Vanessa

It was Halloween and the library was decorated with fake spiders crawling out from underneath books and cobwebs draped over the shelves. I had to admit that after my dud of a date with Kurt, my spirits just about matched the morbid mood of the holiday. It had been a week since I had it out with Matt in the hallway and I wasn't feeling any better about it. I had lost my newfound go-getter attitude pretty quickly but despite the hiccups, I was still managing to hang in there.

I was perusing the aisles hoping to distract myself with a new book when I heard some familiar voices chattering from the next row over. Great, I thought rolling my eyes. Just the person I want to see. It was Kayla and her friends, Sarah and Abby. Without Matt glued to her side, I was surprised to even find her in the library.

"Have you guys done it yet," Sarah the curly-haired blonde with square-framed glasses inquired.

Standing on my tiptoes, I pulled out a novel from the bookshelf so I could get a peek at the girls. I definitely didn't care about the answer though.

Kayla giggled. "Not yet but I think we're getting close to making it official. We've already been out twice this week and are going on another date tonight."

Well, la di da. Aren't you special?

"I wonder what happened with Vanessa," Abby speculated. "I heard she dumped him on the bus ride home from the camping trip in front of everybody. How embarrassing for him."

I winced at the statement realizing I had only contributed to the fodder our classmates used to tease Matt with. Stop it, Vanessa. He's doing just fine for himself now. It was true. With her gazelle like legs and hair that gave the sun a run for its money with its golden glow, Kayla had earned her spot as one of the most coveted females in the Senior class; landing only second to Addison.

My mind drifted back to my best friend's flirtatious banter with him and even now, the occasional times I caught her wiping a stray tear when she caught a glimpse of Matt in the hallway. He even had her hooked. So really, I had no reason to feel guilty about a little public rejection. It did nothing to hurt his reputation. If anything, it only caused all the girls to fawn at his feet even more because they felt bad for his pain.

He had the affections of the future Prom Queen and the glory of dating the head cheerleader while all I could boast was a stalker who didn't understand the meaning of the word hygiene and the occasional conversation about rocks. So really, who was winning here?

My attention focused back onto the trio as Kayla shot Abby a nasty glare. "Well according to Matt, they were only ever friends."

Abby snorted. "Yea right. Ok. You actually believe that crap? God, Kayla, you are so naïve." She exchanged a smirk with Sarah before continuing on. "It was so obvious he had the hots for her. He would trail her around everywhere carrying her book like a pathetic little puppy dog."

Kayla shoved the book she was holding back into its slot on the shelf. "Well Abigail," she began, all warmth leaving her voice. "For your information, now he's following me around like a puppy dog."

Sarah and Abby traded another look. "Right. Sure," Sarah replied unconvincingly. "He totally does that."

Kayla yanked another book off the shelf before storming towards the checkout and slamming it down on the countertop.

I ducked out of sight as she went sailing by, unable to help the faint smile that spread across my face. Well, well, well. Matt might have been with her now, but it was a damn good feeling to know that she just couldn't quite compete with me.

I gently placed the novel I had been clutching back onto the shelf and headed out of the library, feeling just a little bit of a spring returning to my step.

November

Matt

It had been a few weeks since I started dating Kayla and our relationship had begun to progress. We had been on several dates to various places like the diner, drive-in, or even just the mall to walk around. While what we shared was still mainly physical, I was beginning to get used to having her around.

Spending time with her allowed me not to focus on how much I missed my friends. She was someone to pass the time with and for now, that would have to do.

Besides, she wasn't the worst person to pass my days with. Sure, she wasn't always the nicest to others but she treated me decently. Alone in my car, she would let her guard down and open up about her past while I mostly just listened and stayed mum on the memories that often haunted me in the shadows of the night.

Kayla confessed that when she was thirteen, her parents went through an ugly divorce battle that led to her mom leaving California and moving both Kayla and herself across the country. Her Dad tried to keep in touch at first but eventually, the calls became less frequent until finally, they stopped altogether. The only sign that he even still existed in her life was the fat check he sent her every month to placate her into thinking he was a good father.

"Ew, can you believe that Sarah's dad bought her a stuffed panda bear for her birthday? That is so tacky," Kayla scoffed rolling her eyes.

It was like her to talk down on the presents her friends received or the "cheap" trips their families took to the lake but I knew she disguised her jealousy as hate. For Sarah's most worn sweater was adorned with the black and white bear and only a Dad that was present and gave a damn would know that was her favorite animal, making the aforementioned gift perfect for her.

