Matt's 18th birthday

Matt

On the day of my 18th birthday, I woke up with a pit in the bottom of my stomach. Today was the day. Twenty-four hours from now, Vanessa would know that I loved her and things as I knew them would never be the same. All I could hope is that they would be changing for the better.

Addison had convinced me that having a fire at "the spot" later that night to celebrate would be the opportune time to tell her because of the romantic atmosphere or whatever so it would still be several more hours until I saw her. I tried reading to take my mind off of my impending big confession but after going over the same sentence five times in a row and not registering what it said, I gave up, tossing my book to the side.

From the nightstand, my phone buzzed. I reached over to grab it to see what the notification was. It was a text from Vanessa. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" it read. Next to it were party hat emojis.

I smiled, feeling both anxious and excited to be seeing her later on. Only a few more hours to go. You can totally do this, Matt. But could I? I dragged my hands down my face, letting out a loud sigh. This was going to be torture.

Addison told me that she would drive herself up to "the spot" that night so I could have some time alone with Vanessa later in the evening. When I pulled up outside of her house just as the sun was sinking below the horizon and casting its golden glow on everything its rays touched, my hands were shaking. I tried to steady them on the steering wheel but I just couldn't. She was only hours away from knowing the one secret I had held back from her for an entire year.

I prayed she wouldn't notice my trembling fingers as she slid into the passenger side seat. "Hey," I said giving her a weak smile. It was all I could do not to have a full-blown panic attack. She looked stunningly beautiful as she turned to give me a wide grin before buckling her seatbelt. Her hair gleamed like a bronze halo from the fire light of the sunset. She was wearing a white tube top and a pair of black denim shorts showing off her sun-kissed skin from many a summer afternoon spent soaking up the rays of summer. I couldn't help but note that with each passing year, she kept getting more and more attractive. Or had her heart-stopping beauty always been there and I was only now just noticing it because of how insanely hard I had fallen in love with her?

Her birthday was in September, a few weeks after mine so she wasn't far behind in turning eighteen herself. I thought back to how much we had both grown up since we were fifteen. We were just kids back then really, but at the time, it had felt like we were so much older. However, now we were both truly adults. And with that, came adult decisions. Only recently, had the thought begun to cross my mind of what it would be like to make love to her.

Even though I never had a girlfriend before and had little experience with the opposite sex, I felt more than ready to take that step with her. I was a bit embarrassed to admit that I was still a virgin. I knew what the girls in school thought of me and my reputation implied that I had bedded a number of them already.

But the truth was I hadn't. It wasn't exactly like I was holding out for the right person and I was certain that given the opportunity, Aimee would have jumped at the chance to extend our make-out session beyond some oral fun but I just wasn't interested. I only wanted to be with Vanessa. I couldn't say for sure if Vanessa had sexually been with anyone either, but given her track record of dating, I was guessing that she hadn't. Maybe tonight would be the first time for both of us; that is if everything went according to plan. I could only keep my fingers crossed and wish on every shooting star that passed by in the nighttime sky that it did.

When we arrived at "the spot", Addison was already there. She had begun dating Jeff Lewis after months of playing tonsil hockey with him at every party we had attended. Although he was a jock and we didn't run in the same crowds, the guy was generally friendly and often tried to make polite small talk with me. I couldn't see us ever actually being friends but at least he wasn't Chris. I shuddered at the memory of that fleabag, grateful that he was out of the picture for good.

As Vanessa and I sat down on the fallen log in front of the bonfire, Addison handed me an open beer, whispering, "Here. To help calm your nerves."

I shot her a dirty look to shut her up but if Vanessa had overheard the comment, she didn't let on. She was gazing into the fire with a dreamy look on her face and I would have given up my entire Maroon 5 vinyl collection to gain access to what was on her mind.

The next several hours were spent drinking around the fire and getting nostalgic over the fact that we were entering our senior year of high school in the coming weeks. When the last blazes of flame had dulled down into glowing embers, Addison stood up and stretched making a big show of yawning. "I'm tired. I just can't stay up late like I used to." She gave a longing look in Jeff's direction. "Time to go. Matt, you can bring V home later can't you?" She winked at me. "I want some time alone with my man." Without bothering to wait for an answer, she began making her way down the hill, Jeff's arm slung casually around her shoulder as they walked off.

When the sound of their voices had faded into the dark of the night, I knew Vanessa and I were finally alone. I cleared my throat, twisting the drawstring from my hoodie around my finger. This was it. Now or never. Actually, it was now or tomorrow when Addison would spill the beans. Darn her and her big mouth with that God-awful bright, red lipstick that she always smeared all over it.

