We had retreated back upstairs to his room. Rap music played low in the background, the curtains were opened, and we shared a joint while I sat on his lap, facing him. We kissed in between puffs and it felt like heaven. While he held the joint, I took my shirt off and ran my fingers through his hair. He looked so sexy when stray lines of smoke poured from his mouth before he french inhaled. His eyes were low and on my breasts. He kissed over my bra, taking his time. I took the joint from him, blowing streams of smoke straight up toward the ceiling while his hands roamed all over my back and his lips made their mark all over my chest.

"Mm, wanna finish this baby?" I spoke slowly, or at least that's how it felt.

"One more hit," he said before sucking on the now-short joint. He placed the roach in the ash tray by his bed, shaking his hand since he slightly burned his finger. I took his hand and kissed his fingertips, soon sucking on his middle finger.

"I feel amazing," I said with such joy dancing around inside me.

"When's the last time you smoked?"

"Four years ago...after my finals," I chuckled.

"Cool," he nodded. Taking me by surprise, he flips me over until I'm on my back. I chuckled as I wrapped my legs around him. My hands held onto the sides of the pillow beneath my head as he unbuckled my jeans. As eager as I was to find out what he was about to do, I couldn't ignore the fact that I was laying on top of something.

"Wait, wait, what the hell," I said in an annoyed tone. I reached under the sheet and pulled out whatever was poking my back, only to see that it was a pistol. I screamed and threw it across the room. "Nate! Why the fuck do you have a gun?!"

He sighed in defeat, getting off the bed to retrieve it out of the pile of dirty clothes he had in the corner that it landed in. "Protection," he responded. "Don't worry, it's empty."

"I-I'm not too comfortable about this though." I sat up and pulled my knees up against my chest, hugging them.

"With all the bullshit goin' on in the world, babe, you should feel safe as shit to know I'm strapped," he stated.

"Nothing good comes from those things."

"Yo, can we drop it?" He got a little aggressive as he locked it away in his closet.

"...Consider it dropped." I rolled my eyes, still hugging my knees, and looked out the window. The wind today was ruthless, making the trees look threatening.

I felt the bed move and Nate laid down next to me. "Hey," he said, touching my thigh. "Sorry."

I shrugged and he turned onto his back, rubbing his abs as he looked up at the ceiling.

"A couple years ago, my best friend got shot. Drug deal gone wrong. Left him for dead but he was still alive when someone found him. Ended up being paralyzed from the waist down. The guys that shot him didn't stop there, though. They straight up terrorized his family, breaking in and trashing the house until they found the drugs. When they didn't find anything, they knew he was friends with Foosh...paid him a visit & broke his arm & threatened to kill him. Found the pound of coke there. I almost hid it for him. I would've been next."

His jaw clenched and there was a stiffness to his hands. I placed my hand on top of his and felt the tension ease. They moved around beneath my palms and his fingers locked with mine.

"What happened to the bad guys?" I asked.

"...That's why I still have the gun. I don't know where they are or if they'll come back. Foosh won't chill. He keeps wanting more and more money, gettin' mixed up in the wrong shit. He calls what he's doing as an easier business. He no longer deals with cocaine, it's pills. Goin' to raves every weekend with his stash, makin' bank," he took a deep breath. "He doesn't hold his stash here, I told him not to. But I still watch my back because of him. And I feel I gotta watch his, too."

"Watch yours first, please," I said sincerely. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

He rolled over until his head was in my lap, moving up a bit until it was against my stomach. He slowly wrapped his arms around me. "I'm here, beautiful. I don't wanna go out there anymore. I just wanna achieve my life goals and stay out of trouble."

I played in his hair as I felt his warm lips gently kiss my stomach. "I'm right here," he whispered. We got more comfortable now that he was fully between my legs. He kissed around the waistband of my Batman boyshorts. I had to keep quiet since the guys were still in the house. It was all whispers from there which made things sexier.

He made me lie back down as he moved lower, taking my panties down with him. He crawled back up and wasted no time. He smiled up at me and soon...that smile disappeared between my legs. I had to grab onto sheets already. He was clearly an experienced...linguist. And the language he spoke between my thighs was completely foreign to me. It was as if his tongue was made just for me. He gripped tighter onto my thighs, his muscles flexing, and pulled me closer onto his face. I watched as he shook his head fast, moaning against my throbbing wetness. My back arched as I felt his tongue inside of me. He has yet to come up for air. It was getting hard to keep quiet. My rapid breathing was starting to become vocalized. He reached up and covered my mouth, his other hand holding my thigh down still.

"Oh my god," I mumbled beneath his hand.

