Chapter 16

I didn't understand why Archie was struggling more than usual.

It had been two weeks since we had that fight—or more appropriately, he had that fight because I had no intention to argue with him. We ended up going to his father's birthday lunch, but even then, he didn't bother to pretend that everything's fine with us. When I asked him about it, he said that what was the matter? It wasn't as if we had to pretend in front of his family. Hindi naman iyon publiko na kailangan naming magpanggap palagi na masaya kami.

I seriously didn't understand why he was being like this.

"Good morning," I greeted when he finally got out of the room. Gumising ako nang maaga para maghanda ng almusal. I made him fried rice, bacon, eggs, longganisa, and freshly brewed coffee. For the past few weeks, kape lang ang iniinom niya bago siya pumasok sa trabaho.

"Morning," he greeted back with a small nod.

"I made breakfast," I said kahit na halata naman dahil nakaayos na iyon sa lamesa. He just looked at it. "Let's have breakfast," I continued.

"I'm already running late," sabi niya kahit hindi naman siya tumingin sa relo niya. He was not running late.

"Then be late," I said. Bahagya siyang natawa. That was the first expression other than his forehead being creased that I had seen in weeks. "What?"

"Nothing," he replied. "It was just weird. You're the one who always told me that works come first all the time."

I pursed my lips and took a deep breath. The thing with marriage was, you can't be both mad at the same time. Obviously, he's pissed—still—kaya naman mas dapat kong habaan ang pasensya ko.

"Not all the time," I said.

"So, may exception?" he asked, taunting me.

"Archie, please," I said using the calmest tone I could muster. "Can we just have breakfast? Please?"

Nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang iniisip niya pa kung ano ang dapat niyang gawin. I was staring at him back. If we're indeed fighting, then this was me waving the white flag. I choose my battles, and this was definitely not one worth fighting for. Siya lang naman ang may problema sa akin.

"Fine," he said as he took the seat opposite to mine.

Tahimik siyang naglagay ng kanin at ulam sa plato niya. I was just watching him as he ate. Thankfully, hindi naman siya nagmamadaling kumain. Maybe that's a sign.

"Papanoorin mo lang ba ako?" he asked.

"Maybe," I said. "I hadn't had the chance to look at your face for the past weeks."

I saw how his ears began to redden. At least alam ko na apektado pa rin siya sa akin. "You see me all the time," he said, slightly scoffing.

"Barely," I replied. "Maybe for a minute in the morning as you pour yourself a cup of coffee and then immediately leave for work."

He shrugged. "Point still stands—nakikita mo ako araw-araw."

Tumingin ako sa kanya at bumuntong-hininga. "Aren't you getting tired of this?" I asked him. "Because I am tired of this."

Seconds passed and I saw him sigh.

"Fine," he said. "Truce."

Umiling ako. "No truce," I replied.

Mabilis na kumunot ang noo niya. "What do you want from me, then?"

"I don't want to fight," I said. "But I also don't want truce. That's just a pause. The issue is still there, lingering."

"What do you want?" he asked again.

"To go back to normal."

Bahagya siyang natawa. "When was it ever normal between us, Nadia?" tanong niya. "You came to me with this... absurd proposal. I said yes and then we got engaged and married," he continued. "We were hardly ever normal in my book."

I took another deep breath to compose myself. I didn't understand why he was being so difficult. Things were working... until they weren't. And now I felt like I was walking on a landmine.

"That's fair..." I said. "What do you want, then?" I asked back.

His jaw clenched a little. "I want marriage," he said. "God, you never really listen to me, do you?" naiinis na sabi niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong inis niya sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya.

"I already told you I didn't mean to schedule—"

"Hindi lang 'yon," he said, effectively cutting my off. Bahagyang napaawang ang labi ko.

"Did you just cut me off?"

"Yes," he said. "You don't always get the final say in this partnership."

Bahagya akong natawa. "Oh, so now you're calling this a partnership. I thought you wanted marriage, Archibald?" I asked, staring directly into his eyes. "This is marriage," I continued. "It's talking things through when things get hard—not hiding in your office like some coward."

I knew that I struck a nerve nang makita kong kumuyom ang kamao niya. That's good. At least I was getting a reaction from him. This was far better than him evading me for days. And who knew? Baka umabot pa iyon ng buwan. I was surprised with how good this guy was at handling grudges.

"Fine," he said as he glared at me. "Let's talk."

"Finally," I replied, not backing down.

"You wanna know my biggest problem with you is?"

"By all means," I said and that made him clench his jaw. Nakita ko kung paano niya bahagyang ipikit ang mga mata niya at huminga siya nang malalim na para bang nagiipon siya ng pasensya para sa akin.

"You say you're committed to this marriage, yet you never really showed it to me," he said.

