You really think he would like someone like you, fatass?

Oh my God, if I looked like that, I would kill myself.

It was fun. I mean, the sex was great. I'm just...not...looking for a relationship right now.

The different voices of the past echoed in my head everytime I looked into a mirror or I was amongst a crowd of people that took the smallest glances at me. Even though I've lost the weight recently, I still feel like I'm...a whale. Perhaps my hair could be a little more bouncy and...my boobs could be a bit perkier without the help of an expensive bra. I'm 21 years old and I'm just now getting into makeup. And still...I keep it subtle.

"Liv," I heard my roommate & best friend Andrea shout from the other side of my bedroom door. "Come on, open up! Let me see your birthday outfit, girl!"

"Umm," I sighed. "Fine."

I opened the door and Andrea's initial excited look faded to a dull one.

"What is this?" She asked me.

"...An outfit," I answered.

Her eyebrows raise and she gives me that look she's been giving me for years. The look that asks do you think I'm stupid?

"You look like you're ready to go door-to-door selling holy books, not go to a club." She shook her head at me and entered my room, going straight to my closet. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"I wanted to just have cake, ice cream, & watch Netflix, honestly."

"No, Liv! You say you want a boyfriend, you want to be more comfortable with your new body, you want this, you want that. How do you expect to get any of this hiding yourself from the world?" She rummages through my closet, desperate to find something better for me to wear.

"I mean...that's half true."

"Nope. Nope. It's true or it's false. Pick- ooh! What about this?" She pulls out a black skirt with gold stripes along the sides with a fancy black tank top. "It'll go great with your boots. You know, besides that lumpy wool dress you're wearing. Who wears wool to a club anyway? You're gonna sweat to death."

She went on and on. The outfit she had chosen for me was the exact outfit I bought a year ago as a gift to myself for losing the weight I wanted to lose. I used to think slimming down would solve all my problems. But I still didn't feel beautiful. Then I discovered that being "in shape" never equated to being "beautiful". I still tug on my shirt every 5 minutes as a 10-year force of habit, making sure my shirts never cling to the rolls that aren't there anymore. I still buy long jeans instead of shorts and avoid crop tops because I still have my stretch marks. It seems like there isn't enough cocoa butter in the world to get rid of them.

"Put it on, put it on." Andrea shoves the clothes against my chest. "And hurry up! The Jacks are on their way."

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't tell me they were coming. Is Johnson bringing Sydney again?"

"I think so," she shrugged.

"Awesome. I've always wanted to be a fifth wheel on my 21st birthday." My smile was fake as I looked down at my clothes.

"You're not a 5th wheel, Liv. I'm not dating Gilinsky, like ever."

"At least you have that option if you wanted to. He's crazy about you."

Now Andrea was rolling her eyes. "He's not my type, just a friend. And if you want, I'll tell him to save a dance for you."

My heart nearly pounded out of my chest but I didn't show it. The truth is, I was head over heels for Jack Gilinsky. I was ready to have Andrea committed to the psych ward for not seeing what I see. But he never looked at me more than a friend.

"Besides, I have a date next weekend. Met him online. His name is Nate and he's...he's pretty fuckin' hot. Like, unbelievably hot," she bragged.

I don't know who this Nate is, but has she ever seen Jack? I mean really looked at him? I wish I was her. I'd hop into his lap like his name was Kris Kringle & this was the shopping mall in December. No hesitation. But I guess to get a guy like that, well, any guy, I would need enough confidence to attempt those moves.

After putting on the outfit Andrea ordered me to do, I emerged from my room. My heart nearly burned to death when I got out into the living room to find the guys have already arrived.

"Oh my God, yes!" Andrea cheered. "This totally works. What do you guys think?"

They both nodded with approval and Johnson even whistled at me, causing me to blush. Gilinsky came toward me, holding an envelope.

"Happy Birthday, Liv," he said. He handed me the envelope & kissed me on the cheek. My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head having him that close to me. I've been with a guy before, well two, but none of them looked and/or smelled like him. I wanted the hug to linger. I wanted his lips to get a little closer to my neck. But the hug was over before I knew it and he went back over to join everyone else.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Um, I'm gonna grab my clutch. Be right back."

I hurried into my room. My jaw dropped and I silently freaked out. I would've screamed if I could. I opened the card envelope with shaking hands. The birthday card was Adventure Time themed. Cute, not romantic, and I certainly love the show...but not exactly what I had hoped for. Still, the gesture was nice. When I opened the card, all it said was To: Liv . From: Jack & Jack. And along with it was a 30 dollar giftcard...to Red Lobster.

+

I should be grateful, right? It's the thought that counted. But it still bothered me. A giftcard to get food? Why not something a little nicer like Victoria's Secret or Bath & Body Works? They knew me when I was...larger and yes I loved eating at Red Lobster, especially the biscuits. But being reminded of the days I hated every inch of my severely obese being really set the tone for the rest of my night.

To make matters worse: here I was at the nightclub, sitting alone in the booth with jackets & purses while everyone else was on the dance floor. As much as Andrea said Gilinsky wasn't her type, they were sure getting down out there. I wanted to puke from how upset I was. I could barely watch because...I wish that was me. I wish I had her perfect hair, her perfect eyebrows, and her toned body so I'd look a little better in this outfit.

After 20 minutes of surfing Pinterest on my phone, I see Andrea's French manicured hand grab my wrist.

"Come on Liv, this is pitiful. It's your birthday," she shouted over the music. "Jack said he'll dance with you."

"Oh my God, you asked him? How embarrassing," I responded. And it was. I would much rather him dance with me because he felt so attracted to me that he just had to have my ass grinding in his lap.

