Song: To my youth - bolbbalgan4
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I was waiting outside the ice-cream parlour, leaning against Blake's bike as he took our orders. The helmet still secured around my head.

We were not eating inside as Blake had other plans. He mentioned a place he thought would be nice to eat ice-cream at. A place I would like. Standing under the starry sky I was contemplating if I should go with him or not.

The last time I went somewhere with Blake it did not ended well. Ice-cream parlour was a crowded place, so it didn't felt uneasy going there. But I had no idea where this new place was. When I asked, Blake replied with 'its a surprise'

I also did not want Blake to spend money on me. He was already going through so much and eating ice-cream after knowing that he was struggling felt impassive.

I groaned closing my eyes, I shouldn't have come. It was just that Carter and Kaisey were standing there and I wanted to show them that I had moved on, I wasn't crying over Carter. I wanted to tell him that I didn't care about him even if I did.

Did I use Blake for my own purpose?

I felt horrible thinking that, why do I act so carelessly?

"Here you go" said Blake handing me the plastic bag with our ice-creams.

"Thankyou" I said as he sat back on the bike, starting it with the key.

"Can't we eat here?" I asked caustiously, looking around so I could not meet his eyes.

I felt the bike being turned off which forced me to turn towards Blake.

"I was taking you to seventh avenue. We can see the sky from there as its a little higher. But if you don't want-"

"Its fine" I cut in. "Its fine, lets go. I want to see the sky"

Before he could say something I hopped on the bike behind him. After a moment of pause Blake started the motorcycle again. I was glad he wasn't offended.

It took us about five minutes to reach our destination. The place wasn't far but we couldn't have reach it in five minutes either. Blake had rode at such a high speed, I was surprised no one had stopped us. For a moment I thought I was going to fly because of how fast he was riding.

"What the hell!?" I practically screamed as he stopped the bike and I jumped down from it.

"I didn't want the ice-cream to melt" he replied casually, taking off his helmet.

"We could have died" I said taking off mine and giving it back to him.

"I wasn't dying before eating that ice-cream. Now please shut up" he replied, snatching the bag from my hands and walking away.

I huffed, kicking his motorcycle once and then followed behind him. He took us to an elevated bridge that was beautifully decorated with flowers. It smelled divinely too. We stood near the railing looking out at the city and the sky.

Different lights dancing around.

I took a bite of my ice-cream, savouring its taste as it melted on my tongue. There weren't many people here as it was already late but the place was still pleasant.

"So what is going on between you and boss's boyfriend?" Asked Blake taking a bite of his ice-cream.

"Is this why you bought me ice-cream? To get some gossip?" I questioned looking at him.

A small laugh left him as he took in another bite. He swallowed the ice-cream and then spoke again.

"Is he cheating on boss with you?"

I punched Blake's shoulder as hard as I could. His words angering me to no extent.

"Ouch" he said stepping away, rubbing his shoulder.

"Do you really think of me like that?" I asked, extremely offended by his question.

"I was just kidding, I know you can never do that. Your the nicest person I have met, to the point where its stupidity" he replied with a scowl. "Geez you have strength"

I rolled my eyes and looked away. Staring out at the city and the low hum its inhabitants created.

"We used to date. He was my boyfriend in high school" I finally said.

I don't know why I decided to tell Blake that. Although we were getting to know each other more, we still were not friends. Maybe it was because he trusted me enough to let me know his situation and I felt I could trust him too. Telling Blake a part of my past didn't seem to bother me.

"Ohhhh, I should have suspected that" said Blake in realization.

I side glanced him and saw his face contorted in thought. Then he faced me, a question I had been waiting for on the tip of his tongue.

"What happened?"

"I moved to Canada." I replied looking back at the city, taking a bite of my melted ice-cream.

"So? Why did you have to break up?" He asked.

I spinned my head towards him. Surprised at his question. He held a confused look on his face as if he didn't understand the connection, his eyes questioning me.

Did he really see nothing wrong with me moving to Canada? Like Carter had? like Ally and Drake had?

"Carter did not believe in long distance relationships" I finally replied.

