Vanessa

When the buses finally pulled up in front of the high school after a painfully long and awkward drive back to town, all I wanted to do was go home and curl up into a ball of misery on my bed. I would have been perfectly content with crying my eyes out while listening to my Sad Girl Music playlist on my Spotify but Addison dragged me to her house instead.

She insisted on my presence because she had her own news she wanted to share. If I was lucky, maybe she had won the lottery, was moving to a tropical island, and was going to take me with her so that I could escape far far away from every mistake I had ever made with Matt.

Her green eyes twinkled as she placed a platter of pineapple, mango, and honeydew slices on the glass table beside the hammock that I was lazily draped upon. It wasn't paradise but I suppose that for the next twenty-fours until my best friend whisked me away to a five-star resort, this would do.

I gingerly picked around the assortment until I found a ripe and juicy pineapple chunk to munch on. As I bit into it, Addison made herself comfortable in the spot next to me.

"So...," she began before clearing her throat.

Raising an eyebrow, I looked up at her. Now this was curious. She was wringing her hands as a petal pink flush spread across her cheeks. "So...?"

She hugged a nautical-patterned throw pillow to her chest, a hint of a smile on her glossy lips. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you this now with everything that happened with Matt on the bus ride home but you're my best friend in the entire world, V and I was going to burst if I had to hold it in for another second."

My heart started to race. What did she do this time? I'm going to kill her. "What did you do, Addie? I swear I'm going to murder you if you-"

"I lost my virginity to Jeff," she blurted out.

I had been reaching for another piece of fruit but paused mid-action at her bombshell of a confession. "You what?!"

She tucked her wavy tresses behind one ear as she fingered the linen fabric of the pillow. "Um...yea. Last night. The moonlit lake and meteor shower was just so romantic we couldn't keep our hands off each other and before I knew it, we were making love right there in the sand."

"Oh," was all I could muster. I knew I should be happy for my friend as she would have certainly been for me. She would have shrieked in giddy excitement then asked me a million questions about how it was, who initiated it, did it hurt. All of that. And I should have done the same for her but all I could think was how she had once again gotten what I so longed to have.

Addison, the girl who had all the confidence in the world to go after her crush, had been intimate with him beneath the glow of the moon and the shimmering shooting stars. Matt and I should have been the ones to have that very scenario of which I had daydreamed of countless times before. "That should have been me and Matt."

As soon as the words were out, I immediately clapped my hands over my mouth. "Addie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. That's great. Really. I'm happy for you."

Addison sighed softly, scooting over and placing an arm around my shoulder. "It's alright but tell me, what happened V? Why did you freak-out like that on the bus? You totally humiliated Matt, you know."

Burying my head in my hands, I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the hot tears that threatened to spill from making their way out. "You saw that, huh?"

"V, everybody saw that. I love you but what you did was borderline cruel."

My shoulders began to shake as the tears flowed freely now. "I don't know, Addie. Maybe you're right and I am spineless. I'm not like you. I don't know how to be cool and self-assured around guys. I freeze up. It's as if my tongue gets paralyzed and I can't make the words I want to say come out."

"That's not true." Addison shifted so that she was propped up on her elbows. "I saw you with Chris at the dance. You talked with him like it was second nature. And that New Year's Eve kiss you shared with him at Midnight..," she smiled as she fanned herself. "It was so hot it could've melted that swan ice sculpture, centerpiece at the alcohol table."

I forced out a humorless laugh. "Then maybe I just don't know how to be around Matt."

She picked up my hand giving it a quick pump with her fingers. "Is that such a bad thing though? That means you really love him, V."

I didn't say anything for a few moments as I thought about what she said. Matt really was that special. There was no denying that he was the love of my life. But unless I figured out how to not run away from those feelings, I was doomed to hide the truth from him. Or maybe I had already told him how I felt. There was still the matter of being blackout drunk on the camping trip that I had to contend with.

Sighing, I turned to face Addison. "Matt came back with me to our tent last night."

Addison pulled at a loose strand of thread on the hammock. "Oh?"

I nodded. "I can't remember anything past that, Addie," I whispered. "I wasn't sure if we had kissed or decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend or did something else entirely. And then on the bus, he put his arm around me and it made me even more confused. I didn't want to just assume we were dating and act like we were and then make a total fool of myself if it turned out I was wrong. I supposed I could have asked him but you know me and-"

"Hey, V," Addison interjected softly.

"Yea?"

She lowered her gaze so that she was no longer looking at my face. "There's something else I have to tell you."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What...," I asked slowly.

Addison bit her fingernail which meant that she must have really screwed up because she was not one to ruin an expensive manicure. "I think I know the answer to your question as to what happened between you and Matt last night."

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, the blood in my veins turning ice cold. "Go on."

She held up her hand. "Now before you get mad, please know that Matt's my friend too and he was really upset last night and I was only trying to help."

I yanked her to me by the front of her t-shirt. "Addison Miller, what did you do?"

She wouldn't make eye contact as the next words tumbled out of her mouth in slow motion. "I may have told Matt that you loved him."

In the fraction of a second, I lunged at Addison, almost knocking us both off the hammock. "ADDISON!!" Shrieking, I walloped her repeatedly in the chest with the throw pillow while she struggled to break free.

She pounded on my arms with her fists until I finally moved off from on top of her. "Oh, come on V," she exclaimed as she sat up. "You were never going to have the guts to tell him yourself and you know it. The way I look at it, I did you a favor."

I gave my friend one last thud on the shoulder. "You're such a blabbermouth. I don't care if I am a coward. You had no right to tell him that."

She tugged on my ponytail. "Well, at least now he knows. The toughest part is over." She straightened out her shirt frowning at the creases in the fabric. "Are you mad?"

Sighing, I laid back down propping my hands behind my head. She had a point. She had done the hard work for me and my feelings for Matt were finally wide out in the open with nothing more to hide. "No. I suppose not. What else did you tell him?"

She nestled in beside me once more. "I told him to make another move which apparently he did. I just didn't think you would mess it all up again."

Groaning, I covered my face with my hands. "Is that what his arm around me was all about? I'm such an idiot. He's never going to talk to me again. Addison, you really need to start warning me about these things so I have time to prepare."

She stared up at the fluffy clouds floating by. "You're right. I should have told you." Scoffing, she rolled over to face me. "If it makes you feel any better, Matt probably thinks I'm a total liar now so it looks like he won't be speaking to either of us. What's your plan for fixing all of this?"

I snorted. "Fixing this? Are you insane? Let's see" I said ticking off my fingers. "I yelled at him for putting his arm around me. I mortified him in front of the entire senior class. I told him I didn't love him. So yea, I'm going to go ahead and say I'm not doing a damn thing except maybe crawl into a hole and stay there for the next fifty years until he forgets any of this ever happened."

"You're seriously going to do nothing?" Addison stared at me in disbelief.

I shrugged. "I blew it with him, Addie. There's no point in even trying to clear the air anymore. He's not going to come back this time."

Exhaling loudly, she shook her head. "You're utterly hopeless, V."

"I know." And like it or not, there was simply no ever changing that.

A/N What do you all think? Do you think Addison was right in telling Matt how Vanessa felt about him?