Eliza

When I make it back to the house, dinner is being served and I'm welcomed by my parents, James's parents, Kit, and Tenille. And, to my dismay, Leon is there, too. Memories of this morning rise to the surface, threatening to drown me. Seeing Leon reminds me of what's to come. I'm telling James I want to call off the wedding after dinner.

"Eliza, honey," Mom smiles. "You must come and try this chicken pot pie Amelinda has made. It's delicious!" She straightens her posture, beaming with pride at her ability to compliment other people. Because it makes her so selfless.

I suppress an eye roll and glance at Leon. He looks like he's about to be sick. So much so, I'm positive he's been spitting his food into his napkin just to hide his disgust and not disappoint Amelinda. Leon's always hated chicken pot pie—the combination of peas and gravy grosses him out. I giggle to myself, realizing how ridiculous the situation is. I'm focusing on his distaste for peas when I should focus on calling off the wedding.

"It smells delicious," I reply. I force my smile as I take in James's mom's elegance. Her hair is the same dark brown as James's, with the same shine and silky allure. But where James is hard angles in his cheekbones and jawbone, Amelinda is angelic and fragile. She's also giving me a peculiar look, as if she's wondering why I didn't join them at the start of dinner. I can't use work as an excuse—I'm dressed in workout clothes and there's no grime on my face. "I should really change before joining you."

"Nonsense," Amelinda smiles, gesturing to an empty chair between Leon and James. "Come join us, Eliza. I, for one, want to hear why you kept this lovely man a secret from us."

Kit rolls his eyes. "Mom, you already spent your time grillin' me about Leon. Eliza doesn't need any of this shit."

"Language," Amelinda says, smacking her stepson on the arm.

I stare at the chair, wondering what cruel aspect of life put me in this situation. Was it Karma? Or was it my inept ability to hurt the people I love? Whatever the reason, I know I'm not getting out of this mess. With uneasiness riding on my shoulders, I sit down between James and Leon. James kisses me on the cheek and tells me how much he's missed me. His cheesy, romantic words make our moms swoon. But I can't focus on James or our moms. The tension radiating from Leon is unbearable, and I have to prevent myself from looking at him. There are unsaid words that want to break free from my lips.

I love you, Leon. I choose you. I'm sorry it took me so long. 

"Would you like a glass of wine, Honey?" Mom asks, pushing a wine glass in my direction.

I tear my attention away from Leon and stare at Mom. I would prefer to be free of the mind-numbing effects of alcohol when I tell James the truth, but a little wine would be nice. It's the expensive stuff, too. "Sure," I reply.

While Mom pours me a glass of white wine, I dish up my plate with chicken pot pie, garden salad, and some glazed carrots. I shove a forkful into my mouth and savour the taste. Amelinda's cooking is superb. Her flavours are perfect; I can taste a hint of sage and rosemary in the gravy, the chicken is moist, and the carrots are sticky with maple syrup glaze.

"Here you go, Honey," Mom says, handing me the glass of wine.

I clench my fist around my knife. If she calls me "honey" one more time...

I smile sweetly at Mom and take a sip of the wine. The flavour is buttery, and it fills my head with vanilla, spice, and berries. There's also a hint of smoke. I savour the taste, wishing I was far away from this table.

"So, Eliza," Amelinda smiles. "You and Leon go back a long way?"

James aggressively pokes at his chicken pot pie, pushing the flaky crust to the side.

Leon side-glances at me, but I don't dare to make eye contact with him. "Our moms were friends while they were pregnant; Liz and I have known each other, well, forever," he replies. 

I press my lips together, thinking of how blond his hair was the first day of kindergarten. I hadn't been looking forward to classes, but seeing Leon standing in front of the classroom made everything better. He's always made me feel safe and wanted. Makes me feel safe and wanted. "Forever, indeed," I murmur.

Mom presses her hand against Amelinda's forearm, chuckling. "They were inseparable when they were kids. Crystal and I used to take them to the park, hiking, swimming." She cocks her head and glares at me. "Why didn't you invite Crystal and Nathan to the wedding, Eliza?"