"What a jackass, that is so stupid" said Blake rolling his eyes.

I raised my eyes at his comment. I was not expecting that.

"Did you love him?" He asked looking me in the eyes directly.

"None of your business. This is all you get" I said with a smile.

Blake smiled back at me, his eyes glowing in the dark night.

We stayed at the bridge for a little while. Quitely enjoying the atmosphere. It had been so long since I have done this. Shuting down my thoughts to only absorb my environment. It was nice to have Blake as company too, he wasn't loud as he usually is.

"Have you thought about finding yourself an apartment?" I asked after a while.

"I am trying to. I still need to save more money" he replied.

I nodded at his words, not asking more. I didn't want him to think I was nosy.

"I work night shifts at a restaurant. My stuff is usually there in the kitchen cupboard."

"What!? Isn't that too much? Do you even have time to sleep? You'll over work yourself" I replied.

He looked at me and smirked.

"Are you worried about me?"

"Stop it" I said rolling my eyes.

"It helps me make more money. Another three, four months and I will be able to rent a small place."

Three, four months was alot. How will he manage till then? Will he continue sleeping in the park? That is if he gets time to sleep at all.

I wish I could help him in some way.

"I need to head to my job now, you'll have to walk back to where your car is yourself, I'm getting late." said Blake and ran towards his bike.

It took me a moment to realize what he said.

"STOP YOU JERK, TAKE ME BACK TO MY CAR" I screamed running after him.

..................................

Everyone had gone to sleep after an active and rather loud night. Tomorrow morning the twins, Millie and Leigh were going back to Canada. Although it was making me really sad to see them leave, they just couldn't stay here any longer. The kids had school and Leigh had a job to get back too.

As it was their last night here Henry took us all out for dinner. We also roamed around the city for a little while, going through different spots and places. It reminded me of the time I used to take out twins and Millie for outings when we lived here.

After we came back home everyone gathered in the living room to watch a movie while eating ice-cream. However, the kids slept as soon as they finished their bowl. The movie playing on the screen was not even half way through. Mom was also extremely tired, this was the first time she did something hectic and by the end of the day I was a little worried about her.

Right now, me and Leigh were sitting outside in the garden, a thin blanket wrapped around our shoulders as we stared at the stars in the sky. There were too many today, tiny little dots sparkling the night. Reminded me of Blake and the bridge. A cold wind was blowing making the weather perfect.

As I watched the stars I replayed in my mind the past weeks spend with twins and Millie. I had missed them so much and now I didn't know how I will go on without knowing they are waiting for me at home.

They had grown up so much without me and I hated the fact that I was missing on stuff by not being there. However I was thankful to have them in my life.

Family really is a gift from God.

Suddenly my mind shifted to Carter. I wondered if he was close with his parents now or was the situation still the same. Were his parents here? Or was he alone like always. I hope his relationship with them strengthened in the years we were apart.

"I'll miss you" came Leigh's voice breaking my train of thoughts.

Why did my mind always wandered to Carter?

I turned to look at her and smiled.

"I will miss you too"

"You sure? After what I did?" Said Leigh with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes at her playfully. I will really miss having her around, listening to her jokes, sharing things with her but most importantly having someone to lean on.

Ever since I came here I have been lonely. There was no one to go to when I felt like being in someone's company, when myself became too much for me to bear. But ever since Leigh came I haven't felt like this.

She was especially a great help during mom's surgery. I don't know what I would have done without her constantly telling me that everything will be fine.

"I'm thankful that you came and was beside me in a really hard time. What you did that day was wrong but your intentions weren't. You were just being my friend and I'm grateful for that" I replied turning to her.

A smile stretched on her face too. A genuine one. But suddenly her face turned back to serious.

"I still stand by what I said though, you can't go back to your past Eva. You need to move on."

I nodded at her words slightly. Knowing she was right even if it was hard to do that. I have been trying really hard but still Carter sneaks into my mind in the middle of the day or in my dreams at night. How do I stop him from doing that? How do I forget the only thing I made sure I remembered?