My body began to squirm as I got closer...and closer. Once he knew I could keep quiet like a good girl, his other hand went back down to my other thigh, pulling me in closer as if I could get any closer. His eyes opened and he looked up at me. I could tell he was smirking, I saw it in his eyes. Everything crept up on me like a sudden wave. I gasped for air as my body trembled. I wanted to shout his name so badly but he knew I was coming. His tongue moved slower as I climbed down from my peak, enjoying my juices. Any leftover knots I had left in my back (and crippled soul) because of school? He knocked them all out.

+

I was re-reading The Giver while Nate took a nap beside me. It had begun to softly rain. I heard the drops tap onto the tree leaves since we had the window cracked open. There was a knock on the door but it didn't wake Nate. So I got up to answer it. It was Foosh.

His hand was leaning against the doorframe and he seemed upset...still.

"H-hey," I said.

"What's Nate doin'? We gotta go."

"He's sleeping, let him sleep."

Foosh tried to move past me but I blocked the door. I could tell he didn't want to put his hands on a woman, no matter how dangerous he is, because I would've been on the floor by now.

"Don't fuck this up for me, Liv, I swear to God," he shook his head.

"Don't fuck what up? What the hell are you up to?"

"None of your goddamn business-"

"Yo!" Nate shouted as he sat up in bed and looked over at us. "Don't talk to her like that, bruh. What's goin' on?"

"Kalin called. I gotta deliver the money by sundown and I need you, man. I need you to roll with me, you know, just in case..."

"Just in case?" Nate rubbed his eyes. "Do you have all the money or not?"

"Yeah but..."

"So take Alex. As long as you have his shit, ain't shit gonna happen. Kalin is cool, man."

I was silent as the monkey in the middle, looking back and forth between Foosh and Nate. More tension to cut with a knife. I had no idea who this Kalin guy was but obviously he was bad news.

"Alex?" Foosh looked at Nate with disbelief. "No offense to him but the guy is hardly sidekick material."

"I didn't know we were playing Batman and Robin, I'm a sidekick now?"

"Okay fuck the sidekick thing. I need you to have my back."

"And I'll always have your back, bruh. But...I just wanna kick it with my girl. I know she's worried about me and all this shit, kinda like how I'm worried about you wrapped up in this."

"Oh here we go," Foosh rolled his eyes. "See I was cool with it at first. Like, oh yeah Liv's just a close friend that you probably banged a couple times or thought about bangin' and now...she's staying here, she's your girl, and she's fuckin' everything up. I knew this would happen."

Nate got out the bed and walked up to Foosh and I. "So, what? You want me to choose between you and her? Because I can give you a straight up answer. Don't ever pull that shit on me."

"Okay, guys, guys..." I tried to calm the mood.

"Fuck this shit." Foosh gave Nate a look that sent a chill up my spine. He turned to go back down the hallway. "Yo Alex!"

Nate slammed the door shut and kicked the closest object; which turned out to be one of his snapbacks.

"I'm sorry," I spoke quietly.

"For what? Come here." He pulled me in and kissed me. "You have nothin' to do with this, okay? Don't even worry."

But I was worried.

+

A few more days passed. Nate and I were living the lazy life, barely ever crossing paths with Foosh who ended up doing his money exchange without any harm done to him. I didn't understand why he was in this business if he was so paranoid all the time. I thought that was only for the hard-asses that hated the world enough to be careless with it. But he doesn't fool me. Just like Nate: beneath that tough exterior is someone who gives a shit. I know it. I saw Foosh yesterday morning petting a rabbit that trespassed into the backyard. It reminded me of when I saw Nate with the caterpillar.

Aside from all that Foosh madness, though, I had to head back to the apartment to gather more things before I headed home for Christmas. I hadn't seen my mom and little brother, Alex, since last Christmas. I had taken summer classes so I could graduate on time, therefore, couldn't go home.

I let Andrea know the night before that I'd be coming over so if she didn't want to be there, she could clear out before Nate and I arrived. But when I entered the apartment, I nearly dropped to the floor. Wesley was standing by the breakfast bar.

"What the fuck is this?" I asked. I felt Nate press up behind my arm but I had it there for a reason. He was never finished bashing Wesley's face in. I still saw a couple cuts & bruises on his face left by Nate. "What's he doing here?"

"He wants to apologize for how he acted at the party," Andrea informed me. "So let him. It's the least you can do after dumping him."

