Chapter 18

This was definitely not the day to get sick.

There's a program this afternoon that I needed to attend with Archie tapos ay may business dinner pa kaming kailangang puntahan sa gabi. Not to mention the other appointments that I needed to go to this morning.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" Cheryl asked.

"Just a bottle of water," I quickly replied.

Sumandal ako sa couch at bahagyang pinikit ang mga mata ko. I could still go to those appointments. Hindi naman masyadong mahalaga iyon, but I still wanted to go. I try not to cancel appointments as much as possible because for me, it's a sign of disrespect. Also, I don't agree to just meet with everyone. There's almost always something there for me, so it's better if I attend.

Also, I would not like it if it's done to me, too. Importante ang oras ko.

"Thank you," I said nang iabot niya sa akin iyong tubig.

I just ignored as Cheryl watched me like I grew three heads. Nang makatayo ako ay ganoon pa rin ang tingin niya sa akin.

"What?" I asked, a bit irritated.

Mabilis siyang umiling. "Nothing," she replied.

I resisted the urge to rolled my eyes at her. "What's our first agenda?" I asked.

That morning, we attended three different meetings. It was fruitful. I mean, I wasn't expecting any quick result. I was more of establishing connections. In this world, it's all about connections. Kaya nga kahit mas gusto kong nasa condo lang ako, I still attend events—especially those attended by the right people. Even in college, I go to parties not for the sake of having fun, but for the sake of meeting people... and also, hearing some things that I know I can use in the future.

A little leverage never hurts anyone.

Nang matapos kami sa mga meeting namin ay dumiretso na kami sa office ni Archie. He said he wanted to see me first bago kami dumiretso sa auditorium. May awarding kasi sa mga bagong pasa ng board exams. It was a tradition here in the municipality. It was nice. I also suggested that the top 10 graduates of all batches be given monetary compensation. The parents did love that. Archie gets a high approval rating. It's a win-win for everyone.

"Hey," Archie said nang makita niya ako.

"Hi," I replied.

"Productive morning?"

I nodded. "I suppose so," I said.

"Paparating na 'yung lunch," he told me. "Kain muna tayo bago 'yung program dahil medyo matagal 'yon."

I was feeling tired from being all over town kaya naman naupo muna ako. Sandali kong isinandal iyong ulo ko. I just wanted to rest my eyes for a while dahil gusto kong magbasa ng article, but after some time, I felt someone gently nudging me.

"Love..." I heard someone say.

Idinilat ko ang mga mata ko. "I fell asleep," I stated.

Bahagyang natawa si Archie. "Yeah, you did. Ilang meeting ba ang pinuntahan niyo?"

"Three," I replied as I straightened out my back. I wanted to yawn and to stretch my arms but I saw Rosie sitting on the couch by the far right. I didn't want to be too comfortable in front of her.

He slightly nodded. I agreed that it wasn't a lot of meeting. I normally go to five meetings. I was just tired because we've been having a lot of sex—

Shit.

Agad na napatingin sa akin si Archie habang bahagyang nakakunot ang noo. He was watching the expression on my face. I felt how the beating of my heart quickened its pace, how my breathing started to deepen.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

I needed to act normal.

Maybe I was just tired.

I was just in my head.

Or maybe I was just scared.

God, I needed to vomit.

"Okay ka lang ba?" he asked.

"Yes," I said as normal as I could possibly do. I forced a smile on my face, but I shouldn't have because now, he's looking at me weirdly. "Just a bit tired," I continued. "One of the meetings took longer than expected."

Dahan-dahan siyang tumango pero alam ko na hindi siya naniwala sa sinabi ko. I couldn't blame him. He's been practically dragging me every morning to the CR for me to take the pregnancy test. I was sure he's got a list of symptoms and he's watching my every movement.

"Okay..." he said, still sounding like he's doubting me.

Pasimple akong huminga nang malalim. Nakaupo lang ako roon at pilit na iniintindi iyong binabasa ko sa phone ko nang pumasok iyong nagdala ng pagkain.

A pungent smell immediately attacked my nose.

Shit.

I wasn't liking where this was heading.

Ramdam ko pa rin iyong tingin sa akin ni Archie kaya naman kahit na halos gusto kong masuka sa amoy ay pilit akong umarte ng normal.

"Kain na tayo," he said.

"Okay," I replied as I breathed calmly and told myself to hold it in.

Tumayo ako at naglakad papunta sa lamesa. Archie prepared the food for me. I was holding my breath in. I used to like this food, but it smelled so horrible right now.

"Okay ka lang ba?" he asked again.