"And I think you should start dating again"

I snapped my head up at her.

Dating!? I haven't even thought about it since I came here, since Cole. The idea seemed absurd, where will I find a guy here to date? Besides, my experience of dating here hasn't really been great.

"I can't date here, I have to come back and it will be the same problem all over again" I replied sitting straight again.

"Not every guy is like Carter" Leigh said with pointy eyes.

"I don't even know a guy here, let alone date someone" I reasoned.

"Really? No one? Is there no one at your work who is good enough?"

Suddenly the image of Blake popped up in my mind and I scoffed. There was no way I could date him. Absolutely no way.

"What? Who is it?" Asked Leigh moving closer to me.

"What!? No one, there is no one" I replied acting innocent. Leigh was always quick at catching people's expressions.

"Eva" she said calmly but her tone held an underlying warning I was very familiar with.

"Blake, his name is Blake and he is definitely not the kind of person I can ever date." I sighed, giving up.

"How old is he?" She asked her investigator form taking over.

"I think a little older than me"

"And why can't you date him?"

"Because he is mean and loud and sarcastic and makes fun of me all the time. He is very annoying Leigh" I said looking at her.

Leigh released a breath and collapsed on the ground.

"What if he grows on you?" She said closing her eyes.

"That will never happen" I replied lying down next to her.

"Still, don't cut him off the list yet. If he asks you out, date him"

I closed my eyes, knowing full well that Blake would never ask me out.

................................

"I'll get it" I said to Mary as I moved towards the door.

It was six pm, the sun slowly sinking down as the moon came up. I had come back earlier from work today for mom. I knew she would be feeling gloomy now that the kids had gone back and I was right. She wasn't talking much after the twins and Millie left and seemed weary and tired through out the day. Currently she was sleeping in her room as I tried to watch tv.

Opening the door I was a surprised to see Ally standing on the other side. She was hugging her arms as she looked over at the garden. Hearing the door open she shifted her gaze to me and smiled a little.

"Hey, how are you?" She asked stepping forward.

"I...I'm good, how are you?" I answered still dazed.

"I'm good too"

We stood there for a few more second before I snapped back into reality.

"Oh I'm sorry, I don't know where my mind is. Come on in"

I stepped aside from the door, making way for her to pass through. I noticed how thin her body was as she passed by me into the house.

I guided her to the living room, asking Mary to bring us some tea and biscuits even though Ally declined.

"Have the kids gone back?" Asked Ally looking around.

"Yeah, they left this morning" I replied settling down next to her.

"Oh, I should have visited earlier then. Would have been able to say goodbye"

Why was Ally here? I still wasn't able to come up with an answer to this question. She also didn't seem angry, I was expecting her never talking to me again after what happened. But she seemed pretty fine.

"I came the other day, you were not home...." I started.

"Yea, Drake told me" she said looking at me.

"I wanted to apologise for what Leigh did that day. She shouldn't have-"

"She was right" said Ally, cutting me off with her stern voice.

I looked at her shocked. Not expecting her to say that considering how angry she was at Leigh's outburst that day.

"Whatever she said was right. The way we treated you five years ago was very ignorant and selfish of us, especially me"

She moved closer to me and clasped my hand in hers.

"I was your best friend, I should have been there for you. You had broken up and was shifting to a whole new country. You needed me most at that time and I turned my back on you cause you asked me to reconsider my marriage with Drake."

Ally's voice cracked a little at the end. I didn't know what to say as I watched her glistening eyes.

"And you were right, marriage isn't like dating. It comes with huge responsibilities that both me and Drake weren't ready for. I can't believe I doubted your ability to be happy for me just because you didn't agree with my choices. You had always been there, no matter how many times I messed up. You stayed and made things right."

Ally was holding my hand tightly now. Her tears falling down one by one.

"And when you wanted that from me I bailed out. I was so selfish that I left when it wasn't about me. I'm so sorry for that. You must have had such a hard time being strong on your own. I regret nothing more than doing that to you-"

"STOP" I said grabbing her shoulder.

