Nate has been walking around the house looking troubled ever since Foosh left yesterday with Lucifer in his eyes. He was on edge and I didn't know how to calm him. Well, I did. But I didn't want him thinking that everytime he was upset, I only knew how to solve it with sex. There's more to us than that.

That morning, Nate rolled up two blunts and blazed up. Out of those two, I only got three hits in. I decided to make breakfast for us and all he could do was stare out the kitchen window.

"Do you wanna talk?" I asked while beating the eggs.

He shrugged and went to sit down at the table.

"I should be the one cookin' you breakfast," he spoke.

"It's okay. Are we...still going to that party tonight?"

"Do you feel comfortable goin'?"

"I guess," I shrugged. "We just really need to get out of this house. I'll need to get some things from the apartment, though."

"Want me to come with you?" He stood up and walked up behind me as I grated the cheddar cheese.

"I wouldn't mind that."

"Good," he whispered. He kissed the back of my neck, slipping his hand around to reach into my panties. He faintly moaned into my ear once he felt what he caused.

"Nate," I giggled, soon gasping when he rubbed his finger over a sensitive spot.

"If I wasn't so hungry," he slipped his hand out. "I would put you on this counter right now, no question."

I turned around and smirked. "Who said you had to eat food?"

He smiled with those dimples and proceeded to lick his finger. "Mmm. Don't worry. I'll be havin' you later."

"Before or after the party?" I chuckled.

"During." He kisses me deeply and smacks my ass before walking away. "After midnight when everybody turns up."

He drives me fucking crazy.

+

I could barely hear Nate over the music at the party. I'm pretty sure his cousin invited too many people for this small house. We were back in the sketchy part of town but...I was more comfortable this time. Andrea had called me earlier considering she missed when I stopped by the apartment. I answered, wishing her a Happy New Year. She apologized some more and wished for me to move back in but I wasn't up for it. I just wanted to have a good time tonight and enjoy bringing in the New Year with my man.

Foosh and Alex were also in attendance. There was the occasional death glare from Foosh but I soon learned that was just his face for the night. He walked around with Alex attached at the hip most of the time - sipping on his beer, smacking girls' asses and pulling them onto his lap. Of course the girls all giggled, jumping at the slight feeling of something beneath them. Little do they know, it was probably just a weapon of sorts...knowing Foosh.

Three!
Two!
One!
Happy New Year!!

Nate had just become my first ever New Years kiss. I could feel all the meaning behind it. All the feelings rushing up and flooding our numb lips. Everyone around us continued to celebrate but I just wanted to stay here, just like this. His hands cupped my face as he kissed me and I squeezed my arms around him, feeling his firm torso beneath the white polo he had on.

"Nate," I said after we pulled away a bit.

"Hmm?" He gave me another peck on the lips.

"Do you still love me?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

I shook my head with a smile. "...say it."

"Say what? That I love you?"

"Mmhmm."

His face softened and he took his bottom lip into his mouth. "I love you," he said in a genuine tone.

"...I love you too."

He paused within my embrace. A smile slowly grew across his face as he took in what I just said. Those sweet lips came back against mine and I felt like I was finally his. I never expected to fall this fast for him, too. But it was like a neverending rollercoaster pulling me along for this ride with him. With every minute, I wondered what the next minute would bring. That's how excited he made me and he didn't even have to try. It even sucked being away from him too long and I'm sure I felt a small ounce of that when we were supposed to be hating each other. I couldn't hate him...even when I thought I did. There was no denying his attractiveness at first sight. He challenged me, never was afraid to push me to my limits. And then of course, when he helped me fight the dormant demon inside of me...that was the delicious icing on the cake.

Yes...Yes, I love you Nate Maloley.

Everyone flooded out to the front yard as fireworks fired off into the sky and we eventually broke out of our little moment of heaven to join them. Nate stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my cheek as we looked up at the streams of sparkling colors. Every other firework made me jump considering I wasn't big on loud booming noises.

But there was something different about the next boom. It was more like a bang. A bang that caused the partygoers to flee & part like the Red Sea, sending shrill screams into the air. It all happened so fast. Everyone was running but next thing I knew, I was face down on the ground with Nate's body on top, shielding me. I felt him moving around.

