rae 🔪
you bitch

meena
what

rae 🔪
are we not gonna talk about what happened?

meena
i don't know what you're talking about

rae 🔪
he put his hand on your knee

rae 🔪
do you know how crazy that is for him to do

rae 🔪
that's crazy for blau to do is that not clicking????

rae 🔪
like if i didn't know any better i would think you would go home with him last night

meena
aren't you at a photoshoot

rae 🔪
i'm co-owner i do as i please

rae 🔪
meena... did you feel the tingles when he did it

meena
????

meena
i'm 30 i don't feel tingles anymore

rae 🔪
it's okay to feel the tingles at any age meena it means you like him

rae 🔪
having a crush seems so middle school though

meena
no literally i feel gross

rae 🔪
AHHHH???!

rae 🔪
so you DO LIKE HIM AH????

rae 🔪
i could cry

rae 🔪
i could tell tina

meena
don't do any of that????

meena
no i don't like him

rae 🔪
you make it hard to like you

rae 🔪
what's wrong with liking him meena?

rae 🔪
what's wrong with liking anyone?

meena
meena is typing...

     THERE WAS no problem in liking someone other than the fact that it did make you feel like a middle schooler who just discovered kissing and sex weren't the same thing.

Meena wholeheartedly meant what she said. Having a crush made her feel gross and that's because she was thirty and though the majority of her friends had been in committed relationships, she hadn't been in one since she was twenty-five and her last relationship was pretty much public.

They ended on okay terms, he broke it off with her because he didn't feel the need to be in the spotlight like her or the fact that she considered the internet her job.

They wanted two different things and that was that.

Dating now? Liking someone now? Meena could've been engaged, married, having kids of her own. Was that something she wanted? Of course.

But the "liking someone" status just gave Meena the ick. The fact that she would have to say aloud that she liked Blau just didn't sit right with her.

Did she like Blau? Sure, if she was honest with herself, the answer was a hesitant yes. But admitting that out loud? Not a chance. Liking someone was messy and vulnerable, and after years of pouring herself into her career and navigating public expectations, the idea of a new crush felt almost childish, something that didn't belong in her life at thirty.

Yet here she was, trying to concentrate on Rae's messages, but really thinking about his hand on her knee.

Meena ran her fingers through her hair as she sat on the couch in the living room. The sound of the TV ran through the room with Foolish's stream playing in the background for noise. Mika sat down next to Meena as her eyes stayed glued on her phone.

Mika, sensing her pensive mood, nestled closer, resting his head against her leg as she absentmindedly scratched behind his ears. Her phone buzzed again, another message from Rae popping up on the screen.

rae 🔪
soooooo are you gonna admit it yet or are you gonna make me keep asking?? 👀

Meena sighed, knowing Rae wasn't about to let this go anytime soon. It had taken all of Rae's willpower not to call Meena out right there at dinner, to tease her about the obvious shift in her and Blau's dynamic. The way his hand had rested on her knee, the look they'd shared—Rae had seen it all, and she wasn't going to forget it.

Meena's fingers hovered over her keyboard, unsure how to respond. She could brush it off, throw out some joke, or change the subject. But part of her didn't want to dodge it anymore. Part of her wanted to admit that, yes, maybe there was something there.

Her fingers typed out a response before she could stop herself.

meena
it was nothing

meena
he was just being nice

meena
i was nervous and he noticed that's all lol

She hit send, immediately regretting how dismissive it sounded. It hadn't been nothing, and she knew that. But admitting the full weight of what it meant—that was something she wasn't quite ready for.

rae 🔪
liar

rae 🔪
you should have seen his face when he looked at you that was not "just being nice."

Meena groaned, letting her head fall back against the couch. Rae was right. Blau's expression, his gentle smile, the way his eyes had softened as he reassured her—it hadn't been just "nice." It had been something far more vulnerable, something she hadn't let herself acknowledge.

Mika nudged her hand, and she scratched him absentmindedly, her mind drifting back to that night at the restaurant. She could still see Blau's face, his careful, quiet gaze as he told her that it was "just them." It was a small moment, barely a blip in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like it had unlocked something between them, something unspoken and new. And that, more than anything, left her feeling exposed.

rae 🔪
come on meenaaa. just talk to him. what's the worst that could happen?

rae 🔪
you deserve this, you know? you deserve to like someone without it being this big, scary thing

The worst that could happen? Meena thought about it. The worst that could happen was that she'd confess her feelings, and Blau wouldn't feel the same way. Or, maybe worse, he would, and then things would become complicated, messy, breaking the friendship they'd built.

She could picture it now, the awkwardness, the way things could shift overnight.

But the best that could happen?

That part of her mind didn't want to go there. The part of her that imagined what it would be like to have him look at her that way all the time, not just for a fleeting moment, but as if she was the only one in the room. The idea felt dangerous, terrifyingly real, and yet, it was there, simmering just beneath the surface.

Her phone buzzed again, and she half-expected it to be Rae with yet another nudge. But this time, it was Blau.

blauskii
hey, just checking in hope you're having a chill night. felt like you dipped out of dinner kinda fast.

meena
i'm okay lol i had fun with everyone

meena
thank you for buying my dessert :)

blauskii
anytime

blauskii
i liked it too. it felt good. just us, like we didn't have to be "on" or anything

meena
i get it :) it's nice to just hangout almost normal lol

meena
besides the person who stopped and asked rae and tina for a photo

blauskii
i was almost jealous

blauskii
if you ever want more nights like that just us i'm all in

meena
i'd like that :)

meena
are you still down for mario party with me, rae, and ellum tomorrow?

blauskii
yeah yeah im gonna download it now give it a test run

meena
go in blind im begging

meena
rae and ellum take this shit so seriously i'm begging that you go in blind

meena
bet 100 dollars that ellum will claim to crash out twice before round four

blauskii
damn 😭 okay i'll go in blind

ellum
i'm about to crash out

ellum
is this what falling in love is like

ellum

ellum
i'm gonna crash on stream blau. mj was literally in chat tonight and i could barely get a sentence out

blau
well...

ellum
i don't wanna give you a hundred subs, but honestly, i'm so close to forfeiting. i can't tell her i like her. just... no way

blau
well that might not happen

ellum
excuse me? and how would YOU know that?

blau
obvious vibes? i mean you two have something going on

ellum
what am i supposed to do? she's mj you know? cool, smart, the whole deal

blau
look tell her even if it's awkward you'll feel better trust me

ellum
easy for you to say. what about YOU and meena?

blau
if i gotta spill... maybe there's something there. but it's not that simple.

ellum
oh please that's the same line i've been feeding you about mj for weeks

blau
telling her changes everything you know?

ellum
yeah, and it could change everything for the better or would you rather keep wondering? 👀

ellum
look bro we're both messes but if i have to step up you do too

blau
alright fair

blau
if you go for it with mj i'll figure something out with meena

ellum
i'm betting on mj being as into me as meena is into you

ellum
operation "don't mess this up" starts now

blau
here's to no regrets
READ AT 4:45 P.M.

— lucy has something to say !!

i fear that one day ill end up on his stream

late post so sorry family :(

i fear blau will have to give ellum a 100 twitch subs because kelly will finish her fic before me

bye :))))