It had been nine days since Maryam had any sensible interaction with Mubarak, nine days that all comprised of watching the TV work. He refused to speak about the fact that her education was just an excuse their parents had used to throw them together, no, he saw her as what she was- Nothing. 

Maryam wondered if she had not made a mistake by agreeing to consider this alliance. The few times that their paths had crossed were filled with sour memories, he had either intentionally hurt her or pretended as if she wasn't there, to begin with. 

After the knife incident, all pretence of getting to know each other took a back seat, now Mubarak wasn't even showing face. Had it stopped at that, Maryam would have been fine with his attitude, but it was beyond that and she wondered if she had just been hooked to a loose cannon. Especially after she had caught him staring at Sa'ima on two occasions that they visited during the course of her stay at the mansion. 

Now Maryam sat in his parents' main living room with Wafiyya, waiting for him to come home from work, she deliberated over all the things she wanted to say to him. She needed to make things straight for her own sake. She had never done this, all the while she had placed it upon herself to be the obedient girl but she now saw the stupidity of her choice. If he wouldn't even give her the time to understand him and conversely him to her, she saw no future in what their parents were trying to fix. She was no nurse to nurse his injured heart, he was big enough to take care of his heart and his ego. 

Wafiyya turned off the tv and Maryam's gaze travelled to her cousin, "What, why would you turn it off? I was having fun!"

Wafiyya sat up on the couch "It's not like you're even watching the thing or anything. Can you please stop getting lost in thoughts? What are you even thinking about? Just let it go, if you're going to ruin your days and nights thinking about what would have been or what is to come, then I don't know what to say to you."

Wafiyya had turned into her mini-therapist, who kept talking to her about her fears of how things were taking shape, she was much younger than her, at fourteen, she said so many words that made sense. She had it good when it came to putting people together. 

Maryam sighed "Who said I was thinking about someone?"

Wafiyya rolled her eyes, and let out a puff of air. "I didn't say, someone, except if that's who you're thinking about." Maryam looked away twisting her mouth. Busted. 

"Okay, you got me. It's just that... I don't know what's wrong with Ya Mubarak he's been avoiding me like the plague. And I'm not the kind to be clingy when I'm being pushed away. You see I may be going home soon. But not once did he even show he knows what's going on and I don't think I have it in me to face him with this. After all, our parents have decided, and I've agreed out of the respect I have for them and thinking that he was a good choice knowing how Hajiya has trained her children to be. 

"I'm not saying this because you're here, but really you all are lovely people brought up with good hearts, people with such qualities come rarely these days, I thought Ya Mubarak was like that too, but... I just don't want to be hurt, or even hurt him in the process. I feel like he hates me... no, I know he hates me." It wasn't a new thing for her, the least he could do was just tell her his intentions and rid her of her misery.

"Well, why don't you try talking to him today? He is almost home, you know?"

Maryam's eyes grew larger, her hands went to her chest immediately "And risk getting those murdering glares from him? I swear they make my guts churn, I'm just feigning braveness. No way. He's so arrogant for his own good. And sometimes I feel like setting his jaw right to remove that permanent scowl and set jaws off his face. He used to be so nice before... I don't know how he ended up..."

Wafiyya stood up abruptly ready to take a flight "What is wrong with you? Why are you acting as you've seen a ghost?" Maryam asked, turning to Wafiyya's new subject of discomfort.

When Maryam turned to see him she almost passed out. She jumped behind Wafiyya's back. Ya Allah, what was she saying before he showed up? It must be the part of her rearranging his face, right now he looked like he was going to make minced meat out of her. She gulped. He had his murderer avatar on.

Wafiyya slid out of the living room, leaving Maryam with her eyes clenched and a pair of shaky legs. She found the will to turn, but before she took more than two steps Mubarak called out to her. "Come back, here,"

Now she was certain she was getting killed, or beaten to a pulp, or the latter, then the former. She took her shaky legs to the couch, and when she was finally seated she felt her confidence coming back bit by bit. She raised her head high, in mock bravado. If she let him see that she was scared of him, she knew there would be nothing that would stop him from feeding on that, so she would act tough.

"Who has an angry face?" Mubarak asked, his stormy eyes on her. 

