Hey,

Have you ever felt average? Mediocre? Good enough but not the best? Accomplished but not triumphant?

Well, since I was young I have always felt like that. To think that I am competitive. I aspire to be on top. But then I would always find myself...behind someone greater and better.

I am good at drawing and other types of art. I can dance—I think? I definetly love writing! May it be poetry, fiction, essays. And, I can edit videos and pictures.

Listing all of 'em, I must say that I am pretty darn talented? I mean, not being cocky, but I can do shits—real shits.

Whenever I am tasks to draw and do some artsy stuff, I can. When I have to dance, I can—well, I think I have some decent moves. As for writing, I do it for my own peace of mind. And for editing, I can produce decent outputs.

That's why I always feels bad that although I can do shits—real shits, I still feel unsatisfied sometimes. Because in my mind, there would always be someone better than me.

There is Mari who drew the most realistic apples I have ever seen.

I am friends with Toni, the best dancer I have ever met.

Whenever I read Liz's stories, I can certainly say that I can't do any better than that.

Niel, we're not close, but his things with computer is just great. And his video and photo editing skills? A.MA.ZING!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. I think they are cool with their talents. I admire their work, I admire them for being better with the shits that I can do as well. I admire them to the point that I feel envy—which I know is a bad thing.

But sometimes, I can't help it. I feel insecure! My competitive side is just shouting at me and saying, 'Boohoo! You lost. AGAIN!'

And I feel bad.

Very very bad for thinking that way.

I hope that when I wake up, I'll feel better.

-Eid