Chapter 21

"I talked to your security—"

"Ever heard of the word privacy?" mabilis kong pagputol sa sasabihin ni Mama.

I'd been at the hospital for a few days now. Although I knew that my doctor shouldn't be disclosing my condition to anyone but me, I knew that my family had ways to get what they want.

"I cannot believe that husband of yours," she said while shaking her head. "Didn't even bother to show his face here."

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

It had been nearly a week and I hadn't heard anything from Archie. I tried texting him once. I got response. That was the response. I refused to message him again. We'd talk once I get home. He couldn't avoid me forever if that was his plan.

"Are you okay?"

"I am," I replied.

"Nadia—"

"I'm okay," I said once again.

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. I didn't want to explain myself nor my marriage. It's my business.

"Are you sure—"

"I am," I said, cutting her off. "I never asked you questions about your marriage. I would appreciate the same from you."

I saw the surprise and disappointment on her face. She pursed her lips and her jaw clenched a bit. Umayos siya ng tayo at inabot iyong bag niya na nasa upuan.

"You really are a de Marco," she told me.

Hindi ako nagsalita. I did not want to argue with her. I never liked arguing with my parents. It's exhausting and not productive at all, but she would not leave me alone. She kept on asking kung nasaan si Archie. Obviously, he's not here. And since he's not here, obviously, we're having problems. I didn't understand her desire to keep on asking me. If I wanted to discuss it, I would do it. The fact that I repeatedly dodged her question should be answer enough.

Nang makaalis siya ay saka ako umalis. Thankfully, there's a private exit for VIP. Doon ako dumaan. I didn't need media taking photos of me. This was not the image I wanted to be seen by the public—not now that we're running for senate. Now's not the time to look like we're not on good terms. Now's the time to have a united front.

When I got home, I immediately felt Archie's presence. I just knew that he wasn't here because if he's here, I feel it. I'd hear him constant pacing back and forth. I'd hear him trying to cook in the kitchen. I'd hear him surfing the channels to find something interesting to watch.

He's just everywhere when he's at home.

And now, this place felt so empty.

All because that girl decided she wanted someone who's already married.

I stayed in. I didn't want to go to work. The last thing I needed would be a public argument with Archie. I had no energy for that. The way he's been avoiding me, I knew that this was an argument waiting to happen.

It was already 11PM nang makarinig ako ng pagbukas ng pinto. The whole place was quiet that I probably hear even the drop of a needle.

Agad akong tumayo.

"Did you have dinner already?" I asked, not wanting to start an argument. He's obviously mad at me. We'd discuss that. We didn't need to argue to communicate.

"Yes," he replied shortly.

"I haven't yet," I said. "Will you eat with me?"

Tumingin siya sa akin.

I knew he was mad at me, but the way he looked at me told me that I underestimated just how mad he was. He looked at me like I... like I betrayed him. His chest was slightly heaving. I saw how his hand turned into a fist. He was looking at me with such hatred. And disgust.

Hindi siya nagsalita.

I drew a deep breath and let it out.

"Why are you mad at me?" I asked.

Hindi siya agad nakasagot. I watched as he clenched his jaw as if he was still trying to restrain himself. He looked so mad at me. Would he lay his hand on me? I watched as his chest heaved in anger.

"You killed our child," he said as if he was in pain as he said those words. His face was full of pain and betrayal and anger. I knew that all those were directed to me.

"I didn't ask for it."

"You didn't ask for it? You got an abortion!"

My jaw clenched. So, that's what she told him. Who did she think she was para sabihin kay Archie iyon? That was my business to discuss with my husband. She had no right to tell him that. I didn't give a damn what her reasons were.

"I didn't get an abortion," I said as slowly as I could so that he'd hear the words.

"Stop fucking lying to me, Nadia. I'm sick of the lies," mabilis na sabi niya at saka ako tinalikuran at naglakad papunta sa kwarto. I quicky followed him. I didn't want to prolong this fight. It was useless. He was mad at me for the wrong thing. I didn't get an abortion. I miscarried because of the stress. I was told that this was a possibility during the first trimester. I did not abort the baby.

