I shake off the lingering nerves before walking out of Cameron's room and into the hallway.

"Don't forget to grab the twizzlers!" He calls out before I softly shut the door. I'm on snack duty as we've been playing Call of Duty all night and I need to be quick.

It's been a few days since I've been over and the more I continued to avoid The Holt House, the more up my ass Cameron was beginning to be. I knew I was going to have to come over at some point and face what I did.

Ugh, what I did. I'm so stupid.

My pathetic crush on Hayden got the better of me and I wound up with his dick in my mouth.

Ugh, his glorious dick.

I've never come so hard in my life and that was just from being so turned on. His dick, his words, the energy of it all – it was too much. It was incredible until it wasn't. Until he turned around and completely blocked me out.

I felt so stupid. I still feel stupid. I fear I'll forever feel stupid. I put my friendship with Cameron on the line for what? A pitiful, explosive, shameful, magnificent blowjob experience with his sexy as fuck brother.

UGH! I need to get a hold of myself, god dammit.

Thankfully it's midnight here and I have yet to see or hear anything from Hayden. Part of me is sad that I haven't seen his beautiful pale green eyes but another part of me is thankful I haven't had to.

What would I even say?

I scurry down the steps and fast walk down to the kitchen. I decided not to throw on any lights. It's safer and quicker beelining it to the walk-in pantry. Thankfully I know this place like the back of my hand. I don't need lights to see–

OOF.

As soon as I open the pantry, I slam into what feels like a brick wall.

No, no, no

I flick on the light switch beside me and feel my heart stop.

There standing before me is a very tall, half naked, Hayden Holt. He's standing there, looking absolutely delicious holding on to a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a bottle of Fresca.

"What are you doing here?" He bites, looking me over. I remember now that I'm not wearing too much different of an outfit than him. I'm topless too but instead of his red and black plaid pajama bottoms, I'm wearing light grey joggers. And instead of my bare chest, his is covered in a huge moth tattoo underneath his chiseled pecs. My mouth immediately starts to salivate at his arms covered in patchy artwork that I'll have to remember to ask Cameron about later.

I take in his abs and how low his pajama bottoms sit on his waist, exposing his chiseled V-lines. My body is quite similar but god damn. I never get to see Hayden's body so this is all so new to me.

"Okay then, I'm heading up." He says, awkwardly side stepping around me. I realize I never answered his question. Dammit!

"Wait." I say, stepping in front of him so he can't leave.

His eyebrows furrow. "What?"

I try not to internally panic. What was I planning on there? I have no plan. Abort!

"That's all you're going to say?" I ask.

He squints at me. "Opposed to?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe a thank you after that incredible blow job I gave you."

His features harden and I can visibly see his walls start to go up even further. "Just forget it. It was a mistake." He says, side stepping again.

I block is exist again, this time pressing into him so he has no where to go but deeper into the pantry.

"No, I deserve more than that. I've known you for how long? Why won't you talk to me." I say that.

"What? You want to cuddle, Shadow?" He teases.

"I want you to say you don't want it again." I say. I need to hear it. I need to put my mind at ease because I've been replaying it over and over again in my mind with the small hope that he'll want to do it again. I can't live like this.

His eyes narrow. "I don't want it again." His jaw tenses. I zero in on the way he bites his lip ring.

"You're lying. Say it again without lying."

"What the fuck do you want from me? You and I both know that this can't happen."

I know he's right but it hits me straight in the heart. If Cameron knew this was happening...fuck...he's right. But still, I need to know.

"If it wasn't for Cameron...would you..." I can't bring myself to finish.

I see him register what I'm trying to ask. He looks at me, head to toe as though he's making his decision. His eyebrows relax and tension from his shoulders lessen. He walks closer to me, closing the gap between us. I'm pressed up against the pantry door and I can feel his leg slip in between my own. He leans into me and my breath catches in my throat at the feeling of his thigh pressing up against my obvious hard-on.

"I would turn you around right here, press you against that wall and bury myself so deep in your ass until you'd be a mumbling, whimpering, cross-eyed, mess." A chill runs down my spine at the thought of that. I feel my dick twitch in my pants and there's absolutely no way he wouldn't have felt that too.

He straightens himself back up, grazing my ear with his lips as he does, leaving me feeling empty and cold.

I swallow deeply and stare at him in shock.

He lifts up his eyebrows and gestures for me to move out of the way. I do as he wants, like always, and give him the space to move.

"Night, Shadow. Don't forget the twizzlers - he gets grumpy without the twizzlers." He says as he walks out of the pantry and heads out of the kitchen.

"I know." I mutter under my breath.

"What took you so long?" Cameron sighed. I drop the Twizzlers in his lap and he gives me a giant smile before ripping the bag open.

"I had a run in with your brother." I said sitting back down next to him. He hands me the controller and nods his head.

"What is with him, anyways? Why is he always so–" I rip open the bag of popcorn in my hand. "Mean?"

Cameron looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "You ask that like you don't already know. You've been around him for how long?"

I roll my eyes, starting up the screen. Cameron is way better at COD than I am but I'll forever not admit that to him. He's better at everything, honestly.

"I know it's just...he's just always there yet not around at all. It's fucked." I shrug.

"Yeah, I guess I get what you mean. It's like he's a figment of your imagination. Like, is he even real?" Cameron nods.

"Yes, exactly. If I don't see him for too long I start to think I just imagined him." I laugh.

"You're so strange. Why would you imagine my brother?" Cameron shook his head, thankfully still with a grin on his face. He bites into a Twizzler and I take the opportunity to shut my mouth. I'm speaking way too much.

"Hayden is like a cat. He can't admit he likes attention so he rewards the ones who don't give it to him. It's fucked. I think he has Mommy and Daddy issues." Cameron shrugs.

"Uh, you think?"

Cameron smirks glancing over at me. "Nah, I know. They're awful to him. I don't get it, honestly. He's great in his own way. So what if he likes to dye his hair, get a bunch of tattoos and he's more into the arts than I am? He's cool. I think they just thought as Doctors themselves, that they'd birth doctors."

I laugh, thinking about Cameron one day as a doctor. "They birthed one."

It still trips me out that his guy will be a doctor one day. 

Cameron shrugs. "Sometimes I'm jealous that Hayden chose his own path. It's harder, for sure but...I don't know. I feel like he's going to be better off in the long run because he chose it. I'm proud of him."

I nod my head. "Do you ever tell him this?"

"You think he'd listen to me?" Cameron laughs.

I know for a fact that he would. I've seen the two of them when they think no one is looking. I'm always looking and I see the love they have for each other. It's deep and it's obvious. Even when they act like they aren't friends - they're more than brothers. They're twins.

"I'm sure of it." I say.

Cameron smiles at me and looks back to the TV screen.

I think back to the words he shared earlier about Hayden being like a cat...

"We should go on a double date." I say.

Cameron looks at me with wide eyes, excitement all over his face. "Dude, yeah!" He laughs.