She looked wearily at him. "You, obviously. I know you heard us." She said with little hesitation even though her liver was shaking like a leaf in the winter wind within her. And she watched his eyes grow bigger when she spoke. 

"And you're not even denying that?"

She rolled her eyes briefly at him and pushed her mouth into a pout. "It's the truth, why should I deny it? Of course, I'm scared to my bones, but that also doesn't mean that I'm lying."

"You have no idea what you're putting yourself in right? What do you want from me? I want you to stay away because at the end of this all you'll be the one that will get hurt."

Maryam looked up at him and for the first time she saw the man behind the charade, she saw him shattered. He looked broken.

"I don't know what I'm putting myself in, and I don't care as long as I know I am doing the right thing only by following my father's advice. If you don't like me deal with it."

Mubarak clicked his tongue at the back of his mouth, "Then you should care."

She gave him another glare before moving to the end of the sofa when she saw that he was seething, he could do unthinkable things to her for all she knew but right that moment she was being honest when she told him she didn't care. 

"Are you still in love with her?" she asked, even though she knew it was daring for her to go there. Very daring.

Mubarak's head snapped up, he gave her a hard look. "That's none of your business."

Maryam smiled shakily, "Of course it's my business if it's standing between you and me. We're getting married for Allah's sake, I need to know what I'm getting into. What I'm standing up against. And you also need to let go and move on. She's now Ya Bilaal's wife. You're not hoping for him to drop dead and leave his wife for you, are you? Because the way I see it, he's truly and madly in love with his wife and so is she. You can't come between them unless if you're planning on..."

"Shut up." He said, his teeth clenched, Mubarak closed his eyes briefly. She was driving him crazy, and this was just their tenth minute in the day, what would happen if he took her for a lifetime? He wouldn't have a life to tell the story. "Don't say a word more." he gritted.

Maryam opened her mouth wide and shook her head folding her arms over her chest. "Don't scream at me."

"Right? Or what?"

"Yes, I will cry if you scream again, I'll shout and it doesn't matter what I say, but I'd hate to break it to you, Sa'ima has moved on, and it's time you do so too. I see the way you look at her when you think nobody was looking." Since her arrival, they had met twice with Sa'ima and she had seen how conflicted Mubarak had turned in Sa'ima's presence, once he had to leave before dinner. She wondered if he locked up his room and cried, he looked like he needed a good cry when he left. 

"Are you going to stop me?" he said, his ragged breath coming out in a rush.


Maryam's eyes softened, her hands went to her side she was really treading on sloppy ice. He was a dangerous steep she wouldn't want to fall from. But he also needed to be saved from breaking and toppling over, it was a great height. 

"Ya Mubarak, please don't do this to yourself. I know this is not the way you are. Think of Aunt Kulthum, your father, think of your brother. You used to fight all odds just for him and if you don't let go of all that hatred built inside you we won't have a chance. And I'm afraid I'll have to tell my father that things aren't working out. And I will tell him you called me an outdated-village girl."

Mubarak's brows furrowed, this girl was crazy, he had no idea he had voiced that out the other day.  The day he found her in the refrigerator. Well, she was just that. "You're doing no such thing."

"Well then tell me what to do. Because the way I see things, Ya Mubarak we don't have any future if you're still hung up on your past. Not to talk about how you are sinning by admiring someone's wife. Do you have any idea how many sins you're committing? I will be calm and I will talk less, I will never bother you again, I'll stop calling your name too. I'll just go back to our village if you agree to move on. But you also have to win me over from our village,  if not I am not getting married to you."

Mubarak placed his face in both his palms, his head was pounding so bad that Maryam's silliness was nothing to compare with what he felt at the moment. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right, And he hated that she was. "I don't know how to do it, Maryam, I just don't know. I'm in deep, I don't think you'll understand."

Maryam let out a sigh, he had just called her name for the first time. Did he just... okay she needed to get down that high. She redirected her thoughts elsewhere then.

 "Sometimes we do things that we don't understand just because they are the right things to do. Like me coming to this stupid place because my parents want me to come." When he glared at her she lowered her eyes, "Okay not stupid, beautiful but the point is, we are forced to face life sometimes as it comes. You have to keep reminding yourself that she is Ya Bilaal's that might make it easy a bit. Can you apologize to Sa'ima?" She asked, and Mubarak shot her another glare. This time hotter than the rest.


