Chapter 38

Love in itself is powerful but to add guilt in the equation? Guilt that I made sure to remind him every day? Every time he'd see me try to get close to the product of his affair? And every time he'd see me fail because whenever I'd look at Atticus, all I remembered was his mother?

Gallego's mine.

"You're playing a game," Jack said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied. "Also, why aren't you married?"

"Oh, wow."

"What?"

"First time you asked me about my personal life," he said.

Umirap ako. "Why not? It's been a while."

I was in the bar, trying to decompress. It's been a long day, a long month, a long year. A lot has happened yet a lot still has to happen. Year after year, Archibald's name was on the news for all the great things he's done in the senate. But when he's outside senate, I made sure that he's seen with me in public. Everyone in the know knew that we're doing an early campaign—kasi sino ba naman ang magpapaka-pagod na maglibot sa Pilipinas dahil lang sa wala?

"Just haven't met anyone worth giving up my freedom for," he replied, shrugging.

"What? You'll marry for love?"

"That's the dream," he said. "What about you, Mrs. Nadia Gallego?" he called. It's been years since I changed my name. It still felt weird hearing that.

I finished my glass of whiskey. "What about me?"

"Why did you change your name?" he asked.

"Why not?"

"You love your name."

"It's still Nadia."

"Who is Nadia if not a de Marco?"

I gave him the kind of smile that I give the people I meet. It was warm, but not real.

"I will always be a de Marco," I replied before I left him because I needed to go home.

Atticus was waiting for me even when it was past his bedtime. Archibald has always been a doting father, but I felt like because I'd always been a bit distant, Atticus wanted my attention more.

"Mama!" he said upon seeing me.

"Why are you still awake?" I asked him.

Kaya nga ako dumiretso muna sa bar. I had a long day at work. I had no energy to play pretend with him.

"I was waiting for you..." he said.

"Why?" I asked.

The smile on his face fell. I heard footsteps approaching. I knelt down so I was eye to eye with Atticus.

"Go to sleep," I told him. "We'll play tomorrow."

Just another promise that I'll forget to fulfill.

Nang makatakbo si Atticus papunta sa kwarto niya, tumayo ako para humarap kay Archibald. We'd come a long way from where we began. Ever since that session, he'd been nothing but the perfect candidate. He always did his best at the senate and when he's being interviewed, he'd always mention my name and tell the people that it's a teamwork between us.

Sometimes... sometimes I wondered...

"Were you waiting for me?" I asked.

He nodded. "Nagdinner ka na ba?"

Umiling ako. "But I'm not hungry," I told him. "Have you had your dinner?" I asked him.

Umiling siya.

Ever since that night, Archibald would wait for me to have dinner. I never asked why. In my mind, it was his... his way of proving to me that he never goes elsewhere. That at the end of a long day at work, he goes home to me.

Sometimes, I don't go home when I wanted to escape.

I wondered if he doesn't eat dinner when I don't go home.

I never asked—it's something I want to always wonder about.

"I have a question," he said.

I told the chef to make him dinner. We were waiting for his food to be served. The least I could do was to wait with him.

"What?"

"Next year na 'yung election."

"What about it?"

Probably it was Abuela's dying wish, but Senator Velasquez and Mr. Sy agreed to support Gallego's bid for presidency. I already talked to them a year ago. They're the yes that I needed. The others would be a nice addition, but I didn't really need them.

I also visited all the provinces and cities and reminded that mayors and governors who helped them when they needed help. It's never free help. Payback time's coming soon.

I'd also already finished the lineup that I wanted. Maven, the ever idealist, wanted a certain 'qualification' for all his senatorial candidates. And Abby's all too in love to even question the methods to his insanity.

Me, on the other hand, didn't need that.

I needed name recall—to hell with their qualifications.

They can win first, study how to be a senator later.

"Nakausap ko si Maven."

"What nonsense did he say again?"

