LYDIA:
Way back when, I was just ten, simple and sweet. Everywhere, fellas would stare outta the street. AndI felt used, kinda confused, I would refuse to look in there eyes. But now I really love creepy old guys.

All:
We all do!

BARBARA:
Gum disease.

DELIA:
Skin like grilled cheese.

LYDIA:
Saggy old asses!

DELIA (spoken):
Saggy old asses!

LYDIA:
It's cute and vile-

DELIA AND BARBARA:
"Hey baby, smile!"

LYDIA:
To each girl that passes! They make me blush!

DELIA:
Can't get enough!

LYDIA:
Now one of 'em loves me, wants to be mine!

BARBARA AND DELIA:
That's right!

LYDIE:
Marrying my own creepy old guy!

BETELGEUSE (spoken):
I'm a creepy old guy!

LYDIA:
My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy. I'm so happy I could cry!

BARBARA AND DELIA:
Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy!

LYDIA:
My creepy old groom!

BARBARA:
Creepy old groom!

BARBARA AND DELIA:
Play that wedding tune

LYDIA:
Hey folks, step aside!

BETELGEUSE (spoken):
I am older, but I'm glad I waited!

LYDIA:
'Cuz here comes the bride! I am marrying my creepy old guy.

OTHERS:
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy

LYDIA:
My creepy old guy!

OTHERS:
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!

LYDIA:
Fix his hair, get him prepared for Armageddon.

BARBARA:
Sure the groom crawled out of a tomb-

DELIA:
But hey, hey, it's a wedding!

LYDIA:
So dim the lights, pick up some rice, say something nice it's my day to shine. I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy!

BETELGEUSE (spoken):
It's showtime!

BARBARA AND DELIA:
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy. She's marrying a creepy old guy!

CHARLES:
Have you guys seen "Lolita"? This is just like them, but "fine"!

OTHERS:
Creepy old dude, creepy old dude. Our faith has been renewed now love is alive!

LYDIA:
Wave your baby-girl goodbye. I am walking down the aisle. I wanne see a tear in every eye as I pass by. I know that on the outside he's disgusting, and even on the inside, he's disgusting... But I know that this time I'm making it right

OTHERS:
Making it right, making it right!

LYDIA:
With my family by my side.

BETELGEUSE:
O-M-G! Dressed to a "T", fancy and formal. I found me a wife, L'chaim! To life! This is so normal! I was ignored, but now, I'm adored! 'Cause I extorted, tortured and lied! Give it up for my underage bride!

OTHERS:
Here comes the bride! Here comes the bride! God be glorified!

ALL:
I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing's alright.

LYDIA:
My creepy old guy! My creepy old guy! Doesn't he deserve a chance alive?

BETELGEUSE:
Ow, yeah that's right!

OTHERS:
Yeah, that's right!

LYDIA:
Let's make him alive! I am marrying my creepy old guy!

OTHERS:
Guy, guy, guy! Creepy old guy, guy, guy! Creepy old guy! Guy! Guy!

BETELGEUSE (spoken:
I have chills!

ALL:
Yeaaaaaaah!