Leon

As frustrated as I am with Liz, I can't seem to resist the opportunity to spend time with her. It feels like I'm lost in a haze while I listen to her explain the drama during dinner. Nothing has changed with her parents, and James is the biggest asshole I've ever met. He refuses to support Liz. His ego proves he's unqualified to marry her. She deserves someone who will hold her hand and steep some tea when she's upset. Not some vindictive jerk who cares more about the opinions of her parents.

I glance at the counter space across from the raised bar. A glass, bear-shaped cookie jar stares at me from beside the stove as Liz continues to speak. She's moved on from discussing drama and is now combing through memories. So far, she's mentioned us picking stonecrop and planting it, spending time at the diner, and us wanting to go to Colombia. I draw my bottom lip between my teeth and squint at the cookie jar. It seems out of place; it doesn't match the theme of the kitchen. Kind of like my presence doesn't match the theme of Liz's wedding. What good am I doing by being here? The more I think about it, the more I question my actions. Despite hearing Liz say she needs to decide, and she's in love with two men, I can't help but wonder if what I'm doing is morally acceptable.

My fingers shouldn't be caressing the bare skin of her thigh. I shouldn't be encouraging her to reminisce over our shared memories.

The smell of damp earth fills my nostrils as a chilly breeze sweeps through the open window. Liz snuggles closer to me. Her head is resting against my shoulder, and all I've been breathing in for the past hour is her peach-scented shampoo. Her sweetness is addictive, which is why the breeze is a relief. I'm stuck in a consistent daze with Liz this close to me.

"Do you remember that night by Saint-Sangster Rock?" she murmurs.

Blood pounds in my temples, as it does whenever I remember that night. It's impossible to forget. I clear my throat and push away my lukewarm cup of tea. "I do," I rasp. The heat flushing down my neck is almost as abrasive as her peach-scented shampoo. Sometimes, I fantasize about that night, wishing I could travel back in time to relive it. I loved the way Liz cried out my name when she came undone. I loved the feel of her body moving against mine, driven by passion and love.

She entangles her fingers with mine and caresses the back of my hand. "I wish we could go back to that night, when life was easier..." She trails off and mumbles incoherent words as an afterthought.

Her voice is so low I'm uncertain of what I heard. Just like I'm uncertain of this situation. It's clear she loves James and I. What's unclear is who she wants more. She's upset with James, but how long will her anger last? Until tomorrow morning, when he pulls her aside and apologizes for acting like a jerk? Or will it be the night of their wedding, when she's dressed in white and has completed her vows? The waiting game is becoming tiresome. I understand how difficult the decision is, but being here and waiting for Liz to decide isn't helping me. Despite my willingness to fight for her, I still have a life outside of Whistler. A life I need to live be it with or without the love of my life. 

"Liz," I say, pushing her away. "What is this? What are you doing? Do you understand how unfair this is?"

She stares at me, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

My heart aches. I know I hurt Liz, and I know I betrayed her sense of trust, but loving her is killing me. She's pushing and pulling me in different directions without giving me a straight answer. Liz tosses back the rest of her tea. I wrinkle my nose. Tea is disgusting when it's lukewarm. I stopped drinking mine when the steam faded away.

I run my tongue across my bottom lip. "I'm sorry I never told you about my mom." Apologizing again isn't beneficial, but it's like a knee-jerk reaction. "I can't tell you how sorry I am, Liz, but I'll keep apologizing until the day I die. That being said, what you're doing is unfair. You're pushing and pulling me like you can't decide. God knows I deserve to be played with, but I don't know how much longer I can handle it. I hate putting pressure on you, and I promise it was never my intention. Liz, you have the power to make your own decisions. Don't let the fear of judgement prevent you from doing that. If you cancel the wedding, it's no one's goddamned business why when it involves your happiness. The same rules apply if the wedding goes on." I unwind my arm from her shoulders and drop my face into my hands, rubbing my throbbing temples. "Liz, think about what you want. I know it's difficult for you to do, but it's important to think about yourself."

Instead of releasing her wrath on me, Liz sighs and climbs down from the stool. "How stupid do you think I am, Leon? I am thinking about what I want! Do you think it's easy when my heart is torn in two? Do you think it's easy when all I can do is think about you when I'm around James?" Liz turns around and kicks the corner of the stool. She does it with such a force it falls over and clatters to the hardwood. Her sudden rush of anger shocks me, but I prefer it over no response. Seeing Liz react is everything I asked for. She's proving she still has that inner flame I love. "Fuck, Leon! I made a goddamned peach pie even though I know James despises peaches. I can't get my head out of the gutter with you. I want you so bad it's killing me!"

Her words render me speechless.