I stretched my arms above my head, sliding over on the log until I was shoulder to shoulder with Vanessa. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I thought for sure she could hear it. She looked at me and gave me a small smile but didn't say anything. Lowering my gaze to the ground, I contemplated my next move.

How does one just blurt out "I'm madly in love with you?" I wondered. I figured starting off small was probably the way to go, lest I scare her off. Beginning by confessing that she was all I could think about 24/7 was a sure-fire way to send her scrambling down the path calling out for Addison to wait up so she could ride with her instead of some psychopath that might murder her in the middle of the secluded woods. I shook my head to clear the thought. I had to stop letting Kurt's words get to me.

What to do now, though? Should I hold her hand? Lean in for a kiss, perhaps? Give her a compliment?

I nodded slightly, satisfied with that last idea and decided that a compliment was a good starter to try and feel her out. Nudging her shoulder with mine, I grinned at her. "You look nice tonight," I said gesturing at her outfit.

She chuckled softly before looking away. Was that a blush I spied on her cheeks or just a shadow from the flickering fire light?

***

Vanessa

I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched Addison and Jeff disappear into the tree line. I loved spending time with my friend but seeing her and the object of her affection entangled all over each other, had me craving to do the same with Matt. Deep down I knew that I wasn't going to act on that daydream but just the possibility of it was still enough to have me beyond giddy that I finally got to have some alone time with him.

Not to mention, our one on ones was when we had our best interactions and all of our heart to hearts. I stared into the fire, taking in the peaceful sound of the crackling for a few moments. Between the stars twinkling in the sky and the flickering flames, the atmosphere had a touch of romance to it. There was a slight chill in the air that gave the indication that fall was right around the corner and I realized that this was the last year the three of us would have together before we all went our separate paths.

The thought was enough to bum me out but for now, I would savor the time that I still had left with Matt. Being alone with him was exactly where I wanted to be. I succumbed to the fact that as long as we were friends, I would probably never get over him and always wish for more. I continued to hope that maybe one day he would see past my mousy brown hair and crooked smile and eventually return my feelings but for the time being, I would settle for his friendship.

Matt stretched his arms above his head as he scooched in a little closer to me and I tried not to gawk at the peekaboo of skin that was showing from his raised sweatshirt. He moved over on the log until we were practically touching and my pulse started to race. What was he doing? He often sat close to me but never this close. Did he think I was cold? That was just like him to be so thoughtful. I gave him a small smile and he returned the gesture faintly before staring down at the ground.

I took that opportunity to steal a glance at that gorgeous face of his. God, every year he just kept getting more and more handsome. He wasn't very athletic in the sporty sense but he favored lifting weights, running, and doing sit-ups to keep in shape and it showed. He wore his usual leather jacket but I happened to know from our time spent at the beach this summer, that underneath were all muscles and a six-pack.

I swooned just thinking about it. He raised his gaze to mine, giving me a funny look. Was I drooling? I discreetly wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. How embarrassing could I be?

He cleared his throat. "You look nice tonight," he said gesturing at my clothes and I thought I was going to fall off the log again in shock. Had I heard him correctly or was I stroking out? Was he stroking out? He never complimented my looks unless Addison or I had forced him to. I cringed as I recalled back to how I had thrown a fit when he had called me short. I had no chill.

His gaze lingered on my face as he studied me and even though my cheeks already felt warm from the heat of the fire, I could feel the temperature shift in them to burning hot. "Thanks. So you do." I shuddered at my loose lips. I hadn't meant to say that aloud. Ever. His eyebrows shot up but he chuckled before continuing.

***

Matt

Ok, now what? You told her she looked nice and she didn't slap you but she didn't fall into your arms either. Maybe I needed to try a little harder. Let her know I was serious. I took a deep breath. "I mean it, V. You really do look beautiful. In fact, I think you're the most beautiful girl in every room." Whoa. That was a little more than I had intended to blurt out. I could only pray that she would find the compliment endearing instead of creepy.

I could just imagine the report back to Addison come morning. She would sit up straight, tucking a wavy strand behind her ear with a serious expression on her face. "So then he said 'you're the most beautiful girl in every room' and I could have gagged, Addie. What kind of a desperate weirdo says that out of the blue?"

Addison would curl her lip up in a sneer. "Ew, he did not seriously think that cheesy line would sweep you off your feet, did he? God, he is such a pathetic loser." And then they would giggle as they plotted how to ghost me as their friend.

