Chapter 37

"I'll change my surname."

Archibald looked at me, confused.

"And I scheduled a session for us."

It was before 7AM.

I wasn't able to sleep the whole night. My mind kept on repeating what Abby told me—that she never really saw me as a competition. What a bitch.

She might be Maven's leash holder, but she'll never be family. She might consider us as family, but we will never see her as family. We're just collectively frightened because she's insane.

"What?" Archibald asked while he was sitting down on his bed. Nagiwas ako ng tingin. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I wanted to ask him where he gets the time to work out? I barely had time for yoga.

"Take a shower first," I told him. "We'll have breakfast in the garden."

I left Archibald confused. Pumunta ako sa kusina. I told the chef to prepare breakfast for us, but I told her that I'll be the one making the coffee. I knew how to make Archibald's coffee. For years, I was the one who did that.

Everything was perfect between us. I mean, it wasn't the fairytale kind of life, but it was perfect for us. He was happy. I was on the right track. Everything was well.

Until it wasn't.

But now, my mind's all cleared up.

I knew what I wanted.

And what I had to do to get what I wanted.

"Hindi ka papasok?" Archibald asked because I was not dressed for work. I was wearing one of my casual dress. If we were alone in this house, I'd be wearing my nightgown. It's a beautiful day.

Umiling ako. "No," I replied as he took his seat. "I was thinking that I'll be spending today with Atticus," I said. "Don't worry—I will not do anything to harm him," I quickly added before his mind went there. Not that I couldn't blame him. I wasn't nice to the kid. Oftentimes, I still refer to him as it. Hard habit to break.

"Is this for PR?" he asked.

"No."

"Then why?"

"Why not?" I asked back. "He's my son."

Hindi siya nagsalita.

"My name's on his birth certificate, Archibald," I told him.

"Not my son," he said. "I told you—I will do anything you want."

Bahagya akong natawa. "Why are you acting like I will sell your child for pennies?"

"Because I know you will if you have to."

Umirap ako sa kanya. "You're being overdramatic," I told him. "I just want to 'bond' with the baby. His nanny will stay with us. He'll be fine."

"Saan kayo pupunta?"

I shrugged. "I scheduled a playdate with the other kids," I said. He remained silent. "My cousins won't be mean to a literal child, Archibald. Calm down."

"Masisisi mo ba ako?"

"No."

"Why are you doing this, Nadia? Why now?"

I left his question hanging. I grabbed my cup and sipped my coffee. Tumingin ako sa kanya. I thought about it. Abby's right. The reason why she's able to do everything that she wanted to do was because Maven would let her and he'd do anything to support her.

Archibald and I are not like that.

We had the chance to be like that, but that ship has long sailed.

I just have to do what I have to do now because Abuela's right—I had always been a problem solver.

"I'm tired of this," I told him as I stared right into his eyes. "I'm tired of ignoring you at home and then acting like a happy wife when we're outside."

He didn't look like he believed me. I mean, he's been living with me for a long time now. He knew that I wouldn't just magically decide to flip the switch. He knew that there's an angle somewhere that I was playing.

"Don't you want what I want?" I asked him. "Don't you want to be like how we used to be?"

There was a fight in his eyes.

But it was a losing fight.

We both knew it—that despite everything that had happened, despite everything that he did, in his cruel and fucked up ways, he did love me.

"Okay," he said in resignation.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, we'll try again."

I gave him a small nod. "That's all I'm asking."

And in the silence, we finished our cups of coffee.

* * *

I wanted to bring Atticus to a class kung saan pwede siyang makipaglaro sa ibang bata. I did ask my cousins kung sino sa kanila ang pwede sa playdate ngayon, but they weren't all too enthusiastic about it. I digressed. Umuwi na lang kami. I was told that if I wanted to attend a class, I needed to participate, as well, since it's a mommy-baby kind of class.

I wasn't prepared for that—nor into that. What's important was that I did spend time with the child.

"Look at your father," I said, talking to the child who was sitting beside me.

We were watching news while he's making strange noises. Archibald's being interviewed. It's about a criminal case involving a member of the US army. Of course the US wants to get jurisdiction over their citizen. But it would look terribly bad for the Philippines to just give way. It was a very interesting case. I stayed up all night reading about all related materials and gave Archibald his notes. He did tell me that he's a lawyer and he's familiar with the law. I told him that sometimes, I forget that he's a lawyer.

"Pretty smart, huh?" I said to the baby.

Atticus and I watched the news until it was time for his afternoon nap. I left him with his nanny and went to my room to sleep. Who knew that spending time with a baby could be so tiring?

"How was today?" Archibald asked.

I asked the chef to prepare a dinner for us. He made Archibald's favorite dinner and I opened my favorite bottle of wine.