"No, don't kill me yet, I swear that may work. I think starting there would be a good idea."

Mubarak grunted. "No, I don't trust myself around her." He admitted, his eyes briefly flickered as he rested his gaze on Maryam. 

"You have to do that for yourself. For us." Maryam whispered. She had no idea where that came from, since when was there an 'us' between them? Maybe it came from him calling her name, which was stupid. But she guessed it was working because Mubarak was now looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. 

She just hoped his image of her wasn't that of a silly-outdated-villager or an old market woman. She would have been more grateful, but nonetheless, she was okay with him letting go.

He moved towards the left side of the sweeping curved stairs, no doubt to meet Hajiya in her room. Maryam sighed. She took out her phone and called Nafeesah. 

"I think he may crack."

She whispered. 

"What? Oh! Oh... Yes! Go, girl!" Nafeesah's voice came through as she realized what Maryam said. 

"Alright gotta go, bye. Say hello to everyone." 

****

The place swelled into bloom as students, office dwellers and families alike flocked to the greenest corner of the City. She loved this place. 

They passed a series of repeated doorways, from greys to midnight blues. The plasters, white cornices, the way the elements of the buildings were picked out. The white stucco against the red bricks that created a simple splendour. Maryam especially had a sense of harmony, just looking at the buildings there. Everything was ensembled in a classical formulation, all of it enamoured her. She was in love with London, but she especially loved this part more. She had no idea one could fall in love with a building as she did this. And It was already a character in one of her future books. 

"What's the name of this place?" Maryam asked since Mubarak wasn't being generous with information.

"This is the Gordon Square."

"I love how it marries," Maryam said, still entranced as they passed it.

She didn't expect a response from him but he said, "They are actually designed to form a whole entity from the inside. They were formerly separate houses. So all these doors don't actually lead to separate entities, it is a large hall."

Maryam was awed, she also noticed that he had slowed the pace of his car. Allowing her to have a good look. 

"Have you ever been inside?"

"I'm not taking you if that's what you are asking."

Maryam almost rolled her eyes, there went the cheerful mood. She wouldn't complain though, she had least expected him to take her on the tour. When Hajiya Kulthum told her she had to go with Mubarak, Wafiya would be in school when it was time for the tour of the university they had booked the previous week.

Even though the day had not been completely uneventful, she was glad they did this, at least she had seen a side of Mubarak his former self would have killed to hide from her. She actually liked that side. Whatever it was, she would have to figure that out later, for now, she would pretend to look at the city while he drove them home. 

***

When Hajiya told Mubarak that he would take Maryam to Bloomsbury, where she had to take care of something at Birkbeck, University of London. What they failed to mention was that he had to tag along on her tour for the school of arts. She took him to her first tour of the university, where she casually told him, "I will be enrolling September, I'm so excited. Where did you go?"

He had walked at a brisk pace when they reached the school, he could hear her flats tapping on the cobblestone, following him right in step. 

They stopped at the front desk where he referenced their booking and were assigned to a group by the receptionist. 

 Maryam's gaze had roamed the reception, from one part of it through the long hallways and angsty rooms to the viewing rooms and theatres, everything was beautiful. They toured the Library, and all the way Mubarak looked about to explode, so she had had her field game with him, maybe he would loosen up a bit. They were at the group study level of the library when she saw an array of munchies and snacks. 

"Ya Mubarak, can we get some of those? I missed breakfast." She scrunched up her face, hoping he was as ravenous as her to let her take some. Perhaps that would make him soft. They ended up buying a bagful of snacks and he steered her out.

"Enough tour for today, time to go home." He turned to see their guide addressing the group, his gaze returned to Maryam and he gestured towards the exit. 

Maryam could see he was so angry his face almost looked red. And those eyebrows, the lines between them, those thick, sweeping eyelashes that framed his now narrowed eyes and the nose that bound them. Strong, elegant nose she shouldn't be looking at for this long. An elegant nose that... Maryam you are damaged.  He is so going to end you today. 

That was when she stopped right next to his car refusing to get in. 

