Chapter 16
Song: Cardigan - Taylor Swift
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"Thankyou for coming with me today" I said to Leigh as we entered the shopping mall.
The place was buzzing with people of every kind and age. The air filled with laughter and aromas of different food. I remembered this shopping mall from years ago, me and Ally used to come here all the time.
It had changed of course, modernized and advanced but its feel was still the same. It brought a gush of nostalgia I wasn't ready for.
"You don't have to thank me" Leigh replied casually, looking around the place, taking everything in.
Leigh was a great observer, that's what made her smarter than most people.
"Oh look ice cream, we can take some for the kids" she said pointing at an ice cream parlour on the right side.
I stared at the parlour and the people eating ice cream there. My mind floated to Carter, the person I had associated ice cream with. I remembered the first time we ate ice cream. Inside his car, in the parking lot of the bowling building.
How do you tear apart a feeling from a person? An object from a memory?
I felt Leigh nudge me and my mind came back on planet earth. I looked over at her and saw her pointing with her eyes towards my left.
Turning my gaze to where she was pointing, I found Ally and Kaisey standing in the distance. Ally was wearing a dark green shirt with jeans while Kaisey was wearing a yellow dress.
They hadn't spotted us yet, talking about something intimately until Ally laughed. Soon her wandering eyes found me.
I put on a smile on my face and waved over at her. She waved back, her smile stretching upon seeing me.
"You ready?" Taunted Leigh with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes at her and walked towards them. Leigh following behind me.
"Hey" said Ally hugging me.
"Hi" I replied, hugging her back. "Hope you didn't wait for long"
"Oh no, we just got here too" she said stepping away.
Her eyes shifted to Leigh and she nodded with a small smile. Leigh nodded back.
Uptil now I had been blatantly trying to ignore Kaisey, I knew the moment I looked at her I would be reminded of Carter's last call. I would be reminded of the last time I saw her and Carter together.
I did not want to remember him.
"Hey Eva, glad we could meet outside office." Said Kaisey.
I finally looked up at her and smiled. She didn't step forward to hug me and I was thankful. It would have been weird.
"Hi and yeah, its nice getting outside office once in a while" I replied.
She nodded at my words and then looked over at Leigh.
"Oh, this is Leigh. My friend from Canada, she is visiting" I introduced.
"Hello!! nice to meet you" Said Kaisey stepping forward and extending her hand. Her stunning smile vibrant on her face.
"You too" replied Leigh shortly, shaking her hand.
There was a moment of silence after that. No one knew what to say. I knew this meetup would be awkward like this.
"So which place should we go to first?" Asked Kaisey casually, not affected one bit by the uncomfortable atmosphere.
"Maybe we can go to that clothes shop first" said Ally and pointed towards a shop in distance. "I have been meaning to buy some clothes"
"Okay, lets go" said Kaisey
She turned around and started walking towards our destination. The three of us followed her. I stared at her back as she moved confidently through the crowd. Her head up, her walk graceful.
Looking at her like this I always understood why Carter was with her.
.........................................
After about two hours of roaming around the mall, buying some clothes, shoes and jewellery, we were now settled in a booth in a fast food restaurant. Our shopping bags littered on the floor around our table. Leigh and Kaisey had gone to bring our food while me and Ally waited for them in silence.
The two hours we had spend together weren't as bad as I had expected. Kaisey was really good at handling awkward situations and she had help by Leigh. I never knew what it felt like to be that spontaneous.
Ally had generally stayed quite throughout our hangout. I didn't know if it was due to the out of ordinary feeling that surrounded us or if she had just grown to be quite, a total opposite characteristic of her. Or of who she used to be. The Ally I remembered.
I wondered how her and Drake were doing, did they sort things out or have another fight? Was he okay?
I leaned a little forward and mustered up the courage to ask her.
"So, how is Drake"
She was startled at first hearing my sudden question. Then her eyes shifted towards me and a small smile appeared.
"He is okay, we both are. That day you saw the worst of him, he isn't usually like that"
"I know, he is one of the most compassionate persons I have met" I replied.
Ally nodded to what I said, she glanced towards Leigh and Kaisey still standing in the line, waiting to get the order.
"You know this was a bad idea, we should have meet up alone. Its been so long we had a proper heart to heart conversation" said Ally looking back at me.
I was surprised to hear her say that. Ever since I came back I had felt like Ally didn't really want to hamgout with me. All the times we had met she was agitated, frustrated or very un-Ally like. And I get now that a part of it had to do with the way her married life was going. But never once did I feel like Ally wanted to spend time with me.
I was happy to hear her say that.
"Yeah, you are right. We haven't really talked to each other ever since I came back" I replied.
"Maybe I can come over to your place on a weekend?" Said Ally leaning forward too "I.....I have a lot to tell you and.....and need advice on some issues too"
"Yeah, of course" I replied instantly again surprised that she wanted to share her problems with me.
I didn't ask Ally what her issues were, all I hoped was that it wasn't something serious. My mind jumped back to the past once again, to all the times Ally would come to me after a mess up and ask for advice. How we would fix whatever she did wrong.