Vanessa's movements out of the corner of my eye pulled me back to reality and to the fact that she had yet to respond to my admission. Her expressionless face made it hard to tell what was running through her head but I knew I needed to push forward regardless before I had the chance to chicken out. Now that I had laid my cards out on the table, I had no choice but to go all in.

I picked up her hand and laced her delicate fingers through mine. Her eyes widened but she didn't pull away. This was a good sign. Maybe she didn't think I was being so creepy after all. Taking a deep breath, I summoned all my courage. "Vanessa, there's something I need to tell you."

***

Vanessa

"I mean it. You really do look beautiful. In fact, I think you're the most beautiful girl in every room."

My heart hammered at triple speed at Matt's words. I wanted nothing more than to knock us both off the log with a barreling hug that expressed every daydream and hope I had for us over the course of the past three years. Was I hearing him right? Did I fall asleep on him again and this was all some kind of a dream? I pinched myself to make sure that I wasn't sleeping. I winced at the pain. Nope, this was definitely reality.

I couldn't believe he was seriously saying those words to me. I was convinced this had to be a joke, just like with the corsage. There was no way in hell that Matt, who could have any girl he wanted mind you, thought I was the prettiest. I thought back to Addison's comment about him needing to get his eyesight checked. Maybe she was right.

Surely, this was nothing more than a prank. I schooled my face into what I prayed was a neutral expression so he would know that I was cool, calm, and collected and his compliment had no effect on me. I opened my mouth to say "Haha, very funny, Matt" but before I could utter a breath, he grabbed a hold of my hand.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god maybe this was really happening. He looked at me, his grey-blue eyes sincere and every fiber of my being knew instantly that he was being genuine in his words. I felt like that had his grasp not been holding me down, I could have easily floated off to cloud nine.

That's when it really hit me. Matt was holding my hand. My hand. His skin felt warm against mine with the slightest of callous on his fingers. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to sear this moment into my brain just in case it never happened again. It all felt surreal and I could scarcely believe that the guy that I had secretly loved for three years was holding my hand and telling me he thought that I was beautiful.

Millions of butterflies flapped their prehistoric size wings in my belly and dozens of thoughts tumbled through my mind at the speed force of an avalanche. No matter how incredible the feeling was, it was also too much.

My heart was beating so fast that I was sure it was going to explode right out of my chest. I suddenly felt dizzy and knew that if he held my hand for one second longer or said another sweet thing, I would puke.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. This wasn't happening. The moment I had been waiting years for and had fantasized about nonstop had finally arrived and all I wanted to do was flee. I wasn't ready for this. As his fingers stroked mine, my palm began to sweat. Even though I had three years to prepare for this very moment, I never believed it would actually happen. I had gotten used to him rejecting me and thought for certain that my love for him would always remain unrequited. Now that I was learning that might not be the case after all, I had no idea how to respond.

"Vanessa," he whispered. I shook, startled when he caressed my face. "There's something I need to tell you."

***

Matt

Vanessa remained silent; not so much as offering a sigh, a gasp, or the slightest indication of how she was feeling. I really wished she would say something, anything, even if it was negative instead of just staring at me with that wide-eyed unreadable expression, but nevertheless, I carried on. It was probably for the best though that she didn't respond because I knew that if I didn't keep talking, I would never say the words I needed to and I really didn't want Addison to be the one to.

I took another deep breath. Here goes nothing. "V. Vanessa...I love you."

There. Relief flooded through my chest. The words were out. I realized that now that I had confessed my feelings to her, it felt quite freeing not to have to keep them a secret anymore. I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to say it back. I was so sure she would, instead, she surprised me by bursting out into laughter.

Ok. Definitely not the response I had been hoping for but better than a shriek of disgust I suppose.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she wiped tears from her eyes. "You just looked so serious. I thought you were; well never mind what I thought." She rested her head on my shoulder. "I love you too, Matt."

She said the phrase so carefree and easily that I instantly knew she hadn't received the real meaning of what I was intending to tell her. I tilted her chin up so I could look into her cocoa-brown eyes. "Vanessa, I think you misunderstand me. What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you."

Her eyes grew wide as she sat up straight and her hands flew up to cover her mouth. "Oh. Oh."

My leg started to shake as I stared at her intently, searching her face for any clue as to how she was going to respond. Come on, say something, I silently urged her.

A/N The confession is finally out! About freaking time. How do you all think Vanessa will react?