Muli akong huminga nang malalim. "I am committed to this marriage," I replied. "What did I ever do that made you think otherwise?" I asked. "Aside from what happened with my father-in-law's birthday?" muling tanong ko. I knew he didn't appreciate the sarcasm in my voice. I probably should stop using this tone with him—at least not at this moment. But damn, this guy could push my buttons! And I hated that he could do this to me. I always liked being in control and I was hated every second of this because I knew in my head that I was not in control.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

He took few deep breaths.

He's really pissed at me.

"You are, Nadia," he said, trying his best to be calm. Tumingin siya sa akin. "You don't need me to list things down. Between the two of us, you know what your priority really is."

And it was my turn to calm down.

This was good.

At least we're finally communicating.

"To get us to Malacañang," I replied. "Wasn't that the goal right from the beginning?" Bahagya siyang tumango. "Then what's the problem?"

Hindi siya sumagot.

Hindi ako gumalaw.

I wouldn't move until I get an answer from him.

"I fell in love, that's the fucking problem," he said, his eyes looking at anywhere but mine.

"With who?" I asked.

Mabilis niyang ibinaling ang tingin sa akin. "With you. Who else?" tanong niya na may bahagyang inis.

I didn't even have a reply.

My mouth just parted.

I knew he loved me.

I knew it.

It was obvious.

But there was something about hearing it—

"I love you," he continued, effectively destroying my train of thoughts until all I could think about were those three words he just uttered.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Why do you look so surprised?" he asked. Mas lalong lumalim ang pagkunot ng noo niya. "Kulang na lang ay maglatag ako ng carpet sa dadaanan mo," he continued. "Hindi mo ba talaga nahalata?"

I took another deep breath.

Okay.

I shouldn't mess up now.

His mood got much better.

"I know," I replied. "I just..." I looked right into his eyes. "I guess I just don't know how to act."

Muling kumunot ang noo niya. "How to act?"

"When someone loves me," I replied.

"What?" he asked, sounding confused. "Surely, it's not the first time someone fell in love with you."

I gave him a slight shrug.

"Come on," he said. "Look at you," he continued. "Guys must be falling at your feet every day."

Bahagya akong umirap. "I remember you calling me crazy the day we first met," sabi ko.

Natawa siya. "I did say that."

"Guys don't just fall in love with me," I said.

"Well, you are pretty intimidating."

"Don't care," I replied. "I won't lower myself for anybody. If you want me, rise to my level."

He slightly arched his brow. "See? That's what confuses me. Why me of all people?"

Tumingin ako nang diretso sa kanya. "Why not you?" balik ko sa tanong niya.

He stared into my eyes. "I don't really know," he replied. "But... but I guess you saw something in me that nobody else did..."

Hindi ako nagsalita.

"And I am thankful," he said. "Immensely," he continued. "And I know I should be contented and thankful for everything that you did for me... But Nadia, I want more. I know this is selfish of me, but I need more from you."

Nanatili akong nakatingin lang sa kanya.

"I know that it's part of our deal, but I can't live everyday knowing that you care more about politics than me," he said. "And please don't deny it because it's true. Tuwing magkausap tayo, laging doon napupunta. Kapag nasa labas tayo, saka mo lang ako hahawakan kapag alam mong may ibang nakatingin."

I pressed my lips together as he continued to tell me things he didn't like about me.

"Are you done?" I asked as I stood there while he pointed out everything that he thought was wrong with me.

Marahan siyang umiling. "No, I'm not," he said as he slightly shook his head. "Despite all those, I still want a marriage from you."

I took a deep breath as I bit my tongue for a second.

"Define what marriage is, Archie," I said, "Because from my end, I feel like what we have is a perfectly normal marriage."

"We have been married for almost two years now," he said.

"I know."

"When are we having kids?"

Bahagyang napaawang ang labi ko.

"You said we'll have kids," he continued.

I quickly gathered myself before this conversation gets out of hand.

"Well, certainly not now," I said. "Not when we're like this."

Tumingin siya nang diretso sa mga mata ko. "And whose fault is that?"

I clenched my jaw. "Are you done pointing fingers now?" I asked. "I'm tired of going around in circle with you."

"I'm tired, too."

"Just tell me what you want me to do."

"I want kids."

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

There was nothing but complete silence surrounding us.

"Do you think kids will fix this issue?" I asked him.

"Maybe," he replied.

"Maybe? That's your answer and you still want to add children into this equation?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Do you seriously think that our parents had perfect marriage before they waited to have kids?" tanong niya habang nakatingin sa akin. "I just want a family with you, Nadia..." he said. Nanatili akong tahimik. "And you said it yourself before—we needed to be that perfect family bago tayo makarating sa Malacañang. Now's the perfect time, don't you think?"

I took a deep breath.

"Okay," I said. "Let's start a family."

**

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