn? Surely you can do better than that? My brain screams at me.

"There is every reason to believe they will have to take both ovaries and/or my uterus. They will have no idea until they get me in there, but I already had to sign the permission form for them to do whatever is necessary to remove the cancer."

I hold up a finger to ask her to pause a moment. I call over the waitress and ask for some containers for the food. One glance at Brynn and the waitress said, "Sure, Honey, I'll be right back." And she was back within seconds with boxes, a cup, and the check.

"What are doing?" Brynn asked.

I toss her food in a box, and mine before handing the waitress the money for our check, telling her to keep the change. I hand Brynn her food and the rest of my shake in a to-go container. Then I reach for my box. "Let's get out of here. This isn't the place for this conversation."

I stand up and reach out my hand and she takes it with a sad smile on her lips. "I'm sorry. I really thought..."

"Stop being so brave, Brynn. You're only human. Give yourself a break." I tell her as I lead her out of the diner to my car. She gets in and so do I. Neither of us talks for a while.

After a full five minutes, Brynn breaks the silence to ask, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," I tell her. When I pull into the drive-thru of the donut shop ordering us two coffees and half dozen donuts, she laughs.

"Seriously?" she asks finally figuring out where I was planning on taking her.

"Yes," I reply and drive to Fish Hatcheries and park. I unbuckle my seat belt and get out of the car moving into the back seat. She gives me a strange look but follows my lead by doing the same. I reach upfront and hand her, her food.

The front seats are bucket seats whereas the back seats are bench seats. I figured this way we could sit together and eat. If anyone walked past our car no one would notice us as the windows are tinted back here. So, now she doesn't have to be embarrassed if she shows emotion.

"Thank you," she said taking the container from me.

I smile at her. "So, I'm guessing that you want kids... someday?" I asked tentatively.

"Don't you?" She bats back at me, a fry paused at her lips as her stare becomes rather intense like my next few words were really important to her.

I try to joke, with a shrug I said, "Sure if I met the right woman."

The fry lowers back to the box and is carelessly tossed inside. She closes the box and puts it down. Obviously, she has lost her appetite.

Her head is lowered and I lift her chin to raise it so she has to look at me. "Brynn, I don't know what the future holds for either of us, but if God willing, everything turns out the way that I hope it does. This won't be a problem."

"But what if it is?" Her voice breaks as a tear rolled down her cheek.

I swipe it away. "It won't."

"You don't know that?!" she said more forcefully.

"Yes, I do," I admit with absolute certainty and she looks at me confused. I slid over in my seat to get closer to her. "You don't get it, do you?"

She just looks at me with those sad eyes and shakes her head no.

"Brynn my dream is to be with you, now, always, and forever. I'm not about to mourn children I've never met. They don't mean anything to me, but you do. You mean everything to me. And if you can't have kids, so what? You want them... we'll adopt ten."

"Ten?!" She lets out a half sob half laugh as her fingers come up to her lips.

"Too many? Okay, five. Three? I don't care. However, many you want we'll have. We have a lot of love to give Brynn. This is, of course, assuming someday you'd want to marry me. We'd make great parents. I, of course, would be the responsible one and you'll be the one the children love because you'll be the one they'll be getting into trouble with and none of them are going to give a damn whether or not you gave birth to them. Because to them, you're Mom, and you love them and that is all that matters."

She looks desperate to believe what I'm saying is true. I know she likes the picture I've painted for her but her fears won't let her let it go. "You say that now..."

I place my hands on either side of her cheeks. "And I'll say it again and again and again for as many times as you need me to say it until you believe it's true, all I really need in this life Brynn is you."

I pull her close and I kiss her lips and don't stop until she surrenders to my care and then I deepen the kiss. Her lips are so soft against mine and her hands drift to under my shirt. Was that a moan that just escaped my lips?

Her fingers lightly trail over my skin and I pull her onto my lap. She doesn't hold back she pulls off my shirt and her fingers run down my chest before they wind up in my hair and she's kissing me again.

I may have initiated this but she's totally taken over. My hands drift over her breasts and she sucks in her breath. Her kisses become more urgent, there is a need she wants me to fill and I so wish to comply.

We explore one another's bodies, with our hands, our mouths, she had me so turned on but I had to put on the breaks. "Brynn...we... have to... we have to stop."

"Do we?" she challenged and her hand runs over me in a place that sent a shockwave of sensations through my entire body. My hand covers hers to still it.

"Yes," I nearly beg.

"Why?" she demands to know her eyes locked on mine. "I want you, you want me. Why do we have to stop?"

"Because I love you too much," I say. My chest hurts. It feels hard to breathe with her this close. The desire in her eyes... God, she's beautiful.

"Isn't that a reason not to stop?" she asked. I'm laying across the seat awkwardly my long legs not really having a place to go. Her body is pressed so temptingly across mine.

"I don't want our first time to be in a train car or this car, Brynn," I reach up and smooth the hair from her face. "Please, let me do this right?"

She sits up, straight as an arrow. I can tell I've frustrated her. Hell, I frustrated myself.

"When?" Brynn looks at me and she said it again, "When? I want a solid date."

"Why are you trying to rush this?" I ask sitting up, staring at her.

She looks away from me again and when she looks back at me, she's angry. "Why aren't you?!"

"Why aren't I trying to rush or pressure you into sex?!" I throw my hands up in exasperation. "Because I don't want to have sex with you, Brynn! I don't want some meaningless act to happen between us. I don't want a moment we fit in, in the few hours that we get together. I want to make love to you and I want to hold you till you fall asleep in my arms and wake up still holding you in the morning."

I reach out and tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Please, understand I have too much respect for you to have our first time be in the back seat of this car. You deserve so much more. Please, Brynn let me do this right?"

"What if a moment is all we have?"

Her words make my heart stop. "I can't believe that. I won't," I told her.

"Then you're in denial," she hands me back my shirt. "I want to be with you...when I'm... while I'm still... whole."

Oh, she just took this to a whole new level and I've been checkmated. "When is your surgery?" I ask putting my shirt back on.

"In three weeks," she informs me. Three weeks!

"That soon?!" She nods.

That's it. I make up my mind. "Okay then. Next weekend. Next weekend, I'll make all the plans and you and I will go away. Somewhere, where it will just be the two of us."

"And how do you plan to make that happen? There's no way either of our parents will agree to that?"

"Yep. You're right. That's why I plan to lie," I blurted out.

Her head cocks to one side and a smile slowly spreads across her lips. "I really have been a bad influence on you, haven't I?"

I smirk at her. "You have no idea."