Matt

As soon as we arrived at the hotel room, I decided to pour all my frustrations over Vanessa's rejection into kissing the hell out of Kayla. I pressed my lips down her neck and up her face the moment the door clicked into place behind us. She had just about mauled me in return. She shoved me back onto the mattress and pinned my arms above my head before proceeding to yank off my t-shirt and plant wet kisses all down my abdomen.

When she got to the waistband of my jeans, she paused to lift her dress off over her head. She tossed it into a glittery heap on the ground and reached for my belt buckle. "You are so gorgeous," she murmured.

"Mhm." I grabbed a hold of her hand to prevent her from going any further.

Frowning, she glanced up at me as her fingers hovered over my zipper. "What's the matter?"

No doubt I was attracted to Kayla. She was every male's fantasy with her long blonde hair, pouty lips, and trim figure. Of course, I wanted her. But I liked to think I was a decent guy and knew it wouldn't be fair to her if we slept together tonight. Not after the searing kiss that I had shared with Vanessa earlier.

Kayla had confessed to me late one evening when we were making out by the river that she wanted her first time to be special, and I knew I owed her at least that much. If we were going to make love, I'd rather we waited until a time when she would be the only one I was thinking of. I just hoped for my mental well-being, that day would come sooner rather than later.

"Matt, what's wrong," she tried again. "Isn't this what every guy dreams of?" She gestured at the room and her naked upper half.

Placing my hands around her waist, I gently shifted her off my lap. "Everything's fine," I lied, pulling myself up and giving her a peck on the forehead. "Let's just hold off for tonight, okay?"

Kayla snorted. "Are you seriously rejecting me? What did you think would happen when I invited you here? That we would just sit around and knit?" She looked at me in disgust as she shook her head. "Do you have any idea how many guys would kill to be in your place right now?"

I eyed her but kept my mouth shut. I was not going to take the bait.

Giving me a once-over, she tucked her hair behind her ear. "Are you a virgin or something?"

Yup. We're definitely done for the night. I leaned over the side of the mattress to scoop her dress off the floor. "Put this on," I instructed, tossing the glimmering garment at her.

She yanked the fabric from my hands and threw it back on the floor, this time out of my reach. "I thought you were a man, Matt but I guess you're nothing but an immature, little wuss." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and strode over to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her with enough force to shake the walls.

Well, this night just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? Sighing, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and decided to scroll through it while Kayla finished out her tantrum.

I frowned at the empty, upper left-hand corner. No messages. Opening Instagram, I was instantly greeted with a shot of Vanessa taken at Winter Formal. She was standing amongst a curtain of silver tinsel, popping one leg up behind her as she made a kissy face at the camera. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the photograph. Her beauty was stunning, and my heart ached to hold her in my arms once more.

I had never felt as enchanted as I had the moment her lips touched mine. There was no denying the sparks between us that had been waiting years to ignite into a smoldering flame. My gaze shifted towards the bathroom door, and there was no doubt in mind that I rather it had been Vanessa who had climbed atop me, expressing her desire to make love.

In a heartbeat, I would have taken her amongst these pristine white sheets without hesitation. But instead, Devin was the lucky son of a bitch that got to have that opportunity. Anger rising in my chest all over again, I threw my phone across the room.

Get yourself under control, Matt. You can't keep losing your temper like this. It had been wrong of me to fly off the handle with her earlier but damn it, I was tired of her leading me on and playing this game of hot and cold. I had really believed that we had finally made amends and she was actually going to give us a shot. But it had only ended up being just more of the same.

The pain of losing Vanessa shattered me nearly as much as that fateful day in the hospital when I had discovered that my mother hadn't survived the car accident. The only other time I had someone that I loved with my entire soul ripped from my life.

Maybe I'm being too harsh on her. Perhaps, we can at least try to be friends. Isn't that better than nothing? Was it really fair of me to give her an all-or-nothing ultimatum?

But then again, was it also possible for me to hang around with her and Devin and remain unscathed? Would I be able to keep my cool as I watched them kiss and caress each other? I clenched my jaw at the image. I didn't think so. I would always long for it to be me in her embrace instead of him.