With desperation fierce in her eyes, Liz strides over to me and fists the collar of my shirt. Her green eyes are filled with desperation. "I want you, Leon, but I don't know if I can break James's heart. Even if he cares more about my parents' opinions, he's a good person who doesn't deserve to be hurt." She releases my shirt and slides her hands up my neck until she's cupping my face. "You're not the only one who made mistakes," she continues, her voice softening. "I gave up on you too soon; I allowed my emotions to overpower me when I should have acted logically. If I'd come after you, we wouldn't be in this goddamned mess. You can blame yourself all you want, but I believe your decisions were valid. You went through a traumatic event. Anyone who expected you to act normal is fucking crazy, Leon. I forgive you for keeping secrets. You only wanted to protect me—how do I fault you?"

I release a shaky breath as Liz traces my cheekbone with her thumb. A shudder cascades down my spine. Any concerns I had about Liz's decision-making skills evaporate the second she drags her fingertips from my cheek to my collarbone. "I love you," she admits. Her voice shakes as the words leave her tongue. "Leon, you still own my heart. I've made my decision. I have to tell James. I just... I don't know how to."

I move closer and cup her cheek in my palm, trying to memorize the texture of her skin. Her face is warm and soft, reminding me of the golden glow of a sunset and the way it encompasses everything before slipping behind a mountain. "Listen to me," I say, my voice ragged. "You're a powerful woman, who genuinely wants to do good things. I know this is hard for you, Liz, and I wish I could tell you something that will make it better, but... but if you want me, then you have to tell James soon. Prolonging it will only hurt him more."

A tear slips down her cheek. "This whole thing is such a mess."

"I know. But I'm here to help you with whatever you need." I'm still touching her face. I should move my hand, but I'm having a hard time commanding it to do so. 

Liz tugs me down from the stool and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around her slender body and pull her flush against me, my hands tangling in her soft blonde locks. After hearing her confess she loves me and wants me, I have the urge to pin her against the wall and kiss her. But I hold back. Even if she's decided, she still hasn't told James yet. Whether she wants to believe it or not, they're still engaged. If I allow myself to cross a line, then it counts as an affair. After all the pain and complications I've caused, I'm not doing that to Liz. When we cross that line, we're going to do it with no guilt on our integrities. 

"You don't have to," she whispers. Her breath is hot against the hollow of my throat.

I shake my head. "No, I don't. But this is who I am, Liz. I'm offering to be here; however and whenever you need me. Not because it's my job, but because I care and understand you better than anyone else." I drop my hands away from her hair and let them fall to my sides as I take a step back. It's a painful movement—I want to be close to her. I want her lips on mine.

She snags my wrists before I can stuff my hands in my pockets. My gaze flicks up to hers, and shock courses through me when I see how intense her green eyes are. "However I need you?"

My heart hammers in my chest. The attraction between us flares with her raspy tone. Somewhere in my head, I acknowledge how quickly this could become a complicated and immoral situation. Unfortunately or not, my body doesn't seem to care that giving in to this chemistry is a terrible idea. But just because my body is reacting doesn't mean my mind has lost control.

Eliza is complicated. She's rough around the edges, shielded and particular and reckless. But she's also incredibly genuine and passionate and supportive to a fault. And she's gorgeous, which makes my heart strain for her. I love her sage-green eyes and the dimples in her cheeks. 

"Yes," I whisper, dragging my thumb along the underside of her wrist. "In any normal situation, I would support you however you want. Given this is far from normal, there are things I can't give you right now." I search her beautiful eyes. My voice changes to a whisper. "As much as I want to love you, as much as I want to remember what your mouth tastes like and how your body feels against mine, I can't. Before we do anything, tell James. Please."

Liz exhales deeply.

"I know it's difficult," I continue. "If we do something we shouldn't do, we will feel nothing but guilt in the morning. Once you figure out how to tell James, once you tell him, we can be happy. I know it's not in your nature to hurt someone, Liz, but this is a decision you've made for your own happiness. Don't let some else's feelings cloud your judgement." 

She glances up at the ceiling, looking exhausted from today's events. There are dark purple half-moons beneath her eyes and her cheeks are looking pale again. "I think..." she trails off. "I think I need to sleep on this. I'm exhausted."

I nod. Life changing decisions aren't meant to be made when you're overtired. "You can take the bed tonight. I'll sleep on the couch."

Her eyes snap open as a crease forms between her brows. "You're not sleeping on the couch, Leon. There are several bedrooms in this carrier house. I'll take one of them so you can stay in your bed."

"If you sleep in the spare room, you'll have to go through the hassle of washing sheets and then making the bed again. That's annoying. I'll take the couch." 

Liz presses her lips into a flat line and glances over her shoulder, looking uneasy and exhausted. Something tells me she doesn't want to leave the kitchen. "Will you stay with me?" she whispers, turning back to me. "We don't have to do anything. I... I want you close to me. I've missed you so much, Leon." She pulls me back into her arms and hugs me, tilting her face up to mine. "Please?"

I hug her back. "Of course."