And while the trips to Lake Aspen weren't as extravagant as the glitzy vacations Kayla took to Paris every summer with her mother that included dining at all the five star restaurants and shopping sprees at Chanel, those were the ones to be remembered. Late night bonfires on the beach fueled with laughter and s'mores after a day spent grilling and swimming while swapping jokes and stories were the one thing that Kayla couldn't buy with money.

"Who wants to get bitten up by mosquitos anyway? That's so lame. I bet their parents don't even let them relax with a glass of wine like my mom does."

Kayla always bragged about how her mother didn't care if she drank at the age of seventeen but I knew it was because she couldn't pull her lips off the bottle long enough to even notice what her daughter did. The one time I had been over to her house, her mother came stumbling out of the living room; red wine sloshing out of her glass and onto her white blouse.

"Kayla, sweetheart, what is the pool boy doing inside our living quarters? You know the outside help isn't allowed indoors."

I bit my lip shifting from foot to foot. "Um...actually..."

"Mom," Kayla exclaimed, a crimson flush coloring her cheeks. "He's not the pool boy. He's my...boyfriend, Matt."

I raised an eyebrow at the label. We hadn't discussed what we were yet but I wasn't about to cause her further embarrassment by correcting her in front of her mother.

"Oh," her mom exclaimed covering her scarlet lips with one hand. "I'm sorry, honey. I just assumed by the way he was dressed that..." She trailed off as she gestured at my all dark clothing.

I couldn't really blame her for assuming that the guy with the ripped jeans and the chains hanging from his belt was anything more than someone who was only permitted to rub elbows with the rich while skimming dead bugs and fallen leaves out of the pool.

Kayla's mom dismissed her thought with a wave of her hand. "Never mind, that. Matthew, would you like some wine? Or I could have the maid fetch you some bourbon if you prefer."

"Um...no thank you, Mrs...Miss...Albright."

The slender woman smoothed down her sleek blonde ponytail. "Please, call me Trudy."

Nodding my head, I shifted my gaze over to Kayla who shrugged helplessly. "Sorry," she mouthed to me.

Trudy took a long sip of her beverage as she studied me. "You're a very handsome young man, Matthew. If you freshen up your wardrobe a little bit, you could do well for yourself."

Got it. What you mean is stop dressing like a hoodlum and maybe I'll actually be suitable for earning the affections of someone like your daughter. The key word being "like" because I knew how mothers such as Trudy operated. No one would ever be good enough for her precious little girl despite that same girl spending a lifetime trying to earn her own approval from the very woman that was supposed to love her unconditionally.

It was starting to make more sense as to why Kayla treated everyone like garbage and pushed them all away with her degrading remarks. It was all she knew. And if even her parents couldn't be bothered with her then who would?

Kayla pulled on my arm steering me towards her bedroom. "Mother, please."

"Calm down, darling. I'm trying to get to know your boyfriend. Isn't that what you want?" Trudy smiled at me but the action radiated anything except warmth. "She always does this whenever she brings someone home; scampers up to her room because her mother is such an embarrassment to her."

I cleared my throat unsure of how to respond. If I were lucky, maybe an alien spaceship would touch down right now and abduct me to get me the hell out of this awkward situation.

Kayla's clear blue eyes iced over as she pointed at the glass in Trudy's hand. "Maybe if you put the alcohol down for once in your life, I wouldn't be ashamed of you!"

Trudy's face turned to stone as she stepped towards her daughter. "How dare you speak to your mother that way. Do you have any clue what I have to sacrifice to give you the life you have?" In a flash, she raised her hand striking Kayla across the cheek with the palm of her hand. "You ungrateful little brat."

Kayla gasped and tears sprang to her eyes as she cradled her face; a red welt instantly appearing from the turquoise stone ring that donned her mom's finger. Her mouth worked to speak but no words came out. Instead, she gave a heart wrenching sob before turning on her heel and fleeing out the back patio door.

I snapped my open jaw shut, unsure of what to do. I risked chancing a peek at Trudy. She gave me another smile before leaning in to pinch my cheek. "Such stunning cheekbones you have, dear."

My breath was immediately visible in the crisp night air the moment I stepped out onto the lawn that maintained its vibrant green color despite the drop in temperatures. The few leaves that were scattered on the stone pathway crunched under my boots as I approached Kayla who was hunched over atop an intricately carved wrought- iron bench.

She held her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking heavily. I took a seat beside her and placed one arm around her, stroking her back softly. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "What your mom did...it wasn't right."