She pulled me onto the dance floor that was changing colors and practically pushed me into Jack's arms. He laughed, holding on tight to me so I wouldn't fall. I could smell the vodka on his breath but it still didn't outshine his cologne. He took me by the hand and twirled me around until my back was to him. His hands, which I have had many dreams about, rested on my hips. It's been a while since I've been touched like this. Senior year of high school to be exact. The music blared and the more the song progressed, the more I loosened up.

"Damn Liv," I heard Jack say as I rolled my hips deeper. He matched my moves and his grip tightened. I could feel him growing and I didn't want this to stop. I was finally enjoying my birthday. I saw Andrea dancing through the crowd to us and she was joyous once she saw me having a good time. She was holding two drinks and handed me one, proceeding to dance in front of me. I was now in a hottie sandwich. I sipped on my very strong Mojito and then decided to down it all in one shot. Jack cheered me on over the music and continued to press against me as we danced.

The rest of the night was a blur after 5 more drinks. I had the pleasure of getting Gilinsky to carry me into the apartment, slipping my shoes off for me, and putting me into my bed. He actually tucked me in.

"Did you have fun tonight?" He asked me as he brought the covers up over me.

"Best birthday ever," I drunkenly responded with a smile.

He kissed me on the forehead. Just a few inches lower and I would've been on absolute cloud 9. But when you're me, you take what you can get. He got to my door and switched the light off before closing my door. I fell asleep as soon as I heard the Jacks' car start up.

I woke up twice that night. First to the sound of Andrea and Sydney in the living room. Still awake and drunk.

"Oh my God, okay okay look," I heard Andrea say obnoxiously loud. Sydney had to hush her.

The second time I awoke to sounds I couldn't explain but they scared me. It sounded like someone was breaking in. I heard something fall and whispers. Never have I been so alert while on the verge of a hangover. I grabbed my umbrella as a weapon and quietly crept out my room and down the short hallway. I saw legs on the bed through Andrea's cracked door and kept moving. Only when I got to the end of the hallway, I wish it was a robber I saw...

Instead, I saw Andrea...on her knees with her lips wrapped around Gilinsky's dick as he sat on the couch. A couch I will no longer sit on. He must've been talking to her via text after the club and came back. That must've been Sydney's legs I saw on Andrea's bed.

Jack's head was back and he kept his moans silent. I couldn't watch any longer. This was terrifying. I tiptoed back into my room and closed my door. The sheer terror I felt soon turned into pain. How else would someone react to seeing their best friend giving a blow job to the guy they loved? I buried myself beneath the covers, silently crying myself back to sleep.

+

The next morning, I woke up with a killer migraine and puffy eyes. I sniffled as I rolled out of bed. When I got out to the kitchen, Andrea was wide awake in her pajamas and cooking eggs.

"There she is," she said as if nothing happened. "I knew you'd wake up to the smell of bacon."

"I didn't," I groaned, sounding like a grump. She shrugged and handed me a plate of three bacon strips & scrambled cheese eggs. "Thanks. I'm guessing Sydney left. You guys were pretty loud."

She cleared her throat and kept her eyes on the stove. "Yeah, sorry about that. We cracked open a couple more beers and watched Netflix until we passed out."

Liar.

"But anyway," she went on. "Remember that guy I told you about? Nate? I invited him over today instead of next weekend. So you might want to change out of last night's outfit." She snickered as she plated her food.

"You gave an internet stranger our address?!" I fumed.

"Relax," she said. "We have mutual friends online. He's legit."

I moved the food around the plate with my fork, not in the least bit hungry. I cringed with every thought of what I saw last night and tried not to cry again. "I-I'm not too hungry."

"Too hungover?" She looked at me with sympathetic eyes and eased the plate away from me.

After a shower, I put on sweatpants and a tank top. I brushed my wet hair up into a makeshift bun and treated myself to a couple more chapters of a book I'm currently reading. The doorbell rang.

"Liv! Can you get that? I'm still in the shower!" Andrea shouted from the bathroom.

"Yes because I'm your fucking maid," I mumbled under my breath. "Okay! I'll get it!"

I rolled my eyes as I approached the front door, mumbling various curse words in various languages.

"Who is it?" I ask as I look out the peep hole to see a guy looking down the hall.

"It's Skate. I mean, Nate," he answered.

After a deep breath, I opened the door. He was wearing a black beanie, flannel shirt, khakis and Adidas sneakers. He looked me up and down and I folded my arms. He was attractive but I felt weird when he looked at me like that.

"Hey," I said with a grin.

"Um...hey," he responded. Then he smiled, revealing his dimples. "Wait...is this one of those Catfish things 'cause you look nothing like the girl in the picture. I mean she looked like damn...not saying you ain't cute but I'm just saying."

I scoffed. "Wow. Thanks asshole. Andrea is in the shower. Sorry I was a disappointment." I invited him in and rolled my eyes, ready to head back to my room.

"I'm sorry," he spoke. "I didn't mean to offend you, lil mama."

"Definitely not your lil mama." He smirked at me and I slammed the front door shut. "Wait in the living room, I guess. Oh but, I wouldn't sit on the middle cushion if I were you."

He looked at the couch in confusion. "What's wrong with it?"

I was about to answer but Andrea rushed out in her bathrobe. Typical.

"He's all yours," I said as I walked back into my room to further sink into the deep abyss that is my misery.

________

A/N: Sooooo what do you think of it so far? And yes, there will be craziness...and hella plot twists.

Vote and comment!! Yayyy