Chapter 30

There are things I say, but I knew I never really could do.

Because despite my best intentions, sadly, I'm still human.

And to be human is to have a heart.

A heart that I cannot just turn off on a whim.

'This is a bad idea,' I told myself as I was on the way. It was barely 8AM and my day was already about to be ruined.

Kerry sent me an email last night.

I didn't want to open it, but I figured might as well rip the band aid off. I clicked on the notification and finished a glass of wine while waiting for the attachment to load.

The moment I saw the result, I stood up and left. I left my phone—for the first time in my life, I left my phone. I just needed to be alone. I just needed to think. I just needed to decide because whatever decision I choose to make would define me for the rest of my life.

Nobody else would know.

But I would know.

And that's more frightening.

And now it's morning again.

Panibagong araw na masisira.

I had someone pick her up. I didn't want to go to her place. Ayoko na may makakita sa akin sa lugar niya. Besides, why would I go to her? Sino ba siya?

I was ushered to a private room. Pagpasok ko roon, agad ko siyang nakita. She was sporting that sad look on her face again. Wala ba siyang ibang alam gawin kung hindi ang malungkot? I still could not wrap my head around the idea that this was the woman my husband chose to impregnate.

"I will be quick," I said after I took my seat.

Tumingin siya sa akin. There was a mixture of fear and hope in her eyes. But she looked scared. She should be. I could very well ruin her life. She could choose any woman's husband but she dared to choose mine?

"I got the result of test," I continued. I saw how her hands trembled a little. I relished on the look of fear in her eyes. "Surprisingly, you weren't lying."

I watched every little movement on her face.

I was betting on a lot by even going to this place. I could have her gone. I could have her disappeared. No one would look for her because I was right—she had no family. No one really loves her. Niloloko niya lang ang sarili niya kung iniisip siya na mahal siya ni Archibald. Because if he did love her, he would not put her in this position—cowering in fear, alone, right in front of me.

"If I were to be completely honest, my first instinct was to get rid of that child," I said. There was fear in her eyes, but no surprise. Good. At least she knew what I was capable of doing. "But I changed my mine."

She breathed in relief.

Magpasalamat siya kay Addie.

I was already aware of everything that she said... I just needed reminding. Because she's right. I never would be able to live with myself if I killed an innocent child—a product of my husband's shitty decision, yes, but still an innocent child.

And I hated the very fact that he was the one who made a mess, but I was the one who would suffer the consequences of his decision. Because if I did that, it would be on my conscience. Because the blood would be on my own hands. Because it would be my own doing. Kahit siya naman ang nagsimula.

God, I hated how I could not just turn my conscience off.

"So, here's my offer."

"Kahit ano po, ma'am, basta..." she said as she took a deep breath like I just kicked her to death. God, why did she always act like this? Is this a new personality trait? "Basta iyong baby ko po..."

I, myself, needed to take a deep breath.

This girl was insufferable.

"I'll let the baby live," I said. I saw that she was about to spout her nonsense again. "Let me finish," I continued because we would be here for the entire day if she keeps on interrupting me with her nonsense. "You'll sign an NDA. You'll give the baby up after you give birth."

Umawang ang labi niya. "Give...up?"

Has she always been this slow?

I nodded. "I will take that baby and raise it," I said. Now that I think about it, I should probably stop addressing the baby as it.

"Ano po?"

"I will start wearing a faking belly. Then I'll have a simulated birth when you give birth. I'll be taking the baby and I'll be signing the birth certificate," I told her. "Now, do you have any questions?" I asked because now's the time to ask questions—hindi nung nagsasalita pa ako.

I saw how she had a million questions, but she could not voice any of them. She probably didn't see this coming. She thought I was dead set on having her abort—or if I were being honest, she probably feared for her life, too. She knew that I could easily have her killed and she's right. I just couldn't—but she didn't have to know that.

Why would I divulge my weakness? For all she knew, I had no soul and I could do anything without batting an eye.