It looked like she was in a lot of pain, every word she said was a struggle for her. It was hard to see Ally cry like this when I had seen her smile all my life.

"Stop, there is no point going back in the past and tormenting yourself. Whatever happened, happened. I accept your apology"

She relaxed visibly after hearing that. Her shoulders sagging down as I wiped away her tears. Moving forward I hugged her tightly, to give her reassurance that everything was okay. She hugged me back just as tight.

"Leigh was also right about Carter" said Ally sternly.

My body became rigid at the mention of his name. Moving back Ally looked me directly in the eye. Her face as serious as it could get.

"Carter left you because he wasn't man enough to deal with the first sign of hardship arriving in your relationship."

I was stunned at her words. Ally and Drake had always supported Carter when it came to our break up, always blamed me for breaking his heart. Did Leigh's words really have that huge an impact on her?

"I love Carter, he is like a brother I never had. But what he did was wrong, the breakup was his fault not yours. And I understand that he was young and your relationship was new but you don't deserve to be accused for what happened. You had every right to leave and Carter should have supported that."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say anything. These talks were about the past and I was trying so hard to get out of it. I did not want to visit the memory lane.

"Thankyou for this" I said to Ally.

I really was thankful that Ally said that, all my confusions and frustrations due to what happened felt valid now.

"Can you thank Leigh from my side? She helped me finally realize what I had been ignoring for so long. My guilt about what happened was so huge that I swept it under the rug for the past five years. Im glad you found a good friend."

I smiled at her words. Leigh really was a great friend.

"I hope we can be friends again too" said Ally with a sad smile.

"What are you saying? Of course we are still friend. I know its not like before but we will always be friends Ally.

Her face lit up with a smile as she hugged me again.

"We need a lot of catching up to do" she whispered.

Our embrace was cut short by a knock at the door. Pulling away I motioned Mary to come in. She placed the tea and biscuits on the table, the smell wafting in the room.

"Thankyou" I said to her as she left.

"This really wasn't necessarily" mumbled Ally looking at the food.

"You need to start eating. Have you seen yourself? You have lost so much weight and that isn't good. You need strength Ally..."

I gave her tea and then passed some biscuits.. She had a grateful smile on her face as she took the first bite.

...................................

I was at the park, watching the swans as they ate the food I had given them. Some distance away I could see children running around, laughing and jumping without a care of this world.

They reminded me of Alex, Daniel and Millie. I was missing them so much ever since they left. The house that had been so lively was quite and dim. Mom was also feeling down lately, it was like a vital part of our lives was missing.

I sighed and looked at the time. It was getting dark and I should be heading home. My car broke down in the morning when I was leaving for office, it was currently at the repair shop getting fixed. I had been travelling through cabs today and didn't want to take one at night when it was completely dark.

I threw a few more crumbs in the water for the swans to eat and then turned to leave. However, as I turned I was met with Carter William standing a little distance away from me.

I stopped in my tracks, my eyes meeting his. He was already looking at me, seemed like he had been for a while. His hands were in the pockets of his pants, his brown coat making him look handsome. It looked like he had just gotten off work, his hair a mess like always.

I shifted my gaze away from him. Reminding myself that I was moving on, that I can't get captivated by him. I forced my legs to move, keeping my head down as I tried to walk past him. But I wasn't able to do that.

As I was walking by, Carter's hand caught my arm in his, stopping me from leaving. His grip strong yet delicate. I was startled by this act of him.

What was he doing?

I looked up at his face, trying not to memorize it like I used to five years ago. I questioned his action with my eyes, not trusting my words. Like always he understood me completely.

"Can we talk?"

.....................................

Hello everyone!!! How have you been? I hope all of you are doing well. Here is another update from me.
I actually really wanted to update two chapters today since its my birthday but didn't get the time to write them down. However, I tried my best to make this long for you all so you can enjoy.
I once again want to thank all of you so much for your support. A lot of people have been reading my book and I am so grateful for that.
I especially love all the comments you leave, look forward to your interpretation of the chapters so much. Hope you like this update. See you on monday!!!

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Love,
S. Maham Fatima