I shrugged. "Fine."

"Saan kayo pumunta?"

"You know where we went," I said. Natahimik siya. "Don't worry—I take no offense," I told him.

He may be the Senator, but I'm the boss of everyone who's working for him. I knew he asked them to inform him of our whereabouts. Not that I couldn't blame him, but I already gave him my word that I would do no harm to the child. Did he really think na bigla ko na lang ihuhulog sa building iyong anak niya? That would be quite the disaster... but then again, I can always use the excuse of postpartum depression.

Sometimes, it's nice being a woman.

"Akala ko pupunta kayo sa pinsan mo?" he asked to fill the silence.

"Baby steps," I replied, not wanting to elaborate because I knew that it would hurt his little feelings to know how unwanted his child was by my family.

He gave me a small nod. "Kailan iyong schedule nung session? Bukas ba?"

"No," I replied. "You can't skip any session."

"Wala namang important agenda bukas."

"Doesn't matter. You need to get that 'complete attendance.'"

"Really?"

"Really," I said. "People will applaud. The bar is literally on the floor."

Especially to those who don't really care? All they'd hear is that Archibald attends all session. For them, he's doing more than bare minimum. He'd be on their 'to vote again' list. Voters are simple.

So the next few days, it was just the normal routine. I was in the middle of finishing a bill. I wanted this to be close to perfection that the other members of the congress can do no amendment to it. Minsan kasi ay babaguhin nila to the point na nasa kanila na ang credit. I didn't want any of their names as co-authors.

"Good morning," bati sa amin ng therapist.

I wouldn't necessarily say that she's a good therapist, but she managed to convince Tito Maverick not to leave Beatrice. I mean, that's something.

"Good morning," I said, giving her a small nod.

She began asking us the surface level question and I gave her honest answer—honest to an extent. Archibald looked visibly uncomfortable. Maybe because we both knew that all these questions were just ramping up to the main topic.

"Why do you feel like you had to do that?" she asked Archibald.

I watched as he reached for the glass of water.

Tahimik kaming naghintay.

"I don't know," he said.

"You don't know why you did that or you do know, but you don't want to share the reason yet?" she continued to ask. I told her to just ask him question. This was a special session, after all.

I watched as he grew more and more uncomfortable.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him.

Napatingin siya sa akin. "I told you—I didn't plan on it."

"Even before that," I said. "I saw how she looked at you. You're not blind. You saw that, too. Yet you gave her the chance to get close."

I watched as the guilt swallowed him alive.

Good.

Guilt is good.

"I was drunk—"

"Enough with the lies," I said. "I heard about your college and law school years. You even participated in drinking contests. You cannot be that drunk."

I knew he was lying then. I just didn't care enough to confront him about it. And it didn't matter—drunk or not, he slept with someone else. What? Just because he's drunk, he's excused?

"I don't—"

"Enough with the lies," I repeated. "Just be honest."

"Because she made me feel like a man, okay?!" mabilis na sabi niya. He said it too quickly that even he was surprised with the honesty. I saw the look on his face. I saw how surprised he, himself, was.

"See? Honesty is easy," I said to his silence.

The therapist tried to end the session, but why end now? Why end now that I've finally pried him open? After all the lies and excuses he told himself? Now that all his insecurities finally out in the open?

"Can we not—"

Umiling ako. "Do you still feel that way?" I asked him.

"Do you seriously have to ask me that?"

"Yes."

"I'm your fucking puppet, Nadia. I do as you say. I don't have a mind of my own. So, you answer your question."

"Because you can't decide."

"I fucked up one time."

"You fucked up big time."

"One night."

"One night is enough."

"I never loved her."

"You touched her."

"Why do you care? You don't even love me."

"You don't know how I feel."

"Because you never tell me how you feel!"

"How can I? The one time I was honest, you accused me that I killed your child!"

I could hear my heart beating.

I could feel my heart racing.

"I can't be honest with you because you can't handle my feelings, Gallego," I told him as I stared right into his eyes. "I can't entrust you with my feelings. You never showed me that I can trust you."

"Nadia—"

I shook my head. "You know about my family. You know about my father. You know about my issue with infidelity. I know I told you that you can, but you told me you love me. How can you cheat on me when you told me you love me? How can you cheat on me with that one person I told you not to cheat on me with?"

I had to say it.

I had to be vulnerable in front of him.

"So, do tell me. How is it my fault? How is it my fault that you're not a man?"

My chest was tightening as I said the words.

I felt tears forming in my eyes.

I watched him as he watched a tear fall.

"I'm sorry, Nadia... I'm sorry..." he kept on repeating and I knew there and then, like Maven is to Abby, I got him completely wrapped up around my fingers. 

**

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