In the years that he was in Congress, he passed one bill—and that one bill was barely recognizable because it's been amendment beyond recognition. I mean, he proposes bill that he knew would have a hard time being passed. He's too idealistic for his own damn good. But I knew there and then that my dear cousin would run for the presidency.

He and I both knew that that's where the power is at.

"He asked me if I'll run for presidency."

"You said yes," I said because it's no secret.

Tumango siya. "He said he wants a clean campaign."

Natawa ako. These two idiots. Did they think that they're the ones pulling the strings?

"What do you mean with 'clean' campaign?" I asked, wanting clarifications.

Tumingin siya sa akin nang seryoso. "Please don't involve Atti," he said.

"I can't," I told him. "We need to campaign as a family."

"But Abby—"

"Abby knows the rules," I said, cutting him off.

"Rules?"

"That if he involves Atticus, I will involve Jeremiah and little Juliette."

I love my nephew and niece, don't get me wrong, but if Abby involves Atticus, I think it's fair that I involve her children as well. After all, isn't her motto an eye for an eye or something?

"Are you insane?" he asked, his eyes wide in surprise.

"A bit," I replied. "Any more concern?"

"Do you seriously think that Abby will care?"

"Yes," I said, "Because as deranged as she may be, she draws the line with her kids."

Jeremiah's too sensitive for this world—much like his dad.

Little Juliette... she's too young but what choice do I have? If push comes to shove?

"Are you planning to—"

Mabilis akong umiling. "Of course not," I told him. "I don't murder kids."

He looked like he's still unconvinced. I understood. When he was in the senate, I knew that he read the transcript of the senate hearing. It was televised, but much was still left from the public eye. So, I knew that his fear was warranted.

"Any more question?" he asked.

Umiling siya.

"Any secret you wanna share?"

Nagiwas siya ng tingin.

He looked all too relieved when the food finally arrived.

* * *

It was the anniversary of Abuela's death.

Perhaps the universe was playing a joke on her when all of a sudden, she died due to a heart attack. She was playing scrabble when she died. The press was told that she died peacefully in her sleep.

"Abby," I greeted.

"Nadia," she greeted back.

We were both in black. She's a little bit insane for wearing a short black veil over her head.

"Still running for the presidency?" I asked.

"Of course."

"All because Maven can't pass a bill?" I said, my tone dripping in sarcasm.

She gave me a tightlipped smile. "Anything my husband wants," she replied. She faced me. "I don't understand, Nadia."

God, why do I despise her so much?

"We were almost friends," she said.

"We were never friends," I replied with a smile.

"You were so nice to me before," she said. "Remember? When Gwen got drunk and you all brought me with you to the rest house? You were nice to me then."

I stared at her. "Was I?"

"You were."

"You've mistaken my indifference with kindness."

Abuela was right.

I had six years to study Abby and what I learned is that with her, family always comes first. Probably because she grew up in a fucked up system that she'll do anything to hold on to a semblance of normal family. She'd have a way better shot at a normal family had she fallen in love with a GDL or literally anyone but a de Marco.

"I'd always wanted the presidency," I told her.

"I understand," she replied. "That's why I said that if you just wait for a year, I will fully finance your campaign."

"I don't need your money."

"I have a lot," she said. "And you're family. I don't mind helping."

"That's probably what Lorenzo felt when you murdered him."

The 'innocent' smile on her face fell.

This was the real her.

The evil her.

The one who would shoot down a plane to get what she wanted.

"Do you enjoy where you are now, Nadia?" she asked in a tone that I'd never hear her use.

"What?"

"Do you enjoy being second-best because that's all you'll ever be as long as I'm breathing," she said.

She took a step closer.

She stared right into my eyes.

"Don't test my patience," she said before turning around and walking towards her family. I watched as she played the loving wife and the doting mother to her children.

I smiled to myself while no one's watching. I grabbed a candle and placed it in front of the tomb. Abuela's been right all along. 

**

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