Walking into the building that Jimin directed him to feels daunting to Taehyung.

His hands sweat nervously as he approaches the front desk. Fumbling over his words when he gives his name and hands over his referral.

"Oh, Jimin did tell us you were coming," The man at the front desk smiles up at him.

Taehyung smiles back softly, he doesn't trusts the man's kind eyes. Kind eyes always hid something dark.

"I'll just let your surrogate know you're here," He says turning to the phone, dialing a number before speaking. "Your noon appointment's here...mhm...okay."

Taehyung bites his lip nervously as the man stands from behind the desk.

"You can follow me, babe," He says, making Taehyung outwardly cringe at the name. He shows him to a room before leaving him alone.

Taehyung sits down on the huge bed, being that it's the only piece of furniture in the room. He feels uneasy as he thinks about being alone with a man in this room...with the door closed.

"Don't self sabotage today, Taehyung," He says looking around the room. "You're fine."

The door opens minutes later, startling Taehyung and making him stand quickly.

"I'm sorry, I should've knocked," The man chuckles softly as he shuts the door. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't," Taehyung lies. "I'm j-just nervous."

"I know this can all be a little intimidating, but you're going to do great," The man smiles. "We're going to make a lot of progress today, Taehyung."

Taehyung nods, looking off a bit awkwardly. He didn't know what he was supposed to say.

"I'm Jeongguk, by the way," The dark haired man says stepping closer and holding his hand out. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too," Taehyung says shaking his hand. "I'm sorry I'm being awkward."

"No, you're doing great," Jeongguk chuckles. "Why don't we sit and chat a little."

"Uhm, sure," Taehyung says glancing at the door.

Talking to Jeongguk about his sex problems is emotionally challenging at the start of their conversation, mostly because he's afraid to reveal to him the main reasons why he's afraid of sex. But after speaking to him for almost an hour he feels like he can trust him with that information.

"Can I be honest?" He asks looking at the ravenette.

"Of course," Jeongguk nods placing his hand over his. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," Taehyung shrugs, he knew Jeongguk was trying to advance to more intimate touches throughout their session but he wasn't uncomfortable with this.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me?" Jeongguk asks tucking his long locks behind his ear.

"There's something I haven't told anyone. Not even Jimin." Taehyung says. "It's one of the main reasons I'm worried about having sex with Namjoon."

Jeongguk nods, his expression concerned and somewhat curious as he lets Taehyung continue. His thumb rubbing gentle circles into the back of his hand.

"I-I wasn't born with the...traditional (?) male parts." Taehyung forces himself to say. He was so tired of keeping that secret to himself, there wasn't anyone in his life that made him feel as comfortable as Jeongguk did to share this information.

"Okay," Jeongguk nods, not a trace of shock or disgust crossing his features like Taehyung always expected from the person he would admit this to. "That's nothing to be ashamed of, Taehyung."

"You're only saying that because you have to," Taehyung says rolling his eyes. "It's not easy to live with. Especially after...everything. My dad always invalidated my masculinity, so did most of my family."

"I'm saying it because it's true. You're an amazing person, I can tell just from talking with you today," Jeongguk says. "You don't have to hide this part of yourself from Namjoon, but no one else deserves or needs to know unless you choose to tell them. You are in charge of your body, Taehyung. No one else. You aren't the same person that your dad took advantage of all those years ago. You've grown a lot since then."

Hearing Jeongguk say those words out loud strikes a nerve, making Taehyung pull away from him. He didn't like talking about what his father did to him and his sisters when they were younger.

Jeongguk doesn't say anything, waiting patiently for Taehyung to speak next.

"Every time..." Taehyung sighs as he feels himself become emotional.

"Take your time," Jeongguk says patiently. "Speak whenever you're ready."

"Every time someone touches me all I feel is h-him. All I f-feel are his hands on me." Taehyung says through the tears forming in his eyes. "I love Namjoon, I do. And it's not fair for me to freak out at him whenever he does things a boyfriend should be able to do."

"No one is entitled to your body," Jeongguk says. "But if you do decide to give someone that privilege, it's important to be mindful. When you're aware and present in the moment your mind won't go to those dark places."

"It's so hard," Taehyung says wiping his tears. "I just want to be normal, Jeongguk."

"You are normal," Jeongguk says. "You just need a little help healing. That's why I'm here."

Taehyung nods, wiping the remainder of his tears. "I'm going to get better."

"You are," Jeongguk smiles as he takes Taehyung's hand again. "Just one step at a time."

