~Ian~

I was jumping around the house frantically.

In life sometimes, we make these new discoveries about ourselves which changes it's course forever.

And most of the times we fear one thing- rejection.

It was similar to the time when I first realised I was bisexual after I had kissed my best friend in school in the heat of the moment at a random party.
He had freaked out and humiliated me in front of everyone present while I stood there with my head hung low, not because of shame, but because I was trying to figure out why I did it and why I wanted to do it again.

Since then, I had hated kisses because of obvious reasons,
1. I had lost my best friend
2. I felt messed up in my head
3. I got rejected, something my body is not functioned to digest and,
4. I fell in love.

~Noah~

I know I saw it not coming but I still couldn't help but feel disappointed when he didn't kiss me.

Because I so wanted him to, when he dropped me home and even walked me to the door!
I had thought of making a move myself but I feared that he'd turn his head away like the first time, and that was the worst rejection I'd ever gone through. And honestly, I didn't think I could handle any more of being rejected. I was just going to try to be satisfied with what I got.

So we simply said goodbye at my door. I looked into his eyes, smiling, silently thanking him for taking the initiative of being a friend of mine, even if I wanted him to be so much more.

"Thank you...for...uh..." he began and I squeezed his arm casually, but immediately pulled my hand back when I saw his facial expression change. It was surprise, a good surprise or a bad surprise, I couldn't figure out.

"I-It's fine. Thank you for the..." I trailed not knowing what to call it. If I named it a date, I thought he'd freak out.

"I had a great time today." He cut in.

I smiled.
"Me too."

"See you," he said, smiling back, the smile I had only started to become acquainted with, the smile that made me blush, the smile which was priceless.

I nodded and he walked back to his car and drove away.
I bit my lip, watching his car disappear.

Really, this date was the best I had ever had. I hadn't gotten so comfortable with any boy on the first date, especially somebody like him with whom I had a completely opposite relationship earlier.

As much as he tried to be feeling-less, I knew he was soft inside. He was really good at hiding the massive emotional tension he was going through in real. I didn't like to see him stressing over his family issues, but I loved to see him open up to me.

I also did not expect him to empathize with my situation but he was genuinely concerned about me losing my family and did not refrain from expressing how baffled he was by my parents' cruelty.

He was not the Ian I knew before. He was a good person.

I think we kind of would've been awesome together if there were any chances of us dating.

There were none, a voice inside my head reminded me and my shoulders fell in defeat.

There was no hope for anything more. I wasn't a toy to him now but I was not going to be more than a bed buddy either. And I guess I really needed to do something about my habit of wanting more than I can get.

I decided to call Trevor because right now he was the only person I could share this situation with. Actually, he was the only person my lonely ass could share anything with, really. Except I guess I had Ian now, but then again, I couldn't share what I felt about Ian to Ian... Right?

"Dude he's so into you!" My best friend shrieked when I told him about the date and every detail I could.

"Don't get my hopes up." I muttered after sighing.

"Believe it or not, tis the truth my man!"

"Right. He didn't even kiss me." I pouted.

"Aw, my poor baby!" Trevor coo-ed from the other end and chuckled.
I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever." I muttered and began preparing dinner.

After a while when Trevor hung up, I had my dinner with a smile on my face after a long time.

~~

A few days had passed.

My school's Annual Day Musical was approaching and I was very busy with practices so I couldn't have Ian over at all.

We continued chatting online every now and then- much better conversations than before.

I was currently at school, helping kids with costume trials when my phone beeped. I checked the message and smiled when I saw his name.

'Thinking about you. When are you getting an off?'

The first sentence made me blush and the second one made me blush harder because I knew what he was talking about.

I wanted to get an off too and do whatever he wanted me to do in bed with him but there really were no chances till the Annual Day Musical was over. I had once suggested him to come over at night sometime but he was against the idea. He lived with his mom and he said he couldn't have her know.

It was cute and stupid at the same time.

'Can't till next week. So sorry, hon.'

I had used that name for the first time. I was nervous as soon as I hit the send button. Was he going to get weirded out? God, I hoped not.

I bit my lip and kept the phone back into my pocket, trying to forget about it but then the beep sounded again and I quickly pulled the phone out and checked the notification.

'That's okay, 'hon'.'

I think my heart skipped a beat.

The Musical finally arrived and I had invited Ian to come with me. He refused saying he had urgent assignments to complete. I was disappointed but I understood.

I drove to school early, managing the kids, having them practice for their performance one last time. They were all looking very cute in their respective dresses but some of them had started to get fidgety and whiney about the cloth material and it was getting really difficult for me to handle.

"Mr. Hart I need to pee!" Whined a little boy in a Spanish dancer's outfit.

I sighed.

"Come here Mason," I called him over and led him to the washroom down the hall which was a little far from the auditorium.

He went inside the washroom while I waited outside, tapping my foot and humming.

I looked around for a while till my eyes stopped at a figure. Two figures. I squinted my eyes to have a better look.

A guy was leaning against the wall, shifting, while another guy was leaning on him, doing whatever they were shamelessly trying to do in a school where little five year olds were roaming around.

I went to stop them but stopped myself as I got a little closer and realised who it was. I couldn't process it at first but then felt my heart rapidly sinking down in my chest.

"Ian." I couldn't help but raise my voice, hands shaking with rage.

The guy leaning on him got off and turned towards me, revealing Ian's flustered face.

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but only a whisper of my name came out.

We stared at each other for a moment while the guy he was making out with, looked between us impatiently.

I felt tears trying to prick at my eyes, so I just took a deep breath, turned around and left.

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