"Foosh!" I heard him shout.

I looked up and saw Foosh and Myles fighting. He had disarmed Myles and was now beating the shit out of him. Not too far from them was Alex...lying down on the grass...bleeding and crying out for anyone to help him.

"Stay here. Don't move," Nate's voice shook.

"Wh- no! Where are you-"

"I need to help Alex! Now don't move!"

I watched as Nate crawled over to Alex. His face slowly turning into one of distraught. This wasn't looking good. That was when I saw Nate cry for the first time. He sat down and put Alex's head in his lap. He then pulled out his phone, seemingly calling 911.

"It's gonna be okay," I heard him say faintly.

"Call my mom," Alex groaned.

"Try not to talk," Nate said.

I shook as I glanced between them & the fight. This was too much for Nate. He had one best friend bent on self destruction while the other was on the cusp of a possible death. Soon, Foosh whipped out a small knife. This guy was fucking insane and I didn't want to be anywhere near him.

After more of a scuffle, I heard sirens in the distance, hoping the sounds were a symbol to saving at least one friend. I looked over at Nate and Alex. Nate kept looking to the sky and closing his eyes, he was praying. And then I heard a gasp. It wasn't from Alex, it was from Myles. Foosh had stabbed him in his back.

"Let this be a message not to threaten my fuckin' people," Foosh told him as Myles immediately fell to his knees. 

I had never witnessed anything like tonight and I trembled while still on the ground. I bursted into tears, scarred for life. Like a ghost, Foosh ran and disappeared into the night.

When the authorities came, they had to help me off the ground and wrap me in a blanket. I still couldn't control my shaking. They put both Myles & Alex on stretchers and took them away. Nate stayed with me as we both got questioned. He never let go of my hand, I was squeezing it. Despite everything, Nate refused to rat out Foosh, claiming he didn't know him nor Myles - that we're just random partygoers.

Afterward, we drove to the hospital to check on Alex. They were still working on him. We waited...and waited...

...and waited.

An hour later, the doctor came out.

"He fell into a comatose state," the doctor shook his head. "Too much blood loss."

"Wh-what?" Nate said. "A coma? What does- is there a chance he'll wake up?"

"Right now, it's a waiting game. Do you know his full name or family contact information?"

"Uh," Nate cleared his throat. "It's Alex Holtti. I have the number to his house."

+

We drove home in silence and shock. This wasn't exactly the best way to start off the new year. It started to snow as we pulled up. We got inside and dragged ourselves quietly up the stairs. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his shirt off. His back muscles flexed as he took deep breaths. I sat next to him and rubbed his shoulders. All he could do was look at his hands stained with Alex's blood.

"Do you want a little time alone?" I asked him.

He looked for the words but instead, he released any and all pent up emotion into the palms of his hands. He wasn't fully sobbing but his eyes squeezed shut and he deeply sniffled.

I nodded and got up to head to the bathroom. I ran a hot bath for myself, staring into the mirror at my bare body as the tub filled and steam rose. My skin was so alien with all the old stretchmarks. I saw the door open behind me and Nate eased in, closing the door back and leaning against it. His eyes could've roamed my body but instead he looked into my eyes through the mirror, his own nearly red from his sadness. We were simply...silent.

I went on to let my hair down out of the bun I wore. Nate unzipped his jeans and pulled everything else down with it. He walked up behind me and hugged me, resting his cheek on my shoulder. He took a sigh of relief and I got free of him to go turn the water off. He then turned on the sink and washed his hands carefully. His hair got a little longer recently and some of it hung low onto his forehead. When he finished, I led him to the tub where I made him sit in the water between my legs. I took the bath sponge and bathed him; carefully rubbing it over his arms, his tattoos, and his chest. He rubbed my legs and rested his head on my chest.

"I'm sorry," he spoke quietly.

I hushed him and continued to bathe him.

"Please don't leave me," he pleaded.

"Why would I leave?"

"Because everything is scaring you."

"Yes, I'm scared. But I'm not running," I replied. "Just make sure I never have to."