Taehyung cracks a small smile as he looks down at his hand in Jeongguk's.

Maybe he wasn't a completely hopeless case.

~

"You seem to be in a good mood today,"

Taehyung shrugs, smiling softly as he changes the coffee filters for his mom.

"I'm sure it has everything to do with Namjoon?" Seokjin asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively from where he's making a customer's frappe.

"When does it not have everything to do with Namjoon?" Hoseok teases from where he leans at the register, a stupid grin on his face as he watches Seokjin laugh.

"Shut up," Taehyung says rolling his eyes. "Can't I just be in a good mood?"

"No," Seokjin deadpans, making Hoseok burst into a fit of laughter.

Taehyung can't help but laugh along with his friends, shaking his head as he starts a fresh pot of coffee. "I hate you two."

The bells sounds signaling another customer, turning all three of their heads just as Namjoon walks in.

"I knew it!" Seokjin exclaims, watching as Taehyung's smile grows. "He's completely whipped, Hobi, look at him."

"It makes me sick," Hoseok tsks, shaking his head in dismay.

"Hey, you," Namjoon says leaning on the side of the counter where Taehyung is.

"You came," Taehyung says meeting him, leaning over the counter and kissing him. Ignoring Hoseok and Seokjin's groans in the background.

"I promised I would," Namjoon says with a dimpled smile. "Are they giving you a hard time?"

"As always," Taehyung says rolling his eyes playfully. "I'm glad you came when you did, I've been third wheeling all day."

"He loves us, Namjoon," Hoseok says throwing his arm around Taehyung's shoulders. "And we're not half as lovesick as the two of you."

"It's true," Seokjin says putting his arm around Hoseok's waist. "I'd hate us if we were."

"So you hate us?" Namjoon asks tilting his head.

"Mildly," Seokjin shrugs.

"But we love you more, so it evens out." Hoseok says, always in Seokjin's corner.

"Hyung, I'm gonna make Namjoon's drink then I'm taking my thirty." Taehyung says pulling away from the two of them.

    "Alright, your mom's coming in an hour so just make sure you're back before then." Seokjin says just as another customer walks into the cafe. "Go get them, Hobi."

    "Yes sir," Hoseok says jokingly as he walks back to the register.

Taehyung finishes Namjoon's macchiato before walking from behind the counter, handing it to him with a blueberry muffin. "How was class?"

    "Boring," Namjoon says letting Taehyung lead them to a booth in the corner. "I'm just ready to start learning things I don't already know."

    "It's no one's fault that you're so smart." Taehyung chuckles. "Maybe you should just test out until you get classes that are on your level."

Namjoon shrugs. "Maybe I will." He says. "You had that meeting yesterday, you never told me how it went."

"It went pretty good," Taehyung nods. "Jeongguk's nice, really professional and polite."

"Yeah?" Namjoon asks. "Are you going back?"

"He said it only takes three sessions to figure out what the main issue is in your sex life." Taehyung says. "So I'm thinking if nothing changes after three I'm gonna quit."

"I get that," Namjoon nods. "I'm glad you're giving it a shot."

"Me too," Taehyung smiles. "It makes me feel less screwed up knowing that this might work for me."

"I'm glad," Namjoon says. "I want you to find peace."

"I will," Taehyung says optimistically. "Even if I don't, y'know, fully crack the code, I think I'll be happier if I give this a chance."

"Me too, you seem happier already." Namjoon says holding his hand out for Taehyung to take. "You can always talk to me, about anything."

Taehyung nods as he takes his hand, his face falling slightly. "S-Speaking of, there is something I have to tell you."

"What?" Namjoon asks matching his expression, his head tilting in concern. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Taehyung says quickly, offering him a smile. "Just, not here, I'll tell you tonight."

"I have to work tonight." Namjoon says. "You can't tell me now?"

"Tomorrow then," Taehyung says. "It's important, but nothing's wrong. I promise."

Namjoon looks off for a moment, probably racking his brain trying to figure what Taehyung was going to say.

"Hey, don't freak out." Taehyung chuckles. "It's nothing you did."

"Alright," Namjoon says sitting back in his seat. "How has work been so far?"

Taehyung can tell throughout the rest of their conversation that Namjoon's thought are preoccupied by the news he was going to tell him. Honestly, his were too.

He was nervous to expose this new part of himself to Namjoon, especially after they've been together for almost a year.

But it had to be done, and he felt like he was finally ready.