Chapter 35

"You can go," I told Tanya. She looked at me hesitantly. I motioned for her to leave. She gave me an awkward smile before she finally left the office.

I was always the last one in the office. I just wanted to make sure that everything's in order. Besides, it wasn't as if I was excited to go home. Pagdating ko sa bahay, as much as I wanted to pretend that the baby didn't exist, I could just feel him... existing.

So, the next best thing was for me to stay in the office. I was well-aware that there were gossip about me and Archibald being on the verge of separation since I was always at the office. But whatever gossip was quashed because as soon as daytime hit, Archibald and I were back to our usual grind—pretending to be a happy, little family.

At around 11PM, I finally decided to call it a day. I was very productive today. I finally decided on which agendas to push in the senate. It wasn't a mere decision of yes or no—for every vote, there's a ripple effect. Also, it's politics. It's never just about the common good. There's always an angle there somewhere.

"Did you put a tracker on me?" I asked when I saw Jack approaching me. He was wearing his usual grin.

Humalakhak siya. "If only I could, but your security's hard to bypass." Kumunot ang noo ko sa kanya. "I was kidding," he said. "Knowing where you are 24/7 is boring."

I didn't even invite him, but he took the empty seat next to me. I was in some bar. I just wanted a nightcap. Wala namang umaabala sa akin sa bahay, pero hindi ako makapagpahinga nang maayos doon. I always needed a drink or two—sometimes none, but that's when I was extremely tired.

"Have you seen the surveys?" he asked.

"Of course," I replied.

"Nice work."

"Thank you," I said.

I was quite proud of my work. Archibald's performing very well. His trust rating is very high. He votes yes to the agendas I told him to vote yes to. He follows the talking points I give him when there's an 'ambush' interview. He's basically doing everything I asked of him—granted that I leave him and his little spawn alone.

"Nice touch on the family picture."

"Are you just here to admire me?" I asked and he laughed again. I might have to start charging him because it seemed like he's making me his own personal entertainment.

"Sure..." he replied. "But also, I'm very curious about something."

"Can't you just google it?"

"Why don't you just run yourself?" bigla niyang tanong.

"What?"

He turned from his seat so he was facing me. His right arm resting on the bar and his fist against his cheek. "I mean... you're doing everything. He's literally just a mouthpiece."

I pressed my lips. "That's the question that's been bogging your little mind?"

Muli siyang humalakhak. I was starting to think that he might have a kink—he liked it a little too much whenever I'd insult him.

"Yes," he replied. "So, satiate my curiosity, Nadia de Marco."

I rolled my eyes. He ordered me another drink. Good.

"Don't you think I didn't consider that?"

"Did you?"

"Yes."

"And why did you decide against it?" he asked.

I took a sip of my drink. Of course I've thought about that. Growing up, I'd always wondered why it was Abuelo who was the president and not Abuela. We all knew that it was Abuela who made the final decision. Abuelo's just... he's just there.

I asked Abuela about it when I was 7 years old—she told me that I was still too young to understand. She said that I'd understand when I was older.

I asked again when I was 10 years old—still too young.

I began to understand when I was in high school.

I had always liked telling people what to do, so I planned on running for the presidency. I mean, I'd always admired my Abuela. I just wanted to know how being the president felt like. So, I told my teacher that I'd be running. She looked at me like I was speaking in gibberish.

I didn't remember the exact words she said... but I remembered the feeling.

I remembered how she talked to me like I was less than my male classmates.

I remembered being told that I could not run for presidency.

All because I'm a woman.

Since then, I began to notice the little transgressions.

The casual misogyny here and there.

On my 16th birthday, Abuela asked me why I hadn't asked again.

I looked at her.

And she gave me a small pat on the shoulder.

"The real power stays in the shadow," I told Jack what my Abuela told me.

"Or is it just because you're scared?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Scared of what?"

"Failure," he said. "Are you scared that if you run, people won't vote for you?" he continued. "Is the Nadia de Marco scared?"

I stared at him. This was the reason why I never really considered him. He's got wings of his own—I wanted someone whose wings I could easily clip.

"I'm not scared," I told him. "I am calculated."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So, why not run if you're so calculated?"

"Because I'll just be wasting my breath," I told him.

"Really?" he asked, sounding like he wasn't ready to give up this conversation. "Because for as long as I'd known you, you'd always get what you want. I'm just having a hard time understanding why can't you run yourself? You basically did it all for him anyway."

I arched my brow at him. "You sound jealous of him."

Jack didn't break the gaze. "Don't flirt with me, Nadia—I might just fall in love."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Philippines does not want a female president."

"It's the 21st century."

"Doesn't matter," I said. "Look at the Philippine history—the only two female president became female president because of extraordinary circumstances."

One had to have a whole revolution.

The other one was a mastermind—arguably the most cunning president ever.

"That's it?" he asked. "You are Nadia de Marco. It's not like you're just some random person who decided to run. You have the political history."

"Clinton," I told him.

"What?"

"Hilary basically lost to a lunatic," I said. Imagine being so hated that people will literally vote for a lunatic instead of you.

"You oversimplify it," he replied. "She lost because of Benghazi."

"It's politics, Jack," I told him. "Decisions are made every single day, yet you don't see people crucifying the males who made the same or worse decisions."

He remained silent.

"The world hates females," I said. "I've accepted it. I have no interest in changing the system. I'm working around it."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "That's it?"

"That's it," I told him. "I'm sorry to disappoint you—I have no desire to change the world. The system benefits me perfectly fine. Let the future generation of women fight to change the system, but it's not going to be me."

He continued to stare at me.

I began to ignore him and focus my attention on my drink.

"You fascinate and frighten me, de Marco," he said.

"You're welcome," I replied before I left him to settle the bill.

Dumiretso na ako sa bahay. Pagdating ko roon, nadaanan ko iyong nursery. The door was slightly open again—why was this door never fully closed?

"What?" I asked nang magtagpo iyong tingin namin ni Archibald. He was carrying the baby. It was almost 1AM. Ang tagal pala naming nagusap ni Jack.

"Ngayon ka lang natapos?" he asked in a low tone.

"Yes," I replied. I didn't bother to tell him about Jack. That's none of his business.

"Oh," he said. "Nabasa ko na 'yung notes mo sa divorce. May dinadagdag lang ako. Sinend ko sa email mo."

"Okay.

"Pasabi na lang kung pwede kong iadd sa agenda bukas."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

I stayed there for an uncomfortable amount of time—at least for me, because I was almost running away from the baby—that Archibald had to ask me kung may kailangan ba ako sa kanya.

"Nothing," I said.

"Work and Atticus," he told me.

"What?"

"I just go to work and then go home to see Atticus," sabi niya sa akin. "Wala akong ibang ginagawa."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Okay."

"I know I fucked up—"

"I don't want to discuss this again, Archibald," I told him.

And then I stood there.

Looking at him while he was holding the baby.

This could've been different.

He could've been holding our baby.

This could've been our family.

He really did fuck up.

"Good night," I told him before he could say anything that we already knew.

"Nadia," he called bago ako makalayo.

I stopped on my tracks.

"Can't I really do anything for you to forgive me?" he asked.

I looked at him.

And I shook my head.

"I told you that you can have anyone but her... and then you had to have her," I said, staring straight into his eyes. "And I will never forgive you for that, Gallego."

I began to walk away.

And then turn to look at him again.

"The presidency," I told him. "Give me the presidency and I'll forgive you."

He looked me in the eye and something told me that he would give me exactly what I asked for.  

**

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