Connor's POV

You're such an idioooooot!!!

I internally screamed at myself for the 16th time that day.

I plastered on a fake smile as I greeted my fellow locals as I passed them by in the aisle as I did the weekly grocery shopping.

I woke up this morning to an empty bed, and a puffy tear-stained face.

Riley must've snuck out and back home during the early hours of the day.

I felt bad because I wanted to at least walk him home and thank him for all he'd done for me.

But even when I went over to check on him before leaving for the store, his mom, exhausted and woken up from her sleep by my arrival, told me he left for his morning classes.

Guess I'll have to catch him after lunch.

I left a very groggy Allison back at home who, rightfully, decided to skip classes today.

I made her favourite pancakes for breakfast with the nice syrup she liked and ushered her back to bed to sleep in.

Poor thing didn't have a single objection.

I felt righteous anger BURN in my gut again at the thought of anyone, even my own wife, manipulating my precious little sunshine.

I was ready to set aflame EVERYTHING Claire had done for me and Allison, but I forcefully took several breathes and tried to be reasonable about the situation like Riley begged last night.

Last night...

Images of me crying and clinging to him assaulted me once more, and I hid behind a row of baby diapers to hide my burning face from a cute elderly lesbian couple walking by decked out in matching lesbian pride flag coloured sweaters.

I wanted to cringe out of my very soul, but death by cringe would not come to me so easily.

Thoughts of what Riley thought of me swirled in my head.

Did he think I was now lame and uncool??

Has he lost all respect for me!?

Will he try to avoid being around me!??

Of all the terrible options that came to mind, Riley thinking I was uncool stung the most because millennial brains are just wired differently like that. We had priorities.

And being seen as cool by the youngins was at the top of that list.

Once the cute gay couple was gone and my face went down a couple shades of red, I emerged from my hiding spot and went to checkout. Unable to fully concentrate on shopping and decide to do the rest later, or buy the remaining items online if I became too lazy.

I passed by the freezer section and my eye caught the bright package of a fruity, slightly alcoholic new ice cream that just released.

I remembered Riley mentioned really wanting to try it in passing so I mindlessly grabbed a few and dropped them in my basket.

I was buying it for the whole family to try, not just Riley, of course. I for some odd reason tried to convince myself as I made my way towards the exit.

While I was still 20 feet away I saw one of the cashiers smile brilliantly at me and almost shoved her coworker out of the way so I'd have no option but to use her register.

Here we go...

I contemplated pulling out my phone and pretending to be on a call just to save me, but I couldn't move fast enough without making it dead obvious. Plus, I simply didn't want to be that rude.

"Thank you for shopping with us today!! Will that be everything!?" The woman practically almost screamed at me. "M-my names Patty by the way!"

My eyes glided down to her name tag that read a completely different name.

"I-I-m burrowing a friends cause I don't like to use the one they gave me cause it reads Patricia!" She quickly exclaims, as if having read my mind of its thoughts.

"Why not? Patricia is a lovely name," I simply say.

Big mistake.

The woman lights up like a Christmas tree and is unable to make direct eye contact with me for the rest of the interaction.

I can't help being so naturally charming.

Or as my fellow kids would say, I got that rizz.

A goofy smile forms on my face at the thought of how badly Riley would've cringed if he'd heard me say that.

And Allison too!

Of course with her, it wouldn't make sense to solely be thinking of Riley without my daughter, who is his girlfriend, in the picture.

I had no idea what was severely wrong with me recently, but I NEEDED to get my shit together.

I needed to sort my shit out with my "wife" ASAP and hopefully get laid by a decent person before I make an irreversibly TERRIBLE decision.

And what scared me the most is I don't even know what this inevitable seeming mistake WAS!

***

On the drive back home, after leaving an insane $100 tip to Patty, I kept thinking about how to deal with my Claire problem.

A divorce would be the cleanest solution, but I doubt she wouldn't make me drag her across that finish line kicking and screaming.

We could amicably separate and see other people guilt free, no strings attached.

But Claire gets violently possessive whenever I bring up seeing other people, polyamory, or an open marriage.

She INSISTS on this delusional narrative of being loyal to me and that I was the one hell bent on cheating on her in broad daylight.

THE AUDACITY!!!

My grip tightens maddeningly on the steering wheel, and I just barely avoid beating a red light.

Breath...breathe...BREATHE!!!

It helps absolutely NO ONE for me to let the rage that has constantly threatened to consume me since childhood take over right now.

I need to actually be sensible and act my age and think this through properly.

Claire may not be a physical threat, but she could still pose a danger if the situation isn't handled with adequate care.

She's the kind of woman that would sooner set her own house on fire WITH HER IN IT, then admit fault or wrongdoing.

In my early twenties, I found that trait wildly attractive and sexy. But now, in my 30s, it gets tiring when that fireball energy is CONSTANTLY directed in your way.

I don't know what happened along the way to make Claire despise me so much and continue to be unfaithful.

Did I ever treat her poorly? Has my personality changed from my younger years so much that she's no longer attracted to me.

And a solemn thought hit me.

Am I ugly?

A flash from my past suddenly hits me violently, and my body goes instantly numb.

Memories of grown hands reaching   out to my chubby child face and calling me "handsome" and "very mature for my age" mentally hijack my mind completely.

"SHIT!"

I jerk my arms across the steering wheel to maintain control over my vehicle after swerving off my lane when I spaced out.

I break out in a cold sweat and instantly pull over to the side of the road to catch my breath.

I jammed my foot on the breaks, shoved my gear in park, and cut power to my engine in the space of mere seconds.

Gasping for air that seemed to escape me, I tried to calm down.

Desperately running my hands through my hair and leaning back in my chair to fight off the faint feeling overtaking me, trying anything to keep myself grounded.

I then did my breathing exercises my old therapist taught me to immediately pull myself out of those bad memories.

Once my heart beat slowed to a rhythm that wouldn't cause premature stroke or heart attack, I tried to put my hands back on the wheel.

But they were shaking too much.

I momentarily thought about forcing myself to drive, but decided against it for my own (and everyone else on the roads)'s safety.

Accepting no other option, I pulled out my phone and dailed the number of the only person I knew could help me.

Calling Deputy Officer Stanton....

And as Stan's phone rang out and I left a message for him on voice mail, I scroll up my contact lists by one letter to make a second, equally important call.

Calling Riley....