~five years ago...~

    "I thought you were dead,"

    "Calm down, Yoongi,"

Jeongguk laughs but Yoongi doesn't find anything funny right now.

    "You weren't breathing, Jeongguk," He says as Jeongguk lays down on the park bench they were sitting on, laying his head in his lap.

    "I'm breathing now though," Jeongguk smiles as he looks up at Yoongi, squinting against the sunlight. "Everything's fine. We're gonna have a place to stay soon and we're gonna be working and...everything's gonna be great in a little while. I don't wanna miss it."

Yoongi shakes his head, running his fingers through Jeongguk's hair as he looks down at him. "You scared the shit of me."

Jeongguk laughs again. "I'm sorry," He says. "I don't like making you upset, hyung. Stop making me feel bad."

Yoongi doesn't respond, staring straight ahead as he messes with Jeongguk's hair.

    "Plus, it's too nice of a day to overdose," He continues. "I mean look around. The sun's shining, there's not a cloud in the sky, everyone's happy. I'm happy, and you're happy, right?"

    "I guess," Yoongi says, taking a moment to look around them. Watching peoples smiling faces as they pass them without a care in the world.

    "If I was gonna overdose, it'd be on a rainy day," Jeongguk sighs, closing his eyes and letting the sun warm his face. "Not on a day like today."

    "Just don't scare me like that again,"

    "I won't, hyung...I promise."

~present~

There were two things that Yoongi learned throughout his years of knowing Jeongguk.

One, he was a liar.

And two, he never overdosed on rainy days.

He overdosed on days like today, when the sun was shining and the skies were clear. When the birds were chirping and the flowers were in full bloom.

He overdosed on the days when he wanted to be his happiest, on the days when everything was okay.

    "I just need to ask you a few questions, son,"

He overdosed on the days that he would smile and laugh, and pretend everything was alright in his head. He overdosed on the days when you thought, can I take a step back now?

Can I breathe for a second without him slipping through my fingers?

If I let my guard down now, will~

    "~he be okay?"

    "We're doing everything we can for him right now, but I need your help so that we can save his life, okay?"

    "Is he gonna die?"

It was days like today that Yoongi's dreaded since the first time he found Jeongguk unconscious, barely breathing, and covered in his own vomit.

It was days like today that he prayed that he was always in the right place at the right time...just in case something like this happened.

He dreaded sunny days, he dreaded the days when everything seemed to be going right. Because just when he starts to think nothing can go wrong, something does.

    "I need you to focus so I can ask you a few questions, son,"

Yoongi can't tear his eyes away from Jeongguk's limp body, he can't force himself to look away. Even as they load him onto the stretcher and rush him out of the room, he watches him until he's gone.

    "Are there any more drugs on the premises?"

    "No," I flushed them before you got here.

    "Does he have a history of drug abuse?"

    "Yes," He's been chasing the same high since the day I met him.

    "Has he overdosed in past, that you are aware of?"

    "Yes," I've lost count of how many times I've found him like this.

    "Can you give me a number?"

    "No," Too many, that's how many times.

Yoongi can't make out any of the questions after that, all he hears is his heart drumming in his ears and his breath catching in his throat.

    "I'm sorry, I have to follow them," He says walking away from the paramedic. He feels like his entire body is moving in slow motion as he grabs his keys and his phone from the bed, his eyes lingering on the discarded needle on the ground.

He doesn't wait any longer, leaving the clinic as fast as his legs will carry him. He walks to his car, looking up at the cloudless sky.

Why couldn't it have rained today?

~

It's weird how many people show up when it's too late, it's almost laughable.

It's weird that someone could be going through something alone for so long, but the minute something tragic happens everyone want to show up.

Maybe it's not fair for Yoongi to feel those emotions as he looks around the waiting room, but he feels them nonetheless.

Jimin, someone who has physically and verbally abused Jeongguk in the times when he was trying and doing his best.

Doyun, someone who locked Jeongguk in a basement when he needed medical attention. Someone who claims to want the best for him yet still abused him every chance he got.

Seonho, someone who enabled Jeongguk and profited off of his addiction. Someone who wanted to keep him trapped in the world of drug abuse in order to keep him close.

Seokjin, someone Yoongi had never seen in his life. Someone he's never heard Jeongguk mention once.

Hoseok, someone else he's never seen or heard of.

But at least Taehyung's here, someone he knows has fought for Jeongguk—or at least tried—as much as he has.

Yoongi himself knows he has no right invalidate any one's concern for Jeongguk.

Maybe Jeongguk needed all these people here to realize that he wasn't just hurting himself, he was hurting all of them.

    "Have they said anything else?" Taehyung whispers to him, his eyes swollen and his voice gone from crying.

    "I don't think so," Yoongi responds, looking across the waiting room at Doyun.

Doyun was the only one that could get any information about Jeongguk's condition. He would occasionally let Yoongi know if he was doing okay, but he hasn't told him anything in hours.

That could only mean one of two things. Either he was still doing okay, or he wasn't doing okay and Doyun wouldn't tell him.

    "I-I think I need to step outside," Taehyung says, his voice trembling as he stands.

    "I'll go with you," Hoseok says standing with him, putting his arm around him as he leads him outside.

Yoongi makes eye contact with Seokjin for a second before the older looks away, standing to follow Taehyung and Hoseok outside.

    "Anything, Doyun?" Yoongi asks, even though he didn't want to speak to him.

    "No," Doyun says shortly, keeping his gaze distant. He looked like he was pretending he was anywhere else. Like he couldn't fully be in the moment without losing his shit. "Maybe you should step outside too."

Yoongi doesn't respond, he just stands and leaves the waiting room. Walking aimlessly until he finds the exit.

He couldn't count how many days and nights he's spent in a hospital waiting to hear if Jeongguk was alive. He couldn't count how many times he's prayed that, just this once, he'd be okay.

So instead of praying, instead of begging the universe to reverse time, he just forces his mind to shut down. He forces all his thoughts out of his head, and all emotions out of his body.

There was nothing he could do but wait. Only time could tell what would happen on this beautiful, warm, sunny Saturday in July.

Only time could tell...