Vanessa

I had talked a pretty good game to Addison about not caring if Matt moved on but when I was alone with my thoughts staring up at the shadows the moonlight cast on my darkened bedroom ceiling; I could admit to myself that I did care. A lot. My attempts to get over him had proven futile.

I had believed cutting him out would be the solution to moving on, but it did nothing to stop the butterflies that fluttered around in my stomach every time I saw him walking down the hall or caught a glimpse of his Jetta racing out of the parking lot at the end of the school day. It didn't help either that we shared the same study hall. He would always be right there, in the seat diagonal to mine perfectly aligned for me to gaze at and obsess over. The lack of structured learning in that class always gave me ample time to think through my every action and regret everything I hadn't done with him.

After the disaster that was the camping trip, he had ceased any attempts to talk to me. Sometimes, he would glance over at me as if maybe he wanted to say something but never actually did and as of late, even those brief looks had stopped. I had even begun to notice that in the middle of class, his phone was vibrating more and more frequently.

The smallest of smiles would tug at his lips before he excused himself to use the bathroom. I'll admit it seemed a little odd but I had talked myself into assuming that he and Addison were still spending time together and were trying to hide it from me because they felt guilty.

They didn't have to do that. I never asked or even expected Addison to stop speaking to him just because I had. But as far as I knew, she did. Matt was her friend but when it came down to it, her loyalty remained with me; her best friend. The trio was officially over.

Over. Sighing, I twirled my pen absentmindedly as I focused on the back of Matt's head in favor of doing my Physics homework. I closed my eyes replaying that fateful bus ride over in my head. Instead of shoving him away and shouting at him, I wished I had snuggled in closer inhaling his cedar wood scent. With his arm hanging casually around my shoulders, we would chuckle as Howard Thomas snored loudly, his mouth hanging wide open as if he were trying to catch flies. Our laughter would die down as our eyes locked and the sparks smoldered while we gazed at one another.

Then, we would just let the rest come naturally. Except for me, natural was sweaty palms and panic attacks that resulted in me making a scene in front of the entire senior class. I inwardly groaned at the memory. I was a fool.

I rewound the loop in my head rewriting the ending into a blissful work of fiction when Kayla Albright sashayed into the room, her hips swiveling from side to side. This was curious. She wasn't assigned to be in this class. Neither were any of her friends. Probably another new boyfriend. I rolled my eyes. That girl went through suitors faster than I went through books.

I followed her trek as she walked across the classroom, stopping right at the front of Matt's desk. I sat up straight in my chair swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. This was interesting. What did she want with my Matt? Keep it moving, I silently willed her.

Kayla perched on the edge of his desk, swinging her long tanned legs over the side. "I was thinking Mattie," she purred speaking loud enough for me to hear. In fact, I could have even sworn she threw a look my way as she said it. "I had so much fun on our last date, how about we go on another?"

Last date?! When was their first? I clenched my fists wondering if I could be suspended for tossing my science textbook at her head. Thinking it better not to give my classmate a concussion when applying for colleges was right around the corner, I gave her my best gangster glare instead. That should intimidate her into not messing with me.

Matt nervously glanced in my direction, coughing as he crossed and uncrossed his legs. I could feel steam begin to pour out of my ears. That bitch. Kayla knew exactly what she was doing. He hesitated for a few seconds before lightly shrugging his shoulders. "Sure, I guess so."

"Perfect!" She threw her arms around him in an exaggerated manner and gave him a loud smack on the lips. "We can decide where we want to go later. Meet me in our spot in the library after school!" She tossed a victorious glance at me with a grin that could have rivaled that of the Cheshire Cat before hopping off the desk and sashaying her way back out of the classroom.

I realized my mouth was hanging open and quickly snapped it shut. So many thoughts were shooting through my head at rapid-fire pace that I could hardly process any of it. Matt and Kayla had gone on a date? They had a spot? How long had this been going on for? Long enough for them to be kissing each other; that much was clear.

I could feel my face growing hot. My egg salad lunch felt like a brick in my stomach before it catapulted its way back up my esophagus. A whirring sound blared in my ears as Matt looked over at me in slow motion. He bit his lip then immediately furrowed his brows. His mouth formed words and I knew he was speaking to me but the sound came out all muffled.

