Vanessa

I threw my hands up in the air as I gazed at the blinding lights affixed to the gymnasium ceiling. I was fully immersed in the thumping bass of the Billie Eilish song that blared over the speakers and it was a high like no other. Lowering my sights, I smiled at Devin who was dancing across from me and bopping his head vigorously in time to the beat. Sweat poured down from his hair but he refused to quit moving.

An unexpected chuckle erupted from my throat at the sheer giddiness I felt in that very moment. I realized that this was the first time I had been able to experience Winter Formal to its fullest potential. Every other year had been spent in a hard metal chair on the sidelines, keeping Matt company.

This is way more fun, I thought as the music transitioned into a slower tune and I began to sway to match the tempo. I was so engrossed in my movements that the feeling of a cold hand grasping my shoulder caught me off guard and caused me to jump.

"Alex," I barked unable to keep the irritation out of my voice. "I already told you that I didn't want to dance with you."

I whirled around to continue my lecture but instead, found Addison glaring at me. "Excuse me? But do I look like a pimply little weasel that lacks any kind of hygiene to you," she retorted, hands on her hips.

"Sorry," I replied chuckling.

"Listen, I hate to break up your rave, but nature calls and I simply cannot go alone." The tone of her words was light-hearted but I couldn't help but notice her pinched features. "Devin, do you mind if I steal your girl for a minute?" Even though she was speaking to him, her gaze never wavered from me.

Devin stopped dancing, pausing to wipe the perspiration from his brow with the sleeve of his button up. "Sure. She's all yours, Addie. I could use a water break anyways."

"Splendid." Addison yanked me by the arm, pulling me in the direction of the ladies' room. What on Earth has gotten into her? She never made me go to the restroom with her unless something serious was happening.

As soon as the doors to the facilities had closed, I turned to face her. "What's wron-"

"It looks like you're having fun out there," she spat out.

I moved towards the mirror above the sinks, leaning in to fix a stray wave that had gone wild. "I really am. Devin's so cool. I can't believe what a great dancer he is."

"Mhm. That's nice." She propped one elbow on the countertop, resting her chin in her hand as she stared at me. "Hey, V. Can you guess who's not having the time of their life out there? You're friend."

I spun away from my reflection to look at her. "Oh my gosh, Addie. Why didn't you come get me sooner? Are you alright? Did Jeff do something?"

She waved me off. "Jeff and I are fine. I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about one of your other friends."

I furrowed my brows as I studied her, trying to recall all the classmates that I had made contact with throughout the evening. They all appeared to be enjoying themselves.

She rolled her eyes. "Matt, Vanessa. I'm talking about Matt."

"Oh," I replied not expecting that as the answer. I turned back towards the mirror to readjust the hem of my dress. "I hadn't noticed." For once, it wasn't a lie. Up until that very moment, I had no idea that he was even at the dance.

"Do you even care why?" Addison grabbed me by the shoulder whirling me around in her direction.

"Hey," I yelled pushing her hand off of me and smoothing out the crinkle she had left in the neckline of my clothing. "What's your problem?"

"Matt saw you here with Devin, you know," she hissed. "He had no clue you two were dating. I think he's really upset."

Sighing, I opened my clutch to rummage through the contents for my lip gloss. "So? He's here with Kayla and you don't see me crying about it. What's your point?"

Addison yanked the makeup from my hands before I could even unscrew the cap. "Don't be such an insensitive bitch. My point, Vanessa, or should I say Nessa, is that your friend is really hurting right now."

I grabbed the gloss back. "He's not my friend anymore. And I don't exactly recall him being Mr. Sensitivity when he was making out with Kayla in front of me and the entire school. I really don't know what you expect me to do."

Addison stared at my reflection in the mirror. "Did you know that he believes he's not good enough for you? That in your eyes, he's just some loser? He thinks that's the real reason why you wouldn't date him." She shook her head at me. "I can't imagine where he would get that idea seeing that oh, I don't know, you called him that to his face."

My shoulders sagged as I recalled the screaming match I had with Matt in the hallway just a few months ago. I had said that. "I-" I snapped my mouth shut. I had never meant for him to seriously believe that as it couldn't have been further from the truth.

I raised my gaze to the glass in front of me, studying what I saw within. A young woman in a shimmering blue dress and smoky eyes looked back at me. Her caramel-colored locks were carefully styled into a simple up do. This was not the Vanessa I had come to know over the past few years.

This was a teenage girl feeling her way into adulthood. And with growing up, came taking responsibilities for one's own choices as well as making mistakes along the way until eventually getting it right. It had been a lapse in judgement to insult Matt such as I had. It was wrong of me to ever utter such hurtful words to someone I had cared so deeply for.

However, I couldn't change what had been done. I had to move forward. Time didn't stand still for anyone, and I refused to be kept a prisoner of my past errors. I was finally breaking free of the chains of the old me.

Taking a deep breath, I began carefully applying the lip gloss. "I thought we had all gotten past this," I replied, my voice cold. "I'm with Devin. Matt is with Kayla. No hard feelings. The end. The ride's over."

Addison swept her sights over me, her mouth slightly agape. "That's it? That's all you have to say? No 'Wow, I'm such an asshole for calling Matt that. Let me go apologize immediately so he doesn't spend the rest of his life believing that the first person he was able to open up to thinks so little of him.'"

"Enough," I shouted slamming the cosmetics tube down onto the counter. "My God. I love you Addison, but you just don't quit, do you? Why do you always insist on bringing Matt up? It's really starting to piss me off."

My friend shrunk back before wordlessly reaching into her bag for a compact. Silently, she began powdering her face. After a few moments of uncomfortable quiet, she softly whispered, "He was my friend too, Vanessa."

I glanced at her in the mirror, the glimmer of tears in her eyes catching the light. "You don't think this affects me too," she asked. She turned to look at me and the sadness I saw etched into her features had me feeling like the world's worst best friend. "I miss him so unbelievably much." She quickly swiped her lids with the back of her hand.

"Hey," I soothed reaching out to take a hold of her fingers in my mine. "I never said you couldn't still hang out with him, Addie."

She shook free of my grasp. "Come on, V. You know it was implied." She pointed at me and then at herself. "You and I are best friends. Wherever you go, I go. Whoever you hate...I hate."

I bit my lip realizing for the first time the crummy situation that I had thrusted Addison into with my actions. I had been so absorbed in my own crises that I hadn't stopped even once to consider how this situation would impact her. "I don't hate him," I offered weakly.

She grabbed a hold of both my hands and looked me in the eyes. "Then please, just talk to him," she begged. "Let's at least try to be friends again."

Silence blanketed us as we stood there staring at each other for what felt like ages. Was it possible? Could Matt and I really move on from everything that had happened and make amends? Did I even want to? I was happy with Devin and wouldn't that just mess with a good thing?

Sighing, I let go of her grasp. "I'm sorry, Addie. I really am. I know this sucks for you but it's over. I don't have any interest in rekindling our friendship. Now please, just accept that. I have." I grabbed my purse off the counter and made my way towards the bathroom door, leaving her standing there slack-jawed and teary-eyed under the flickering fluorescent lights.