Vanessa

I need some fresh air. After my argument with Addison, I made my way towards the courtyard to find a quiet spot to reflect on all the hurt I had caused. It was never my intention to cause any pain to her and Matt but how could I possibly just pretend that everything was rosy between us? That we could all just go back to normal and live happily ever after? That's not how real life worked.

I had rejected Matt. Insulted him. He had moved on with Kayla and I with Devin. Too much had transpired to just be forgotten. Of course, I missed mocking those trashy reality TV shows with him. And I longed to once again feel the brittle pages of musty books between my fingertips as we perused bookshelves together and read passages aloud from our favorite novels. But those days were over.

Just another chapter in an antiquated book that had long since been forgotten and stowed away, now gathering dust in a dark corner of my mind. Addison had to understand that. Matt had to understand that. I had to understand that.

Matt and Vanessa would never be one of the great love stories that got written about and kept alive for centuries to come with every turn of a yellowing page.

I stopped in my tracks at the thought. A Great love story. Had we given it an honest go would we have measured up to the likeness of Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? Could Devin and I be worthy of such a romance?

What even made for a memorable love story? Tragedy, perhaps? The feeling of something so electrifying every time you look at that other person that it shakes you to your core? Maybe it was an affection so grand and consuming that it left one weak in the knees, unable to breathe. The kind that had a person wanting to die rather than to be without the other.

I grabbed hold of the icy metal railing that lined the staircases leading to the center of the courtyard as a lightning bolt realization struck me; I had never felt such a way towards Devin.

In fact, it was only with Matt that my world had ever felt tilted on its axis anytime our eyes had met. It was only with Matt that the ground gave the illusion it was about to give out from beneath me and collapse whenever I felt his touch. And it was only with Matt that my heart had ever shattered into a million pieces when he went away and I questioned my very existence in a world that didn't have him in it.

Maybe he truly is the real deal. Or perhaps, just another tragically beautiful, romance affair that wasn't meant to be.

I sighed. Just as with all those other poetic tales, ours had long since ceased and was only remembered anytime we dared to dream and conjure up the images that had been so carefully preserved for a time when one needed to get lost in the comfort of a world that wasn't one's own reality.

It was a narrative that would remain unwritten, for I had been too scared to take the plunge with him and make him mine. Now instead, he was Kayla's. Would their story be just as cherished?

Lost in my thoughts, I breathed in the crisp aroma of the fallen snow as I made my way over to the cracked stone bench nestled in the fallen pine needles from the two large trees that stood on either side of it.

As I approached, I noticed the seat was already occupied. "Oh, sorry," I apologized to the hunched, shadowy figure sitting there in the dark. "I didn't realize this spot was taken."

A raspy voice pierced through the blackness. "Wait. Stay."

"No, that's alright," I replied backing away. Getting murdered by creepy guys lurking in the night wasn't on my agenda for must-do's at the Winter Formal. "I think I'm going to just head back inside."

"Please, V. I could really use a friend right now."

I froze, my blood running cold as I recognized the voice as belonging to Matt. I chewed on my lip as I debated the invitation. Getting killed hadn't been on my bucket list but neither had been reconciling with an old friend.

Finally, empathy won out. "Yea, okay," I replied gingerly taking a seat on the edge of the cool stone about as far away from him as I could get. Neither of us said a word. Our breath made puffs of white against the inky sky and I began to tremble, but whether it was from the feeling of the chilled ground beneath the soles of my feet or being within arm's reach of Matt, I couldn't say.

"How's Kayla," I asked needing to say something, anything to break the silence.

Matt sighed. "Don't, Vanessa. Let's not do this tonight." I glanced over at him. He was staring straight ahead with his hands in his jacket and his hood up over his head.

The quiet settled around us once more before he finally spoke up. "I just don't understand," he whispered. "Why him, V? Why not me?"

The pain emitting from his voice stole the air right out of my lungs. Addison's right. I did hurt him. I shifted my gaze down to study my heels, unsure of what to say.

I suppose I could have stated the truth. That it should have been him. Would have been him if only I wasn't so chicken. Say it, V. He needs to know. Swallow your damn ego and tell him how you feel. I opened my mouth to speak but my tongue felt like sandpaper, and I couldn't get any words out.

Matt eyed me. "You and I used to be able to talk about everything, V. You shared it all with me and now, you can't even tell me why."

"I-"

"Did I wait too long?" Our eyes met for the first time since I sat down and there was no mistaken the questions that lay within his stormy gaze. He awaited an answer but upon not receiving one, he raked his hands through his hair. "Damnit, V. Addison told me your whole rollercoaster analogy. Did I wait too fucking long? Just tell me." His voice broke on the last sentence, and I swallowed.

