One month back:

| Mia |

"That's not my father. That's just my reflection."

"Nooo, look harder. .you see he lives in you."

The popcorn got stuck in my throat.

Simba stared hard at his reflection and it transformed into his father.

My heart dipped in my body.

Suddenly, I didn't want to watch it anymore.

Quickly, i changed the channel but I couldn't change my mind or my thoughts that were stuck on the scene. My appetite had died and sighing. .I placed the bowl of popcorn on the bedside table.

Taking off my glasses, I shut my eyes and counted to ten . That's what my mother taught me . It wasn't much but it helped.

She had forbade me to look at anything that had a father / son or father / daughter relationship going on. .but for a good reason.

It triggered my depression.

Losing my father when I was 14 years old. .how do you describe such thing? How do you put it into words? How do you tell people you're living with half a heart ?

I had friends who told me to just get over it.

Can anyone get over their father's death?

If Dad had died from a disease than maybe I would have gotten over it. .maybe I wouldn't be here where I was . He was shot at point blank.

A police officer was shot at point blank.

My chest was constricting and it was a sign.

To get my ass moving.

"Why do you do it to yourself. ." I muttered lowly since the apartment we were living in had paper thin walls and I so didn't want my neighbors to hear me speak out.

I shouldn't have watched the stupid movie knowing what it could do to me.

Guess I was a sadist.

Who loved torturing herself by watching stuff that reminded me of—

Shaking my head, I got off the bed . I had to hightail out of here before I could get that sinking feeling again.

If your depression gets triggered, move. Walk. Get out of the house. Do something. Anything.

The doctor had recommended it and it's stuck by me.

Also it works.

So this is what I was going to do. I took my phone and glasses . . scribbled a note for mom and stuck the pink note on the fridge . .and then I was out of the door.

I wish I could say my area was posh. But it wasn't. It was . .meh.

A gray area that sets in the middle of picket white fences and posh residences. I never took the elevator because knowing the creeps that lived around the neighborhood...I had to use the stairs.

Well, my mom did give me a taser but I figured stairs would be fine instead of shocking someone.

Also it would make me exercise, an added bonus.

Going down the stairs , I tried to suppress the disgust when the smell hit me. . . the weird rotting smell that emanated from the walls . It used to bother me when we moved in but now. . .who cared as long as we had hot food on plate.

I could never dream of complaining knowing how hard my mom worked. She had two jobs. One at a boutique and another as an waitress.

I tried to convince her to let me take a shot at a job but she always rejected it saying I need to only concentrate on my education and she will handle the financial department, thank you very much!

I wish I could tell her , you know. ...

Mom, go out on a date.

Score a handsome man for yourself.

I feel guilty ,mom . For being the obstacle in you way.

I wish . .I wish I could say this but I knew she would just tell me to shut it and keep my nose in my books.

"Mi-yaa!"

I jerked at the voice , so into my head and had to stop in the middle of the stairs .

I didn't see the little ball of energy bolting at me. All I saw was a flop of blond hair.

The ball was currently hugging my thighs.

Smiling , I ruffled at his hair. . messing his carefully set spikes.

"How many time am I gonna say it? Its Mia." I reminded him.

"Okay. Mi-yaa." He said softly now looking up, blinking those baby blue eyes.

"Aw man! You're a lost cause, Henry."

He blinked. Not getting me at all.

Well, he was a 7 years old kid .

"My cho-co?" He asked , coming straight to the point.

I sighed . .now patting my shorts.

"And here I thought you loved me for me but all the men are the same . " I chuckled , slipping out a diary milk .

As a fat person, I always had a chocolate on me and little Henry knew it.

Instantly , he left my thighs and shot up his hand . . trying to take the chocolate from my hand.

"Nah- ah. Not so fast, buster. You need to pay thanks." I said in a sing song voice.

His baby face fell.

"Thank you."

Except he said thank-ew.

"Oh I worry for your pronunciation. " I laughed and then handed him the chocolate . Greedily he took it and went bounding down the stairs.

"Hey henry!"

He stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

I winked at him.

Blushing, he winked back. .

With both of his eyes.

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Walking.

Keep walking, bitch!

With my head down , I was walking by the park. Slowing down if I saw something interesting. . .well what could a girl of my age find interesting?

Couples.

Kissing.

Hand holding stuff.

I had zero wish to be on their place . I just liked to admire people from afar.

And this is what I was doing. . trying to be inconspicuous while looking. .but I was never left alone.

"Oh my God. Look at her shorts!"

A horrified gasp.

"Makes me wanna throw up."

I had my back to them and I tried not to let my ears zoom in on their insults.

"Like she needs to lose some weight or whatever!"

"Wait . .how do you know it's a he or a she?"

A collective laugh .

And then they were on their way. I heard there footsteps. A bunch of girls.

My shoulders slumped.

It was always the girls ,right?

Pulling each other down. Tearing each other insecurities up.

Flashing someone's insecurity like fun fact.

I had heard it all. The oh my gawd to losse the weight to die . People lie when they say oh it doesn't affect me now. I'm used to it.

They lie.

It affects me. It affects my soul. My mood. My heart. .I was slowly cheering up . . thinking of buying an ice cream on my way back and now. .I didn't want to.

That's what bullying did and after all this time. .I was still not used to it.

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When I slipped in the apartment, I made sure to stick a smile to my face . Be happy. Be careful around  mom.

I knew she was home.

Her cellphone was charging up and her coat was laying on the couch.

I could hear the clanging of pots in the kitchen.

Smiling wide and loud, I entered the kitchen. She was mixing veggies in a bowl when her hands stopped and she looked up at me.

"Hey mom—"

"Save it. I know someone pissed you off . Who was it?" She asked , wiping off the beads of sweat from her forehead with a towel.

The smile on my face vanished into thin air.

"There's just no hiding with you right?" I said dully. .now going for the stool.

"Nope. I know when you lie."

"How?"

She glanced at me, a light smile on her beautiful face.

"Mother's instinct." She winked.

I rolled my eyes but then spilled all the tea . Those girls and all the shit they spewed.

She shook her head.

"This generation is a bunch of savages. You listen to me," she pointed a spoon at me, " if I heard Mia Thompson got weak or let people bully her into submission then me working my ass off won't ever make any sense. What I'm trying to say is," she came towards me. . cupping my face gently. .a soft smile on her face ," you can be weak but not in front of hyenas. You show them what you're made of."

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