Kayla sat up, wiping the mascara stains away from her wet eyes. "It's no big deal. I really want this new leather bag from Louis Vuitton. She'll have to buy it for me now." Shrugging, she plastered a strained smile onto her face. "I'm not sure of the color to get though so I'll have to give it some thought-"

"Kayla," I interrupted.

She blew out a long breath before turning to look at me. "What, Matt? Surprise, surprise, my life isn't so perfect after all. Is that what you want to hear?"

I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Of course not. But I would like to hear that you're ok. Has this happened before?"

She pushed my hand away, eyeing me. "Why? Does it make me some kind of freak that my mom doesn't coddle me? Well, guess what, Matt. We're almost adults. What's not normal is for our mommies to still cut the crust off of our sandwiches and make sure our undies smell springtime fresh."

I shrugged before lowering my gaze to the ground. "Truth be told, Kayla, I'm not really sure what the average mom is like. I lost mine when I was five."

She nodded. "I know. I've heard the gossip."

Sighing, I crossed my arms as I stared out at the dark tree line trying to make sense of what was real and what was imagined just as I was always prone to doing. "You know, I don't think there's any such thing as the perfect life or the ideal family but what I have learned is that when you don't have the one you want, create your own."

A lump bubbled up in my throat as I thought of the two people I had accepted as family. In that moment, my mind took me on a journey all the way back to Christmas Eve my freshman year. I stared out the window as snow swirled in the air before landing quietly on the ground. Through the fluffy bits of white, I could see colorful twinkling lights shining from across the street.

The image grew blurry as my breath fogged up the glass but I could just make out the portrait of a family laughing as they sat around a large wooden table for their festive ham dinner. Sighing, I turned away from the model scene of what I thought a holiday should be. I could only recall one Christmas I had experienced in my life that was filled with that same kind of joy.

Before my mom died, before my dad worked nearly every night just to keep a roof over our heads, and before I was alone. Now the house was dark, cold, and empty hardly deserving the label of being called a home. I plopped down on the couch with a slice of cold pizza; the leftover from last night's dinner or perhaps the evening before. Who could say at this point as every meal was just a repeat of itself.

I had only started getting into a show about couples marrying each other sight unknown when there was a pounding at the door. I just about jumped out of my skin before reaching for the baseball bat stored away in the hall closet.

I steadied my shaking palms as I cupped them firmly around the sleek wood. "Troy and Scott if that's you," I boomed as I swung the door open wide, "I swear I'm going to club your fucking faces in."

From the other side, a pair of slacked jaws and four wide eyes greeted me. "Geesus, Mattie. It's Christmas," Addison squeaked out. "Can't you take the night off from collecting souls?"

Breathing a sigh of relief, I dropped my weapon to the floor and stepped aside so that she and Vanessa could come inside. "What are two you doing here?"

Addison held up a sparkling red paper bag. "Now, I know Holly Jolly is not in your vocabulary but I was craving cookies. We all know that I'm too lazy to make them myself and V will just burn them so tag, you're it." She pressed the sack against my chest. "Oh, and make sure you use the chocolate sprinkles on mine. The rainbow ones taste like chalk."

Vanessa giggled as I sifted through the contents in confusion. Confetti frosting, cookie cutters, toppings in an assortment of colors, and packages of dough lay within. "Addie's just joking. We thought it would be something fun for all of us to do together."

Together. Had they anticipated that I would be here alone?

Addison began rummaging through the cabinets until she pulled out a bag of flour. She scooped some of the powder out with the tip of her fingers before coming over and smearing it on my nose. "There," she announced her eyes glittering. "Now you're ready to do some baking."

I let out a laugh as I joined the girls at the counter and began unpacking the goodies they had brought. If someone had spied us through the window, they would have seen the warmth that radiated between our smiling faces and the lights beaming in the kitchen. But what they wouldn't have been able to observe was the fullness that was in my heart.

We could have been family or we could have been friends; it didn't make a difference. These were the people that loved me.

I shook my head, my gaze falling on Kayla. "My point is," I continued, "the connections that truly matter are the ones with the people that bring you joy; the ones that are always there. Those people are your real family."

Kayla wiped the last tears from her eyes as she took a shuddering breath. "Thank you, Matt." She gave me a small smile before settling her head onto my shoulder. "I'm glad you're here."

I stroked her hair until her sniffles subsided. So maybe we didn't have a lot in common. She would likely never enjoy reading a good book aloud to me and she probably wouldn't spend her Friday nights binge watching trashy TV either. But she was happy I was there. And really, wasn't that all I had ever wanted?

Pulling her in close, I placed a soft kiss atop her head. "No problem, K. After all, what are boyfriends for?"