February

Matt

The next morning, I groaned as I cracked one eye open. The whole terrible night instantly came rushing back to me in flashes of kissing, shouting, and then tears. It didn't matter whether I thought of Vanessa or Kayla, the outcome with both had been exactly the same.

Sun filtered in through the dingy hotel curtains and the faint beeping of an alarm clock could be heard from the other side of the wall. I felt around on the mattress for Kayla, but the spot beside me lay empty and cold.

Sitting up, I scanned the room but saw no trace of her. I tossed the comforter aside and sprinted to the bathroom door, flinging it open. "Kayla?" Empty. She must have left sometime after I had drifted off to sleep.

I plopped down on the edge of the bathtub and placed my head in my hands. Things just kept getting worse and worse. Finally glancing up, I spied my phone peeking out from underneath the other twin bed. Figuring it had landed there last night when I had thrown it in my heartbroken stupor, I stared at it for a long while.

I knew what I had to do. An apology was in order, and I wasn't going to waste another second of daylight without letting her know how sorry I was.

***

Vanessa

"Rise and shine, beautiful angel." I smiled at the one voice that could always bring me comfort.

"Hey, Addison," I replied sitting up and yawning as I stretched my arms above my head. I gratefully accepted the steaming cup of coffee she handed to me.

"How are you feeling?" She looked at me, concern reflecting in her emerald eyes.

Blowing into the mug, I shrugged. "Been better, I suppose."

"You received a phone call while you were sleeping." Her face was alight with a warm glow as she grinned. "Someone was quite concerned about you."

"Was it my mom," I joked.

Addison laughed. "No. I messaged her last night to let her know you were sleeping over at my house."

"Who was it then?" I slid my phone off the nightstand and scrolled through recent calls. Devin. Disappointment funneled through my body as his name stared back at me. Part of me had hoped it was Matt.

"I don't want to lose you," he would plead. "I'll be your friend if it means getting to keep you in my life." Or perhaps, he would fight to make me his. "Damn it, V. I know you love me. Quit running scared from us. Let's make this work. Nothing you could do would ever change how I feel about you."

"V?" Addison placed her hand on my arm. "Did you hear what I said?"

I shook my head to clear all thoughts of Matt from it. "Huh? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Can you repeat that?"

"I said that Devin told me he was worried when he never heard from you last night. I reassured him that you were okay and was trying to sleep off a nasty migraine."

I nodded, envisioning what a conversation between Matt and Addison would have sounded like. "I feel terrible, Addie. I lost my temper. Can you just tell her that I'm sorry? Let her know that I'll always love her and will wait until she's ready."

My friend smiled at me over the rim of her coffee mug. "I thought it was sweet. I'm still Team Matt, but I'll have to admit that Devin earned himself a couple of brownie points with that one."

I traced the edge of my glass with my index finger. "Do you think you'll ever be Team Devin?"

Addison looked at me sincerely. "Does he make you happy, V?"

I considered her question. There was no denying the guy was a true gentleman. He would bring me banana nut muffins in the morning because he knew they were my favorite, and always surprised me with various kinds of flowers on our dates. He was a fantastic kisser and showered me with compliments. He treated me like gold.

On paper, he was the perfect catch. Handsome, athletic, excelled in school. He came from a wealthy and loving family. He was blessed with all the right ingredients to create a bright future for himself.

I struggled to think of something I didn't like about him. Devin was everything a girl could ever want in a boyfriend, and I felt perfectly...comfortable with him.

"Yea, I suppose he does," I answered slowly.

Addison squeezed my hands. "Then that's all that matters to me. I'll come around to the idea of you and him, eventually."

I leaned back against the headboard and thought about what I had just admitted. Comfortable. I was comfortable. Was that what one wanted when it came to love though? Comfortable didn't give you butterflies or leave you breathless. Comfortable wasn't electrifying. Comfortable also didn't lead to passionate kisses.

No, it does not. Shivering, I recalled my heart-stopping lip-lock with Matt from the night before. That had been anything but relaxed. I had been on edge the entire time. Which brought me to the question of how did I want to feel in a relationship?

Could I sacrifice the passion to be with someone that never brought out any emotion other than ease or would I rather live my life constantly on the edge of a precipice, terrified that at any moment I could fall into the unknown?

***