"I need to use the restroom," I blurted out. Not waiting for a response from the teacher, I bolted out of my seat, stumbling over my book bag in the process. I managed to make it out of the classroom, seconds before the tears started to flow and I completely lost my previous meal.

***

Matt

"Are you ok," I asked Vanessa. Her face had gone completely ashen as she stared at me with bugged out eyes. Surely, she wasn't shaken up over Kayla asking me out. She had her chance and said she didn't love me.

"She moons over you all the time." Addison's words from the camping trip popped into my brain at that moment just as Vanessa fled from the room.

I shook my head. She doesn't love you, Matt. The walls quaked sending the clock crashing to the floor as the door slammed close. But what if she did?

Vanessa had claimed she didn't care but were these really the actions of someone who didn't give a damn about my dating life? Then why would she lie to me? I glanced at the door she had run out of. Should I go after her?

I felt terrible. Even though Vanessa was the one who had made the choice not to progress the relationship, I still cared about her and didn't want to hurt her. However, whatever was going on with her, she had done to herself. I missed her like hell but she had pushed me away and I wasn't going to grovel for her affections.

This is why even when I felt her gaze on me in class and had more than once contemplated striking up a conversation with her, I had ultimately decided against it. If she wanted to move on from our friendship then I would let her. She would just have to understand that I would be doing the same.

So no, I wouldn't chase her and beg her to spill her soul to me. I had already done that before and it had gotten me nowhere. She had closed the door on any type of relationship we had and this time, I was going to let her go.

Vanessa

Addison found me sitting on the floor of the girl's bathroom, looking like a tear-stained, bloodshot-eyed mess. In between great, big heaving sobs and blurry vision, I had sent her an SOS text. Even though I had told Addison that Matt could date somebody else and that I would be fine, I hadn't actually expected him to do it. The pain of him moving on was stronger than anything I had ever felt before.

"V! What happened," she shrieked ripping open the door. She leaned against the concrete wall as she joined me on the cold tile and pulled my head into her lap. The tears began to slow as she stroked her fingers through my hair. There was nothing like the comfort of your best friend when your heart had just been shattered into a million pieces.

"Matt...has...a...girlfriend," I blubbered out through a fresh wave of sobs.

Addison's fingers stilled. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry." She resumed her movements through my hair. "I thought you were over him though."

I cried harder. "I loved him, Addie. You don't just get over it."

"Shh," she soothed as she rubbed my shoulder. "Don't cry. It's ok. No, of course you don't just get over it."

Sniffling, I buried my face into her cashmere sweater. She didn't pay any attention to the stains I was no doubt leaving all over her clothing. "I still love him."

She moved her palm down to gently pat my back. "You deserve better, V. I mean what kind of guy says he loves you and then ignores you for the next two months?"

I wiped my nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt as I sat up. "It's all my fault, Addie. How could I have let him go," I wailed.

"V, you tried," she said softly "but it didn't work. You said so yourself. It wasn't meant to be."

My sobs had begun to slow down to small hiccups. "What should I do?" Hiccup.

"I'll tell you what to do," Addison began with determination in her voice as she looked me square in the eye. "You find yourself a hot guy. Someone that makes Matt look like a troll and you flaunt him all over this school. Make Matt regret letting you go."

I nodded but wasn't so sure I could do it. It would be hard to find someone more attractive than Matt. More thoughtful than Matt. More amazing than Matt... The tears started to flow all over again. Addison's plan was starting to sound more easier said than done.

She grasped my shoulders. "Hey, you can do this. You are my bestie and I didn't just choose anyone for that role. You are the most kick-ass, gorgeous girl I know and any guy would die at your feet for a chance to be able to go on a date with you. The only difficult part is choosing which one you want to go out with. Who's it going to be, V?"

She was right. I was amazing and to hell with Matt for not fighting for me. If he had truly loved me, he wouldn't have replaced me in two seconds with some airhead who thought Jane Eyre was a hologram pop star. I dried the rest of my tears before giving Addison a small smile. "Do you think Kurt Whitman still wants to know who I am?"

A broad grin spread across Addison's face. "I can guarantee it."