Leon

Sitting through dinner is a painful experience—and not just because I have to watch James act lovey-dovey with Liz. I'm happy they made up after their fight, but what bothers me is that Liz isn't responsive to anything he does. Not the way he squeezes her hand or smiles at her. She barely responds when Tenille asks her if she wants any guacamole for her chicken burger. I'm scared that what I've confessed has rattled her to the bone. My intention was never to make her decide between James and I, but who was I kidding? There's no other option.

Throughout dinner, Liz and I are the quietest people at the table. Meghan does most of the talking, bringing childhood memories into the conversation. I don't know what it is about tonight's dinner, but everyone is over the top with their positivity. All the aunts and uncles are exuberant about the wedding. Sarah and Corian can't stop talking about how great of a planner Tenille is. Tenille and Kit keep exchanging conversations. Serena and Scott are playing footsy under the table. Hell, James even plays nice by asking me if I'll teach him some golf techniques.

I want to rip my hair out. Why is everyone so happy? It's beginning to make me sick. And while I'm pissed at everyone for being happy, what makes my mood worse is I'm realizing how similar James and I are. We both want Liz to be happy. It makes me hate him even more.

I leave the table as soon as I can, volunteering to do the dishes. Leaving is my only option or else I'm going to blow up. It's shameful to think I'm letting envy get the best of me after I've held the reins in tight. But it is what it is. I'm envious of James. I want to be the one who kisses Liz's cheek and wipes the smear of guacamole from the corner of her mouth. Liz was supposed to be the woman I married and raised a family with.

A pang of sadness reverberates through my heart.

I fill the sink up with warm water, adding in a dollop of dish soap. The scent of lavender and lime fills my nose as the water runs. I watch the bubbles form, counting the long seconds that pass. What I need are distractions—distractions from James's voice and the way he coddles Liz, and the comments about the wedding.

"Hey," Tenille says. Her arms are loaded to the max with dirty dishes. "What's up with you? You've been quiet. So has Eliza." She sets the dishes next to the sink and then scrapes off any food remnants into the garbage.

Her tone of voice makes me think she already knows the answer.

"I told Liz," I reply. Avoiding the truth is pointless. "And now I'm acting like a jealous jerk—I can't stand watching James coddle her." I take a scraped dish from Tenille and submerge it in the water. Then I roll my sleeves up and get to work. "I don't know what I was thinking, Ten. Part of me wants her. Part of me thinks she's going to choose me. But after watching her snuggle close to James, despite hardly talking, I think I've been too intuitive."

"You think the wedding will go on."

I sigh. I'm not sure what I think. My emotions are out of control. I'm envious and pissed and sad and hoping, praying that Liz will choose me. But there's also a part of me that thinks I've been too intuitive. Maybe she didn't linger at the carrier house because she wanted to spend time with me. Maybe she lingered to tell me she wants James. Those tears she shed on top of Whistler Mountain were probably to get the pain of us losing our chance out of her system before she completely moved on with James.

I set the clean dish on the drying rack. "What do you think?"

Tenille continues to scrape food from the dishes and pass them to me. "I don't know how Eliza feels, Leon—I can't read the emotions she hides. She is off tonight, though. If James apologized to her and she's still acting like this, then something is bothering her." She side-glances me. "The way you're acting isn't helping the situation. Everyone—including my parents—are worried about you. They're wondering where their conversation leader went."

"I'm not in the mood for conversations tonight," I mumble. I aggressively scrub a dish. I'm silently wishing it would break in half.

"Clearly."

I set the wet dishcloth down and turn to Tenille. "What do you want me to do? I can fake it and pretend to be happy for Liz and James. What I can't handle is the way he treats her. Why hasn't she gone to Colombia? He tells her what to do. He tells her what she can't do. It disgusts me!" 

"Why do you think it's okay to force her to decide? It's unfair to Eliza!" Tenille snaps. "Don't try to make yourself look perfect, Leon—none of us are. You're trying your best to be that friend Eliza remembers, I get it. But don't tell me you only came here to support her; part of you wishes she would drop James and run to you."

I direct my gaze to the window. Fog has settled around the mountains and at the tips of the trees, giving the pasture an eerie doom-and-gloom look. It's strange how I can relate. "Fine," I reply. "I wish she would come back to me. But I will not dictate her decisions for her, Tenille! If she wants to marry James, then I will step back and support her. I will fake it when I'm around them." I pause, glancing at my friend. "I'm not the villain in this story. No one is."

"No," she replies, her gaze hard. "You're a star-crossed lover who's been dealt a shitty hand. I understand that, okay? But for the love of God, Leon, try harder."

"For what? I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Tenille sets down the dirty dish in her hands. Her glare is menacing. "James thinks you came here to steer Eliza away from him. Seduce, manipulate, take. Whatever misogynistic terms men still use today. I trust you, Leon. I trust that you didn't come here to ruin a wedding. You wanted closure, and I support that."