My eyes widened as I forgot that I never told Andrea the truth about Wesley. She thinks I dumped him in a vicious way, just out of thin air. She has no idea about the verbal & emotional abuse he inflicted on me. At the time, I knew she wouldn't understand. Plus she was too busy hanging out with Sydney who she had just met at the time. I had no one to turn to. I had just lost my relationship that was once good, my best friend was interviewing replacements, and all I had was food.

One week.

One week of binge eating. And on the 7th day, it was me, my toothbrush, and the toilet bowl...hating myself, hating my life, and too scared to take my own life. But I had a breakthrough the next day and realized that I actually do have the strength. I had the strength to throw out my stash and start with water. That's all I drank...water. It was refreshing and symbolically washing away the negativity that latched itself onto my organs. That's how I know to this day that Wesley will never have control over me like that. No one, in fact, will ever be able to drive me back to those dark days. Plus...now I have my head above water with the help of Nate.

"I didn't mean to grab you like that, Liv," Wesley began. I had a bad taste in my mouth. "I didn't even mean to talk to you like that. I'm sorry."

Andrea looked between the two of us, waiting for me to reply. I was too busy taming the monster inside that was ready to crawl out of my mouth and handle him. I'll save her for another day, for another bitch.

"You're full of shit," I put on a crooked smile. "Both of you. The two people I once needed most."

Andrea's eyebrows raised. "Excuse you?"

"No, excuse you. What gave you the right to bring him over here? I know there's things you don't know but still...you knew I was gonna bring Nate. What, were you looking for another fight? Some entertainment?"

I felt the adrenaline pulsing through my veins, banging against their walls. A lump formed in my throat.

"This...asshole you invited? He was abusive."

"He was what?" Nate said behind me, ready to lunge forward like an angry wolf. Down boy.

"I don't mean that he hit me. No. I meant emotionally, verbally, making me feel like shit for my weight. Making me feel like I was only worth a midnight fuck. In the dark. Out of sight." I now turned my attention to Wesley only. "That dent in your bed...the one you blamed my weight for...is it still there? What do you tell all the girls you invite over? Do you tell them you used to date a whale? That's what you told your boys. Or do you blame the girls? Calling them fat, too?"

"Please let me hit him," Nate whispered.

My hand found his clenched fist, making him open his hand so I could hold it.

"He's not worth it, babe."

I glanced over at Andrea as we walked past them while Nate kept his evil eye on a regretful Wesley. Andrea's eyes filled with tears as she looked down at the breakfast bar with reflection.

"You should leave," I heard her say to Wesley.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat.

Nate and I made it to my room and I closed the door. I was still shaking with emotion after facing another demon. I paced my room as I caught my breath. The tears were coming and I tried to suppress them. Nate grabbed my arm and I immediately turned toward him to hug him, finally breaking down.

"Shh, you've got this," he whispered as his fingers combed my hair. "It's okay. Remember I'm here. Look at me." He held my face with both his hands and our eyes locked. "You're strong as fuck, remember that. That was your first time telling her?"

I nodded and a few tears trickled down my cheeks. He kissed my forehead. "Let's get your stuff and get outta here, okay?"

I nodded again and wiped my tears, grabbing my small suitcase next to my dresser. Suddenly Andrea barged in, quickly coming to hug me. The thing is...I didn't hug back.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia. Why didn't you tell me?" She broke the hug to look at me.

"...You wouldn't understand."

"Yes I would've."

"Look, Andrea...you still hurt me. And you continued to hurt me. We'll talk after the holidays. I just need time away." I shook my head and got back to packing.

"Of course." She looked down at the floor with regret.

After everything, Nate and I sat in the car. I had started it up but I just wanted to sit there.

"Nate...where's home for you? Like, where are you going for Christmas?"

"Considering my mom is spending the holidays in another country and my dad is somewhere not giving a fuck about me with his motorcycle club, it looks like home is exactly where I'm livin'." He had a sad smile and it broke me inside a little.

"Come with me."

"You want me to meet your fam already?" He laughed.

"Don't even look at it like that. Besides, who made the rule that you had to wait a certain amount of time to meet someone's family? Just...come with me." I went out on a whim with this one. I knew my mother would disapprove but our house is big enough that she barely has to see Nate.

"Man, you crazy lil mama," he continued to chuckle.

"I'm serious. I'll refund my plane ticket and we'll take the bus. 8 hour drive but that's nothing with you," I smiled.

He licked his lips and came in for a kiss.

"Okay," he spoke against my lips.

Away we go, then.

____

Author's Note: So many things! They're warming up to each other nicely but how is this gonna go over with Liv's family...who we'll find out is NOTHING like her. dun dun dunnnn...

And Foosh...oh Foosh...we're not done with him and this illegal nonsense yet.

Vote & comment fam!!!