Matt

I rolled over in bed to the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand. The intense light of the morning filtering in through the sheer curtains caused me to squint my already burning eyes. I had barely managed to grab more than an hour's worth of sleep as the memories of last night replayed through my mind on a loop. If there were a hell, I was sure that the scene of Vanessa's rejection would be the feature film. "I'm sorry. I don't feel the same way."

Sighing, I grabbed my cell and answered without even checking the caller ID. At this point, what did I care if it was another scammer trying to reach me about my car's extended warranty? Even though I knew the odds were slim, I still prayed that it was Vanessa calling to admit that she had been up all night mulling it over and realized she had made a huge mistake in rejecting me. That she couldn't deny the chemistry between us and the very idea of us not being together was tormenting her. Yea right. Please. In what universe would she ever say that?

"Hello," I answered groggily.

My heart sank at the sound of Addison's annoyingly cheerful voice. "Somebody sounds exhausted. Were you up all night with a certain brunette beauty perhaps? Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. No need to thank me, Matthew. Your undying gratitude is enough."

I scoffed at her on the other end. "Thank you for what? For pushing me to do something I told you I didn't want to do? For mortifying me? Where should I begin Addie? You tell me since you're so good at telling me what to do." I couldn't stop the words from flowing out. I was seeing red and she was the perfect target to take all my swirling angry emotions out on.

Addison paused, the silence stretching between us. "Matt, slow down. What are you talking about? What happened?"

"You mean your best friend didn't tell you," I quipped "No, I suppose she wouldn't have. Because if she ever said anything about me to you, maybe you would have known that it was a mistake to tell her how I felt."

Another pause. "Matt, you're not making any sense. What happened," she repeated.

I ground my teeth together so hard I thought I was going to chip a tooth. Then in a tone colder than ice, I spit out the words, "She said she didn't love me, Addison. I totally laid my heart on the line like a fool and she said she didn't love me. Why would you tell me to go for it? I thought as her friend, you actually knew what you were talking about."

"Oh," she replied her voice coming out in a whisper. "I'm sorry Matt. I thought-"

"You didn't think Addison! You never do. That's the problem. And now Vanessa probably won't even speak to me anymore." I wasn't sure who I was the most furious with; Addison for once again pushing me into doing something that I said "no" to, myself for letting her, or Vanessa for giving me just a glimmer of hope that I actually stood a chance with her.

Addison exhaled deeply. "Matt, I feel terrible. Please believe me. I really did not think that would be the outcome. Let me talk to Vanessa to find out what's up."

"No." I cut in. "I'm done. I don't want your help anymore. You've done enough damage. Now please, just butt out of my life." I hung up on her before she had a chance to respond.

***

Vanessa

"Addison! What took you so long to call me back? I've been trying to reach you all night." I glanced at my fingers, grimacing at the now whittled-down nails. I had bit through each and every one of them as I paced my room back and forth, listening to Addison's voicemail time and time again. "Hey, this is Addie. If you're tall, blonde, and toned, leave me a message."

"Hey," she answered nervously. "Is everything ok? Did Matt leave you stranded? I'll kill him." She laughed but it sounded anything except sincere. I arched an eyebrow. This was suspect.

Sighing, I flopped down onto the wrinkled-up sheets that I had completely mangled in my fitful night's sleep. "Actually, no. Everything's not ok. I really blew it, Addie." I proceeded to tell my friend everything that happened, right down to Matt's outburst on the car ride home.

"Ouch. Sounds like a rough night. Isn't Matt's undying love what you wanted though," she asked.

"I thought so, Addie. I really did but when he said the words, it was like I was frozen in place. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. He completely caught me off guard with all of that. I mean, my heart is all in it, but I just can't get my head to follow suit." I stuck my nail between my front teeth; ready to destroy what little bit I had left. Addison would have freaked if she saw my hands right about now.