Her voice is accusatory. Her glare is detrimental to my mental health. If I had the strength, I would bend this goddamned fork in half and throw it at her. I take a deep, steadying breath. Reacting would only make things worse. 

Leon sets his napkin down. Clears his throat. "Meghan, my mom died of pancreatic cancer two years ago." He pauses, which makes me look at him. A muscle in his jaw tics. "Please stop speaking to your daughter like that. Liz had reason to not invite me or my parents to the wedding. If you would pay attention to your daughter, you would know things didn't end well between Liz and I. We drifted apart."

Mom, looking cynical, presses a hand to her chest. "Leon," she chokes, tears brimming her eyes. "I'm so sorry about Crystal. That must have been..." She chokes on a sob.

Leon rolls his eyes. "We're not talking about my mom. We're discussing the blatant disrespect towards your daughter. You don't have the right to allocate the blame to her when she's done nothing wrong. If you're going to blame someone for my parents not being here, then blame me. And please, for the sake of our sanities, stop it with the fake tears. You and my mom were friends, yes, but you resented her when you realized she was being a better mom to Liz than you were."

A rush of pride lodges itself in my throat. It feels so good to have someone stand up for me again. And the look of disbelief on Mom's face only makes me happier.

James slams his fork down and glares at Leon. "Stop disrespecting Meghan! She only wants what's best for her daughter. There's no shame in that. Eliza was the one in control of the invites."

"Technically," Tenille inputs. "I'm the one who invited Leon. Eliza didn't know he was showing up."

Her words go in one ear and out the other. 

Leon glares at James. "Liz isn't anyone's property. She's not somebody's daughter, fiancée, sister, or friend. She's somebody," he sneers. "If you want to define her as a possession, then maybe you better rethink your priorities, James."

I can't help but smile. I've always loved seeing Leon argue. He's passionate and brazen; he fights for his beliefs and loyalties. Gazing at him in awe, I brush my thigh against his. Although his gaze is still locked with James's, he rests a hand on my knee and squeezes it. The comfort that settles around me is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It's like a soft blanket on a cold winter night. A steaming mug of tea next to a campfire. 

"I know my priorities, Leon," James snaps. "Just like I know Eliza. She needs support and guidance. Without that, she would go to places like Colombia. God knows what would happen to her there. It's immature to want to go somewhere like Colombia."

I feel my cheeks flame.

Leon snorts, a smile of disbelief on his face. "If she wants to go to Colombia, then let her go to Colombia."

James rolls his eyes. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Eliza," I snarl, finding my voice. I turn to face James. "Is sitting right here. And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Whoa," Kit says. "Calm the hell down, you three. We're havin' dinner, not a debate."

"Eliza!" Mom exclaims. "Watch your mouth!"

"For the love of God, Meghan, leave our daughter alone," Dad groans. 

"And as for you, Leon," Mom continues. "What would your mother say if she heard you disrespecting me?"

"She'd probably give him props," Tenille mutters, tossing back her whisky on ice. She picks up the bottle and pours another drink.

I clamp a hand over my mouth to prevent Mom from hearing me snort.

Leon wipes the corner of his mouth with a napkin and then sets it down. His hand leaves my knee as he stands up. "I've overstayed my welcome. I think it's time for me to leave."

Amelinda holds up her hand. "No!" she says. "Sit down, Leon. James, sweetheart, tell us what you meant."

James lets out an exasperated breath and looks at me. "He makes you reckless, Eliza. He encourages you to do these stupid things that will eventually end up getting you killed. The lack of his presence after the wedding is over will make things better for us, but come on, Eliza. I thought you had more common sense than that. You can't spend your life cliff jumping and risking your life to foreign illnesses." 

"James!" Tenille and Kit gasp.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Leon get to his feet. The look on his face is calm yet terrifying. His eyes meet mine and I shake my head. It's rare for Leon to throw punches or retaliate, but there are some things that will push him to do so. Things like degrading my personality.

"I'm leaving," he says. His voice is deep and controlled.