I nodded. "Still a bit tired."

"Kaya mo bang umattend pa?"

"Of course," I said. "I'll be seated down, anyway."

"Sure ka?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Okay..."

Nang nasa iba ang atensyon niya ay saka ako huminga nang malalim. Nakita kong nakatingin sa akin si Rosie nang mapalingon ako sa gawi niya. I arched my brow at her. I didn't need anyone else watching my every move like a hawk. Archie's enough as it was.

"Hindi ba masarap?" Archie said when he noticed that I barely touched the food.

"No," I replied. "Did they change the chef?"

He shrugged. "No idea," sagot niya. "Parang pareho pa rin naman..."

"Tastes different," I said, doubling down kahit wala naman talagang nagbago sa lasa... siguro. I could not focus on the smell, let alone the taste of this food.

My original plan was to just shove the food down my throat, but I really couldn't kaya naman iba na lang ang nasabi ko. Buti na lang may nasabi ako dahil hindi ako makapagisip. I was too focused on the smell and the thought of not hurling in front of my already suspicious husband.

I managed to finish a quarter of the food and just finished the bottle of water. Thankfully ay magsisimula na iyong program. Hindi ako makahinga nang maayos habang nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang alam niya iyong tumatakbo sa isip ko.

"Sigurado ka?" he asked once again habang naglalakad kami papunta sa auditorium.

"Yes," I said. "Please don't start to be an overbearing husband."

Nakita ko iyong pagsibol ng ngiti sa mukha niya.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked dahil wala namang ka-ngiti-ngiti sa sinabi ko.

"Nothing," he said, but he was grinning like an idiot. "Sarap lang pakinggan ng salitang husband."

I rolled my eyes. "You are my husband."

"I know," he replied. "Still... it's nice to hear confirmation from you."

"I did sign the marriage certificate. That was confirmation enough from my end."

Humalakhak siya. "Ang sweet mo talaga."

Pagdating namin sa auditorium ay nagsimula na agad iyong program. I showed them my rehearsed smile. Sometimes, I couldn't even tell kung ano iyong totoo kong ngiti sa hindi. I'm a pro at this already.

After a while, I felt so nauseous. Mabuti na lang at nakaupo lang ako kaya naman nang matapos iyong program ay agad akong nagpaalam para umalis na. Thankfully, naharang si Archie ng mga tao kaya naman kinailangan niyang manatili muna sa auditorium. The few minutes of being alone was more than welcomed.

Patuloy lang akong naglakad hanggang sa wala ng tao sa paligid ko. Sumandal ako sa pader at saka huminga nang malalim.

If I wasn't pregnant, I might be seriously sick dahil ang sama talaga ng pakiramdam ko. And at this point, I didn't know which was worse.

I did some breathing exercise and was trying to focus on that when my phone rang.

"I think I might be pregnant," agad na sabi ko nang sagutin ko iyong tawag ni Addie.

"Congratulations?" sagot niya. "Or... sorry to hear that?" she continued. "Choose the response you want."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need the sarcasm now."

Natawa siya. "Fine," she said. "Did you go to the doctor yet?"

"No."

"So... you just feel like you're pregnant?"

"No... more like I know that I'm pregnant."

"How sure?"

"Alarmingly sure," I replied.

"Oh... Isn't this what you want?" she asked. "To control little Mr. Mayor?"

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko dahil parang mahahati iyon sa dalawa sa sobrang sakit. "Not now," I said. "And not by me. You know I always wanted surrogacy."

"I know, but what if you're really pregnant?" she asked. "Will you terminate?"

"Maybe..." I said. "I don't know."

Can I really abort?

Pero hindi pa naman siya tao.

It's just... a bunch of cells inside my stomach.

God, why was I even thinking about this? Should've had my tubes tied, but no, my doctor didn't want to dahil baka raw magbago pa ang isip ko at bata pa ako at magsisisi daw ako. I should've come back years later and demanded it.

My body, my rules.

Besides, I didn't change my mind. I still didn't want kids... at least iyong galing sa katawan ko. Bakit ba kasi kailangan na ako iyong magbuntis? Na para bang iyan lang ang role ko sa buhay. That mindset makes me really mad.

And now, I'm in this situation.

Bakit kasi hindi na lang irespeto ang gusto ko?

"But hopefully it doesn't have to come to that," I said.

"Hopefully—"

Pero hindi ko na narinig ang sumunod na sinabi niya nang makita ko si Rosie na nakatayo ilang metro lang mula sa akin at nakatingin na para bang nakakita siya ng multo.

What the hell did she think she heard? 

**

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