Vanessa

I was trembling by the time I made it back inside the gymnasium, but whether it was from the cold or the shock of what had just happened, I couldn't say.

I found Devin sitting at a corner table with a group of his friends, laughing about a movie they had seen last Friday. "Hey," he greeted, nodding at me. "Are you having fun?"

On wobbly knees, I approached them and placed my palms on the tabletop for support. "I'm not feeling well all of a sudden. I think I'm ready to head home."

He frowned at me. "Oh man, that's a bummer. Do you think Addison would be cool with dropping you off? I kind of want to hang back here with my friends for a bit."

I tried not to roll my eyes. Maybe Matt's right about him. "Yea, sure, whatever. I'll go find her."

"Alright. Awesome," he replied taking a sip from his soda. "Shoot me a text when you get to your house."

Sighing, I glanced down at the wilted corsage on my wrist. What had started off as a magical night, somehow quickly took a nosedive into the realm of disaster.

"Have you come to grovel at my feet and beg for forgiveness," Addison joked as I approached. She was bopping around on the dance floor to The Weeknd and kept shimmying as I neared.

Instantly, the smile on her face fell to a frown when she took one look at me. "Oh my gosh, V. What's wrong? Did Devin do something? I swear I'll kill him." She started to march over towards where he was sitting but I grabbed her by the arm, stopping her in her tracks.

"Not him. Can you please bring me home and I'll explain later?"

She pulled back to look me in the eye. Concern radiated from her green irises. "Absolutely. Whatever you need. Let me just go tell Jeff I'm leaving."

"Thanks, Addison." I threw my arms around her, embracing her tightly. "You really are a good friend," I whispered.

She squeezed me back as she stroked my hair. "Right back at you, kiddo, and I promise whatever's wrong, we'll fix it together, okay?"

The ride back to Addison's house was quiet as I remained lost in thought. I appreciated that she didn't push me to talk. She knew I would speak when I was ready. How could I have let myself hurt Matt again? He doesn't deserve this. But that kiss...

I sighed as I drew hearts into the condensation that fogged up the passenger side window. The lip lock was incredible. More than. It was electrifying and passionate. He must have learned a thing or two from Kayla because he knew exactly what he was doing. There was no hesitation in the way he maneuvered his mouth, and every stroke of his tongue left me breathless.

It gave me chills just to think about it. I recalled the taste of his minty lips and the silkiness of his hair in the spots that weren't slicked back with gel. The fantasy of what it would be like to kiss him was no longer a giant question mark that loomed inside my head. Now that I had all the details, it would make the dreams just that much more realistic.

A tear crept into my eye at the memory, and slowly made its way down my cheek. I swiped at it, but there was no use hiding it. I could feel Addison's stare on me as she slowed the Jeep to a park in the driveway.

Silently, she got out of the vehicle and ushered me up the sidewalk, wrapping her arm around my waist as we walked into the house and up into her bedroom.

She rummaged through her dresser drawers, pulling out a pair of pink and white striped, satin pajamas. "Here," she said handing them to me. "Put these on. You're shivering."

She disappeared down the hall while I changed, reemerging a few minutes later with two steaming cups of hot chocolate. I accepted one from her as I slipped underneath the plush, periwinkle comforter atop her bed.

She took a slow sip of her drink before glancing over at me. "Okay, I gave you your space but now I really need you to spill it girl because you have got me all kinds of worried and ready to murder whoever hurt you like this."

"Matt kissed me," I wailed. The words fell from my mouth before I could even stop them.

"I'll kill him," she said clenching her fists. "Wait, what?" She furrowed her brows.

Setting the mug down on the nightstand beside me, I snuggled against her. "Matt kissed me," I repeated.

Her lips parted into an "O" shape as she studied me. "Wow, okay. I wasn't expecting that to come out of your mouth but V, you lost me. Isn't that what you always wanted?" She gave a slight pump of her fist, softly adding, "yay."

I fingered the fabric of the comforter before taking a deep breath. "Yes. Well, no, not anymore. Well, maybe. I guess so. Oh, I don't know. I'm so confused, Addie. I have no idea what I want."

Nodding her head, she tossed one arm over my shoulder and pulled me in. "I suppose the uncertainty is the part that has you crying then? I'm going to jump the gun here and assume that the kiss didn't end in the happily ever after you've always envisioned with him."

I shrugged. "I panicked. It's just too much pressure with him. I can't live up to the expectation of having the perfect romance, looking flawless, and never messing up. I'm exhausted from second-guessing every word that comes out of my mouth or analyzing what he could be thinking. I'm tired of the sweaty palms and queasy stomach."

Addison raised a brow. "I don't think he expects any of that, V. Besides, no relationship or person is without fault one hundred percent of the time."

I swiped at a lone tear that had escaped. "But that's what I'm scared of. What happens when things aren't amazing?"

She wiped my eyes with the sleeve of her silky, powder blue button-up. "You have to get out of your head, girl. Quit self-sabotaging your relationship with him with all these insecurities of yours. Don't you understand? No matter how frizzy your hair, sweaty your palms, or lame your jokes, Matt still thinks you're pretty damn wonderful."

Taking a shuddering breath, I drew my knees up and rested my chin on them. "You should have seen how upset he was, Addie. He looked so...broken. He cried. I cried. It was terrible."

She burrowed underneath the blankets, laying her head on a pillow as she stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars adhered to her ceiling. "That's so heartbreakingly beautiful. You finally lock lips with the guy of your dreams but alas, it was not meant to be."

Groaning, I nestled in beside her. "I just pray Devin's worth it."

