WHAT YOU CAN'T SAY,

If he were being completely honest, Kim Jiwoong didn't believe in love at first sight.

He didn't believe in that feeling between two people, the feeling that despite knowing nothing about them, they would complete you in a way no one else has. He didn't believe in the idea that they, a stranger, would grow to love him forever, that they'd love him more than he'd ever be capable of knowing. He didn't believe in any of it. He couldn't bring himself to. It sounded so fictional, too good to be true. But perhaps it was because he'd spent so much time searching for that feeling — that aching feeling in his heart that he couldn't find no matter how long he searched.

He'd searched for it in other people, in people he believed would make him feel more whole and less like a terrible person. He'd searched for it in people who claimed to love him only to leave him the next day, satisfied with the feeling he'd given them the night before, but not enough for them to stay. It was his fault, he thought, because he'd searched for it in people who were unaware that he wanted something more from them, in people who were afraid of committing the rest of their future to someone else. It was his fault that love at first sight was nothing but a made up fairy tale, created for children so they'd have something to look forward to.

But something had begun to change inside of him, something he'd felt the moment he'd laid eyes on Bae Yeojin. It was something that only grew the more time passed, something that he couldn't bring himself to ignore any longer.

It was something he knew he'd have to accept, no matter what.

Perhaps it was because she was so forward with him that night, telling him everything she believed he needed to know about her. Perhaps it was because she simply just wanted to talk to him, expecting nothing else in return. Jiwoong thinks about that night so often, remembering the way she'd turned him down not because she wanted to be friends with him, but because she couldn't handle the idea of someone else actually being interested in her for who she was.

In a way, Bae Yeojin and Kim Jiwoong were alike.

As the sun peeked through the blinds of the bedroom, the sound of birds chirping outside, Jiwoong stirred, his eyes fluttering open as he was met with the familiar sight of Yeojin's ceiling fan. He watched as it spun, the necklace her mother had given her years ago tied to one of the strings, hanging almost hypnotically, swinging to and fro. He yawned, attempting to move his arms above his head to stretch, only to struggle as he felt something heavy weighing down his right arm. Droopy-eyed, he turned his head, his eyes instantly falling on Yeojin's sleeping figure, using his arm as a pillow.

It took him a moment to register the scene, trying to remember how they managed to end up in that position. His free arm came up to his eyes, rubbing the sleepiness away as he let out a breath, feeling Yeojin turn around to face him, her eyes now open. He looked at her again as a moment of silence fell upon them, a smile slowly making its way onto Jiwoong's face. "What?" Yeojin asked, her voice groggy and eyes squinting, the sun's rays falling directly on her face. "What's funny?"

"My arm fell asleep," Jiwoong replied, now bursting into a series of quiet, sleepy giggles. Yeojin's head shot up after she realized she'd been laying on it, her eyes widening, a series of apologies flowing from her mouth as she tried to explain herself — but truth be told, she wasn't even sure how his arm ended up beneath her head. Knowing her, she'd much rather sleep without a pillow.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't know I was sleeping on it."

"It's okay." Jiwoong lifted his arm, stretching it along with his other arm, closing his eyes as a quiet grunt left his throat. "I put it there." He sighed contently, putting his arms down as he looked at Yeojin once again. "Because I know you don't like using the pillow."

Bae Yeojin found herself staring at Kim Jiwoong a lot more often than usual these days.

She believed it's the realization that caused her to do so — those first moments after realizing you liked someone, feeling every emotion possible in such a short amount of time. It was something she couldn't really put into words, to which was then expressed by simply staring, hoping he wouldn't catch on, hoping he wouldn't realize what she was doing or why she was doing it. But Jiwoong noticed.

He notices a lot of things when it comes to Yeojin.

Jiwoong cleared his throat and moved to sit on the edge of Yeojin's bed, scratching the back of his head before he stood up and stretched again. Yeojin watched him, fighting the urge to pull him back to her as her eyes followed his moving figure to her door. She watched him hold the doorknob and twist it, glancing back at her with for a moment, their eyes meeting. The door opened.

"Are you leaving?" Yeojin asked, still in her bed with a blanket over her lap.

"Do you want me to?" Jiwoong replied, his grip on the doorknob tightening. He hoped she would say no, that she'd tell him to stay even if it was just to lay in silence for another hour or two, even if it was simply to waste time until Yeojin had to finally get up and make something of her day. He hoped she'd say no and that a part of her would overcome the anxiety of him knowing, that she would tell him everything they couldn't say.

Yeojin crossed her legs, her shoulders slumped. "Only if you want to," she said. "I'm not doing anything today." There was an expectant look in her eyes, though she wasn't being direct with him. It was like she was afraid to tell him what she wanted, afraid that he wouldn't give it to her, even though he would.

Frankly, he'd give her the world if she asked him to. He'd still give it to her even if she didn't.