"Fine, no questions," I said when I was met with silence from her end. "But to clarify some things, no, I won't actively hate the baby. I will try my best to be a good mother. That child will go to the best schools, have everything it could ever want. I can't say the same for Archibald—I have no idea if he could be a good father. But from my end, I will not hate on that child. I will be... impartial."

I probably would not love the kid because it will always remind me of my husband's infidelity... but I will not hate it.

I'd be nice.

And distant.

But it will have everything it will ever need and want.

And that's more than what most people want.

"Now, for your part," I said because she really looked stupefied. "You'll keep your mouth shut. No talking about this with anyone—do not even think about writing it in your diary," I continued. "I know I'll make you sign and NDA, but I promise you, that if you make so much as a squeak, I will send your kid to another country and make sure that you never see it again. I will be so distant with that child that it will start to wonder what was so wrong with him that his own mother didn't love him."

I looked straight into her eyes so that she'd know that although I could not kill a child, I was not above making a child feel worthless.

"Alam ba 'to ni Archie?"

I forced a smile on my face. "Stop calling him Archie. People might wonder," I finally said. "You're a human incubator at best. Act like it," I continued. "No, he doesn't know. I want to talk to you first before I discuss it with him."

"Hindi siya papayag."

"You think so?"

"Gusto mo na ibigay ko na lang iyong anak namin—"

"Rosie, you're pregnant, he knows you're pregnant, and yet, he still does not talk to you," I said, cutting her off. "Surely, you can't be that dumb to realize where you stand on his life."

I hit a nerve again.

But this needed to be done.

She's still living in that delusion that her and my husband can live their happily ever after. She needed to be pulled back to reality. She needed to be reminded that in the reality where she lives, she's an orphan who stole someone's husband. And she deserves every bit of what I was giving her and more.

"That's my offer," I said.

I let her sit in silence.

I ordered myself a cup of coffee para naman magkaroon ng maganda sa umaga ko. I quietly waited as she died slowly right in front of me. I wanted to feel bad for her, but I couldn't. She brought this to herself. Why would I infantilize this adult who made an adult decision?

Be accountable like everybody else.

"Gusto ko munang makausap si Archie," she said.

"Mr. Gallego," I corrected her. "Stop living in delusion, Rosie. He does not love you—heck, he does not even respect you."

Her face fell as I reached for my coffee and took a sip.

I must be sick in the head because I enjoyed kicking this woman while she's down.

That's what she deserved for thinking she could just get what's mine.

"If you want to talk to him, contact him yourself. I will not act as a mediator between my husband and his mistress," I told her. "But I need to know your decision now."

Hindi siya nagsalita.

I waited until I finished my coffee.

At least there's one good thing this morning.

"Ganon lang 'yon? Kukunin mo na lang iyong baby ko na parang laruan?"

"Yes."

"Wala kang puso."

"Nothing new. Heard that before."

I stood up and got my bag. Tumingin ako sa kanya. "I have to go and do some fitting," I said because I needed to get some moon bumps and some maternity clothes. "I'll have someone contact you for the new NDA."

Tumingin ako sa kanya.

"Now that everything's clear, I hope to never see you again," I said as I stood up because now, I have to discuss things with some people because it never hurts to have contingency.

"Sandali lang," she said before I could open the door.

"What?"

"Isang bagay lang," she said. I stood there and waited for whatever nonsense she wanted to say. "Gagawin ko lahat ng gusto mo... pero gusto kong kasama ko siya sa pagbubuntis ko."

More nonsense from her.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"Gusto ko siyang kasama sa mga checkup, sa baby class... sa pagbubuntis ko."

"What part of 'no one will know about this' can't you understand?" I asked.

She tilted her chin up. "Iyon lang ang gusto ko."

I stared at her.

What game was she playing again?

"Fine," I said because I got what I wanted and did not want to deal with her any longer. "Have it your way. But if you're doing this because you think he'll just fall for you while you two are hearing the heartbeat of your child, let me save you the trouble—he'll never fall in love for someone he doesn't even respect."

I looked straight into her eyes so that she knew I meant every word.

"You are pathetic, Rosie."

**

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