She looked over at me. "You really like this guy, huh?"

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as my brain conjured up an image of his mega-watt smile. "I really do," I whispered.

She squeezed my hand. "Then I hope it works out."

Several moments passed by as we laid there in silence. "So, how was it," she asked softly.

"How was what?" I rolled over onto my side to face her.

"The kiss."

Grinning, I flicked her hair. "You should already know. You only made out with Matt about a dozen times."

"First of all," she began, sliding her pillow out from beneath her and whacking me in the chest with it. "We did not make out and secondly, that was different. There was no feeling behind it. No passion. I want to know how it was for you. You've got all kinds of emotions for that boy."

Giggling, I covered my face to prepare for another blow. "So do you."

She gasped. "Vanessa Jane, how dare you suggest such a thing? There's only hatred there. I promise. I don't dance with the Devil."

I rolled back over onto my back to gaze upward once more. The fake stars transported me back to earlier in the evening, just moments before Matt and I had locked lips. Goosebumps ran up my arms as I recalled the way his body had felt pressed up against mine, and the feeling of his warm breath tickling the skin on my cheeks as he leaned in close. "It was heavenly. Dizzying. I was so nervous; I could have puked."

Addison nodded. "I know the feeling. I wanted to puke too when Ben Alden kissed me. Only it wasn't because of butterflies in my stomach or electricity coursing through my veins." She paused to shudder dramatically. "It was the putrid stench and taste of the tuna sandwich he had for lunch."

I looked at her horrified before we both burst out laughing. "No, I suppose that most definitely is not the same thing," I replied, wiping tears from my eyes. Leave it to my best friend to always lighten the mood.

She leaned over to hug me. "Girl, I love you, but you are out of your mind. If you ask me, Matt is the perfect guy and hands down the hottest in the entire senior class. Somehow, you two weirdos were lucky enough to fall in love with each other, yay." Another fist pump. "And you want to throw it all away for this Devin character. He better have part God in his DNA."

I bit my lip, wondering all over again if I had made the right decision in walking away. "You know that's not the full reason, Addie. In fact, it's not even the main reason. Devin is just a cushion to help soften the blow."

Addison shrugged before pressing her forehead against mine. "Hey, listen, I'm not here to judge. I'll always be here to support you no matter what idiosyncrasies you may have. And if you believe Devin's the right choice, I'll shut my mouth and be happy for you."

Smiling gratefully, I gave her fingers another squeeze. "Thank you. I appreciate that." I cleared my throat. "You know...I suppose that means Matt's up for grabs now if you're interested.

I made a kissy face at her right before she swung the pillow at me again. "V, I sweat to God, I mean Devin."

Giggling, I curled up into her embrace. Where would I be without my best friend?

***

Matt

I had lost my best friend. For good this time.

Cussing, I stormed into the gymnasium and flung out a chair at the table Kayla was sitting at. I wrestled to get my jacket off, chucking it across the table after managing to finally free my arms. The gym was too fucking hot.

"Where the hell have you been," she asked, her eyes flashing a deep shade of blue.

"I'm fine, thanks," I replied sitting down.

"You left me for an hour, Matt," she snapped.

"And you didn't come to find me. You were so busy with your friends; I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone." Glancing around at nothing in particular, I tapped the edge of the table with my fingertips. "Look, you ready to go? I'm not having a good time," I said, shaking my leg.

"Well, I am," she retorted.

"Ok," I replied standing up. "Let me rephrase that. I'm going. You can either come with or you can find your own way home." I turned to leave, not caring if she followed.

Kayla grabbed her clutch off the table and hurried to catch up with me. "What's your problem? You've been a total asshole to me today. Do you want to break up or something?"

"Or something," I muttered to myself. I slowed my walk so she could join me. It wasn't her fault that I was having a bad night. "I'm sorry. It's not you, okay? Can we please just leave? I'll drop you off."

Kayla paused in the middle of the hallway.

I turned to glare at her. "What," I barked.

She shrugged. "I thought we were hanging out afterwards, is all. I...uh, had a surprise for you." She swallowed as she fiddled with the strap of her dress.

I raised my eyebrows at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Well, I...you see..." She cleared her throat.

Sighing, I dragged my palms down my face. My patience was wearing thread thin. "For heaven's sake, Kayla," I spat out. "Just tell me what it is." I rubbed my pounding forehead, in no mood for games.

"Fine," she exclaimed tossing up her hands. "I got us a hotel room. Are you happy? You ruined it." Her bottom lip started to quiver, and her eyes glistened with tears.

Shit. Way to go, Matt. First, you make Vanessa cry and now Kayla. This isn't Pokémon Go. You don't have to collect them all.

Drawing in a breath, I reached out to Kayla and took her fingers in between mine. "Hey, come here. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong," I said soothingly, wrapping my arm around her waist. Was Kayla annoying? Yes. Vapid? You bet. However, she shouldn't be blamed for the fact that Vanessa couldn't get her shit together. And at least she was making an effort, which was more than I could say for the aforementioned.

"A hotel room could be fun." I tried to muster up excitement in my voice. I had no intentions of going all the way with her tonight if that's what she had in mind, but figured a heat-inducing, make-out session with a pretty girl could be just the distraction I needed right now.

"Yea, I thought so," Kayla agreed, sniffling as she wiped her nose. "It even has an indoor pool."

"Perfect," I exclaimed even though I didn't give a damn. "Who doesn't love a little H2O? Why didn't you mention that sooner? Let's go check it out." I led her down the hallway, more than ready to leave Winter Formal and the last three and a half years of my life behind me.