"I'm not lying," I said as I followed him to our room.

Hindi siya nagsalita.

"Archie, let's talk."

"Not when all I'll get from you are lies."

"I already told you that I did not get an abortion."

"You had the fucking gall to kill an innocent child yet you can't own up to it?!"

Tumingin ako sa kanya at huminga nang malalim.

"I said I did not," I told him. "And if you bothered to visit me in the hospital, you would've known."

He scoffed. "What for? So the doctors can lie to me?"

"Why would they lie to you, Archie—"

"Stop with the nickname!"

Hindi ako nagsalita.

"God, stop with the lies, Nadia! Hindi ka ba napapagod?"

"No, because I never lied to you," I said. "That's the reason why I married you—because I know that I would never have to lie to you. Because whatever it is, I know that you can take it."

He didn't say a word.

He stood there.

But I knew him.

I knew him enough that my words were getting into him.

He loves me—at least that I know for real. Because he wouldn't be this mad at me kung hindi niya ako mahal.

"If you visited me, you'd know that I miscarried because of stress," I calmly said. "I did not get an abortion."

He looked at me. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "That you were pregnant? You knew that I wanted to know. Bakit hindi mo sinabi? Bakit hindi ko alam?"

I stared back at him. "I don't know," I said.

"Because you were thinking about terminating, right? That's what you're thinking?"

"Is that what that girl told you?" I asked.

"Sinong babae?" he asked back, playing dumb.

"Rosie," I said, not wanting to play this game with him. "She's the reason why you're being like this, right? Why I'd been in the hospital and you never once visited me. Because of the things she's feeding in your head."

Marahas siyang umiling. "No."

"She's the one who lied to you that I got an abortion."

"Why would she lie?"

"Come on, Archie. Don't play dumb with me. We both know that she has feelings for you."

Hindi siya nakasagot.

"Of course she'll do anything to get you away from me," I continued.

Muli siyang umiling. "She can't do that."

"Of course she can. And she already did. I was in the hospital for a week and you never once visited me," I said slowly para marinig niya kung ano ang ginawa niya. Because we both knew that if not for her, he would never once leave my side. He would not think that I intentionally killed our baby. That thought would not have entered his mind.

"You're lying," he said.

"So, you're choosing to believe her words over mine? Me? Your wife?"

He didn't say a word.

We were just staring into each other's eyes.

Suddenly, I was aware with every little movement, every faint sound.

It was just him and me.

"Would you have aborted?" he asked after the silence that felt like forever.

I stared at his eyes. "No," I lied because it was necessary. We had been this far. Hindi ko hahayaan na ang babae na iyon lang ang sisira sa mga ginawa namin.

Pagak siyang natawa. "Lying is really just second nature to you at this point, huh?" sabi niya habang naiiling.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he began walking.

"Out."

"Archie—"

"No," he said. "I can't do this shit with you anymore, Nadia. I can't always live like this. You always lie to me. It's driving me insane!"

"I already told you—"

"See? The thing is, I can't believe you anymore. Kahit ano ang sabihin mo, kasinungalingan na lang siya para sa akin. I don't trust you. You're just a big fucking liar in my eyes."

My lips parted.

"All this? Because of her?"

Mabilis siyang umiling. "All this because of you," he replied. "Remember what you told me before? That we'll give it a year and if things don't work out, I'm free to do whatever the fuck I want? Well, it's been more than a year."

I pressed my lips together.

I held my head up high.

I am a de Marco.

I would never beg—not for anything especially for a man.

"Okay," I said as I drew a deep breath.

"Okay," he said.

"If that's what you want."

Umiling siya. "This is not what I want," he replied. "This is what you forced me to do."

I felt my jaw clenching. "Okay," I said. I didn't want to argue. There's no point.

Nakatingin siya sa akin. "All I wanted was to love you... but all you do is fucking lie and manipulate..." he said before he walked out once again and left me alone once more.  

**

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