Okay, I may have fucked up again.

I swore to myself I'd stay away and yet I wound up with his cum in my mouth. How did that fucking happen?

Cameron's going to find out and fucking hate us both. Then, my parents are going to take him away for good like they've always wanted. My parents and The Golden Boy, finally getting what they fucking wanted.

I shake my head to myself. Today was a good day and I can't let these thoughts pollute my mind like they have been lately. I'm walking home from the studio which went well for the day. I'm currently working as a Sound Technician which has been incredible. Love being a part of bringing the music to life and being around for the making of it all.

We're currently working with a small indie band which has been so cool. I love it and it lights me up inside.

I have my headphones in walking down the strip as I try to focus on the events of the day that have nothing to do with a certain boys soft lips or glistening eyes.

I bite my lip. Fuck, this'll be hard.

As if he was waiting for me, out of the pizza shop on the strip runs the tall, built, brown haired boy I've been trying to avoid.

"Hayd. Hey!" Asher runs out and meets me on the sidewalk. I take my earphone out of my ear and look over at him. I take in the fact he's still wearing his uniform, covered in flour.

"Did you see me and run outside?" I ask, looking him up and down curiously.

"Yeah." He flashes his charming smile at me and looks down at his dirty clothes. "I saw you passing by and thought I'd walk home with you." He shrugs his bag up on his shoulder.

"You want to be my bodyguard, Shadow?" I smirk, shaking my head. This kid really can't leave it alone. Can't leave me alone. He's like gum at the bottom of my shoe. Really yummy, delicious gum that I'd happily choose all damn day.

No, fuck. NO.

With that, I feel my smile drop. I can't do this.

"I mean, I highly doubt you need anyone to watch over you. You've got the whole 'touch me and die' thing happening for you." He laughs.

I arch my eyebrow at him. "You didn't die after touching me." Fuck, that sounded like flirting. I need to watch my tone.

"Only after you left me." He muttered so low I barely heard him.

"What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head.

We walked silently for a few minutes down the path. Cameron and I don't live too far from the boardwalk which is why I decided to walk instead of drive. It's always a pretty walk home with all the sparkling lights strewn up on the telephone wires.

It's a little too romantic in my opinion. I bite my lip and look down at my footsteps.

I glance over to see Asher staring over at me. Ugh, this guy is relentless.

"What is it?" I bite.

"What?" He asks, shocked.

"You keep staring. Spit it out or cut it out."

I can hear Asher's thoughts from here. He's always so unsure of himself. It's annoying. He's perfectly fine everywhere else.

"You scared of me?" I ask, not being able to hold it in.

He looks at me shocked. "No! Of course not...well, okay. A bit." He gives me a shy smile.

I furrow my eyebrows and look back at the street. "Why?"

"You don't really...act like you want any friends."

"I don't want friends." I shrug. It's the truth. I'm happy on my own.

"That can't be true. Everyone wants friends. To feel known. To be loved."

"You don't know me at all, clearly." I smile. "I could care less."

"I think you're lying."

"Why the fuck would I lie?" I snarl.

"Because it's easier to lie about that than to admit it. Who wants to admit that they're lonely?"

"Who the fuck said I was lonely?" I ask, stopping and turning to him. He thinks he knows so much about me, meanwhile this is the first real conversation we've ever had. Yet, he's not listening.

"So you're not lonely." He repeats, looking at me warily.

"No. Fuck that." I huff. "Keeping people close is a quick way to disappointment."

Asher squints his eyes. "You disappointing them or them disappointing you?" He tilts his head as though he really wants to know and frankly, I'm getting uncomfortable.

I straighten up and start walking backwards. "You know what. I'm done with this psychoanalyzing session. Good luck walking home alone."

"Hayd. Wait. I shouldn't have–"

But I'm already gone.

I've been in my room for a few hours, strumming on my guitar. It's late and I can't sleep - typical. What's new?

I'm playing If You Want To by beabadoobee on my guitar when I hear a soft knocking at my door.

I stop strumming and wait a couple beats before starting up again. I hear the door slowly open and some footsteps walk into the room.

I can tell that it's him. He doesn't know when to quit and I have to hand it to him.

I don't turn around and instead keep strumming.

"I like that. It sounds nice." Asher says behind me. I can tell he's now sitting on my bed and I hate the way that my stomach flips at that thought.

I hate the way that I am dying to turn around to see his dark green eyes staring back at me.

I sit there for a while playing the chords of the song before it ends.

