Song: Flashlight - Jessi J
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"What do you want to talk about?" I asked Carter, pulling my arm away from his hold.

He kept quite for a few seconds. As if trying to come up with something to say.

"Do I need to have a reason to talk to you?" He asked looking at me directly. His face and voice surprisingly soft.

It had been a long time since I have seen Carter being like this.

"Last time I checked, you wanted me to stay away from you" I replied.

My mind floated me back to that day in the cafe, I remember his anger directed at me and the way he talked to me. I can never forget the despise I saw on his face. Neither can I forget the pain I felt. Carter at that time did not seem like the guy I had fell in love with.

I...I didn't mean it-" he said, struggling with his words as frustration embarked on his face.

"You know I say words I shouldn't, words I don't actually mean and regret later. You know that more than anyone else" he said lightly.

His face shifting away from me as he looked into nothing particular ahead.

"I don't know you anymore Carter" I replied softly.

Five years apart was a long time. I did not get to see the person Carter had become, what he went through, how he lived. He was a mystery again. And although he was always a mystery this one wasn't familiar. This one wasn't mine.

There was such a huge gap that existed between us now.

"Maybe, maybe not"

I looked at his face searching for a question I did not have. Having him this close was making my heart flutter. Why did he still have this affect on me? I was not in high school anymore.

"I should get going, its getting late" I said looking away from him. Knowing full well that if I stared for too long I would get completely absorbed in.

"I'm sorry" said Carter hurriedly. As if trying to stop me from leaving.

What was going on with him today? He seemed like such a vulnerable person right now, quite opposite of the way he usually is.

"I shouldn't have said all those things to you, it wasn't your fault"

He casted his eyes downwards, his face contorted in confusion and frustration as he tried to come up with right words to say. I did not want to hear him say more. Why do I always get so weak when I'm around him?

"I never meant to hurt you. I never in my life ever want to hurt you" he said, still not looking at me.

But he has hurted me, a lot in fact. Does he not see that? The pain that I had to go through because of him? Was he really that naive?

Before I could reply to him, my phone started ringing. Carter as if snapping out of his daze stepped a few steps away from me. Taking out my phone I saw mom's number flash on the screen. She knew I did not have a car with me today and must have been worried since I wasn't home yet.

"Hello" I said answering the call.

"Miss Eva!? Where- where are you? Madam collapsed and is unconscious right now-" heaved Mary as she talked.

My heart sank to my stomach.

"What!? WHAT HAPPENED!?-" I asked, worry lacing my body like a blanket.

From my peripheral I saw Carter's attention shift towards me.

"I dont- I don't know what happened. She wasn't responding, I called the ambulance, we are on our way to the hospital. I called sir but he isn't answering, I decided to call you then." She said in one breath, I could sense her concern through the speaker.

Okay, okay- I......I- I'm on my way. Is she breathing?" I asked walking towards the exit.

"Yes, she is but its low. They have placed an oxygen mask on her."

"Thank God, I'll be there soon Mary. Take care." I said, ending the call.

I was full on sprinting now, running as fast as I could to leave the park. Out of nowhere a hand came and rested on my elbow, stopping me in my tracks.

"Let me go" I said to Carter, trying to get away from his hold.

However he didn't let me escape. His other hand coming forward and grasping my other arm.

"Eva, Relax. What happened?" He asked, worry on his face too.

"Its mom, she- she lost consciousness" I muttered, trying to grab words as I tried to think clearly.

"Okay, where is she right now? Is she still at home?" Carter asked me gently, not letting go of my arms.

"She is- is on the way to- to the hospital. I need to reach her quickly" I replied, again trying to get out of his hold. Time was running out and I didn't want to waste another second.

"Eva, Calm Down. Stressing is going to cause you more damage than benefit." He said shaking me a little, as if trying to snap me out of my haze and it worked.

I looked at his face, into his hazel eyes and felt myself calm a little. My heart that had been beating too hard, slowing down a fraction.

"Good, now tell me where did you park your car?" He asked gently.

Realisation dawned on me like a bullet train. I did not have my car with me. It was getting fixed. I needed to find a taxi to get to the hospital.

"I...I don't have my car. I need to find a cab" I said looking around as if a car would magically show up for me.

"Its okay, I'll take you there, come" said Carter.

Before I could even think through what he said I felt him grab my hand in his and run towards the exit of the park. I ran after him, my hand secured in his like it was the safest place on earth.

It took us a few minutes to reach his car. Using his key he unlocked the it, opening the passenger side door hurriedly for me.

"Get in" he motioned to the car. Panic evident on his face.

"Thankyou-" I started but he dismissed me with a shake of his head.

"We don't have time for this. Get in" he said while walking to the other side.

I didn't waste a moment settling in the seat and shutting the door beside me.