"He told you that?" I ask.

"No," she replies. "But I could tell by the looks he was giving you during dinner. He doesn't trust you." She pauses and adjusts the bun on her head. "You want Eliza to be independent. You want her to have options. You need to back off, Leon. You're getting too close to her. She needs some space if she's going to figure out what she really wants."

I snort. I couldn't care less what James thinks of me. Liz deserves better than him. Even if he claims he was worried about her jumping off the cliff, he still shouldn't have told her what to do. But Tenille's words stick to me. The more I think about my time here, the more I realize I've been hogging Liz. Mind you, some circumstances involved my presence being needed. Farmer's Market aside, maybe Tenille's right, maybe I have been crowding Liz too much. I think back to the night by the oak tree, wondering if I approached this all wrong. I've only been focusing on what I want—not what she wants.

"Fine," I sigh. "I'll back off. Unless Liz wants to spend time with me."

Tenille's gaze is frigid, but she nods in agreement. "Fine."

We turn back to finishing the dishes. Although more family members and friends arrived today, most them are staying in hotels; the number of dishes is low. When we're done, Tenille tells me she's going to bed and that I can finish the rest of the kitchen. I need to wipe down the counters and appliances. Cleaning is an excellent distraction until I'm finished. 

Leaning against the counter, I sigh. There's a chance Liz wants me. But even is she does, I don't think she's strong enough to decide. Ever since her parents divorced, she's always been too aware of the decisions she makes; she wants other people to benefit from them just as much as they benefit her. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. I'm ashamed of myself for doubting her abilities. Liz is the strongest woman I've ever met, but her heart is too big for this cruel world.

"Fuckin' hell. I thought your responsible streak would have faded after university. Without you, our dorm room would've been a disaster."

I glance up at Kit. And then, right behind him, Eliza. Out of curiosity, I glance at the clock. It's almost eleven—I thought everyone went to bed. "What are you guys doing up?" I ask.

Liz steps past Kit and holds up two dishes we missed. "Tenille's been doing a lot of overtime, so we cleaned up the house a bit." She frowns as she sets the dishes down by the sink. "You didn't hear the vacuum?"

"No," I reply. I must have been too absorbed by my thoughts to hear it.

"Huh," she muses. The look in her green eyes is unreadable, and she shoves her hands the pockets of her jeans. I wonder if she can tell how distraught I am. How torn I am.

But then I remember Tenille's words. I need to put in effort.

I turn to Kit and choke out a fake laugh. "You couldn't comprehend picking up dirty socks, Kit. Someone had to help you."

Kit flips me the bird. "Well, now that I've filled my cleanin' quota for the year, I think I'm goin' to hit the sack. Goodnight, you two."

My heart clenches as I watch Kit walk away. I want to yell at him and ask him to stay. I don't know if I can handle being alone with Liz. Her presence is good and bad. Unsure of what to do, I turn back to the sink and fill it with soapy water again. I might as well clean these dishes. I'm not falling asleep anytime soon.

While I'm grabbing another cloth, Liz scrapes the gunk off of a plate and into the trash. I still don't know what to say to her or how to approach this situation, so I keep quiet. We continue to work in silence, scraping and scrubbing and drying. It's not awkward, but it's not comfortable, either. There are unsaid words between us. Memories from earlier today and memories from our past are replaying.

But just like earlier, I can't handle the silence.

"Liz?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," I breathe. "I'm sorry I've been pushy. There's validity in my feelings, but I should have tackled them better. I'm sorry if I stressed you out."

Liz rinses off her hands and dries them on a clean towel. "I don't understand why you're apologizing." When she looks at me, her gaze is green and innocent.

I blink. "Because... I've been acting on what I want. I never stepped back to see you point of view. I shouldn't have sprung our earlier conversation on you."

"Leon, I asked you to tell me why you were really here. Don't blame yourself for telling me what I wanted to know."

I draw my bottom lip between my teeth.

"I..." she trails off. "I needed some time. To figure out what I want. You have been pushy, but I that doesn't make me hate having you around. I like your company. I like who I am when I'm with you. But the same applies to James. I said I'd marry him for a reason—not because I needed someone in my life. You have to understand how hard this is for me."

I grip the edge of the counter, my breath caught in my lungs. She can't be serious...

"I know you want an answer—I sure as hell do—but it's not that easy." She takes a deep breath. "So, um, give me a few days, okay? Loving two men isn't a crime. But I know I can't have them both."

My heart nearly gives out on me. Hearing her say those words and having all my doubts eradicated is...

Fuck, I can't describe it.

I stare after Liz as she exits the kitchen, my heart thudding against my chest.