Back then life was different, it was easier. Today, however, nothing was simple. I didn't know growing up meant all this. I was never ready for this. I think none of us were.
None of us were ready to become what we are today. Its funny how time plays with you.
Kaisey and Leigh soon arrived with our food. We had ordered burgers and fries. I could feel my stomach rumble from the hunger, walking around for two hours was exhausting. I popped a french fry in my mouth and practically moaned, it was so good.
At first we ate in silence, just little small talk here and there. However things turned weird after a small comment by me. I wish I had just stayed quite.
"The food is really good here" I said nonchalantly as I sipped my cold drink.
"I know right? Me and Carter often come here for dates because of the food" said Kaisey.
I paused for a moment. I didn't know if she said that randomly or on purpose. She had never talked about her and Carter's relationship in front of me before.
I ignored her words. Telling myself that I couldn't react like that everytime Carter got mentioned.
She was his girlfriend, the girl he wanted to be with. Of course she would talk about him, they must see each other everyday. Go on dates all the time. Mentioning dates with your boyfriend was a totally normal thing to do.
Leigh however didn't think like that.
"A rather bland place to go on a date to if you ask me" she said.
I shifted my eyes towards her, surprised at her sarcastic tone. She was eating her burger, totally unbothered by what she had just said.
"Of course we go to special places too. This is for our casual dates" replied Kaisey looking up at her.
"Isn't every date suppose to be special?"
I kicked Leigh's leg under the table, hoping she gets the clue and shuts up. However, Leigh ignored my action, still eating her food casually.
Kaisey on the other hand wasn't smiling anymore. Her eyes were fixated on Leigh and I could see a hint of annoyance in them.
"We should go have some ice creams after this-" Ally started, hoping to shift the conversation away from where it was going.
She had irritation in her voice too, probably because of Leigh.
"Are you dating someone Leigh?" Asked Kaisey, cleaning her hands on the tissue while still staring at Leigh intently.
Leigh looked up from her food and stared back.
"No, I'm not"
"Then you probably don't know what a relationship is like. The whole point of dating someone is to be have someone with whom you can enjoy ordinary things in life. Me and Carter don't need to go on special dates to have a good time, we just need to be together"
Kaisey said her words like a sharp knife, hoping to get her message across. I always knew she was someone like that. Someone who could be nice but also harsh when she feels like it. What I didn't know was that I could be this weak. Every word she said went straight to my heart, her knife wounding me.
I knew this was wrong, what I was feeling was wrong. I should not be sad over this or hurt. Carter was no longer mine, I lost the right to be jealous the moment he broke up with me. But right here, right now that was all I felt.
Love was a funny thing indeed. Would pretend to be died only to wake up after five years.
"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to offend you. Its just all the times Eva has told be about her and Carter's dates, they seemed to be really special. Like he put in effort." Leigh replied back, her words meant to sting.
I was suddenly feeling suffocated here. This was not what I wanted. I didn't know what Leigh was doing but I wanted her to stop.
"I think that's enough" I said turning towards Leigh, hoping she would get this direct hint.
"Eva did not date Carter long enough. They dated for four months, dates usually are speical this early. However, Kaisey and Carter have been dating each other for more than 6 months now. Once you become comfortable with your partner even grocery shopping is special" jumped in ally.
"Four months yet he said 'I love you' to Eva, seems a comfortable enough relationship to me. In fact he started the relationship by saying I love you. When did he say that to you?" Asked Leigh still looking at Kaisey.
I closed my eyes, knowing that the situation was out of my hands now. I cursed myself for thinking this was a good idea. I should have never brought Leigh here with me, in fact I should have never come here in the first place knowing that Kaisey was coming.
I waited for Kaisey's answer to come and hurt me more. Maybe I needed this, once I hear that the man I love loves someone else now I might be able to move on.
However no answer came from Kaisey's side. I looked up and saw her shift her gaze down to her plate.
"He hasn't said 'I love you' to you yet?" Asked Leigh.
For the first time I could see insecurity on Kaisey's face as she thought of what to say. Has Carter really not expressed his love to her yet?
Before Kaisey or Ally could reply though another sharp voice came from our right.
"Remind me when my relationship with my girlfriend was any of your business"
I looked up and saw Carter standing a little way away from us. Anger evident in his eyes as he looked at Leigh and then at me.
He stepped forward and stood close to the table. He was radiating with rage, so much that I felt scared. Leigh on the other hand wasn't.
She looked over at Carter with a bored expression and then stood up. Crossing her arms on her chest she said:
"It isn't, I was just trying to make your girlfriend realise what a douchbag you really are"
I stood up quickly and grabbed Leigh, realising that this was going to get more ugly than I thought.
"Do you ever sit and contemplate what you did to Eva? How much you hurted her? You left her because a long distance relationship wasn't convenient for you. You want your girlfriends as prized possessions next-"
"SHUT UP" said Carter loudly, his voice sending shivers of fear down my body.
Both Kaisey and Ally stood up too. Carter was looking at Leigh as if he would kill her, Kaisey lightly placed her hand on Carter's shoulder in an effort to calm him down. Leigh was looking at him with the same amount of anger. I looked around and saw people staring over at us.