***

"Don't kill me," Maryam mumbled. 

"What?!" Mubarak looked around them before he returned his gaze to her, "Why do you keep thinking I have any intention of killing you?"

"I don't know. You tell me. You are the one that always has that look like you are going to snap and cut me into this tiny little piece of minced... You scare me okay? And I'm not actually the cause of your misery. You are. So don't kill me. And stop smiling because I just admitted you scare me. It isn't a good thing to be scary."

Mubarak looked skywards, he wasn't even smiling. "Allahul musta'aan. Can I take you home now, Mairo? Please. My car doesn't butcher people, I promise."

Maryam glared at him and took the back seat. "Heck no, I'm not driving you like this. Go get the tube, get out of my car."

 Maryam folded her hands over her midriff.  And Mubarak realized this was his greatest nightmare taking shape in real life.

"Ha! I knew it, you have planned my abduction, that is why you have agreed to take me for the tour. You are trying not to look suspicious when this whole thing goes down, are you just going to tell Hajiya that you couldn't find me in the crowd?"

Mubarak knew he was absolutely doomed.

"No Maryam, you aren't worth a dime on the abduction market. So you see? You are safe."

Her mouth hung open, and something stung her eyes, clenching her chest in the process. "Did you just call me worthless?"

Mubarak rolled his eyes, he opened the front door when she got out from the back seat and he used the brochure they were given at the reception to literally push her into the car, in the passenger seat. Locking the door, he turned to the driver's side. 

"You can't do that, you know? I am not at fault here, so if you want to be grumpy or cut my tour short you should have told Hajiya that you won't bring me to the school, I would have happily taken the tube. I have to know my way around the City eventually, after all. You don't need to resort to calling me worthless to pass your message across. I get it you hate me, while I don't hate you the way you do, I don't exactly like you either, so go and explode for all I care."

Mubarak turned to face her with eyes that were filled with unmistakable anger, he huffed out some air. "If you don't keep your little voice to yourself. I'm going to have to resort to my pocket knife to do the job for me. So sit back in that seat and shut the hell up!"

Maryam didn't make another sound thereafter, and Mubarak twisted a knot from his neck and turned to face the road ahead. 

Unfortunately for him, his peace lasted only until they reached the mansion. "Does Hajiya know that you belong to the mafia?"

What did they feed the girl to grow up? She was crazy, and she drove him so mad he was only inches away from subscribing to one Mafia group if they were hiring. 

"Lucky for me, she is her Lordship the queen. I am the next King." he bit back.

Maryam gasped. And Mubarak left her there squinting at his retreating back. 

The moment she had her bedroom door closed behind her, she gave Nafeesah a missed call, an indication to her friend to give her a call.

The call came shortly after. "I've seen houses so picture perfect you would love to live in them. Ya Mubarak told me a bit about the architecture of the school." Maryam said, as she narrated the event of the day to Nafeesah after their short greetings.

"I see there is growth. You two now speak to each other."

"Have you missed the part where I told you he took me to the tour?"

"I think you have to give me a recap. Some flashbacks will do."

"Okay first things first, I was on the street Virginia Woolf once lived, I saw her house. Well, what used to be it, that is."

"No! You have to come and take me."

"Done."

They talked more, Maryam giving Nafeesah a succinct account of her day. 

"Okay now enough about me. How is Abubakar?"

"Difficult." Maryam could hear the bite in her friend's voice as if she was holding something back.

"Feenah, drop your stubbornness and let it happen, you can't keep delaying on my account. This thing here might not work. How long will you keep him waiting?"

"As long as it takes, a vow is a vow." Nafeesah said.

"I will break your head if you dare say that again, I'm talking to Umma."

"Maxy, don't even go there."

"Bye-bye, talk to you when there is more."

"Maxy!" but Maryam was gone. She held her phone between her palms, closing her eyes, she let out a long sigh. 

"This is all so wrong." She whispered, feeling the hurt in her chest twist so sharp it brought tears to her eyes.

***

Ehem, things popping up.

Crazy Maryam on a roll.

Mubarak cracking.

Things going down.

It is happening, let's wait and watch people.

Cuppa, anyone?😂

Ma'assalam.

Umm Yasmeen💞