I was sitting on the sofa with my boys. They told jokes, sang, and laughed a lot together, only I was sitting next to them and couldn't be happy at the moment.

Suddenly it got quiet... Jungkook and Taehyung looked at me worried and when the others did too I was at a loss. Taehyung asked me what was going on... What should I say now? I just replied that I was tired and didn't particularly feel like singing. Of course I lied to them all but I can't tell them yet I have to come to terms with it myself first.

They all came and hugged me because they knew it wasn't true, but they didn't want to ask because they probably understood that I needed time to do it myself, even if they didn't know for what.

We decided to do something not so exciting and turned on a Kdrama. I rested my head on Jungkook's shoulder who was sitting next to me. I had to hold back my tears.

Taehyung got warm and he went to my garden. When he came in he said that although it was dark outside, it was very pleasant to make a campfire outside. The boys looked at me questioningly.

I nodded and we stopped the kdrama and took out hand chairs and put them in a semicircle. Suga lit the campfire that we had set up with wood. Then we sat down and Suga played us a song on his guitar "Life Goes On". A song from us. I loved my boys and I loved being a member of bts. I don't know where I would be now without them.

After we had made marshmallows and the fire slowly went out, the boys said goodbye. It was so empty... Being alone has been bad for me...