I turn and look at him. He's sitting on the edge of my bed, his hands keeping him up as his legs are crossed out in front of him on the floor.

He's come shirtless, of fucking course and only wearing his grey sweatpants, much like my own black ones that I'm wearing.

"Get out." I mutter, setting my guitar on it's rack.

"No." He breathes.

I stop moving and look back at him. What? Where'd that come from? I narrow my eyes at him.

"No?"

He shrugs. "No."

I smile teases on my lips. "Are you being...bad?" I ask, standing up from my chair.

I see him swallow harshly as he stares up at me as I walk over. "I just don't see why I have to leave all the time. Why can't I hang out with you here for a while?"

"What are we going to do at 2am in the morning, Shadow?" I ask, playing with a strand of his brown hair at the side of his head.

"We could...talk."

I give him a bored look. "You didn't come to my room just to talk." I tug gently at the strand.

He bats my hand away from his hair and sneers at me as if I offended him. "Yeah, I did. I can want to just hang out with you, you know."

I laugh softly. "Oh, is that right?" I fold my arms across my chest.

"Yeah. I can want you and also want to get to know you at the same time. Two things can be true." He narrows his eyes at me.

My nose flares and my jaw clenches. I didn't realize how hot this version of him would be.

When he's not stuttering and nervous, it turns me on hearing him confidently ask me for what he wants.

I stifle that feeling down as best as I can. As hot as that was, I need to focus.

Cameron.

"You're worth getting to know, Hayden." He says softly looking up into my eyes, cutting into my loud thoughts.

"Fine. What do you want to know about me, huh?" I ask, flopping down on my bed. I stare up at the ceiling and wait for him to crawl over to me. He does, and lays down beside me.

"What were you playing over there?" He asks innocently.

I smile. "Beabadoobee. She's cute. You should listen to some of her stuff."

"I've never heard of her." He admits.

"Alexa, play 'Glue Song'" I say. The room quickly fills up with her soft voice and sweet melody.

"Wow, this is nice. I never really pinned you for this type of soft vibe." He laughs.

I turn my head to look at him. "What type of music do I seem like I listen to?"

Asher looks over my dark hair and looks down at my tattoos that cover my body. "I thought you'd listen to something that sounds like this–" He throws his hands up above his body in a rock sign and starts whisper roaring, mimicking screamo music.

I can't help but let out a laugh. "Yeah, sure. I listen to everything. I don't discriminate." I lower his hands down with my own.

I don't miss how his fingers catch and linger on mine. He smiles down at our hands before returning his gaze back to my ceiling.

"I listen to this type of music too. Cameron actually took me to a Matt Maeson concert a couple of years ago for my 17th birthday." He smiles.

I lift my head up and look at him. "I remember that. I was crazy jealous you two went without me."

He smiles over at me before turning around to lay on his stomach. "You should've told me. I would've loved to have you there."

I laugh off his comment as I watch the ripples of his back muscles contract and contort to his movement. He's more of an athlete than I am, having been on the football team all throughout highschool and I can appreciate what it's done for his body. All the deep lines and grooves to his chiseled back makes my mouth water.

"Guess who's staring now." He smiles.

"Fuck off." I huff, moving my eyes back to the ceiling.

"Alright, now it's your turn." He says, positioning his hands under his head.

"My turn for what?"

"Ask me a question." He says.

I bite my lip ring as I think about that. I can feel his eyes tracking my movement and I sit with that feeling for a while as I think it over.

"Why don't you ever have any girlfriends?" I ask.

Asher's eyebrows raise. My question clearly shocked him.

"I guess I...I dated a lot of girls back in school but it never really felt right. I always sort of feel like I'm playing a part when I'm with them. And that's not fair to them so I never really got the point in asking someone out, officially." He shrugs.

I nodded my head. I guess I could understand that. I never really dated either for the same reasons.

"Do you think Cameron really loves Lex?" He asks.

I focus my eyes back on his. I see there's a deeper question there that he's asking and honestly, I don't know how to answer that.

Cameron is an interesting human who I'm not really sure knows himself just yet.

Does anyone really know anything at 19 years old?

"All I know is..." I breathe. "He'll never love anyone like he loves you and I."

Asher slowly nods his head, taking in what I'm saying.

He looks back at the ceiling and we sit there in another comfortable silence with the soft music playing from Alexa.

Asher's hand shifts out from underneath his head and he slowly places it on my chest. I fall into a trance under his fingertips as he softly outlines the large moth tattoo on my chest.

We lay there, happily in each others company as we drift off to sleep.