Matt

I gazed down at Vanessa and smiled as her eyes met mine. Instead of watching the fallen stars dazzling the sky, she was actually looking back. I started to raise my hand to brush her chestnut hair off her face as I dreamed of running my fingers through her shiny tresses but paused midair.

No, Matt. She doesn't want that. But that didn't mean she wasn't tempting me tonight and pushing me to my limits. However, she had made it known where I stood with her and I was not the type of guy to badger someone into something they obviously didn't want to do.

Or maybe she did. She did have a rather intimate head placement on my lap. Was she hinting for something more? But if that were the case, then why did she reject me? I tried to make sense of the situation but my brain was ping-ponging my conflicting thoughts at rapid-fire pace.

Maybe it was nothing. It seemed that everyone else was letting loose this evening on the camping trip. Perhaps she wanted to as well. OR, could it be that she was a little bit jealous of Addison and Jeff and wanted a flirty rendezvous of her own? We were close friends after all and I was right here. She knew how I felt and that I was a safe and easy choice so why not? No big deal, right? In her eyes, it was probably the perfect night to have some fun.

Then again, what if she was feeling the pressure from the other girls at her school to lose her virginity? I was certain that a play-by-the-rules girl like Vanessa would never have sex just to get it done and over with but it was definitely a possibility that she could be curious. She was friends with Addison after all and who knew what kinds of trashy fantasies that serial kisser was poisoning her head with. She would never be comfortable with doing it with someone she barely knew so who better than her best guy friend? Someone that she knew loved her and wouldn't judge her. Someone that wouldn't make it awkward for her. It wouldn't really matter much to her, I supposed.

Except it was a big deal to me. I had told her I loved her and here she was all over me and playing with my feelings like it was of no concern to her. It may be just a caress of the hand or peck on the cheek to her but to me it was so much more. I didn't want this kind of attention from her just because she had a few too many and was in the mood to hook up with somebody. I only wanted it if it meant that she loved me too.

Feeling a headache coming on from my over-analysis, I sighed as I gently pulled on her arm prompting her to sit up.

"What's wrong?" She furrowed her brows as her gaze searched my eyes.

"We should probably get back to our tents before we get caught." I nudged her off of me and stood up, wiping the sand from the back of my jeans.

"Oh." She stared down at her lap, tracing small circles on her thigh with her finger. I could tell she wasn't thrilled with my suggestion but I didn't feel bad. I refused to allow her to just keep leading me on. I had to think of myself too.

Suddenly she whipped her head up at me, fire in her eyes. "Since when do you care about getting in trouble," she spat out. "You've spent more time in detention than you have in class."

Whoa, shots fired. I took a step back feeling like she had just slapped me. Coming from her, the comment stung. The truth was out. She thought I was a failure. I glared at her before turning and power walking up the beach. "That's right," I called. "I forgot I was a screw-up. Not perfect like Chris."

Vanessa leapt to her feet and sprinted to catch up with me. "What just happened? I'm only joking, Matt."

I scoffed. "No. You're not. Let's just go, ok? I want to head back and I'm not comfortable leaving you out here by yourself." The remark shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. She had already proven back in December what she really thought of me when she refused to ride with me after my car had been graffitied. I was just the fool that kept given her second chances.

She looked towards the water where Addison and Jeff were entangled in each other's arms as they slobbered all over each other and a wistful expression crossed over her face. "Okay," she mumbled. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. " She made a move to place her hand on my arm but I shrugged it off.

"It's whatever. Come on. I'll walk you back to your tent."

She stood on the sand a second longer before reluctantly following me up the path that lead to the girl's campsite. She didn't say another word on the hike back but I could feel her eyes boring a hole through me. Her wide-eyed gaze and pouted lip almost had me feeling guilty for being short with until I reminded myself that I didn't exactly appreciate the way she had been treating me either.

When we arrived at her and Addison's tent, I leaned over to unzip and lift the flap, gesturing for her to get inside. I was prepared to send her on her way and leave but when she stumbled onto her sleeping bag, her face tinted with a green hue, I knew I had to at least stay for a little while to make sure she would be alright.