Jiwoong didn't even try to fight the smile that stretched across his face as he pulled the door shut, making his way back to her bed and laying down. "Then I won't do anything today, either," he said, pulling the blanket off her lap and over his body.

Bae Yeojin couldn't wrap her head around it, how easily he just gave himself to her without a second thought. She often asked herself, is this what friends do? Or was this simply unique to Jiwoong and only Jiwoong? Did he really enjoy her company as much as he said he did, despite doing nothing most of the time they spent together? Is this what their friendship would always consist of? Her eyes found themselves glued to his fact, his eyes closed as he feigned being asleep. A sigh left her lips as her right had came up to rub the side of her face.

"What are we doing, Jiwoong?" she muttered under her breath, speaking more to herself than him.

"What do you think we're doing?" he asked, his back facing her. He heard her sigh again, causing him to finally turn around and face her, sitting up.

"You're being too obvious," Yeojin replied, holding his gaze, curious to what she had to say, "and I think you're doing it on purpose, but I don't know why."

It was something he didn't expect from her but at the same time, it was as if she couldn't have said anything else. Yeojin had always gotten straight to the point around him — until recently, that is — and she was right. He was being obvious on purpose, he was trying to get her to notice, but only because he felt like there was no other way to express himself. This was all he knew, waiting for the other person to call him out, waiting for them to accept him. Jiwoong bit the inside of his cheek, trying to decide on whether he should speak and tell her the truth or make up an excuse that even he wouldn't believe. "I think you know why," he said. "You're smarter than you give yourself credit for."

"But why?" she persisted. "Why now?"

"Because I know you like me, too," he said, taking her aback. "Or at least that's the impression I get from you."

Of course he knew. She hadn't tried to hide it and of course he knew. But he had said it so easily, like acknowledging it wouldn't change their friendship for good, like his words were nothing more than words being spoken.

But they were so much more than that, even to him. Every word that left his mouth had meaning behind it, and it meant everything to him.

When Yeojin refused to speak, Jiwoong figured he'd done something wrong. He believed that perhaps acknowledging their shared feelings was something he wasn't supposed to say, that it was something he was supposed to keep hidden until they inevitably parted ways. But how could he? How could he keep them hidden when she was all he ever thought about? Yeojin had taken over his thoughts, invading every dream he had. He felt like his heart would jump out of his chest every time he looked at her and he couldn't help but search for her in places she wasn't. How could she ever expect him to keep his feelings a secret?

"How long have you known?" Yeojin asked, picking at her cuticles, a habit she could never get rid of in the end. "About... that." She was anxious — of course she was anxious. How couldn't she be? — that he would make fun of her feelings, despite always seeming to prove her and her thoughts wrong. A part of her wanted to believe that he would, because he's probably lived this exact scene multiple times, because he's experienced in these kinds of conversations, but Kim Jiwoong would never ridicule anyone over how they felt.

Especially not if it was the person he so desperately longed for.

"I don't think it matters how long I've known," Jiwoong spoke, watching her play with her fingers, avoiding his eyes and looking elsewhere. "What matters is that you feel the same way I have since the moment I met you. I think that matters more."

"Even though I've rejected you so many times before?"

"Yeojin," he called her name with a chuckle, waiting for her to look at him. And though she was hesitant, she did, the sight of his own eyes suddenly making her tear up, overwhelmed by her feelings. "You could reject me as many times as you wanted to, call me an asshole as many times as you wanted to, tell me that I deserve someone better as many times as you wanted to and I'd still be here waiting for you." He felt a part of his heart break when she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking slightly as she cried, somewhat embarrassed that he had to see her this way.

"I don't think I'll bring you any good," Yeojin sobbed, her voice muffled through her hands, her nails digging into the skin on her face out of frustration. Jiwoong saw what she was doing and grabbed her wrists gently, trying to pull her hands away from her face. "It's not gonna work and I'll just hurt you like everyone else before you and—"

"You can hurt me all you want," he cut her off, holding her wrists down as he lowered his head to try and look her in the eye. "I don't care if you do."

"But you will."

"That can be a problem for another day, okay?" Jiwoong paused when his eyes finally met Yeojin's hesitant, red ones. "I came back because of you, Yeojin," he started, "because I want you more than anything else in this moment. Let yourself be selfish just this once and tell me what you want, and if it's not me, we don't have to talk about this anymore. We can just pretend nothing happened."

Bae Yeojin believes she has always been a selfish human being, always making what she wanted clear. But the more she thinks about it, she has never once let herself have anything she wanted, afraid she would hurt it, afraid that she could never actually be worthy of anything. It was this anxiety that held her back for so long, and she truly believed that it would only keep holding her back in the future. But now that he was right there in front of her, clearly telling her that she was all he wanted, knowing that he was all she wanted, she couldn't let him escape her grasp.

Not when she desired him so desperately.

"I want you."