"Shit." She uttered the word so softly that I wasn't even sure I had heard her correctly. "Of course, she would act this way without a head's up. She's timid. She needs proper coaching," she muttered to herself.

I sat up, straining to hear what she was mumbling to herself. "What are you going on about?"

She cleared her throat. "Don't be so nervous around him, V. He's just a guy. A really hot guy but just a guy nonetheless." Addison laughed. "He loves you and I promise he's probably too busy worrying if his breath smells to even notice if yours does."

Groaning, I flipped over onto my stomach and fingered the edge of my cream pillowcase. Where was this could kind of encouragement from her yesterday when I could have used it the most? "You're right. Maybe I just need time to get used to the idea of us." I sincerely hoped this was true. Up until yesterday, I assumed that Matt had only thought of me as a friend. To know that he felt more was so terrifyingly exhilarating, that I couldn't even think about it without getting light-headed. This kind of information definitely needed more time than just a few hours to process.

I gave a brief nod, feeling better already and satisfied with the plan formulating in my head. I would wait it out a few more days and then when I was good and ready, I would tell Matt everything. I just prayed it wouldn't be too late.

Somehow though, a few days ended up turning into a few weeks. Every time I grabbed my phone to message Matt about meeting up to talk, my fingers stayed hovered over the screen and I couldn't get myself to write the text. I hadn't heard from him either which made me question if he had really even cared about me to begin with. If he truly loved me, wouldn't he at least want to fight for our friendship?

***

Matt

It was the final week of summer break and instead of wallowing in the misery that had been my life for the past week, I decided to lift my spirits and do something I had wanted to do for quite some time; get her name tattooed on me.

Why not? I was finally eighteen and could ink up my body as much as I wanted, however how I wanted without my Dad getting to have a say. I was certain he would still give me that quiet frown of disapproval while shaking his head that all parents just seemed to love to do. I wondered if there was some super-secret meeting they all attended while we stayed holed up in our rooms where they learned the universal words and gestures to convey that they were deeply disappointed in their children.

Oh well. It wasn't as if I weren't already a letdown to him with my low grades and lack of hobbies and friends. Why not add one more thing to the list?

And that's how I found myself seated in the chair of a tattoo parlor with my left arm stretched out before me as the artist's eyebrows shot up high on his forehead. I vaguely wondered how far he could get his bushy brows to go up on that bald scalp of his.

He cocked his head as he gave me a long look. "You want a name tattooed on your arm, you say? How old are you kid?"

I rolled my eyes. I had expected a lecture from my Dad but not from some guy with the words Live.Laugh.Love permanently inked into his bicep. "Eighteen," I replied keeping my voice even.

He nodded as he busied himself sterilizing the needle. "It's none of my business...," he began. You're right. It isn't. He slid his glassy grey eyes onto me. "It's probably not the best idea though to be getting a girl's name tattooed on you at such a young age. You kids always think these little high school romances of yours are forever but more often than not, they crash and burn and you'll be right back in this chair next month asking me to try to cover up the name with some flaming skull or some other unrealistic request as if it were a piece of cake. Trust me when I say you're making a mistake."

I blinked at him, making sure to make full eye contact before slowly sounding out my next words as if he were a complete idiot which at this point, he kind of was. "It's my deceased's mother's name. I won't regret it."

To say I took immense pleasure in seeing a burly and bearded grown man blush all the way up to his scalp while he sputtered out apologies, would be an understatement. "Yes...of course. Sorry. I can absolutely do that for you."

I smirked at him as he set to work, admiring the large, looping cursive letters that slowly donned the entire length of my forearm. As he wrote out my mom's name in black ink, I closed my eyes and took in the sensation of the prickling buzz on my skin. It wasn't as painful as I had imagined it would be and I realized that even though it did slightly hurt, I kind of liked it. Maybe I was nothing but a masochist who just couldn't get enough of inserting himself into situations that would only ever bring me agony.