Sighing, I crawled in after her. She was already sprawled out atop the blankets making no move to get ready for bed. "Here, let me get your boots for you." I pulled her shoe off and set to work on the other one. Why did I have this weakness when it came to her? When I got them both off, I looked around the tent for her water bottle. "Drink this," I said handing it to her. "You'll thank me in the morning."

She accepted the water from me but didn't take a sip. "Are you mad at me?"

"No." Yes. I looked at the roof of the tent as I answered.

"Come here." She sat up and grabbed the front of my t-shirt pulling me down on top of her. She instantly stuck her nose in the crevice between my neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply. "I love your boy scent. It smells clean but musky at the same time."

I-what? "I-what?" Exactly what was she doing?

I began to push myself off of her but her grasp held firm on my back. Swallowing, I shifted my gaze to meet her eyes. They were so shiny and hopeful I couldn't tear my sights away. For a minute, we just stared at each other wordlessly before she reached up and traced my jawline with her finger. "You have the most beautiful face I've ever seen," she whispered.

I clenched my teeth. She had to stop teasing me like this. I could only hold out for so long before I stopped giving a damn and kissed the absolute hell out of her. Maybe then, when she was good and breathless, would she realize that she felt something for me after all.

She continued to stroke my face, staring up at me with those big brown eyes. She looked so innocent like a fawn. I closed my lids, nearly relenting as I leaned into her touch. My defenses were quickly crumbling and I realized I had to leave now before there was nothing left to them except for a pile of rubble and dust.

***

Vanessa

Matt started to pull away but I couldn't let him go. Once he left, I knew any morsel I still had of being with him would be snatched away. Say the words, Vanessa.

"Matt I'm-" I quickly snapped my jaw shut again. "You are-" Don't be a coward for once in your life. "Matt, I'm sorry. You aren't a screw-up," I rushed out in one breath. Nooo! You spineless eel! Matt, I'm in love with you. You are amazing, sexy, funny, wonderful. Ugh.

I could tell by the muscle twitch in his jaw and the flash in his eye, he knew what I was really apologizing for. I'm sorry for not being able to give you what you want. What I want too. Still hovering over me, he replied in a barely audible tone, "We have to get up early tomorrow. I should go."

This time, the panic rising in my chest wasn't from fear of him making a move; it was the soul-crushing realization that he wouldn't. I couldn't just let him leave like this. I had to do something. Anything.

He began to pull away but I grabbed ahold of his wrist. When he stilled, I used the opportunity to move my fingers over to the waistband of his jeans, sliding my hand under his shirt until I could feel the toned muscles of his abdomen beneath my palm. I could hear the blood roaring in my ears but I pushed further running my touch up his chest. My head was spinning but whether it was from the alcohol or being in direct contact with Matt, I didn't know.

He closed his eyes, slowly letting out a breath. "Vanessa, stop."

My hand froze on his skin and I could feel his heart beating wildly. Didn't he want me? "Why won't you kiss me?" I whispered.

"Why won't I kiss you," he repeatedly incredulously. "V, you turned me down. And now that you are drunk and looking for a good time you all of a sudden want to get it on? I'm not here just for you to use for your own amusement. It's not just for fun with me. You know that. You could never be just a hook-up. I gotta go." He moved off of me and went over to the flap of the tent, tugging at the zipper.

What did he mean just a hook-up? It wasn't that way for me either. I sat up intent on clarifying things. "Matt...wait...stay."

He glanced over his shoulder at me, a glimmer of hope thawing out his icy grey-blue eyes. Gnawing on his lip, he nodded his head for me to continue. I scooted over until our noses were nearly touching and I grabbed his fingers in between mine. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed his hand. "Matt," I began, my voice shaky. "How could you think-"

Abruptly, I covered my mouth as my lunch lurched wildly in my stomach. I held one hand clamped over my lips as I shoved him away with the other. I had been finally fully prepared to word vomit to my crush of the past three years exactly how I felt about him but what came out of my throat instead was actual vomit and it just wouldn't stop.

And just like that within the blink of an eye, what was supposed to be a romantic moment with the love of my life was now replaced by Matt looking on at me with disgust as I seared myself into his memory bank as being the girl that barfed on him during senior camping trip.

***