Chapter 22

I had never hated silence.

Growing up, I had always enjoyed silence—my little moments of solitude. I was always around people. People were always around me. Kaya naman kapag nagkakaroon ako ng pagkakataon na magkaroon ng katahimikan, I always try to maximize it. Ang hirap din na palaging may mga mata na nakatingin sa 'yo.

But this?

This was hell.

Archie and I ate breakfast together, but at this point, I'd rather that we didn't eat together. I hated having him in front of me and him not saying anything.

And I wanted to say something, anything, but pride's all I got left. I refuse to beg. This was what he wanted. He asked for this, so even if it's killing me to be like this, I would never waive the white flag.

He got his things and then he started to walk outside, pero bigla siyang huminto. He turned and then looked at me. I stared back at him. I would not start the conversation.

"What?" he asked.

"What?" I asked back.

"Let's go," he replied.

"You can go," I said.

I saw him slightly rolling his eyes. "It's been a week," he said. "People are talking."

"Let them talk," I replied.

"You're fucking weird," he told me.

I reached for my cup of coffee. "It's barely 8AM," I said. "Don't start with me now."

Nakatingin siya sa akin. "You're the one who kept on putting politics before marriage. And now what? You suddenly just don't care if people think that we're having problems?" tanong niya habang nakakunot ang noo.

I looked back at him.

Right.

Ayoko lang pumunta sa munisipyo dahil hanggang ngayon ay pinaguusapan pa rin nila iyong pagpunta ko sa hospital. A lot of rumors about that one, but nothing was ever confirmed. Even my family's asking about it, but I shut down any form of communication. Pretty sure they know about it already. I just didn't have the energy to talk about it nor did I want to talk about it.

"I thought we're not talking about our marriage anymore?" sabi ko sa kanya. "Besides, I won't go to the office. I have a meeting with some of the donors," I told him. "I'll have Cheryl contact your secretary," dugtong ko dahil ayokong sabihin iyong pangalan ng babaeng 'yon.

He gave me a small nod. "Right."

"If the meeting goes well, we can start preparing for the filing," I told him.

It was still a bit awkward to talk to him. I was not a fan of this, but he's right. I needed to straighten up my priorities. Besides, I was the one who told him that if things do not work between us, he's free to pursue a separate life of his own.

But God...

Not Rosie.

Literally anyone but her.

"File for what?"

"That'll depend on the support we'll get," I said. "I'll finalize the details first and then I'll keep you updated."

"Okay," he said. "Is that all?" he asked.

"What?"

"Sa meeting ka lang ba pupunta?"

"Meetings," I corrected him. "I have a lot of people I need to talk to," I continued.

I had been staying inside for the past few days—doctor's advice. I wanted to argue that staying at home's more stressful for me dahil nakikita ko si Archie. But not seeing him is stressful, too, dahil alam ko na kasama niya iyong babaeng 'yon.

"Hindi ka ba pupunta sa ospital?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"But everything's fine?" he asked. "With you?" he continued.

My lips parted a bit.

Why was I pleasantly surprised by this?

This... last minute concern coming from him?

Ilang araw na akong nandito, pero hindi niya ako kinakausap. And when he talked to me before, all he cared about was the baby. Never once did he ask about me—kung okay lang ba ako?

And now this.

God, it's pathetic how that little question of his made my heart skip a beat.

Maybe it's arrythmia.

It better be an arrythmia.

Muli siyang marahan na tumango. Lumabas na rin siya. When I finally heard the door closing was when I was finally able to breathe.

* * *

"Oh, come on," Jack said when I turned down his offer for a night cap. He's my last meeting for today. Pagod na ako. Gusto ko nang umuwi at magpahinga kahit na hindi ko alam kung pahinga ba talaga ang makukuha ko paguwi ko. The only consolation probably would be meeting being so tired that I'd get knocked out once I get to the bed.

"This is a business meeting," I told him.

"Sure, but we can have drinks," he replied. "We're friends, too."

I looked at him dead in the eye. "I know what you're doing," I said. "And my answer has always been no."

Jack had always, always expressed his interest, but I had always been vocal that I do not see him that way. I'd understand his obsession if I flirted with him at least once in my life, but no. I had never. But as it seemed, it just got him more interested. He seemed to have taken it as a challenge—even went to my place the day before my wedding and asked me to run away with him. I shut the door at his face. What was he thinking?

Guys and their logic.

"Even now?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Come on," he replied. "I know there's trouble in paradise."

