Suddenly I see a young me.
It's probably one of my earliest memories.
A young girl runs through the gardens, me.
And there's mother watching me from the balcony. I stop and look at her. She smiles and waves at me. Nothing else. Daddy comes outside. The girl runs up to him and climbs onto his back. He carries her inside.
~
"Mommy, mommy, those people were riding horsies!!" I say excitedly.
"Yes Regina, they were." Mother tells a young me. "But you don't need to. You have a carriage."
The girl's excited face fell slightly.
"Cora," Daddy began to say. "Maybe it'll be nice for our little girl to learn. She can't rely on a carriage all the time, can she?"
"She's a princess Henry. Horse riding isn't what girls like her do. Plus, she's growing up fast, don't forget. Before you know it, she'll be grown up and ready to marry. And I doubt a man will want to marry a scruffy girl."
"Pleeeease mommy?" I beg.
"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm your mother. You call me Mother. And no."
"But--"
"I said no, Regina."
"Mother..." I say. I recall it being weird calling her this for the first time, especially being a 4 year old. But I guess I eventually got used to it. Daddy never seemed to care. It was only Mother.
"Fine, you stubborn child. If it gets you to stop complaining, I will let you." I remember my face filling with joy. "But..." she added. "When you're 12." And then I remember myself waiting for the day which I turned 12. I didn't seem to care if it was 8 years away. I was patient. As long as it meant I was going to be happy.
The next day I woke up and ran down to the grand hall where Mother was waiting.
"Regina, what took you so long? A princess is never late for her breakfast. And it's probably cold by now." Mother said.
"Sorry mom- I mean Mother. I was getting ready." I tell her.
"Doesn't look like you did a very good job," she mutters.
"Don't worry Regina. You look as beautiful as always." Daddy tells me. I run to my seat, sit down and eat. I think something is wrong, it's so quiet. The silence irritates me. I hate it.
"So," I say awkwardly, trying to start a conversation. Everyone's attention is focused on me so I think of something quickly. "What are we doing today?"
"Same as always, Regina. What else?" Mother replies.
"I was just wondering, because, it's always the same everyday and sometimes I get a bit bo-" I am stopped by mother's interruption.
"Regina, finish your breakfast, stop complaining and then go put a dress on." She orders.
"But, what's wrong with this?" I say looking down at my current outfit, an elegant blouse that falls to my thighs, leggings and my favourite boots.
"Look at it. You look like a mess." I instantly lose my appetite. I drive my fork down into the table and storm off.
"Regina!" I hear mother yell. Oh no, she's angry now. I quickly pick up the pace and run to my room. "Get back in here!" I hear faintly. Then I hear her screaming and shouting, arguing with daddy. Then it goes quiet. I quickly change into my dress and look in the mirror. Suddenly, the door opens. No one is there. I shrug and carry on getting ready. I pick up my bracelet and necklace off my drawer and begin to put them on.
Before I notice, daddy creeps up being me and frightens me. I scream.
"Daddy!" I shout, still trying to recover from that fear. He picks me up and throws me onto the bed. I'm trying to talk but I can't. I'm laughing too hard. Then he tickles me, and no matter how hard I try to make him stop, he won't. Until mother walks in.
"Henry," she begins. She has a tone of disappointment in her voice. "What are you doing?"
"Daddy's just playing with me," I say trying to defend him. I don't want him to ever stop.
"Well maybe he should grow up." She says, glaring at him. Before he can reply I take the blame.
"It was my idea mother. I told him to play with me. I'm bored. All we ever do is sit in the castle."
"Henry, go." Cora orders. Daddy leaves. I want to run after him but I wouldn't dare to. "Listen, Regina. Someday you will be the queen. And a queen needs a strong and powerful ruler, because you can't rule alone. Look at you, you're weak." My young mind has no intention to fight back, but now I feel like I should. "You need to grow up. Not for me, for you. And all the people you will rule over someday." She tells me before getting up and walking to my drawer. She picks up my earrings and lifts me onto her lap. I bury my head into her. But I don't hear a heartbeat. I dare not question. She takes out the ones I'm wearing right now and replaces them. Then she walks towards my closet and picks out a pair of sparkling silver heels to match my dress. I put them on. I have no trouble walking in them, I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. I walk up to the window and look outside.
"Are you okay, Regina?" Mother asks me.
"I'm fine mother. It's just, there's a whole world out there that I want to explore. Yet, I've never been out of the castle grounds. I want to see the world." I reply.
"Regina, that world, it's not safe for a little girl like you. Anything can happen. There are bad people." she explains.
"But mother, what if you take me? You can keep me safe. After all, you have magic."
"Regina I can't. Plus, you have school and I have a kingdom to rule with your father."
"Okay mother." I sigh. I dream of the day which I can finally get on a horse and explore. But for now I decide to stay quiet. If mother knew she would probably never let me ride a horse. A smile creeps up onto my face.
I run to the gardens and see the guards standing where the palace land ends. I look beyond at the open world which I know I would someday visit.
I'm just waiting for it to finally happen. And that day, I know will be perfect.
When I can finally ride a horse and be free.

Now that I look back on all my memories, I realise that mother would never let me leave. She has magic, a much bigger advantage. But a little 4 year old would never had thought of that.

So, I kept living my little 4 year old life in my dreams, until I got to one moment. It was a special day, and 4 year old me was very excited. My last day of being 4. I was finally turning 5. It was my birthday.