I glance at everyone's appalled faces and see the embarrassment on Amelinda's face. Kit's dad doesn't look too pleased, either. The only person who can't seem to get her head out of her snooty ass is my mom; she's beaming with pride over James "protecting" me. I shake my head with shock. James may be worried about me and he's allowed to have his suspicions about Leon, but that doesn't give him the right to disrespect both of us. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I demand. My teeth are clenched together with such force I'm worried they're going to grind into dust.

"Eliza," James sighs. He looks at me like I'm some kind of injured kitten. "You're a free-spirited, independent woman, but a line is drawn when independence borderlines stupidity. Marriage is meant for people who want to settle down and reshape their lives into a shared one. You can't go jumping off of cliffs and mountain biking by yourself during the later hours of the day. These... hobbies you pertain to are dangerous."

"I'm not a child," I reply, pressing my lips into a flat line.

"I'm aware of that," James frowns. "I'm concerned for your safety. I don't see why you're getting so upset."

Because my emotions are getting the best of me, I shove my plate away, knocking over the wineglass. It shatters against the glass casserole dish, sending glass and wine everywhere. Gasps of shock radiate throughout the small crowd. "If you can't see why I'm upset, then maybe we shouldn't get married," I snap. "It appears I've lost my appetite. Thank you, Amelinda, for making such a delicious dinner. I apologize for not enjoying it more." Just like I apologize for not wanting to marry your son anymore.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I inhale a shaky breath as I walk away. James calls my name, but I ignore him and continue climbing the stairs. What I need is a nice, hot bubble bath and the rest of the kettle corn I have hidden in my suitcase. And then, when James comes upstairs to beg for my forgiveness and convert our conversation to make-up sex, tell him the truth. I can't go on with this wedding anymore. Even if he is driven by jealously, he's being inconsiderate.

"Eliza!"

I ignore James and continue to walk to the bedroom. The bathroom is only a metre away when he grabs my arm and spins me around. "Look, Eliza," he pleads. "I'm sorry for whatever I did, but cut me some slack. How do you think I feel knowing you and Leon were more than friends? That you two had sex? I don't even know why you're mad at me! I'm the one who should be mad."

Heat creeps up my neck. "Because Leon is my friend, and you insulted him!" I spit. "And then you had the audacity to embarrass me! To degrade me! I thought you differed from the dominant male society, James." I shove him away. "Don't fucking touch me, James. Don't. Just because you're jealous of Leon doesn't mean you can be a dick."

He stuffs his hands in his pockets. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't!" I snap. "You meant every word you said."

"I did not." His face is vulnerable, smitten with regret.

"I'm not a piece of property, James, and that's what you're making me feel like. If you support independent women and girls, then why are you trying to control me? Why are you telling me what I can and can't do?"

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, but before he can say anything, I interrupt. "James, I don't want to get married. I'm still..." I take a deep breath. "I'm still in love with Leon."

I'm expecting James to yell at me or beg for my forgiveness, but all he does is rest his hands on his hips and shake his head. "You're saying that to make me mad because you're mad. I get it, Eliza. You're not thinking straight and neither am I."

"James," I say, rubbing my temples. "We need to call off the wedding. I don't want to get married. Leon isn't just some old friend."

Behind James, I see Leon standing in the doorway. He's about to knock on the door, but as soon as the words come from my mouth, he freezes and his eyes widen. His facial expression pokes at me with annoyance, but I push it away. I can't blame him for doubting my ability to tell James the truth, considering how uneasy I was earlier.

James clenches his jaw and looks away. "Why don't you go to bed?"

"James," I say. "We need to talk about this."

"No!" he snaps. "You're tired and upset. There's a lot on your mind from the upcoming wedding." He takes a deep breath and leans forward, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Just go to bed, Liz. Don't worry about the mess downstairs—I'll clean it up."

I watch him with wary eyes, but he quickly turns around. Thankfully, Leon is gone already, so his presence doesn't add to the shit show. "Just go to bed, Liz," James repeats.

Before I can respond, James leaves me standing in the bedroom, alone and relieved.

I told him the truth—he's refusing to accept it. 

But the best part is Leon's heard me say the words. Our consciences are free.