He moved his head back until he could see me and we kissed a kiss that hopefully also meant a promise.

+

We woke up to a noise downstairs. We were on edge enough as is. Nate was about to go for his pistol but then he looked at me and grabbed his aluminum baseball bat instead. There was no way I was letting him creep downstairs alone. I tagged along, carrying his pistol. He gave me a look and I shrugged. It wasn't loaded anyway, this was just scare tactics.

When we got downstairs, we lowered our blunt objects. It was Foosh sitting at the table, staring at his hands. He looked up at us and got up to walk to Nate. His bottom lip began to tremble.

"Alex is gone," Foosh told us, much to our sudden shock.

Nate shook his head with disbelief. "Nah. No he's not. Don't- He's not-"

I watched as Nate's world crumbled, losing another person close to his heart. First his ex-girlfriend, now Alex. He didn't want to believe it. He sat down in the middle of the kitchen floor, still shaking his head. Foosh kneeled down next to him and hugged him where they both completely broke down. They not only lost a friend, they lost a brother. 

I cried too, just remembering Alex's smile and abnormally red cheeks. Nate yelled with anger, pounding his fists onto the kitchen tile.

"We have to do somethin' about this," Foosh added. Unbelievable.

"Like what," I inquired.

"I don't know where Kalin is," Foosh said, breaking the hug with a distraught Nate. "But I can find out. And Myles is barely alive but...he's alive. Nothing a little air bubble in the tubes can't fix."

"Are you completely insane?!"

Foosh ignores me and looks down at Nate. "I need you, bro. Those fuckers killed Alex in cold blood and you know it."

"Oh my God," I shook my head, shaking with fear and anger. "Myles killed him, yes. But now the cops are gonna take him down when he's able to get out of the hospital. Why don't you- Babe, don't listen to him.

Nate looked at me with red eyes and damp cheeks. "I'm angry. I'm pissed off. They took my best friend away from me and now they gotta get what's comin' to 'em."

There was a look in Nate's eyes that I hadn't seen before. One filled with revenge and danger. The true bad boy that probably existed before I met him.

"I'm not gonna wait around for this while you fuck up your life, Nate. I swear to God!"

Nate got up, his brows furrowed in anger for me. "After everything we said, you just gon' up & leave? After you fuckin' told me-"

"I said I'd stay because I was pretty sure your head was on the right path. I don't know who the hell I'm talking to right now!" I was shaking so much and more tears were beginning to fall.

He grabbed my wrists and got close to my face. "It's me, lil mama. It's me. You know this. I thought you understood me."

"I do...but that doesn't mean an eye for an eye, Nate. Be the better person. What about your dreams and goals? You'd give that up for prison because Foosh put it into your head that killing for revenge would be okay?!"

Foosh rolled his eyes, getting off the floor too.

"Who said we were gettin' caught?" Nate let go of my wrists.

"Oh okay," I scoffed. "Who sa- You know what? No, I'm leaving."

"What, so we breakin' up?" He angrily bit his bottom lip. "Huh?"

"All I said...was that I'm leaving. Going back to my actual apartment and back to my normal life."

"Normal life?" His voice got higher. "Are you fuckin' kidding me? Normal life. Okay. Go back to hating yourself and ignoring Andrea's dumbass comments while her tongue is halfway down Jack's throat. Go back to tuggin' on your fuckin shirt and scarfing down pizzas in parking lots, Liv. But when you realize there ain't shit normal about that life, you know where the fuck I stay!"

I sobbed and I pushed him. "How could you stand there and say that shit to me?!"

"Because I love you!!" His voice echoed throughout the house, making me flinch at how high he roared. "I fuckin' love you! And I need you to feel it, I need you to stay."

"Stay? What, so I can lay in bed all night worried. Hoping you're not answering the phone because you're simply driving? Hoping you're not hurt or lying dead in a ditch somewhere?" I shook my head and went upstairs to get my things.

"Fine! Leave!" I heard him yell as I threw my things into their bags. There was so much pain behind his voice and I cried to myself. I didn't want to run, like I said, I had wished he'd never give me a reason to.

____________

Author's Note: messy messy messy. I want your thoughts!! Gimmeeeee :P

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