Talk to him! He's not Aaron. You don't need to be so afraid. Every cell in my body screamed at me to open my mouth but still, it remained firmly zipped.

Feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, I stared helplessly at him. After a long stretch of silence, I finally managed to find my voice. "I...I don't know," was all I was able to squeak out.

Blowing out a breath, he shook his head. "I knew there was no way someone like you could ever love someone like me." He kicked a stone. "I've never been that lucky."

Tell him, Vanessa! Tears sprang to my eyes as the frustration of not being able to say what I so desperately needed to clawed away at my insides. I despised myself for the friendship I had thrown away and for the love that I would never know.

He moved his gaze up towards the sky and I followed. In the clearness of the winter air, the stars shone bright and plentiful. He turned to look at me. "What if I hadn't given you the chance to bolt, V? What if I had just grabbed you by the hand, kissed you, and brought you along for the ride? Would that have made an ounce of difference?"

Closing my eyes, I imagined I was back in Devin's Porsche. Don't think. Just feel. My heart thudded in my chest and my palms had begun to sweat despite the cold that lapped at my fingers. I listened for any sort of sound but there was nothing but quiet. It was as if I was alone with no one around to hear the "yes" that fell from my lips.

I opened my eyes as the realization that my confession did indeed have an audience sent a shiver up my spine.

Matt scooted closer to me, removing his jacket from his body and wrapping it around my shoulders. Our eyes met as he reached one hand up to tuck a loose curl that had blown into my face behind my ear. The sweet, small gesture was all it took to break me. A lone tear rolled down my cheek. With his thumb, he wiped it away. His touch lingered on my cheek, and he slowly caressed my skin.

He held my gaze, his fingers stilling. "I should have done this a long time ago," he muttered. Before I could question what he meant, he swept me up into both of his arms, lowering his mouth to mine. My lips parted in surprise allowing his tongue to slip inside.

This isn't real. I'm hallucinating. I could taste the minty flavor of toothpaste on him mixed with a tangy saltiness that I couldn't identify. The sensation confirmed that this was indeed happening.

I began to pull away, but Matt brought me back to him. "Don't," he pleaded. "You're already on the rollercoaster, Vanessa. Now just sit back and enjoy the ride."

All the desire that had been built up over the years suddenly funneled their way out of my body and into my hands as I ran them up his back and then through his hair. It feels every bit as silky as I had hoped it would.

A moan escaped my throat as he moved his kisses from my mouth to my jawline. "I love you, Vanessa," he breathed.

"Uh huh," was all I could manage to muster. But this time, my lack of response wasn't from fear but from the pure ecstasy that flooded through my system. All I could focus on was the light sucks he placed down my neck and the nibbles on my lips as he returned to my mouth.

He slid his palms down my arms and I gasped from the sheer amount of electricity that his touch could produce. My insides were on fire, and I had no desire to put out the flames.

My hands travelled down his back one more as chills ran up mine. If this was indeed a rollercoaster, then I was at the crest, right before the cart takes the plunge that sends a person's heart ramming into their throat.

Every nerve ending began to tingle from the sudden sensation of his fingers grazing over the bare skin of my thighs. He deepened the kiss, and I grabbed the front of his hoodie, pulling him to me. No matter how close he was, it wasn't close enough.

A chuckle at my urgent action escaped his throat and the familiar sound brought about a realization. Oh my god, I'm kissing Matt! I internally screamed as the moment I had spent countless hours fantasizing about morphed from a conjured-up dream into reality.

I clung to him, fearful that if I let go, I would wake up and realize that the whole thing had been nothing more than a fiction made up by my brain while I slept in the dark of the night.

Matt placed a final, feathery soft peck on my lips before breathlessly pulling away. Reluctantly, I loosened my hold as well. He gave me a lopsided grin as he leaned in to smooth a few loose strands away from my face. "I don't even want to know how my hair looks," he remarked.

Hoping for more kisses, my gaze lingered on his lips, and I couldn't help but notice their swollen red appearance from our make-out session. Did that just happen? Panting and feeling light-headed, my fingers flew to my mouth confirming by my chapped skin that I really had just locked lips with thee, Matthew Jones. Did life get any better than that?

I blew out a breath as the quiet settled amongst us once more. Someone must have cracked a window, for the faint sound of slow music now flowed out into the courtyard.

Matt stood up extending his hand out towards me. "Vanessa Adams," he said smiling, "I do believe I owe you a dance."

I accepted his palm, letting him help me up as my own grin spread across my face. "Why, Matthew Jones, I thought you would never ask."