33 SORROWS CAN SWIM (TUNDE'S POV)

Group discussions had been one of the things I dreaded when I'd first got here but now it'd been one of my favorite things. I looked around the room and realized I felt less of a stranger each and everything we gathered here.

"Good morning everyone," Miss Reynolds greeted after we'd all taken our seats which were arranged to form a big circle. I could see Diane sitting across from me and we exchanged eye contact every now and then. "Today, we'll be talking about how we became addicts. And I know we've done this before but I think it's still necessary," Our instructor said. I liked Miss Reynolds because she was always blunt.

"Well, my mom was devastated after dad died," Diane began after Miss Reynolds called her name. "He died when I was twelve and my mom took comfort in alcohol. She would bring home different guys every night and they would do drugs in front of me." her melanin face held no emotions whatsoever since she'd told the story a thousand times. "Eventually, I started taking them and I just couldn't stop."

"Doing drugs is kinda a normal thing for homeless kids," the blonde boy, Tyler began. "When most of us escape from our foster homes and end up on the streets, one of the habits we pick up is doing drugs. So that's basically my story."

"For me, it was all about my curiosity, and being sadist I was, when I started taking them, I liked it." the brunette next to me said.

It was my turn. My hands were suddenly sweaty and my heart was beating fast too.

"I really didn't know how unhappy I was a child until I was a teenager," even if I'd told the story so many times like most teenagers here, I still couldn't tell it with no emotions like Diane did. "For as long as I can remember, my parents had an unhappy marriage and I was simply not good enough for my mom. Everything I did, I did it to make her happy but she always saw me as a disappointment and a failure. When my parents eventually decided to divorce, I finally came undone."

"That was nice everybody." said Miss Reynolds after she saw the tears in my eyes.

I could see Diane smile warmly at me from across the room.

"It is important that we know these things and embrace them as who we are." said Miss Reynolds. "These things are part of our past but they don't define us. That's why you're at rehab. To help you become a better you."

Asides from rehab, my dad suggested that I saw a therapist every now and then. And in as much as Mr. Andrews asked annoying questions sometimes, they were helpful in making me understand and accept myself and my mistakes.

Never in my life would I guessed I would be seeing a therapist but here I was. I wasn't complaining though. I wanted to get better. I didn't want the rest of my life to be defined by drug addiction. I was willing to break free from the addiction and as hard as it may be, I was ready to do anything.

"How are you doing today, Tunde?" Eight months of therapy sessions and he still couldn't pronounce my name correctly.

"I'm fine." I mumbled as the middle aged man took a seat on the small couch in a corner. "I can't wait to get out of here though."

"I understand. It's been eight months and you must miss your friends and family." said Mr. Andrews.

"Yeah. Not so sure about the family part." I answered honestly. It's not like my mum was spending sleepless nights thinking about me. There was no point in deceiving myself.

"Right." Mr. Andrews nodded slightly. "You still haven't spoken with your mother in eight months."

"Yeah."

"Tunde, what time of the year is this?" he asked suddenly.

"August." I said bluntly.

"Yes, it's summer." he said and I rolled my eyes. "And if you weren't here and your life was normal, what would you be doing?"

I thought for awhile before coming up with a response, "I guess I would be getting ready to go the university."

"Correct. And considering that your peers are doing exactly that right now, how do you feel about it?"

"It makes me angry to think about everything I'm missing out on." I replied honestly. Sometimes it felt like the aim of this therapist of mine was to kick me into depression.

"And it has been eight months since you last saw or heard from Rachael, am I correct?" he asked.

"Yes."

"How do you think she's doing?" he asked, and in as much I'd asked myself the same question every day, I really couldn't give him or myself an answer.

"I don't know." I mumbled, shrugging.

"During our first session, you said Rachael had lost someone close to her. So, how do you think she's coping?" Mr. Andrews asked, making me wonder the point of all the questions.

After the day Jay had died, I left for Washington DC the following morning and I received the news when we'd landed. I didn't know what to do and I'd wished I could immediately go back and be with Rachael but I couldn't. Sebastian was the one who had called me because Rachael was probably in shambles as of then.

"Rachael has gone through hell and back but I don't think she would get over Jay's death easily because in as much as she might not admit it, she loved him more than she loved herself." I replied.

Mr. Andrews sighed. "Do you love her?"

"Not as much as Jay did." I said.

"Why do you say so?" He seemed surprised.

"Because he would always stand by her. Even when she pushed him away, he was there... unlike me."

"I don't think that's true," said Mr. Andrews making me surprised and shocked. "I think you both loved her equally but you just had a different way of showing it. When I first saw you, the only person you talked about was Rachael and I knew she must've played a huge role in your life. You agreed to come all the way to DC for rehabilitation just so you could get better for Rachael.

"You might not know it, but I think she was your anchor. Without her you might have committed suicide." Mr. Andrews said. "And I also know that you must have a special place in her heart even if she isn't in love with you."

"Are you sure?" I asked, finding what he was saying hard to believe. A part of me wanted to believe him but the other part was finding it difficult to.

"I'm very sure." Mr. Andrews gave me a reassuring smile. "Now, what about your parents?"

"What about them?" I asked.

"How do you feel towards them considering they're the main reason why you're here?"

"I'm not angry at them or anything but I think they could've done better." I replied. I couldn't possibly hold grudges against my parents because of their past mistakes. What mattered was what they were doing to correct those mistakes.

"And what about your mother? She hasn't called or visited." he pointed out.

"I can't say that I'm really surprised because I'm used to it. I'm nothing but a failure to her."

"But do you think you're a failure to yourself?" he asked making me furrow my eyebrows a bit.

I had to think hard before replying. "I guess not. I still have a chance to overcome my demons and make my dreams come through."

Mr. Andrews nodded in satisfaction to my response. "What about your dad? How has it been with him?"

"It's been nice. He has really helped me a lot by bringing me here and visiting and calling frequently. At least he's trying to be a better parent." I smiled wearily.

"And what do you plan on doing after you're out of here?"

"I guess I'm going to finish highschool and go to the university and study Engineering which has always been my dream." Mr. Andrews smiled at my reply.

"Tunde, within the past year, what have you learned?" the middle aged man asked.

I didn't need to think for a long time before replying. "Don't try to drown your sorrows with any addiction because sorrows can swim."

"That's amazing, Tunde." he was grinning from ear to ear. "And remember, don't be ashamed of your past but also don't dwell in them. You can still make your dreams come true come hell or high water because you're a stronger version of you now."

"Thank you, sir."

"If you ask me, I think you're ready to go." he said. "I'll let them know of your improvement."

"Thank you. I'd love that." I said and Mr. Andrews left not long after.

I let everything he'd said sink in. I knew I could do better and be better.