We reached the hospital in ten minutes. Carter had obviously flown the car but I couldn't care less about it. Throughout the ride I was on call with Mary. They had taken mom in and thankfully Doctor Mathew was on duty today. We were still not able to reach Henry and after calling him a few times I remembered that he had an important meeting today. 

As Carter parked the car, I didn't wait a minute to open the door and dash out. I sprinted towards the emergency door, praying that everything was fine. That mom was fine. My heart felt like it would jump out of my chest.

Entering in I tried to spot Mary, heaving as I was out of breath from all the running. I looked around and saw her in a corridor ahead, standing next to Doctor Mathew who was speaking.

After all the urgency and desperation to reach the hospital quickly my feets were suddenly rooted on the ground. I felt extremely scared. What if there was some bad news? I did not want to hear it. Mom was doing so good, better than most patients, so what went wrong?

As I stared at Mary and Doctor Mathew talking, Carter came and stood next to me.

"What's wrong?" He asked lightly, turning to face me.

"What if its something bad?" I voiced my fears.

"Hey, don't think like that. She will be alright." He said gently.

His hand moved to mine and he lightly squeezed it to give me reassurance.

"I'm scared" I said in a chocked up voice.

"Don't be. I'm here, right next to you."

I turned to look at Carter, his face held determination as if he meant every word he was saying.

"I won't leave" he said, squeezing my hand again.

"Miss Eva!?" Came Mary's voice pulling me out of Carter and this moment.

I saw her jog towards me, doctor Mathew following right behind. I moved forward towards them, my eyes searching their faces.

"Its okay, your mom is fine" said Doctor Mathew as he reached me.

I felt myself relax, my whole body weakening as tension left it. I felt like my legs would give out and I would collapse any moment. From behind I felt Carter's hand rest on my back, giving support.

"Thank God" I sighed weakly.

"She was just too exhausted and drained. Both physically and emotionally"

"Must be due the kids leaving" added Mary.

"Yea, must be. Thankfully it was nothing serious. However, you need to take extra care of her now. This can't be repeated again, it can harm her as she is still recovering." Said Doctor Mathew seriously.

I nodded at his words. Taking in a deep breath to calm my nerves down.

"I'll meet you later when your mom wakes up. Don't worry too much" said Doctor and then walked away after I thanked him.

"I'll go check us in and try calling sir once again." Said Mary.

I nodded at her, my strength to speak suddenly gone. She placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me before leaving. I was grateful that she was with mom at home. I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if mom was alone. Mary had been such a great help throughout the process. I had to thank her in person later.

"See? Nothing happened to her. Relax now" said Carter moving and standing in front of me.

I looked up at him and my eyes welled up with tears. Everything that had happenes finally reaching me. My shock and panic from before was now coming down through tears. Without meaning to I was crying, hiccuping at the thought of something worse happening.

"Hey, its okay Eva." Said Carter with such softness I didn't know he could possess.

He moved closer to me, hesitating at first but then wiping away my tears from my face. However, that was of no help. They kept coming like a waterfall.

I closed my eyes, trying to stop my tears but again it was of no use. I placed my hands on my face in order to hide myself. I didn't want anyone to see me cry. Suddenly I felt arms wrap around me, a hand gently rested my head on a shoulder. Carter's shoulder.

I don't know why but I felt calmness slowly taking over me. My heart slowed down its erratic pace and my stress from before was slowly fizzling out. Carter stood there hugging me, not utterying a word. And I was thankful for that.

I did not move, I was afraid that if I did everything will collapse once again. Slowly my tears stopped coming out and my breathing became normal. Standing there in Carter's arms brought me peace like never before.

...................................

I opened my eyes slowly, the room looking blurry and out of focus. I rubbed my eyes as a yawn escaped me. Sitting up a little I saw a brown coat fall in my lap. A coat that was wrapped around me while I was sleeping

"Your awake?" Came my mother's voice.

I shifted my gaze away from the coat and at her. She was lying on the bed under a white blanket. She looked better than before.

We were at the hospital. Doctor Mathew advised us to stay the night in case mom's condition deteriorated again. It was eight in the morning, the sun shining outside the window, making the room bright.

"Henry went to bring breakfast."

I nodded at her words, still drowsy from my sleep. I looked down at the coat again, thinking about the person it belonged to.

"Carter went home an hour ago. Said he needed to change and get to his office. He had some important documents to sign" said mom as she saw me looking at his coat.

Carter had stayed the whole night, even after countless attempts by me and Henry to send him home. He simply refused to leave which made us give up in the end.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

I folded the coat neatly and placed it on the couch next to me. I had to return this back to him.

"A lot better. I'm sorry for causing this trouble. You and Henry were so worried"

"Don't say that, its not your fault" I said walking over to her and sitting next to her on the bed.