"You don't deserve to be loved and you definitely never deserved Eva. I hope you suffer for what you did to her."
"We need to leave" I said to Leigh while grabbing my purse and our shopping bags.
"I didn't know you had such mean friends Eva" said Ally, displeasure in her voice too.
"Oh, you didn't? Cause Eva has always had mean friends. I mean you are the biggest example." Leigh fired back, swiftly turning towards Ally.
Surprise was written over all of Ally's face upon hearing that. I just wanted to disappear from this place.
"You were her best friend, she needed you the most. But you were too busy being angry at her for living her life. For being there for her family. How could you-?"
"That is enough" I said to Leigh, pushing her a little to get her out of the booth.
"We are leaving" I uttered to her as she shifted her gaze at me.
It looked like she had more to say but upon seeing my stern face she gave up on it. Picking up her bag from the seat Leigh moved out of the booth not looking back once.
"I- I'm really sorry" I said looking over at Kaisey. I didn't know what else to say. After pausing for a moment I started to walk away.
But as I passed Carter he took a hold of my upper arm, pushing me back a little. His grip was steel as he looked at me furiously.
"Don't EVER insult my girlfriend like that again. I won't tolerate it next time. And stay the HELL away from her. Understood?"
I looked at his eyes and saw a mixture of anger and despise. Using my other hand I tried to tear his hand away my arm but his grip was too strong. He stared at me angrily and then after a moment let go of my arm.
I was shaken from this, my legs rooted on the ground. I felt like if I moved now I would collapse. Carter had never acted like this towards me before. I had never been on the recieving end of this version of him. This version that didn't come out often.
From the corner of my eyes I saw him walk towards her and hold her face in his hands.
"Hey, you okay? Its okay, you don't have to listen to a word they said" he said from behind me.
He then took her in his arms. A tight embrace as he kissed her head lightly, her face buried in his chest.
Finally I got the strength to move out of that place.
......................................
We were in the car, going back home. Not a word had been uttered between me and Leigh but I was fuming. I still couldn't comprehend what had happened? What had gotten over her to do something like that?
I shifted my gaze slightly towards her and saw her leaned back on the seat, her eyes closed while her hair danced in the wind. She had rolled down the window completely, making the car more airy and filling it with noise. The relaxed expression on her face irked me.
We were a few streets away from the house when I screeched the car to a stop.
"What was that?" I asked sharply.
She opened one of her eyes and looked at me.
"Are we going to do this here instead of back home?" She asked casually, closing her eyes back again.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" I Shouted at top of my lungs. Everything that had happened finally exploding in me.
Leigh sat right up at my voice, shock displayed on her face as she stared at me. I have never screamed at her before.
"Wow, you can actually scream" she said with a loopy grin.
I felt like smacking her head in the dashboard. What was honestly wrong with her? She just ruined a peaceful hangout. Portrayed me as a mean bully who was still not over her ex. Seeing that I wasn't in the mood for jokes she sobered up.
"That was something you should have done a long time ago. I don't understand why you are putting up with all this?"
"You don't get to make that call, you don't get to speak on behalf of me Leigh. I can do that myself." I replied feverishly.
"You would have never done that. You would have politely sat down and listen to whatever they had to say no matter how much it hurts you. Carter needed a reality check and so did Ally. I don't mind being the one delivering it"
I stared at her hotly. Did she really not realise what she had done.
"Can you honestly not see that you destroyed everything? Whatever happened, happened five years ago. Everyone has moved on. However, you made it seem like I was still stuck in the past, that I was still holding a grudge when I am not." I said frustrated.
"I did not tell you about my past so you can out it like that. I get to make the choice of what to say and to whom. I am the one who should be angry or okay with them. You don't get to decide"
Leigh gave me a long long look before speaking again.
"Eva you are still in love with Carter. You are still stuck in the past and refusing to admit it won't make it go away"
I gaped at her, stunned at what she said. Why was I always so obvious. Why did she have to say it on my face like that? I hated to hear it from someone else. I hated the image it created of me.
"What happened today was also a reality check for you. You need to see those people for what they are. That guy broke your heart. You can't be in love with him because you deserve better. I just can't see you getting hurt like that continually."
Leigh leaned forward and hugged me. I wanted to push her away, wanted to be alone at this moment to process things.
"Eva you need to move on from him " she whispered lightly.
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Hello everyone!!! My exams finally finished and I am completely free till september to just write, write and write.
I hope you all are well and I hope you like this chapter. I wrote this in a day, in hurry to update so if its not good enough apologise.
Furthermore I have come up with a schedule for updating so you all know when the next chapter will come.
!!UPDATE SCHEDULE !!
Monday 12 AM (Pakistan Standard Time)
Friday 12 AM (Pakistan Standard Time)
This means there will be two updates per week. I can also publish in between but I feel like this schedule will bring consistency and you all will know when the chapter comes.
Thankyou so much for sticking with this story and reading it. I am always grateful.
Comment and vote.
Love,
S. Maham Fatima
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