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"I know you're having problems with your husband," he told me and tried to reach for my hand before I quickly yanked it away bago pa man niya ako mahawakan. I saw him chuckle. If I didn't find him so repulsive, I would have slept with him already for him to get over it. He just wanted me because he could never have me.

"Your business not keeping you busy enough that you now listen to gossip?" I asked with an arched brow.

"I hear no denial," he replied. Hindi ako nagsalita. Why would I even bother? He already knows it. I'd just look like a clown if I try to lie about this. Besides, so what? Half the people we know are strategically married.

"You're out of his league, Nadia," he said. "Aren't you already bored?"

I looked at him and gave him a polite smile. "I did not go here to discuss my private life," I said. "But I appreciate your donation to my husband's campaign."

Tumayo ako. I heard him chuckle.

"And here I thought you're cunning," he said that made me halt.

"What?" I asked.

"I mean... your husband's having fun himself," he replied. "I thought you'd want yours, too."

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. I was not an idiot. I knew what he was talking about. I didn't want to give away any reaction, but for a split second, he caught me off guard.

"You're pathetic," I told him before I walked away.

Habang papauwi ako ay paulit-ulit kong naririnig sa isip ko iyong sinabi ni Jack. Archie's having fun? It hadn't even been long since I lost his child! He's already found someone else?

I briefly closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

So, what?

He did tell me that that's what he intended to do. I did tell him way before that he could do that and that my only rule is to do it discreetly and to never get anyone pregnant.

I'd probably fucking lose it if he gets that girl pregnant.

"I'll go to the office instead," I told the driver.

It was already 7PM, but I had a nagging feeling na nandito si Archie. I just had to see it myself. He did not exactly tell me that he'll start looking, but what for? Iyon naman ang napagusapan namin dati. Would I be okay if he did that with someone other than that girl? I did not know. My hormone's probably still messed up from everything that happened the past few weeks.

Pagdating ko sa munisipyo ay binati ako nung mga guards. I greeted them back. Guards and utilities na lang ang nandito sa ground floor. Agad akong dumiretso sa itaas kung nasaan iyong opisina ni Archie.

I walked towards his office.

And then I stopped.

If I see something... what would I even do? It's not like we're still together. We're still married, but as far as we're concerned, we're already separated. He's free to do as he pleases.

Huminga ako nang malalim at mas pinili ko na kumatok. I knocked three times and then waited. I did not know the situation inside. For all I know, they're naked and needed time to get dressed.

At this time, I was just choosing peace.

I could handle seeing Archie with anyone, but the thought of him with that girl? I'd see red. And I did not need any more gossip circling us. Not now. Not now that election's coming up again.

And then the door opened.

Kitang-kita ko iyong paglaho ng ngiti sa mukha niya nang makita niya ako. I told myself to get together and not show her any reaction. Her mere existence was enough to annoy me, but I would not give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has that kind of effect on me.

"We have a party to attend this Friday," I told him while he was looking at me. Nandoon siya sa swivel chair. His laptop was on the side. There were takeout food on the table. They're having a little picnic. How cute.

"Okay?" he replied habang bahagyang nakakunot ang noo niya. "You could've texted me."

I chose to ignore that. Tumingin ako kay Rosie. "Can you give me a moment with my husband?" I asked.

Bahagyang umawang ang labi niya. "O-okay po..."

She was about to open the door again nang magsalita ako. "Take your dinner with you, too," I said, looking at the food on Archie's desk. Kita ko iyong gulat sa mukha niya. I stood there and watch as she did as she was asked. Good. At least alam niya pa rin kung saan ang lugar niya.

Nang sumara ang pinto, humarap ako kay Archie. He did not even bother to hide the disapproval on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I stared at him long and hard before I decided to tell him what's on my mind. "I have a request," I said. He didn't say anything. He just kept on looking at me while I felt like I was losing every inch of dignity I had in my body just by asking him of this. "You can have anyone... Just please... please not her."

I felt the relief.

And the disgust.

Why was I letting myself feel this way because of her? She's nobody. Why was I giving her all this power? Why was I giving her so much credit?

"Anyone," I said when he said nothing. "Literally, anyone, Archie."

He just kept on looking.

And I felt like losing.

"Can you promise me that?"

But this time, he managed to find his voice.

"No," he said.

I heard a sound breaking.

It felt like it was coming from inside me.

"Is there something going on?" I asked.

"Nothing," he replied, "But if there is something, as we agreed before, I will be very discreet about it," he continued before he politely asked me to leave his office. 

**

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