Thirty Two

If I had known things would turn out this way, I probably wouldn't have bothered to fight my inner demons. Certainly there's some other way to go about things. Maybe this truly wasn't the time and space for me to ruminate on all the fucked up situations I've gotten myself into. But maybe being a grown ass person wasn't that simple to begin with. Maybe I have overthought and overanalyzed things before they could come into fruition. Maybe I have wrestled with pain and despair. Maybe if I had initially thought that things would turn out this way, I probably wouldn't have turned my back on the person and the people I've held close to my heart. I never assumed just how bad things would get. I mean, fuck it. I just wished to have myself become an evaporated version of what was initially intended for me to become.