"But mom, you need to take care of yourself. If you were feeling unwell and dizzy in the morning you should have told us" I said grabbing her hand in mine.

"I know I should have, I just didn't want to worry anyone and look where it got me. I bothered everyone even more." She muttered sadly.

"Mom, you did not trouble us. We want you to tell us whenever you feel something is wrong. We are not troubled at all. And don't get sad about the kids leaving. You can see them everyday through video call and they can visit again." I said hoping to make her feel better.

She nodded at my words and smiled. We stayed quite for a little while. I was so thankful that nothing happened to her. She was just exhausted, doctor Mathew assured us that after surgery people are usually weak and it takes time to recover. There was really nothing to worry about.

I don't know what I would have done if something happened to her. I don't even want to imagine it.

"Carter was so nice to stay here the whole night. He didn't even sleep a second, I hope he is alright" said mom after a while.

"Yea, you are right. He was a great help" I replied.

Carter had really been a great help yesterday, not only did he stay the night, he handled everything that needed to be handled so Henry could stay next to mom.

And he really did not sleep at all. Making sure everyone was okay including me. I did not remember falling asleep or hearing him leave. I was so grateful for what he did and would thank him as soon as I could. Even after everything we went through he was there by my side, not wavering once and that meant alot.

"Do you think he still has feelings for you?" Said mom pulling me out of my trance.

"What!?" I asked stunned.

"After how he was acting, it looked like it. He really cares about you."

"Mom stop thinking stupid things. He has a girlfriend. He helped because he is a good human. There is nothing more than that" I replied flabbergasted.

How can mom think something like that? Carter was helping me because that's what he does. He always helped people in need, he used to help me in high school too before we were dating. And even if he did care for me it was because he knew me from his past, I wasn't a stranger.

"Eva?" Said mom making me look at her. Her face held hesitation in it. As if she was contemplating if she should say what she wanted to or not.

"Carter used to come meet me after you were gone." she finally said.

My eyes widened at her words. What!? Carter met my mom after breaking up with me?? Why!? I was beyond shocked at what she said.

"He was extremely sad and lonely after you left. And I think he found solace in my since I was feeling the same."

My heart was beating fast, I couldn't believe this, couldn't comprehend what she was saying. The same question still stuck in my mind. Why would Carter do that?

"We never talked about you, directly that is. But he did try to know about you through indirect ways. How you were and what you were doing. I could sense his longing, he really did love you"

Mom looked at me with a sad smile, squeezing my hand in hers. I looked away still repeating her words in my mind. It was unbelievable what she was saying.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked looking back at her.

"I didn't want you to stay stuck in your past. Your dad told me how much of a hard time you were having adjusting there. I did not want to bring up memories that had the potential to hurt you"

She was right, after I left here and settled in Canada I had a really hard time adjusting. Living away from the place that I had grown in, the only place I knew, was hard. And out of all the things I missed of this city, Carter was the biggest one.

I used to think about him all the time, wondering what he was doing, if he was okay. Wondering if he missed me like I missed him. It took a lot of courage and strength to let him go. Everyday I asked the memory of him why he left me? Why couldn't he hold on to us?

"He didn't love me mom, if he did he wouldn't have left me" I replied, old memories replaying in my mind. All the times Carter had said he loved me, it was all a lie, wasn't it?

Mom took in a deep breath at my words.

"He broke down once, crying because he missed you too much that it hurted him physically. I still remember him asking me a question again and again as I tried to calm him down. 'why does love hurt so much?'" 

I sucked in a breath, did he really say that?

"I know I am no one to tell you how to feel or invalidate your experience but personally I don't doubt his love for you. And I think he still does, he just doesn't remember it"

It was strange hearing about this side of Carter. All I remember is him ignoring me and acting like he didn't care. Why didn't he show this side of him to me? Why couldn't he be this vulnerable infront of me?

And it was hard hearing this come from my mother. I had not shared with her the turmoil of feelings I had due to Carter.

"What happened after that?" I asked, getting a grip on me.

"He got busy in his life and stopped visiting. We used to catch up on phone but that ended too. He had a business to run and so I don't blame him"

There were so many questions in my head that I wanted to ask but didn't know how. I didn't know how to word mu confusions and desperations. And if I ever will be ready for the answers I get.

I had decided to leave Carter behind in my past. But how could I after hearing all this?

Why does love hurt so much?

.........................................

As much as I hate stretched angst, I sure do like writing it.
How are you guys!!!! I hope you are all safe and sound. Here is my birthday treat for all of you. An update before monday. Yay!!! Thankyou so much for your wishes, it truly meant alot.
This was an emotional chapter to write and I liked writing it alot. I hope you like reading it as much.
Do tell me what you think!!! See you next friday.

Comment and vote.

Love,
S. Maham Fatima